lisamomof4
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 0:13:25 GMT -5
Posts: 150
|
Post by lisamomof4 on Nov 28, 2015 2:11:54 GMT -5
the doorbell rang tonight at about 9:45pm...this is odd so check, and then open door to find DD2's MIL, 2 of son-in-laws' half sisters and several of their assorted children. they all come right on in as i'm standing at the door in shock. apparently they had come to chicago to do christmas shopping and decided to stay a few days. as his mother is telling me all this i watch as all these unknown people swarm over my house and she and the half sisters do nothing. then it hit's me....they think they are going to stay in my home . i invite DD2's MIL to sit at kitchen table and have some coffee, then ask her what their plans are? i ask what hotel are they staying at...she gives me a surprised look at that and says they plan to stay at my house. while the little voice in my head is at full scream at this point, i try to stay calm and point out this is the first i've heard of any of this and no-one called to ask if it was ok. she get's huffy and said she didn't think she had to call and ask...that she should just be allowed....at this point i can see DH face from the family room and he looks about to go ballistic (this is the same woman who when we were in town couldn't even offer us a meal and in fact stuck us with a restaurant bill the last time we were out there) after a deep breath i explain that yes, we do need to be asked before showing up at our door like we're some free hotel, not to mention the large number of people she has with her...where did she expect to fit them all as we have only one small guest room with a twin bed?? during all this SIL's half sisters haven't said word one to me. as i watch she and her son walk into my living room, toss the pillows off my couches and stretch out. MIL then says 'see no problem'...and i just break...I tell her she and the rest will have to go to a hotel and i would not be providing for them. they chose to come, they weren't invited and they aren't my responsibility. after ushering them all out the front door with directions to several hotels. i then call DD2 and SIL to find out what in blue blazes is going on with his family neither knew they had headed our direction or that they even had plans to travel. SIL said he by no means expected us to put them up and that he hadn't even talk to the half sisters in over a year.... Ugh!! i'm so sick of his extended family trying to always pull crap with us!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 28, 2015 3:50:56 GMT -5
Holy cow, what gall. So proud of you and your DH
|
|
lisamomof4
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 0:13:25 GMT -5
Posts: 150
|
Post by lisamomof4 on Nov 28, 2015 4:33:18 GMT -5
thanks , but honestly the stress of standing up to her and 'being rude'...at least in my own head has me strung out and can't sleep. i'm such an idiot about things like this...
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,334
|
Post by andi9899 on Nov 28, 2015 5:53:25 GMT -5
People suck. The fact that they thought it was even remotely ok says a lot about these people. You handled it way better than I would have. You're not evil, just not about to be a doormat.
|
|
ners
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 16:21:18 GMT -5
Posts: 6,607
|
Post by ners on Nov 28, 2015 6:25:36 GMT -5
People suck. The fact that they thought it was even remotely ok says a lot about these people. You handled it way better than I would have. You're not evil, just not about to be a doormat. Times 2
|
|
toomuchreality
Senior Associate
Joined: Sept 3, 2011 10:28:25 GMT -5
Posts: 16,913
Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
|
Post by toomuchreality on Nov 28, 2015 6:52:39 GMT -5
You did good! I think this is true, even though the situation isn't about losing you. You should never let anyone get comfortable disrespecting you.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 28, 2015 6:55:50 GMT -5
I understand you're upset. You'd be upset either way . But you did the right thing.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,722
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 28, 2015 7:31:04 GMT -5
I think you handled this wonderfully. I'd be stuck with a house full of uninvited and no doubt ungrateful "guests".
|
|
moneymaven
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 10:05:04 GMT -5
Posts: 1,864
|
Post by moneymaven on Nov 28, 2015 8:02:13 GMT -5
Seriously?! Who does things like that? You handled this very well. I would have been furious and using many 4 letter words.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,955
|
Post by tcu2003 on Nov 28, 2015 8:11:13 GMT -5
Yikes, that is crazy. I'm with everyone else - who does things like that!?! Kudos to you for holding your ground and saying no!
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 29,242
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Nov 28, 2015 8:51:28 GMT -5
I think you handled this situation beautifully!
I don't even answer the door after dark. Too many crazies out there.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Nov 28, 2015 8:52:50 GMT -5
Wow. Good for you for not letting them trash your house!
|
|
Value Buy
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 17:57:07 GMT -5
Posts: 18,680
Today's Mood: Getting better by the day!
Location: In the middle of enjoying retirement!
Favorite Drink: Zombie Dust from Three Floyd's brewery
Mini-Profile Name Color: e61975
Mini-Profile Text Color: 196ce6
|
Post by Value Buy on Nov 28, 2015 8:54:27 GMT -5
I sincerely have to think how I would have handled that. Not sure.
Of course, if there is no room, not a problem. "Goodbye........."
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,222
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 28, 2015 8:57:23 GMT -5
I think you handled this situation beautifully!
I don't even answer the door after dark. Too many crazies out there. I was going to post that they would be lucky if I answered the door. Of course I would have looked thru the peep hole and still not answered it Kudos to the OP for her handing this. There's a thread about folks selling brains on eBay. Maybe the OP can suggest the brainless ones go there to purchase a brain. Even at my age I am still stunned at some of the things that people do and it's damn hard to surprise me anymore!!!
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Nov 28, 2015 9:00:23 GMT -5
thanks , but honestly the stress of standing up to her and 'being rude'...at least in my own head has me strung out and can't sleep. i'm such an idiot about things like this... See, if you are evil...then I am SUPER evil. Because standing up to her and her stupid expectations would have made me sleep VERY well . You were not rude. THEY were rude. You just gave them a taste of their own medicine
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Nov 28, 2015 9:01:16 GMT -5
People like that use the element of surprise and the good nature of others. So, they often get away with it because others don't want to be "rude" which is what they count on. Nobody wants to kick someone out of their house. So, they will do this over and over as long as it works for them, which it usually does.
|
|
mroped
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 17, 2014 17:36:56 GMT -5
Posts: 3,453
|
Post by mroped on Nov 28, 2015 9:15:43 GMT -5
Quick question: are the in-laws of Eastern European descent? In the Eastern European cultures, would be offensive to stay in a hotel while you have a relative living in town. Everytime we go visiting we have to go thru this argument with my family- immediate and extended. They don't seem to comprehend why do we stay in a hotel when you can stay with family and save money!
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,722
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 28, 2015 9:44:52 GMT -5
Wow! Good for you! It's a long story but MrSroo had to do this with his own parents. They of course went the extra mile and showed up at his work expecting to be given the keys to our house. Who drives 12+ hours after being told that "This isn't a good time for a visit" without telling the people you are planning to stay with. Someday I'll post the text transcription as MrSroo is telling me all this as it's unfolding. Oooooh, please do; please, please, pretty please.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 13, 2024 5:26:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2015 9:49:56 GMT -5
You did the right thing. It may have caused you a sleepless night but you saved yourself a lot of grief. Remember, too, that if you'd let them stay you'd have set up expectations that they were welcome anytime for future unannounced visits. They probably won't pull this again. Most of the mistakes I've made in my life have involved being too polite and accommodating to people who take, take, take. Such people need to be told "NO". Funny but irrelevant observation: my parents used to live in Chicago, where Dad was in management with a large steel company. He said they could never get anyone to come to Chicago for meetings- except this time of year. Oh, yeah- somehow the wives of their (mostly male) employees were able to make the trip with them.
|
|
sesfw
Junior Associate
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 15:45:17 GMT -5
Posts: 6,268
|
Post by sesfw on Nov 28, 2015 10:15:14 GMT -5
I think you handled this wonderfully. I'd be stuck with a house full of uninvited and no doubt ungrateful "guests".
Unfortunately this is me ......... altho I must say no one in my family would pull a stunt like this.
Lisa, I congratulate you on the way you handled the situation. I would have hauled out the pillows and blankets and showed where the floor was.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,942
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 28, 2015 10:16:49 GMT -5
Wow! Good for you! It's a long story but MrSroo had to do this with his own parents. They of course went the extra mile and showed up at his work expecting to be given the keys to our house. Who drives 12+ hours after being told that "This isn't a good time for a visit" without telling the people you are planning to stay with. Someday I'll post the text transcription as MrSroo is telling me all this as it's unfolding. What's wrong with today?
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Nov 28, 2015 10:20:03 GMT -5
Wow, have you spoken to SIL to find out if this happens often?
9:45pm and no warning? Unbelievable!
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,237
|
Post by billisonboard on Nov 28, 2015 10:22:31 GMT -5
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Nov 28, 2015 10:36:52 GMT -5
Good grief! It's hard for me to imagine people like that! You were not rude! You did what any thinking human being would do. What they did, to me, was unthinkable!
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,563
|
Post by Tennesseer on Nov 28, 2015 10:40:49 GMT -5
Good memory.
|
|
chiver78
Administrator
Current Events Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:04:45 GMT -5
Posts: 39,500
|
Post by chiver78 on Nov 28, 2015 10:43:54 GMT -5
Quick question: are the in-laws of Eastern European descent? In the Eastern European cultures, would be offensive to stay in a hotel while you have a relative living in town. Everytime we go visiting we have to go thru this argument with my family- immediate and extended. They don't seem to comprehend why do we stay in a hotel when you can stay with family and save money! I have the same problem with the Canadian side of my family. they just show up unannounced and stay at my parents house. sent from my electronic distraction
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,237
|
Post by billisonboard on Nov 28, 2015 10:57:16 GMT -5
Good memory. A curse and a blessing of mine. Tangent: love this song and it's message: The secret is to know when to stop Remembering
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,213
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Nov 28, 2015 11:25:44 GMT -5
Well done, lisamomof4! You handled that beautifully. Apparently they didn't learn anything from the last time they tried to pull this on you. I cannot imagine having to deal with people like that. I'd have started off by saying all seven things you can't say on TV and escalated from there. You achieved your purpose and managed to maintain your dignity.
Can you just tell them never, ever to come to your home ever again, not even once? Would they even pay attention?
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,722
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 28, 2015 11:44:53 GMT -5
Well done, lisamomof4! You handled that beautifully. Apparently they didn't learn anything from the last time they tried to pull this on you. I cannot imagine having to deal with people like that. I'd have started off by saying all seven things you can't say on TV and escalated from there. You achieved your purpose and managed to maintain your dignity.
Can you just tell them never, ever to come to your home ever again, not even once? Would they even pay attention? Seems like they have already been told several times and it hasn't sunk it.
lisamomof4 , have your SIL mention to his mother that you got transferred to Montana and how much you love the long, long, scenic drives to do any shopping.
|
|
lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,066
|
Post by lurkyloo on Nov 28, 2015 13:03:14 GMT -5
Quick question: are the in-laws of Eastern European descent? In the Eastern European cultures, would be offensive to stay in a hotel while you have a relative living in town. Everytime we go visiting we have to go thru this argument with my family- immediate and extended. They don't seem to comprehend why do we stay in a hotel when you can stay with family and save money! Is it also offensive to call ahead? I don't think it's the wanting to stay with family that's a problem so much as complete and utter lack of regard for people that are barely related (and apparent disinterest in reciprocating). I think the OP should borrow some large and unruly dogs, a few cats, and a giraffe and show up on the offender's doorstep expecting to be put up for a week.
|
|