NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,695
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 4, 2015 11:56:53 GMT -5
FiL doesn't know that MIL knows about the other woman. He didn't tell her but DH found out who it was... turns out that she lives in a shity apartment and isn't terribly financially secure. I have actually met her... she was the shampoo girl at the place my DH got his hair cut for most of his life. Sent from my SM-G920T using proboards Why do I have the suspicion that once shampoo girl finds out her life is not going to be much better, if it even changes at all, she will wash that man right out of her hair. Sappy but funny cultural reference. And I think the same thing. GF may think she is walking away from the dirty work of cleaning hair and going to live the life of Riley as a Sugar Daddy's darling. But she loses either way. With a divorce and the loss of half his assets, plus the ding to his pension and SS, plus him paying the attorney fees, GF may wind up working to support both of them. And if he stays married but keeps her on the side, she remains what she is: a booty call with no rights, no benefits and no man of her own, legally. She's part of his life, but not part of his family, and now that her family will know about it, possibly not part of her own family, either. The GF may be the biggest loser in all of this, financially and emotionally; she just doesn't know it yet. I have not personally heard stories from "the other woman" in my lifetime. There may have been a few among my female acquaintances, but if so, I am not aware of it. My dear friend's wife cheated on him, but her BF was single, and I have never spoken to her since she left town 14 years ago. So I have a harder time understanding why FIL's GF, or for that matter, any other single woman, would knowingly stay involved once they figure out how things will wind up. I get the whole being in love/lust initially. But when that phase ends, and you know Sugar Daddy's going to wind up hit financially, and his family hates your guts, and your family disowns you, and there may be no real future for your relationship (because Sugar Daddy cannot/will not remarry or have more kids), why do supposedly otherwise smart women stay?
|
|
cktc
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 19, 2013 22:15:31 GMT -5
Posts: 3,202
|
Post by cktc on Dec 4, 2015 12:24:01 GMT -5
im reeling over the fact that your dh told his mom about the affair. Ouch He asked me if I thought he should tell her and I said that I didn't think so. But he discussed it with his sister and she was adamant. They both thought it would help because she was in a place of wondering what she did wrong to make him leave her for no real reason. SIL wanted her to know the reason so that she could have all the info to properly protect herself. It took MIL from a stage of thinking it was her fault and not knowing what to do... to realizing he is a cheating bastard and now she wants a game plan and doesn't trust and "agreement" FIL tries to put in place. I have my own opionions... and I am giving them to DH if he asks specifically. But ultimately he is going to have to decide with his SIL how they want to treat his m and what info they give her. They've both been at her house since it happened. She told my DH not to come but he wasn't hearing it. I gently suggested last night that maybe MIL would like some alone time... some time to breathe without on of them there in her business. We shall see. Sent from my SM-G920T using proboards One of the quickest ways to end an affair is to shine a light on it. The secret, forbidden love of convenience becomes a lot less fun when it turns into a regular old relationship with real world demands plus social scorn. Her parents are pissed, his children are pissed, his wealth is halved, and they will have to try a heck of a lot harder to keep up the delusion that the wife is the only obstacle to infinite bliss. He's probably going to get really angry once he finds out his cover is blown. It might be best to let him pretend he still has his secrets until they work out terms with the courts.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 4, 2015 16:52:51 GMT -5
He asked me if I thought he should tell her and I said that I didn't think so. But he discussed it with his sister and she was adamant. They both thought it would help because she was in a place of wondering what she did wrong to make him leave her for no real reason. SIL wanted her to know the reason so that she could have all the info to properly protect herself. It took MIL from a stage of thinking it was her fault and not knowing what to do... to realizing he is a cheating bastard and now she wants a game plan and doesn't trust and "agreement" FIL tries to put in place. I have my own opionions... and I am giving them to DH if he asks specifically. But ultimately he is going to have to decide with his SIL how they want to treat his m and what info they give her. They've both been at her house since it happened. She told my DH not to come but he wasn't hearing it. I gently suggested last night that maybe MIL would like some alone time... some time to breathe without on of them there in her business. We shall see. Sent from my SM-G920T using proboards One of the quickest ways to end an affair is to shine a light on it. The secret, forbidden love of convenience becomes a lot less fun when it turns into a regular old relationship with real world demands plus social scorn. Her parents are pissed, his children are pissed, his wealth is halved, and they will have to try a heck of a lot harder to keep up the delusion that the wife is the only obstacle to infinite bliss. He's probably going to get really angry once he finds out his cover is blown. It might be best to let him pretend he still has his secrets until they work out terms with the courts. MIL told FIL today and he told her the plans for the money... basically everything stays as is. his checks go to the same account and she has full access. as he was leaving she dropped that she knew about the affair... she said her name. he turned white as a ghost. she told him that their children know too... and had a few choice words and told him to GTFO of her house. probably not how I would have handled it... but that is what happened. MIL is already planning to sell the house. and get something smaller and close to SIL. she took all the photos of FIL off the wall and asked DH to get the christmas stuff from the attic so she could set up. She says she is done crying and she's set on getting what she deserves and making herself happy. I'm sure it will be rough for a while... and who knows what FIL will pull now that he knows everyone knows. She is going to take a few days to figure out what she wants to do. I told DH i still think she should see an attorney, at least for a consultation/legal advice. I also agree that she should see a therapist, but I can't imagine that ever happening. thanks for the financial advice here. I pasted a lot of it over into a message to DH so that he could come up with lists for her and answer the questions she was asking.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 13, 2024 5:24:52 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 17:51:17 GMT -5
With a divorce and the loss of half his assets, plus the ding to his pension and SS, plus him paying the attorney fees, GF may wind up working to support both of them. Small correction: SS will not be affected. They'll pay spousal benefits to a wife AND any ex-wife who was married to him for 10 years or more. Each gets full spousal benefits. I'm not sure how private pensions work. Undoubtedly they pay to only one spouse but if MIL loses out on any $$ because of this (even if they divorce and he doesn't remarry she may not be eligible to collect as an ex-spouse) the court can award her more assets to compensate.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Dec 4, 2015 19:00:26 GMT -5
I thought of that, too. The timing, I mean. It's almost like sticking an additional knife into an already-open wound. "I'm leaving you, I found someone younger and prettier, we've been seeing each other for awhile, but I still need to stick around for the insurance...oh, and Merry freaking Christmas. Sorry, it looks like I won't be coming by for the annual opening of gifts this year. Might be just as well, since my stocking might have fallen off the mantle, due to the weight of the coal stuffed inside." Your FIL certainly has a set of cohones on him. The size of them clearly makes up for his tiny brain and even smaller conscience. In the long run, I think your MIL would be better off without any of him and with half his THEIR money. Regardless of a person's age or stage in life, no one deserves to live with a cheater. No one deserves to have humiliation thrown in their face after so many years together. Oh sure...I know a few posters would say they should work it out, or she should wait him out, because his little fling will end. That a marriage of XX years should count for something. I'll say this one time. Bullshit to all that. But that's just me. If the person you promised (and who promised you) to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part, decides they'd rather do the dirty and spend their money with some other honey, then fine. But in doing so, you don't get to shame and embarrass the person who's worn that ring, birthed your kids and hauled your dirty laundry for decades into staying with you in some sort of convenience/business relationship. Your MIL is a person, not a business deal. And whatever she decides to do, I hope she spends the rest of her life happy. Can't believe you made this mistake!
He probably does think it's his money and about how generous he's being.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,619
|
Post by debthaven on Dec 4, 2015 19:02:11 GMT -5
Sarcastic this may have been mentioned before, but she should get access to their bank statements. I've lived through this (albeit at a much younger age). I couldn't understand why my ex suddenly kept telling me that I was spending too much and I needed to cut back. By looking at the bank statements (not available online in those days) I realised he was buying his GF tons of very expensive presents. And since he is money-minded, I was expected to compensate for his overage! I remember when my ex's great aunt told us the story about how the week after her DH died, she secretly made an appt with the bank so they could teach her how to write a check. Yes I know that seems totally mind-boggling to us, but there were probably plenty of women of her generation (she's been gone for 15 years and she was in her 90s when she died) who lived their whole lives without ever writing a check. She had never put gas in her car either until after her DH died (although she drove, which was quite rare for women of her generation in NYC). In your MIL's position, as difficult as it may be for her to deal with the financial aspects of her life, knowledge is power. The more she understands, the less overwhelmed she will feel (at least about the financial aspects). I think it's wonderful that her kids are so supportive, but now that the initial shock is over, IMO they need to go back to their own lives. They can be helpful and supportive of their mother without living there (again, once the initial shock is over). I may have missed it, but how far does she live from you? Thank Gd there is email, Skype, FT, FB, etc ... her kids shouldn't be expected to spend more than a few days there, at best. (That's already extremely generous!) I don't know what your relationship with your MIL is, but I'm sure she would relish the opportunity to spend time with her DS and you, to change her habits for a few days. It's a HUGE HUGE change in a person's life (as you know), and I hope that you can all navigate it in a way that it doesn't affect you and your DH badly. Also, please forgive me for saying this, but I was SO glad to see that you weren't looking for info for yourself! Best of luck to all of you. And kudos to you for being so supportive of your DH being there with his mom for now. But, she will need to find a new normal, assuming she goes through with the separation. If you guys and / or your SIL have room for her to stay with you, that would probably be great for her. You can commiserate with her, but also show her that there is a life besides the one she knows with her DH. It's a terrible, terrible betrayal, and I'm sure she is shaken to the core. I think the best thing you can do for her is to welcome her, and make her a "fun" part of your lives, once the initial period is over.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 28,113
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 4, 2015 19:16:35 GMT -5
The father of one of my best friend's passed away. He had always handled the financial affairs. Her mother has Ahlzheimer's and didn't know anything about the finances. The two daughters had to go searching around the house, playing detective to find the financial paperwork. Luckily, while father was ill, he and mother had given POA to one daughter.
It's going to be tough. I watched a friend go through this, only she was the primary earner and took care of the checkbook. He was the cheater. He didn't get alimony.
I do hope you MIL ends up with alimony and a sense of financial security when all is said and done.
|
|
sbcalimom
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 21:27:25 GMT -5
Posts: 890
|
Post by sbcalimom on Dec 4, 2015 19:22:11 GMT -5
One thing about the health insurance and legal separation - when I consulted a divorce lawyer earlier this year, she told me that once you file for legal separation many insurance companies consider that the same as divorce and will no longer cover the spouse. Sometimes you can get away with it until the next enrollment period but not reporting it then is grounds for denial of claims if/when they find out. It ended up not mattering for me at this point since DH and I are trying to reconcile but thought I'd mention it since it is definitely something to ask about when she sees a lawyer.
Big hugs and best wishes to you all, especially MIL!
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,619
|
Post by debthaven on Dec 4, 2015 19:24:09 GMT -5
Another thought: per your recent comment on how she has decided to sell the house.
I would really discourage that for now, it's much too soon. If your FIL really is leaving things status quo, there's no rush. And there's no need for her to cut off her nose to spite her face by selling the family home.
If she wants to do it 6 months down the road, fine. But it's too fresh, too soon for her to make that kind of decision, IMO.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 4, 2015 20:56:40 GMT -5
Sarcastic this may have been mentioned before, but she should get access to their bank statements. I've lived through this (albeit at a much younger age). I couldn't understand why my ex suddenly kept telling me that I was spending too much and I needed to cut back. By looking at the bank statements (not available online in those days) I realised he was buying his GF tons of very expensive presents. And since he is money-minded, I was expected to compensate for his overage! I remember when my ex's great aunt told us the story about how the week after her DH died, she secretly made an appt with the bank so they could teach her how to write a check. Yes I know that seems totally mind-boggling to us, but there were probably plenty of women of her generation (she's been gone for 15 years and she was in her 90s when she died) who lived their whole lives without ever writing a check. She had never put gas in her car either until after her DH died (although she drove, which was quite rare for women of her generation in NYC). In your MIL's position, as difficult as it may be for her to deal with the financial aspects of her life, knowledge is power. The more she understands, the less overwhelmed she will feel (at least about the financial aspects). I think it's wonderful that her kids are so supportive, but now that the initial shock is over, IMO they need to go back to their own lives. They can be helpful and supportive of their mother without living there (again, once the initial shock is over). I may have missed it, but how far does she live from you? Thank Gd there is email, Skype, FT, FB, etc ... her kids shouldn't be expected to spend more than a few days there, at best. (That's already extremely generous!) I don't know what your relationship with your MIL is, but I'm sure she would relish the opportunity to spend time with her DS and you, to change her habits for a few days. It's a HUGE HUGE change in a person's life (as you know), and I hope that you can all navigate it in a way that it doesn't affect you and your DH badly. Also, please forgive me for saying this, but I was SO glad to see that you weren't looking for info for yourself! Best of luck to all of you. And kudos to you for being so supportive of your DH being there with his mom for now. But, she will need to find a new normal, assuming she goes through with the separation. If you guys and / or your SIL have room for her to stay with you, that would probably be great for her. You can commiserate with her, but also show her that there is a life besides the one she knows with her DH. It's a terrible, terrible betrayal, and I'm sure she is shaken to the core. I think the best thing you can do for her is to welcome her, and make her a "fun" part of your lives, once the initial period is over. Thanks for the kind words. DH is actually on his way back home now (he has been at his mom's house since Wednesday night) she lives about 100 miles away. SIL lives near her, next town over. DH offered to stay in town the week of Christmas (instead of flying with me to visit my family) because he didn't want her to be alone during the holidays. She said No... and told him "I have to get accustomed to being by myself again" Earlier DH called while they were in the car and so I was on speaker and i told her to come visit us soon. And I will tell DH that we need to go visit her more often. She likes to go places and do things... where FIL didn't care for it too much. Hopefully we can make her new life... whatever it ends up looking like... fun and happy! Sent from my SM-G920T using proboards
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 4, 2015 20:59:10 GMT -5
Another thought: per your recent comment on how she has decided to sell the house. I would really discourage that for now, it's much too soon. If your FIL really is leaving things status quo, there's no rush. And there's no need for her to cut off her nose to spite her face by selling the family home. If she wants to do it 6 months down the road, fine. But it's too fresh, too soon for her to make that kind of decision, IMO. I agree... too much too soon. I think it is just the momentum of the moment. She won't sell anytime soon. The house needs some work. And of course FIL would have to agree. But I think having some sort of plan in herind, for now helps her. Sent from my SM-G920T using proboards
|
|
lund
Familiar Member
Joined: Jul 22, 2015 7:12:22 GMT -5
Posts: 787
|
Post by lund on Dec 4, 2015 21:01:09 GMT -5
I also agree with resolution that the fact that he took the book is suspicious. And if he is the spendy kind, money (or other assets) may have been diverted to his new interest.
This is not very well ordered/written and will double much of what other posters have written, and as usual, worth what you paid for it, but here goes anyway:
Your MIL needs a copy of the original book. She also should have a copy of the last two or three years' books, preferably from the last full year before the new woman made her entry. If her husband has planned this or it has been going on for longer than you think, he may have siphoned off quite a bit of assets for quite some time if he is dishonest.
She needs to know what bills to pay and when, as mentioned by the PP. If she is lucky, she is on a joint account from which the bills are paid, and can ask for statements, showing how much money has gone in and out to and from where for the last months. Go to the bank and find out, and also ask for any other papers (copies) pertaining to the household (home mortgage? HEL?). Put all copies in the new safety deposit box (see below). When there is need to look through them, take a copy of the copies to work with. If she is lucky, there is an old power of attorney at the bank that will let her get all papers for both of them - legal but morally more than a bit shady. She should also recall any powers of attorney that she may have given her H for bank business or other reasons.
Added: Since her H knows that she knows, hurry up and get all statements she can (legally) get! Also get herself to any safety deposit box!
Does she and her husband rent a joint safety deposit box? Time to go there and see what is in it. (Money, jewellery, listing of items of value for insurance purposes,...) Anything missing? Copy any papers, and remove anything that is her personal property (engagement ring,....). Rent a safety deposit box at another banking chain. (She may need to open a bank account there; need not be a bad idea to have different one than her husband!) Put her jewellery there (her husband still has the house keys), as well as copies of any papers from the joint safety deposit box. Add some family photos, in case the husband would enter the house and fetch what he wants.
Take photos of everything in the house. Include any garage, shed and attic, and any leisure, sport or hobby stuff of the H's. (Women often underestimate what tools, car parts, expensive sport gear and other items most commonly bought and used by males may cost.) Open doors to cupboards and drawers and take photos of the insides too. She will probably not be able to change the locks as long as her husband formally lives there, but she can document what is in there and remove any valuables that are hers out of a possible harm's way. If anything of value is missing, make a note (paper and pencil) of what, and later, try to find the check or cc payment paying for it. If she finds papers stashed somewhere, she should go through them. She might find tax papers, pay stubs, papers concerning purchases off items of some value (cars, expensive sport gear, lawn mower, tools,...) such as titles, receipts and warranties, old retirement accounts (and if they are known to at some point have existed, they can be traced - if their existence are unknown they are difficult to find), and cancelled checks. Copy and save in her new safety deposit box. Her husband may demand (or fetch) his papers back, so having a copy of her own is a good thing.
As soon as her husband has moved out, change all locks to all doors, including any garage doors, shed, back door, and similar. Be aware that if the alarm is in his name and he is an owner of the building, he may be able to have the alarm company let him in even if she changes the code.
The wife needs a checking account, a savings account, and a credit card, all in her name only. She needs to get off any cards that is joint with him. Check her free credit report! (Alas she is not allowed to check her husband's without his consent.) Unless she has a cc in her name only (no authorized users), she should open a new card very soon (unless she has problems handling money) while the household income is higher (that is, her husband has not moved out). If he already has, open what she can get. She may have difficulties getting credit later. She needs to establish her own credit as soon as possible, unless she already has an OK credit on her own.
She needs legal advice. She should probably either have a separation agreement that covers her expenses very well or divorce straight away. Any separation agreement needs to be written so that she is covered in case he dies and wills his property to the new lady. If coverage in case of his death is through a insurance policy, she should own it, pay it and be reimbursed. Paying for a good financial investigation in case of strange numbers might pay off. (I learned the term "forensic accountant", which sounds like the right thing.) Also, skimping on legal advice may be a bad choice. I agree with the previous posters: She must not confuse therapy with legal advice. It may be best for her to quickly get a separation while he is still feeling guilty. She should not confront him - an angry person does not make people experience bad conscience.
She may want to redo her powers of attorney for finances and health care(health care proxy) as soon as possible too. Having them to her children may be a better idea than to a husband whom she may or may not divorce, and who may have other interests closer to heart than her best. If she divorces, her will should also be redone. If she is legally separated, it also probably would be wise.
In a divorce, I assume that she should aim for half the house, half the retirement assets including half the pensions (or compensating value), half of the value of any PTO/vacation/sick time/insurance surrender value or accrued value/credit card bonus points/tax refund/unvested retirement, half of any yearly bonus or similar financial work-related "perk" (stock?), and then spousal support. The spousal support would need to be at least until she can have half his full SS and Medicare (so when he is 66.3 years?) or, even better, if allowed by the SS rules and increases her benefit, until she can have half his SS at 70/71. The reason is that she will then get the most money possible per month, which will be more important to her who gets 50% of his benefit and is statistically likely to live longer, while he may still work and then get his SS. Ideally, the spousal support would cover her health insurance and living expenses (home-related and personal), plus the taxes that she has to pay on it.
She needs to think about if she has a better financial situation with or without her husband, if she has a better social situation with or without her husband, and if she wants to remain married to him.
Her husband probably has more to lose from a divorce measured in dollars than she has , but she has less to take it from.
She needs legal advice to see if her situation can be made worse if he squanders assets than if she divorces him. As divorced, she may get 50% of the assets and 50% of his SS and hopefully any pension. As married, it will be 150% of his SS for the two of them, plus probably less health insurance costs, and 100% of the other assets.
If the OP's MIL is not prepared to forgive and forget, she may need and/or want to move, but don't talk about it until the support is decided on or the divorce finished! The reason is that I think that her husband will agree to pay enough support to keep OP's MIL in the marital home, thinking that he can return and continue as if nothing ever happened if the new relation does not work out. But it is highly likely that your MIL wins more by moving to a smaller home that is less expensive (and perhaps easier, less bothersome) to keep, perhaps closer to one of her children or other family, or(depending on where she lives) in an area that is walkable and retiree-friendly. If she moves post-divorce, she can chose what she wants to bring in a calmer situation, and also has time to sort through all stuff that probably is kept in the home. Letting her children fetch any stuff of theirs, and sorting through her own probably is a good idea.
She also needs to see how she is treated by the couple's friends. Some may her just for not being half a couple. Some will follow the husband, which may because he is in business with them so they may gain from being his "friends", his new woman's family is in business with them, the husband is the more outgoing "fun" social person, the husband has a higher social status while his former wife has very little, and so on. She will see what happens. This may mean that moving is a good option.
Wish her all the best, whatever she chooses!
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,695
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 4, 2015 21:08:42 GMT -5
I thought of that, too. The timing, I mean. It's almost like sticking an additional knife into an already-open wound. "I'm leaving you, I found someone younger and prettier, we've been seeing each other for awhile, but I still need to stick around for the insurance...oh, and Merry freaking Christmas. Sorry, it looks like I won't be coming by for the annual opening of gifts this year. Might be just as well, since my stocking might have fallen off the mantle, due to the weight of the coal stuffed inside." Your FIL certainly has a set of cohones on him. The size of them clearly makes up for his tiny brain and even smaller conscience. In the long run, I think your MIL would be better off without any of him and with half his THEIR money. Regardless of a person's age or stage in life, no one deserves to live with a cheater. No one deserves to have humiliation thrown in their face after so many years together. Oh sure...I know a few posters would say they should work it out, or she should wait him out, because his little fling will end. That a marriage of XX years should count for something. I'll say this one time. Bullshit to all that. But that's just me. If the person you promised (and who promised you) to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part, decides they'd rather do the dirty and spend their money with some other honey, then fine. But in doing so, you don't get to shame and embarrass the person who's worn that ring, birthed your kids and hauled your dirty laundry for decades into staying with you in some sort of convenience/business relationship. Your MIL is a person, not a business deal. And whatever she decides to do, I hope she spends the rest of her life happy. Can't believe you made this mistake!
He probably does think it's his money and about how generous he's being.
It wasn't a mistake. He thinks it's his money because he makes it, or most of it. The fact that he took off with the financial info book tells me exactly how he thinks. Of course, your take on it is the factual and correct one. Like I said in an earlier post, FIL has balls the size of grapefruits. Wait until he gets to court/mediation. They'll get chopped down to size.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,695
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 4, 2015 21:12:06 GMT -5
With a divorce and the loss of half his assets, plus the ding to his pension and SS, plus him paying the attorney fees, GF may wind up working to support both of them. Small correction: SS will not be affected. They'll pay spousal benefits to a wife AND any ex-wife who was married to him for 10 years or more. Each gets full spousal benefits. Thanks. I went looking for that info, but somehow missed it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 13, 2024 5:24:52 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 21:33:53 GMT -5
I'm not sure if anyone mentioned life insurance he gets from his job. Typically, it's 2 or 3 times salary. She should insist that he keep her as the beneficiary and if she really wants to be nasty, insist that he have similar coverage if he changes jobs or retires. As he gets older that's gonna get real expensive.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 5, 2015 7:26:13 GMT -5
More than likely she will have to pay the premium. DH"s ex paid but she sure collected big time in the end.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Dec 5, 2015 10:32:01 GMT -5
More than likely she will have to pay the premium. DH"s ex paid but she sure collected big time in the end. Depends on the settlement. FIL's wife #2 got the life insurance, military pension and half the marital assets.
I don't begrudge her. They were married for over 20 years and she did take care of him when he got his first cancer diagnosis. But it was a good thing that the grandmother's money had been set up in Trust. FIL's three marriages would have meant nothing was left for DH.
|
|