lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Jan 7, 2016 18:58:19 GMT -5
so the very last of our holiday guest have left and i finally had a chance to really access to total damages of our surprise visitor christmas eve .... overall the holidays went very well ...no drunken melt downs, no traumatic relationship drama...plans even stayed close to what was hoped for ...only issue that came up was DH's father brought his elderly uncle...he's a very sweet old man and we were all happy to see him, the issue is that he had his evil beast of a dog with him . i despise this animal....i'm told it's a poodle but it looks nothing like any one i've ever seen...it drools, smells, paws at everything, snarls and skitters around giving me the creeps. that said i'm also the first to admit i have a serious OCD issue with animals, i don't like them running around my house and i don't do well with them if there is no warning...which is to say if you are visiting my home you need to ask if it's ok to bring your pet and then respect the fact that i don't like them on rugs or furniture...they are welcome to roam on the tile but if you want them on my carpets you need to wash their feet and even if you let them on the furniture at home it's not happening here. so christmas eve we open the door to them and i about had the twitches...i have a house full of guests and this filthy, nasty beast who is well known for biting and not even on a leash my FIL is like 'surprise'...yep, you bet...but am happy to see great uncle so welcome them in and hugs all around and the beast starts snapping and snarling...no surprise, so we head to the back of the house while i try and figure out how i'm going to corral this dog. uncle and the rest of guest go to front room to do christmas gifts and visit...about 10min. pass and i realize beast is missing and quiet...this is very bad...we spread out and go searching. dog is found on sofa in family and has torn huge rip in it and is tearing up stuffing. i try to breath and not loose it. uncle pick up dog and just says 'oh bad baby'...no sorry, no nothing. FIL says 'some duct tape will fix that'...i look at him and finally say it's leather, not some cheap car seat and tape won't fix it. i then ask uncle to please either keep hold of dog or we will need to put it outside....and that was the end of it...no offer of replacing or helping to repair...nothing. uncle is elderly and i know he doesn't have the ability but FIL most def. does.... so now that everyone is finally gone and i can sit and look closely at what the damage is...and loose it without an audience....there are numerable holes poked into the seat cushions from it's claws, a 2nd small rip and 3 long tears...not to mention the very destroyed 1st cushion...so there is no easy repair ...i can't get replacement from maker...and i've never had luck trying to 'match' leather for replacement to be made...which wouldn't be cheap. they are going to have to be replaced. DH is whining about this .... so my question is this: what are your views/approach to visiting animals? i strongly feel you need to ask first and accept the rules of the host...
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jan 7, 2016 19:07:28 GMT -5
so my question is this: what are your views/approach to visiting animals? i strongly feel you need to ask first and accept the rules of the host... I agree with this. We have 4 permanent/resident cats (our pets) and have rescue bottlefeeders in the house 3-4 times a year, so my family knows that any visiting animal either needs to be outside or crated inside. There is no debate about this. Because we volunteer for a rescue agency, I happen to have extra crates of various sizes out in my garage. If someone ever showed up with a "Surprise!" animal - it would go into a crate or stay in the car . . . . for the safety of my own animals.
Sorry, I guess I'm a hardass and don't have much sympathy for folks who impose on others in this way. Plus it totally sucks that your couch was ruined and no one bothered to say anything, let alone accept any responsibility. Sheesh. You were waaaaaaay nicer than I would have been!
ETA: I would find a way to hit up FIL for the repair. If he says no, at least you've put him on notice that the behavior was unacceptable and it constrains him and/or the uncle for future visits.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 7, 2016 19:07:54 GMT -5
FIL should pay for repairs.
Out of curiosity-did FIL know you don't like animals in the house before the Christmas visit?
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Jan 7, 2016 19:24:06 GMT -5
tennesseer, yep he is aware of my 'phobia' and doesn't see a reason for it. it 's been an issue with DH's family for years....when the baby was born (she is 17yrs younger than our older kids) i asked all to check first before coming by and to do in small groups....they showed up in mass and with 2 dogs in tow....that day i lost it and 'insulted' Dh's brother and insisted they take dog outside...since then he's done this several times. he appears to think he's going to change my mind and get me to 'respect his better judgement' about who/what is allowed in my home...
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Jan 7, 2016 19:27:10 GMT -5
Send FIL a repair replacement bill. This is to avoid any further guests joining the family celebrations and causing damages in the future. It would be unpleasant for all if he shows up with the pooch in the future. Don't expect to be compensated. It is just insurance for any further problems to be dealt with. If he shows up in the future with the "problem" it will be easy for you to turn them away.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jan 7, 2016 19:28:28 GMT -5
tennesseer, yep he is aware of my 'phobia' and doesn't see a reason for it. it 's been an issue with DH's family for years....when the baby was born (she is 17yrs younger than our older kids) i asked all to check first before coming by and to do in small groups....they showed up in mass and with 2 dogs in tow....that day i lost it and 'insulted' Dh's brother and insisted they take dog outside...since then he's done this several times. he appears to think he's going to change my mind and get me to 'respect his better judgement' about who/what is allowed in my home... Wow - time to figure out why your DH's family thinks they are allowed to bulldoze over your (very reasonable) boundaries. Clearly they do not respect them!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 7, 2016 19:31:33 GMT -5
If DH is whining, I'd put DH on the phone with FIL to make arrangements for the purpose of replacing the destroyed furniture.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jan 7, 2016 19:36:08 GMT -5
I agree with mmhmm on this one. It's DH's family, so you two need to get on the same page about this (agree on a plan of action), but he needs to take the lead in dealing with it.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jan 8, 2016 7:37:35 GMT -5
I would ask DH to call his father and ask what he and the uncle plan to do about the ruined leather couch, have him explain that you are furious and he needs to tell you what they are doing if he has to live with you. Make sure they know you are very angry and that dog will not survive another visit to your home, he won't make it in the front door.
I like pets but only my ISO brings his cat to visit. His house is his cat's house so no dogs allowed since he doesn't like dogs. When guest come with dogs they are informed when invited dogs are welcome in the yard not the house. Summer BBQ we had 3 neighbor dogs, one guest with 4 dogs and my niece brought a tiny dog. We call her dog rat dog and he is the size of a cat, we like him. She brought her dog in but was holding him so we didn't really think about it the cat mostly stayed in a bedroom window sill so the dog didn't bother him. He said rat dog had to come in since he was too small to keep in the fenced yard. The guest with 4 dogs mostly kept them on leashes and picked up after them then put them in their camp trailer, they stayed overnight.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 8, 2016 8:02:14 GMT -5
Who the hell brings animals to other people's houses? I would never do that, even if it was allowed and would expect that my friends and family wouldn't either. But I don't have the whole "they're part of the family" mentality that some do. I would have told him that his dog is not allowed in my house, only people are.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 8, 2016 8:25:36 GMT -5
I'm sitting here in dumb stunned silence. JHC are people just stupid ? Who brings a pet to someone elses home. I never did and none of my friends ever did.
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cael
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Post by cael on Jan 8, 2016 8:37:22 GMT -5
Yeah unless both participating households have dogs that get along, I'd never expect it to be reasonable to just bring a dog to someone else's house! I don't know of any friends or family we see regularly who would try to do that, and since we have cats we'd never let a dog come over to the house. ...Actually... that's kind of a lie. Once right after we got my cat we had friends from out of state visit, and last minute they sprung on us that they had to bring their new beagle, because no one could take care of it. Nice but obnoxious dog, and it peed on our rug several times. another friend who was there and has a dog quick helped clean it up so that didn't leave any lasting damage. I gave them the bright idea of getting a crate to put him in for the night, because no way was I having it roaming free overnight to destroy shit (we sent the cat downstairs to my brother's apartment so she was fine). Another time, my downstairs neighbor's mom came up to say hello and had her tiny poodley dog with her (he's calm and cat friendly). My cat took a look at him, jumped on the highest surface she could find and stared at him hissing, but nothing came to blows and he ignored her. That wasn't bad. But yeah if someone asked if they could bring a dog over to my house the answer would be noooooo. They should respect your boundaries, like someone else said your wishes aren't unreasonable at all.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jan 8, 2016 8:53:42 GMT -5
Did they actually see the damage?
If not, invite them over for a QUICK visit and show them and give them an estimate for a new couch of similar kind and quality.
Tell the uncle that dog owners have an obligation to supervise their dogs at someone else's home. Tell him that since he clearly doesn't supervise his dog, the dog is no longer allowed on your property. Say it several times.
We occasionally bring our dog to family events to play with his dog cousins but we are obsessive about keeping an eye on him the entire time. Reliable, trustworthy, dog sitters are very hard to find around here and the kennels are too loud and leave otherwise active dogs in their cages for too many hours. If we can't get a sitter or bring our highly-supervised dog, we stay home if the event involves an overnight. Otherwise, we wear him out with a long walk and lots of play time and then crate him before we leave.
In other words, MY dog is NEVER someone else's problem.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jan 8, 2016 8:56:36 GMT -5
Unfortunately, certain members of my IL's family do this ALL OF THE TIME. I've never brought Bad Boy Puppy to any family gatherings, because I can't predict how he'll act in a crowd. (He's a "one family" dog.)
Could you pick up a used dog crate somewhere? The next time a family member oversteps their boundaries, tell them (don't ask them) that the visiting dog either goes in the crate, or stays OUTSIDE.
I agree that FIL &/or uncle should be paying damages on that expensive couch. Tell DH to put in his backbone & make that phone call!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 9:29:40 GMT -5
I get really upset at irresponsible pet owners. They aren't doing you any favors and they aren't doing the pet any favors. I have a huge dog and he goes with me to my mom's house, but not many other places. The only "person" he has at home is me and he's not overly affectionate to other people. In addition, he isn't used to being around kids all that much. I'm pretty sure he'd never intentionally hurt a child, but if he was stepped on or his tail pulled or suddenly startled and took a nip, he could take a hand off. No way is it worth the chance. I've heard the "my dog would never...." before and all of a sudden, a kid loses his face. No way.
I have 2 friends who bring their dog to my house. Mine loves one - hates the other. One is a Golden Retriever and is calm and friendly. Mine loves that one. The other is some sort of Shitzu mix. She is snappy, yappy and unhappy. Mine doesn't like her. They have to stay in separate rooms. However, neither dog has ever caused any damage. Mine has never chewed or torn up stuff. It's just not his personality. He will get on one couch in my house (where he is allowed) but he doesn't get on the furniture at my mom's house. She wouldn't mind - he just doesn't. He prefers to lay by the door with the "can we go home now" attitude.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 9:34:51 GMT -5
Also, I hate crating animals unless it's for their own safety. Mine has a huge crate that he sleeps in, but he chooses to. The door is never closed. I just tell him it's time for bed and in he goes. He only comes out if he hears something or needs to pee, which results in this mournful howl at 3:00 am. That can sit you right up in bed. No way would I take him somewhere just to pen him up in a crate. I wouldn't do it to a kid and I won't do it to my dog.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jan 8, 2016 10:29:55 GMT -5
Once my sister asked me if she could bring her giant dog when she came for a weekend visit. I was reluctant to let her, because the dog literally is big enough he can rest his head on your countertop without standing on his hind feet, but she complained about how sad he was when he had to go stay at the dog boarders, so I relented, but told her he had to stay in the garage or tied up in the yard, since I have cats.
Well, there was never an attempt to keep the dog either in the garage or outside. She kept telling me how well behaved the dog was, while it kept chasing my cats, eating hamburger off the kitchen counter, and racing around the house. (She kept saying 'that's so unusual for him to do that! when he misbehaved.)
So - lesson learned - in the future, the dog can't visit, no matter how much sister complains about him being 'sad' at the boarder.
Now if I could just do the same with her hyperactive kids that eat me out of house and home...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 8, 2016 12:41:49 GMT -5
Also, I hate crating animals unless it's for their own safety. Mine has a huge crate that he sleeps in, but he chooses to. The door is never closed. I just tell him it's time for bed and in he goes. He only comes out if he hears something or needs to pee, which results in this mournful howl at 3:00 am. That can sit you right up in bed. No way would I take him somewhere just to pen him up in a crate. I wouldn't do it to a kid and I won't do it to my dog. I'm sorry about the 3am pee howl but I laughed big time!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 13:24:45 GMT -5
Hey...ya gotta go...ya gotta go! It's his way of letting me know. A tap on the shoulder would be preferable but he's not THAT well trained! He sort of chuffs first and if he gets no attention or I don't wake up, then he howls. He does try to be polite, but he can only wait so long. Also, there might be a very cool rabbit out there or something. You never know.
That's a whole lot of fun in the middle of January when it's -10 and he wants to play catch the rabbit in the middle of the night. He'll stand down if I tell him but I have to use a stern, louder voice and I'm pretty sure the neighbors don't appreciate that at that hour.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 8, 2016 13:50:44 GMT -5
Midnight doesn't like strangers, the list of approved people is pretty short (us, the kids, my dad, MIL) and she gets very nervous around other dogs. We do not travel with her, she stays at home and my dad watches her (in exchange for me watching their dog). I would never dream of taking her to someone else's house and expecting them to put up with her. I would also never write off her behavior. We are well aware she is a nervous dog. The only kids we allow around her is our own and we warn any adults coming over that she's not the type of dog you can run over to and start petting, she has to get to know you first. She peed all over my dad's shoes the first time they met. I told him that's what would happen if he made eye contact and approached her. You have to let her approach you.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 14:02:49 GMT -5
It's to make us crazy and to make us look like idiots.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 8, 2016 14:05:51 GMT -5
Hey...ya gotta go...ya gotta go! It's his way of letting me know. A tap on the shoulder would be preferable but he's not THAT well trained! He sort of chuffs first and if he gets no attention or I don't wake up, then he howls. He does try to be polite, but he can only wait so long. Also, there might be a very cool rabbit out there or something. You never know.
That's a whole lot of fun in the middle of January when it's -10 and he wants to play catch the rabbit in the middle of the night. He'll stand down if I tell him but I have to use a stern, louder voice and I'm pretty sure the neighbors don't appreciate that at that hour. Omg!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 8, 2016 14:06:29 GMT -5
Midnight doesn't like strangers, the list of approved people is pretty short (us, the kids, my dad, MIL) and she gets very nervous around other dogs. We do not travel with her, she stays at home and my dad watches her (in exchange for me watching their dog). I would never dream of taking her to someone else's house and expecting them to put up with her. I would also never write off her behavior. We are well aware she is a nervous dog. The only kids we allow around her is our own and we warn any adults coming over that she's not the type of dog you can run over to and start petting, she has to get to know you first. She peed all over my dad's shoes the first time they met. I told him that's what would happen if he made eye contact and approached her. You have to let her approach you. Peeing on shoes!!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 14:08:29 GMT -5
Hey...ya gotta go...ya gotta go! It's his way of letting me know. A tap on the shoulder would be preferable but he's not THAT well trained! He sort of chuffs first and if he gets no attention or I don't wake up, then he howls. He does try to be polite, but he can only wait so long. Also, there might be a very cool rabbit out there or something. You never know.
That's a whole lot of fun in the middle of January when it's -10 and he wants to play catch the rabbit in the middle of the night. He'll stand down if I tell him but I have to use a stern, louder voice and I'm pretty sure the neighbors don't appreciate that at that hour. Omg!
Yeah...but dang. He's worth every single second of irritation. He's the sweetest guy. Can't even think of being without him. I'd have 50 if I had the room for them to run.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 8, 2016 14:10:02 GMT -5
I know how critters can get into your heart.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 8, 2016 14:10:09 GMT -5
Midnight doesn't like strangers, the list of approved people is pretty short (us, the kids, my dad, MIL) and she gets very nervous around other dogs. We do not travel with her, she stays at home and my dad watches her (in exchange for me watching their dog). I would never dream of taking her to someone else's house and expecting them to put up with her. I would also never write off her behavior. We are well aware she is a nervous dog. The only kids we allow around her is our own and we warn any adults coming over that she's not the type of dog you can run over to and start petting, she has to get to know you first. She peed all over my dad's shoes the first time they met. I told him that's what would happen if he made eye contact and approached her. You have to let her approach you. Poor baby! (and poor shoes, too). She was probably nervous. My dog is like that, too (not the peeing part but the warming up part) . He needs to be able to come up to you when he's ready. I think he sees someone advancing on him as a threat. He warms up pretty quickly - just needs to do it on his time.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 8, 2016 14:25:03 GMT -5
Yeah she was nervous. My dad's a pretty dominant personality and she picks up on that. One time all he did was walk across the sidewalk at night to get something out of the garage. She apparently recognized him by his walk and peed EVERYWHERE. Took a couple of babysitting sessions before she didn't piddle everywhere anytime he walked in the door. Now he's on the short list of people who we can trust with her. It's bad enough she submissive pees in our house from time to time, I'd be mortified if she did it in someone else's house.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 8, 2016 14:32:18 GMT -5
Oh dear.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 8, 2016 14:38:39 GMT -5
Unfortunately, certain members of my IL's family do this ALL OF THE TIME. I've never brought Bad Boy Puppy to any family gatherings, because I can't predict how he'll act in a crowd. (He's a "one family" dog.)
Could you pick up a used dog crate somewhere? The next time a family member oversteps their boundaries, tell them (don't ask them) that the visiting dog either goes in the crate, or stays OUTSIDE.
I agree that FIL &/or uncle should be paying damages on that expensive couch. Tell DH to put in his backbone & make that phone call! She shouldn't have to. Just tell them that the dog stays outside or they can go home. The trick is sticking to it. After a couple of times, it should stop.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Jan 8, 2016 15:57:26 GMT -5
Ugh, I had a friend that used to take her 2 huge dogs everywhere with her. I don't get people who don't get that other people don't love your pets the way you do. I'd never deam of taking my pets to other people's homes.
Sorry about the leather sofa. I'd be royally pissed.
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