muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 24, 2015 16:49:56 GMT -5
Funny whenever it comes up, it comes across has a hot button for you given how adamant you are on the issue.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 17:01:04 GMT -5
Funny whenever it comes up, it comes across has a hot button for you given how adamant you are on the issue. I'm not actually adamant about it. I'm not the one getting up in arms about it...I don't have a horse in the race, so to speak. But every time I say I would never financially support an able-bodied man you get all bent out of shape and put words in my mouth. I never once called someone not working a lazy fuck...I think they are brilliant because I would love to not have to work everyday....but I also would never put myself in that position so it is a catch-22...someday I will have enough passive income that I can retire and I will know I did it all on my own.
You call me a hypocrite because of maternity leave, even though I funded my own. You say I didn't have a partnership because I have different views than you do. I can go on and on with how you keep tossing jabs at me all because I wouldn't be ok with financially supporting a man...instead of just accepting that we are different types of women with different views. I really don't think I'm the one that is getting bent out of shape over this issue....
Edited to say that this isn't a hot button for me but I am adamant that I will never support an able-bodied man. I'm also adamant that I would never become a stripper...does that mean strippers are also my hot button? Because one can be adamant about something without it being a hot button issue.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 24, 2015 17:09:51 GMT -5
I don't know. I'm thinking a guy at home right now while I'm at work would be kind of nice. I'd be cool with feeding them and paying for their cell phone. They couldn't just sit there though...and they'd have to be kind of hot too...just because. It would be awfully nice to come home to dinner made, and the barn chores done. To be able to sit down and play games with the kids instead of doing laundry and cleaning the cat puke up off the carpet. <sigh> (MPL is very tired lately) You know. those families with Sister Wives might not be so bad. I would LOVE to have a SAHW
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 17:12:28 GMT -5
I don't know. I'm thinking a guy at home right now while I'm at work would be kind of nice. I'd be cool with feeding them and paying for their cell phone. They couldn't just sit there though...and they'd have to be kind of hot too...just because. It would be awfully nice to come home to dinner made, and the barn chores done. To be able to sit down and play games with the kids instead of doing laundry and cleaning the cat puke up off the carpet. <sigh> (MPL is very tired lately) You know. those families with Sister Wives might not be so bad. I would LOVE to have a SAHW Lol! I always say I need a wife!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 24, 2015 19:06:25 GMT -5
You know. those families with Sister Wives might not be so bad. I would LOVE to have a SAHW Lol! I always say I need a wife! I would sign up for that in a heart beat!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 19:16:27 GMT -5
Lol! I always say I need a wife! I would sign up for that in a heart beat! Let's start a commune!! Except we all want wives so we need to find women who want to cook and clean...Im sure we can dig up a few Duggars!lol
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 24, 2015 19:18:56 GMT -5
I like the house-husband idea... Or at least a house boy toy who cooks and cleans. Speaking of which: who wants to disinfect my apartment?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 24, 2015 19:24:50 GMT -5
I want someone to do that crap for me and I don't have kids. Between my appointments and working late I'm just done at the end of the day.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 24, 2015 20:44:21 GMT -5
Lysol wipes are my BFFs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2015 21:06:46 GMT -5
You know. those families with Sister Wives might not be so bad. I would LOVE to have a SAHW Lol! I always say I need a wife! I did too. But since I'm just fantasizing, might as well be something like this... More fun after the kids go to bed...
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 24, 2015 21:11:41 GMT -5
Because I became a SAHM in 2004 when our first was born, DH has never once missed work for anything. He can work five 12s for weeks on end. This has allowed him to climb pretty high on the corporate ladder.
For the past 1-2 years I've been trying to get out of the SAHM role. Guess what? DH doesn't want me to. I'm now working 20hrs/wk and working on my MA and it's causing all sorts of stress in our house. Ironic thing: just because I'm working and bringing in money doesn't mean DH can just announce to his boss that he's cutting back to 40hrs/wk. His role demands the higher hours, and no he isn't looking to stop his career. So now I'm looking at choosing between work or school because DH simply can't pick up any of the slack. I assure you, he doesn't feel ANY pressure about supporting the household, but he feels immense pressure on his time.
Contrary to belief, you can't just slap a label on a situation and make it black and white. I'm sure I can be perceived from the outside as a leech. Nothing could be further from the truth.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 24, 2015 21:11:43 GMT -5
You know. those families with Sister Wives might not be so bad. I would LOVE to have a SAHW Lol! I always say I need a wife! But you against having stay at home dads/husbands? Thank you for proving my point.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Nov 24, 2015 21:19:49 GMT -5
And do I need a gardener? Cuz I want this one please!!!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 21:22:02 GMT -5
Lol! I always say I need a wife! But you against having stay at home dads/husbands? Thank you for proving my point. Lol! You seriously think I want a wife? Dear lord, you are so full of anger towards anything I post that you are now grasping at straws...I guess you really don't understand a joke...at least not when I post it
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 21:23:23 GMT -5
Because I became a SAHM in 2004 when our first was born, DH has never once missed work for anything. He can work five 12s for weeks on end. This has allowed him to climb pretty high on the corporate ladder. For the past 1-2 years I've been trying to get out of the SAHM role. Guess what? DH doesn't want me to. I'm now working 20hrs/wk and working on my MA and it's causing all sorts of stress in our house. Ironic thing: just because I'm working and bringing in money doesn't mean DH can just announce to his boss that he's cutting back to 40hrs/wk. His role demands the higher hours, and no he isn't looking to stop his career. So now I'm looking at choosing between work or school because DH simply can't pick up any of the slack. I assure you, he doesn't feel ANY pressure about supporting the household, but he feels immense pressure on his time. Contrary to belief, you can't just slap a label on a situation and make it black and white. I'm sure I can be perceived from the outside as a leech. Nothing could be further from the truth. Im not sure why what I find acceptable in my life translates into me calling you a leech...
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Nov 24, 2015 21:30:32 GMT -5
To everyone who commented here. Thank you. I was looking for some financial opinions and got that plus a lot of interesting discourse and a few laughs. Everyone has provided great food for thought, I learned a few things, and I'm working through this one day at a time. As I said before, it is useless to argue whether he deserves what he is getting, I entered into a legal arrangement when I married and with that came risks. Ultimately, it was a bad bet and I'm paying the price. I allowed my situation to go on for too long and while he was (is) lazy, I also let him be lazy because it was easier than fighting all the time. I've learned a valuable, painful and expensive lesson I will not repeat. Let this be a warning to everyone to choose well in your spouse, the little things you notice early on will only get worse. The good news is that unlike many married women divorcing I will not be destitute or financially ruined by this, I will actually continue to live a very nice lifestyle that I have EARNED through my hard work. If the situation were reversed and I were a man and he was the woman the end result would have been (and should have been) the same. He gets a nice start to his new life, I am still very well off and everyone can go back to their respective corners and live whatever life they choose. I already feel lighter both financially and emotionally and I'm ready to kick some financial butt in the coming years!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!! All I can say is with that attitude to the situation you are going to be completely fine after this. Regardless of how you feel in your worst moments, if you even feel that way 50% of the time you are going to rock it going forward. I don't want to go through a divorce, but if I do I want to come out of it sounding like micky
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 24, 2015 21:58:02 GMT -5
Lol! I always say I need a wife! I did too. But since I'm just fantasizing, might as well be something like this... More fun after the kids go to bed... Ooh...now we are talking....
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 24, 2015 22:35:43 GMT -5
I did too. But since I'm just fantasizing, might as well be something like this... More fun after the kids go to bed... Ooh...now we are talking.... Ladies, ladies please stop posting these pictures. You are going to give this old broad a friggin heart attack. Now I need a smoke BTW I'll take one of each - hey I'm not dead yet
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 25, 2015 10:48:41 GMT -5
But you against having stay at home dads/husbands? Thank you for proving my point. Lol! You seriously think I want a wife? Dear lord, you are so full of anger towards anything I post that you are now grasping at straws...I guess you really don't understand a joke...at least not when I post it Except I'm not angry. No I do think you really want a wife, but it is more than a bit ironic for you to make that statement even in jest after the discussion we just had. Anyway happy thanksgiving.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 25, 2015 11:46:45 GMT -5
Lol! You seriously think I want a wife? Dear lord, you are so full of anger towards anything I post that you are now grasping at straws...I guess you really don't understand a joke...at least not when I post it Except I'm not angry. No I do think you really want a wife, but it is more than a bit ironic for you to make that statement even in jest after the discussion we just had. Anyway happy thanksgiving. Perhaps anger is not the right word...but my views bother you enough that you have to keep getting jabs in at me throughout this thread. That is something I don't understand. If you look at my posts, never once did I knock you, your views or your lifestyle (except to contradict your jab that my marriage wasn't a real partnership because it didn't fit your views on what a marriage should be).
You do this every time I say that I will never financially support a man. I will also never homeschool but I don't see Lena coming after me for those views.
It is like you take a personal offense to my views. What works for you would never work for me and vice versa.
ETA Happy Thanksgiving...drink wine and enjoy your family
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Nov 25, 2015 12:19:08 GMT -5
Lol! I always say I need a wife! I did too. But since I'm just fantasizing, might as well be something like this... More fun after the kids go to bed... Goodness! I am all a-swoon now. Scrub that floor, you sweet thing. No shirt for you.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 25, 2015 12:20:31 GMT -5
Except I'm not angry. No I do think you really want a wife, but it is more than a bit ironic for you to make that statement even in jest after the discussion we just had. Anyway happy thanksgiving. Perhaps anger is not the right word...but my views bother you enough that you have to keep getting jabs in at me throughout this thread. That is something I don't understand. If you look at my posts, never once did I knock you, your views or your lifestyle (except to contradict your jab that my marriage wasn't a real partnership because it didn't fit your views on what a marriage should be).
You do this every time I say that I will never financially support a man. I will also never homeschool but I don't see Lena coming after me for those views.
It is like you take a personal offense to my views. What works for you would never work for me and vice versa.
ETA Happy Thanksgiving...drink wine and enjoy your family
Oh sweetie, I can always start. Lord knows I just sit home and all with nothing to do!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 25, 2015 12:27:32 GMT -5
In your first post on this thread (#115) you said "And that is why one spouse should never support another. You get screwed in the divorce!" Nothing to do with what works for your family, but a blanket statement that one spouse should never financially support the other.
That is why your comments tend to draw argument. Same thing if you had posted "homeschooled kids aren't properly socialized" vs "I would never homeschool." Very different statements, even if you mean them to convey the same message.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 25, 2015 12:54:04 GMT -5
Perhaps anger is not the right word...but my views bother you enough that you have to keep getting jabs in at me throughout this thread. That is something I don't understand. If you look at my posts, never once did I knock you, your views or your lifestyle (except to contradict your jab that my marriage wasn't a real partnership because it didn't fit your views on what a marriage should be).
You do this every time I say that I will never financially support a man. I will also never homeschool but I don't see Lena coming after me for those views.
It is like you take a personal offense to my views. What works for you would never work for me and vice versa.
ETA Happy Thanksgiving...drink wine and enjoy your family
Oh sweetie, I can always start. Lord knows I just sit home and all with nothing to do! LOL!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 25, 2015 12:58:01 GMT -5
In your first post on this thread (#115) you said "And that is why one spouse should never support another. You get screwed in the divorce!" Nothing to do with what works for your family, but a blanket statement that one spouse should never financially support the other. That is why your comments tend to draw argument. Same thing if you had posted "homeschooled kids aren't properly socialized" vs "I would never homeschool." Very different statements, even if you mean them to convey the same message. Umm...you actually DO get screwed in a divorce if you financially support your spouse. If anyone thinks otherwise they are delusional. My guess is if the OP had to do it all over again she would have chosen a different path (pure opinion..obviously no way for anyone including her to know what she would have done if she knew she would get financially screwed).
I actually don't care if people want to argue with me. Not once in here did I ever make a jab at anyone. My OPINION is that it is not worth the risk to support someone or to let someone support you. That opinion isn't going to change.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 25, 2015 13:13:42 GMT -5
If you don't see how the difference between "This is why I would never support my spouse" and "This is why no one should support their spouse" could be taken as a jab by those who are the primary breadwinners, I don't know what to tell you. DH and I both work full time so I really have no dog in this fight -- but I've seen enough of these threads to know that phrasing makes a huge difference. If you're truly not looking for an argument, it's just something to consider.
Happy Thanksgiving to all (and especially to Micky, whose optimistic attitude I envy!)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2015 13:39:48 GMT -5
In your first post on this thread (#115) you said "And that is why one spouse should never support another. You get screwed in the divorce!" Nothing to do with what works for your family, but a blanket statement that one spouse should never financially support the other. That is why your comments tend to draw argument. Same thing if you had posted "homeschooled kids aren't properly socialized" vs "I would never homeschool." Very different statements, even if you mean them to convey the same message. Umm...you actually DO get screwed in a divorce if you financially support your spouse. If anyone thinks otherwise they are delusional. My guess is if the OP had to do it all over again she would have chosen a different path (pure opinion..obviously no way for anyone including her to know what she would have done if she knew she would get financially screwed).
I actually don't care if people want to argue with me. Not once in here did I ever make a jab at anyone. My OPINION is that it is not worth the risk to support someone or to let someone support you. That opinion isn't going to change.
To be fair though. As the one that stayed home. I kind of feel like I got screwed in the divorce too. Basically just kicked to the curb, not knowing how I was going to pay the bills. Lets just all agree that divorce sucks all around!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 25, 2015 13:55:37 GMT -5
Umm...you actually DO get screwed in a divorce if you financially support your spouse. If anyone thinks otherwise they are delusional. My guess is if the OP had to do it all over again she would have chosen a different path (pure opinion..obviously no way for anyone including her to know what she would have done if she knew she would get financially screwed).
I actually don't care if people want to argue with me. Not once in here did I ever make a jab at anyone. My OPINION is that it is not worth the risk to support someone or to let someone support you. That opinion isn't going to change.
To be fair though. As the one that stayed home. I kind of feel like I got screwed in the divorce too. Basically just kicked to the curb, not knowing how I was going to pay the bills. Lets just all agree that divorce sucks all around! I agree...which is why in my second paragraph I said it was risky both ways....but the OP was about being screwed as the one doing the supporting and where my comment came from. If she were a single mom without a job I would have said, "and that is why you don't let a man support you...because you get screwed in the divorce"....both parties feel like they got screwed.
My life went from middle class to poverty overnight because my dad financially supported my mom and she didn't have the skills to suddenly make a decent salary.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 25, 2015 14:01:24 GMT -5
If you don't see how the difference between "This is why I would never support my spouse" and "This is why no one should support their spouse" could be taken as a jab by those who are the primary breadwinners, I don't know what to tell you. DH and I both work full time so I really have no dog in this fight -- but I've seen enough of these threads to know that phrasing makes a huge difference. If you're truly not looking for an argument, it's just something to consider. Happy Thanksgiving to all (and especially to Micky, whose optimistic attitude I envy!) I am not sure why my opinion is a jab at anyone. I firmly believe that no one should ever take the risk. Even before my divorce I told my daughter to never put herself in a position where a man is supporting her and she has heard me enough so she knows my opinion on supporting able-bodied person. My opinion is that divorce happens all too often and it is a very unwise choice to put your financial security into anyone else's hands (that includes being the sole breadwinner because you will be paying out the ass in the event of a divorce or being solely dependent on someone else because you are screwed when the money stops coming in).
So yes, I firmly believe that no one should support or be supported by another. That isn't the same as actually caring what anyone else does. If it doesn't impact my life at all then I don't really care...but that won't change my opinion on the matter.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 25, 2015 14:21:13 GMT -5
Someday I want to SAH, and start doing foster care once our kiddos are in school. Heck, maybe I will even homeschool my kids.
But can I still have a wife to help take care of me?
Some of the families in DH's firm have SAHWs and full-time nannies. I want THAT gig!
And now....it's past noon on Weds. Can we just all agree to start our holiday drinking now? Shots for Muttley and Tequila. Hahaha! Give you each a few and we will be besties and having a grand old time
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