so i'm evil...

[TheOtherMe]

As I have now reached my 60's, I no longer answer the door at night unless somebody lets me know they are coming because I live alone, so I would not have answered the door.

Back when I was much younger, one of my cousins, his wife and baby dropped by, unannounced from out of state.  His parents were known to be cheap and leechers so I assumed he probably was also.  However, my sister and her family were coming that day and I did not have room for two families.  I immediately explained that to my cousin.  They didn't leave.  They stayed and stayed.  Then sister and her family show up and they immediately left.

Always figured they assumed I was lying about sister coming.

[andi9899]

Am I the only one who has never had this happen to them? Plus, even when I go places where I have plenty of family (as in more than one house to choose from) to stay with, still rent a hotel room. Trust me, it's not a hispanic thing.

[wmpeon]

Our family suddenly stayed over at a relative's house a few times on short notice, but I think dad usually called just before showing up. As a kid I never realized we were imposing, though now as an adult I do.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 29, 2015 22:28:14 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Am I the only one who has never had this happen to them? Plus, even when I go places where I have plenty of family (as in more than one house to choose from) to stay with, still rent a hotel room. Trust me, it's not a hispanic thing.

I've never had anyone just show up at my door and ask or expect to stay. Nor have I ever done that to anyone.

One time I did have a friend show up at about 8AM, after me telling him numerous times to call first because I'm not usually up that early, when I saw it was him, I told him again he had to call first. He said Okay. Well, since I'm here... I said sorry, no then closed the door and locked it. Hiss memory immediately improved.

I have no patience for people with no manners and no intention of getting any. It's one thing, to be in an unexpected, emergency situation. It's another thing, to just be rude.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Nov 28, 2015 15:29:12 GMT -5 moneymaven said:

Nov 28, 2015 14:28:17 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Lmao! Grown people with absolutely no home training!!!!

Something similar happened when I was in middle or high school. It was a weeknight around 11pm and the doorbell rang...it was my former stepdad's sister and I think 2 of her kids looking for a place to stay. Again, no notice or anything. I think there may have been serious circumstances around that, but I remember my mom being PISSED.

I totally understand that sometimes shitty circumstances come up but under no circumstances is it appropriate to not call ahead! That's the part of this story that just irks me.

I think there was no call on purpose.   It is harder to say no once they are already standing in your living room.  Plus, when this relative announced via telephone that her grandson and his friends would be staying at chez Lisamomof4,  that didn't work out like she wanted.  

[Deleted]

Nov 30, 2015 18:54:26 GMT -5 Plain Old Petunia said:

Nov 28, 2015 15:29:12 GMT -5 moneymaven said:

I totally understand that sometimes shitty circumstances come up but under no circumstances is it appropriate to not call ahead! That's the part of this story that just irks me.

I think there was no call on purpose.   It is harder to say no once they are already standing in your living room.  Plus, when this relative announced via telephone that her grandson and his friends would be staying at chez Lisamomof4,  that didn't work out like she wanted.  

I get up at 4am, and I work weekends. If someone rang my doorbell unexpectedly at 9:45pm and it wasn't an emergency, they'd already have a major strike against them as far as getting me to do something for them. Or even being polite. Good luck with that.

If they don't know me well enough to know I go to bed early, they probably don't know me well enough to expect me to open my home to them on the spur of the moment.

[Plain Old Petunia]

I just finished reading Lisamomof4's tales in this thread and the B&B thread to BF.  He laughed and laughed.  I knew he would find it outrageous and hilarious, in a "Rat Race" sort of way.  

Sorry, Lisa.  

[lisamomof4]

petunia lol, no problem...if it wasn't me i'd find it funny also

i so envy those who don't have this happen to them. i don't recall it happening as a child so it began sometime after we all started to marry and new family groups came into the mix.

 

[Chocolate Lover]

Nov 29, 2015 20:19:23 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Nov 28, 2015 10:16:49 GMT -5 taz157 said:

What's wrong with today?

Lol...I'm afraid the texts would take more editing than I have time for to stay on the right side of the PG-13 CoC 

<<Checks calendar>> You've had lots of time now!!!

[mroped]

I suppose it could be a generational/cultural thing.
when I was growing up, in town nobody had a phone line so the only way to connect and let somebody know that you might stop by would've been thru mail. Well, we all know how well the postal services work so sometimes, once in a blue moon you'd see one of your relatives at the gate telling you pretty much that he's hungry and thirsty and tired.
And that was normal, there was no one getting their panties in a bunch!

Yes, the OP did good because we are now in the 21st century and everybody walks around with phones that have more memory than the computer of Apollo 13 so why not call at least to give the heads up?

Just to be clear, you had your relative/family staying over, coming unanounced but you did the same. All was fair and equal.
Also when your kid got married and he needed a home, the whole family showed up in weekends and built the home! No mortgages to speak of.
Not anymore! People call before visiting, stay in hotels and buy homes with mortgages for the rest of their lives.

If that is society evolving than we are evolving in the wrong direction!

[lisamomof4]

mroped this is my son-in-laws mother and honestly i don't consider her family at all. when the kids were first engaged DH and myself really did try to build a relationship with his family, we wanted to consider them family but their behavior/actions just made that impossible and the continued contempt with which they treated not only us but our daughter has motivated us to be done with them 

[bobosensei]

Isn't this the same woman that expected you to pay a bunch of money for some family event that you weren't going to be invited to and the same person who expected that you'd host either a couple of her extended family or her close family friends including having you lend those strangers a car?

Or is there just another poster that has an equally ridiculous set of family members?

And I do realize that there could be some cultural norms in your SILs family where this kind of stuff is the norm, but what is super rude is just showing up without letting you know she was coming.  I am pretty sure in those cultures where this is the norm, they also talk to each other enough that they wouldn't be showing up unannounced.  I mean it would be one thing if she was driving through your town, her car broke down, and she showed up, but this was a planned trip and they'd been out shopping all day.  Why did no one call you?  Well, I am sure because they knew you might say no, and that if they just showed up and muscled in you would be too polite to stop them.

Even still, I understand you being kept up all night thinking about it.  I have the same personality where I might stand up for myself, but still not be able to let it go.  I mean you'll have to keep seeing this woman as long as your daughter is married to her son, and the rest of your life if there are grandkids.  And I get feeling upset when someone else's behavior forces you to act in ways that you usually wouldn't.  But you have to keep it up or she will never stop.  I can't imagine the ways she imposes on your poor daughter.

[dannylion]

Dec 1, 2015 19:22:56 GMT -5 mroped said:

I suppose it could be a generational/cultural thing.
when I was growing up, in town nobody had a phone line so the only way to connect and let somebody know that you might stop by would've been thru mail. Well, we all know how well the postal services work so sometimes, once in a blue moon you'd see one of your relatives at the gate telling you pretty much that he's hungry and thirsty and tired.
And that was normal, there was no one getting their panties in a bunch!

Yes, the OP did good because we are now in the 21st century and everybody walks around with phones that have more memory than the computer of Apollo 13 so why not call at least to give the heads up?

Just to be clear, you had your relative/family staying over, coming unanounced but you did the same. All was fair and equal.
Also when your kid got married and he needed a home, the whole family showed up in weekends and built the home! No mortgages to speak of.
Not anymore! People call before visiting, stay in hotels and buy homes with mortgages for the rest of their lives.

If that is society evolving than we are evolving in the wrong direction!

Treating people with contempt as lisamomof4's SIL's mother did is not a "cultural thing" that should be celebrated, encouraged, or perpetuated.  That sort of behavior is simply not acceptable.  Period.  JMHO.

[mroped]

Dec 2, 2015 2:24:02 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

mroped this is my son-in-laws mother and honestly i don't consider her family at all. when the kids were first engaged DH and myself really did try to build a relationship with his family, we wanted to consider them family but their behavior/actions just made that impossible and the continued contempt with which they treated not only us but our daughter has motivated us to be done with them 

I apologize, I believe I was a bit misunderstood.
My last post was at the end of two long days outside in the cold so now when reading it I realize that I wasn't clear at all.

So, to clarify, I will say that you did everything right just as anybody including myself would've done. Someone that is condenscending, entitled and living under the assumption that they are always right, doesn't deserve the time of the day. 
And again, 21 century- PHONES! People should use them.

As I said, in the past, in the place where I'm from, people were doing this to each other in the family but everybody was always thankful, respectful and did the same in turn. If there was ever an argument or one was being condenscending then that was the end of the line, no more stays over or invitations even at any family events.

In all honesty, I have a brother that thinks he is above all other so if it were to happen that he shows up at my door, unanounced and asking/telling me that he would wanna stay over, I'd give him the phone number from the nearest hotel and if I feel good maybe directions to it.
And that would be after he travelled 3000+ miles!

All in all, you did good and I guess that to me is just the nostalgia of times when people were friendlier to each other and everybody was respectful of everybody else.

[cktc]

Dec 2, 2015 11:58:27 GMT -5 mroped said:

Dec 2, 2015 2:24:02 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

mroped this is my son-in-laws mother and honestly i don't consider her family at all. when the kids were first engaged DH and myself really did try to build a relationship with his family, we wanted to consider them family but their behavior/actions just made that impossible and the continued contempt with which they treated not only us but our daughter has motivated us to be done with them 

I apologize, I believe I was a bit misunderstood.
My last post was at the end of two long days outside in the cold so now when reading it I realize that I wasn't clear at all.

So, to clarify, I will say that you did everything right just as anybody including myself would've done. Someone that is condenscending, entitled and living under the assumption that they are always right, doesn't deserve the time of the day. 
And again, 21 century- PHONES! People should use them.

As I said, in the past, in the place where I'm from, people were doing this to each other in the family but everybody was always thankful, respectful and did the same in turn. If there was ever an argument or one was being condenscending then that was the end of the line, no more stays over or invitations even at any family events.

In all honesty, I have a brother that thinks he is above all other so if it were to happen that he shows up at my door, unanounced and asking/telling me that he would wanna stay over, I'd give him the phone number from the nearest hotel and if I feel good maybe directions to it.
And that would be after he travelled 3000+ miles!

All in all, you did good and I guess that to me is just the nostalgia of times when people were friendlier to each other and everybody was respectful of everybody else.

Maybe people are more accountable for their actions when communities are smaller. Now it is so much easier to burn bridges left and right and just move onto the next target without ever having to face any consequences.

[lisamomof4]

mroped i totally understand where you are coming from. my great grandmother was amish, even after she left to marry, majority of the values stayed and were passed down. a large part of the stress this situation brings me is due to the values i was raised with 'many hands make light work'...if you know someone is having a ruff time a basket/box of food/clothes left on the front porch...heat is out, invite them over till fixed, ect... i honestly just don't understand where this woman is coming from or how to even relate to her...i don't comprehend her motivations or thought processes. it eats at me to have to do this

[lisamomof4]

bobosensi yep it's all me and the same 'family by marriage' group.... ....and the sad thing is i haven't even included all the crazy things they have done

[zibazinski]

Oh boy. Well, figure it this way. If they had money for a shopping spree, they had money for a hotel room. If they didn't, tough luck.

[mollyanna58]

Dec 3, 2015 1:15:19 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

bobosensi yep it's all me and the same 'family by marriage' group.... ....and the sad thing is i haven't even included all the crazy things they have done

We'd love to hear them. 

And thank goodness your son-in-law fell far from that tree.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

f you know someone is having a ruff time a basket/box of food/clothes left on the front porch...heat is out, invite them over till fixed, ect.

There is a major difference between someone having a rough time and someone expecting to stay at your house b/c their lazy butts are too tired to drive home after a shopping spree.

[Deleted]

I, for one, am sooo glad that you put this narcissistic BULLY in 'it's' place, lisa......(I DESPISE bullys) I remember reading enough over the years from you about 'it'.....and the UNMITIGATED GALL 'it' hands out to everyone in it's path, as if we in polite society are somehow obliged to just shut up, lay down and take it...

HA!  PERFECT COME BACK, LISA!

Hahaha, now I'm laughing...you go girl, you go..