nutty
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Post by nutty on Nov 8, 2015 18:38:57 GMT -5
My two best friends are a lesbian and a bisexual. By association I have been declared a lesbian or bi, I am not sure people are joking or not but it is starting to annoy the piss out of me. Is this normal thinking for normal people or just assholes that think this.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Nov 8, 2015 18:43:23 GMT -5
It's just assholes IME.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 8, 2015 18:57:23 GMT -5
Linking in the related threads, are the people making this assumption guys you turned down for dates/quickies?? ;-)
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Nov 8, 2015 19:07:30 GMT -5
No, GRC, I see what you are getting at though. These are people I know but are not really friends. I have to believe some of them are kidding because that's just a rude thing to imply/say.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 8, 2015 19:39:44 GMT -5
No, GRC, I see what you are getting at though. These are people I know but are not really friends. I have to believe some of them are kidding because that's just a rude thing to imply/say. Why is it rude?
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 8, 2015 19:43:04 GMT -5
It's rude to the lesbian/bisexual to say they are so shallow as to only be friends with non-straight people?
This kind of BS is not that unusual. People will say someone is homosexual if they don't see them dating someone of the opposite sex in an arbitrary timeframe, or in a sour-grapes "they didn't date me" way.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 8, 2015 19:56:53 GMT -5
If someone is saying that in a joking way, I would assume they are a-holes.
However, if one doesn't think anything is wrong with being lesbian or bi-sexual, then being called that wouldn't be an insult.
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mamasita99
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Post by mamasita99 on Nov 8, 2015 19:58:41 GMT -5
Why is it insulting to be thought of as lesbian or bisexual? Are these people implying that it is a bad thing? If so, I wouldn't let that bother me. There are tons of unattractive straight people out there I would hate to be associated with! FWIW, I'm almost always assumed straight. I joke and ask, what, can't I be hot and a lesbian?! In reality, though, people probably assume I am straight because I look too much like a soccer mom. Ok, maybe a hot lesbian soccer mom. I'll take it. If they aren't sleeping with you, they can shut their mouths. People just love to talk crap!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Nov 8, 2015 20:02:01 GMT -5
You come across some very interesting people....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2015 21:35:18 GMT -5
Why is it insulting to be thought of as lesbian or bisexual? Are these people implying that it is a bad thing? If so, I wouldn't let that bother me. There are tons of unattractive straight people out there I would hate to be associated with! FWIW, I'm almost always assumed straight. I joke and ask, what, can't I be hot and a lesbian?! In reality, though, people probably assume I am straight because I look too much like a soccer mom. Ok, maybe a hot lesbian soccer mom. I'll take it. If they aren't sleeping with you, they can shut their mouths. People just love to talk crap! Can I hear an amen? Six months into a political campaign with another 5+ weeks to go for the runoff, it's all about hate and gender identity. At this point, and it's been a really, really hateful and evil six months, I have to say the only group I can readily identify is the a-holes. I am blessed with friends across the spectrum, amazing folks who embrace our community and it's potential.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Nov 8, 2015 21:43:57 GMT -5
Guilt by association. The dread heads hang with the dread heads. And so on down the social lines. When I was young and single, if some douchecanoe hit on me, I suddenly became lesbian. Two icky ones asked if they could watch or threesome. There was no puking emoticon.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Nov 8, 2015 21:52:56 GMT -5
I have to ask. I am not be judgemental.
How can you have a bisexual and a lesbian as your best friends? The odds of not having a heterosexual person falling into one of those two slots should be rather high, based on population breakouts of the three groups.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Nov 8, 2015 21:56:08 GMT -5
building on others' posts, are you actively putting yourself out there for interest in guys while you field unwanted advances? I'm a single, straight woman who still has a blast hanging out with gay/lesbian friends at clubs and bars (although we're generally at gay bars....). I do my thing, politely rebuff advances, and dance with my friends.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Nov 8, 2015 23:06:01 GMT -5
If you are asking what is normal from your previous posts? What is abnormal?
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techguy
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Post by techguy on Nov 10, 2015 15:32:21 GMT -5
My two best friends are a lesbian and a bisexual. By association I have been declared a lesbian or bi, I am not sure people are joking or not but it is starting to annoy the piss out of me. Is this normal thinking for normal people or just assholes that think this. You lookin' butch lately?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Nov 10, 2015 15:40:01 GMT -5
My two best friends are a lesbian and a bisexual. By association I have been declared a lesbian or bi, I am not sure people are joking or not but it is starting to annoy the piss out of me. Is this normal thinking for normal people or just assholes that think this. I think it's totally strange to speculate on anyone's sexual preference myself. I do have a few lesbian friends. We mostly do (or did) sporting kinds of things together. To my knowledge, nobody thought I was a lesbian because I was with lesbians, but I guess I don't know. I probably would be annoyed also. Not because they thought I was a lesbian, but because they spent time thinking about my sexual preference at all. But? I'm a more private person than most and I certainly have been in a gathering where people do speculate. Still think it's strange.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 10, 2015 16:00:29 GMT -5
I am confused as to what the question is
Are you hanging out with your friends and other women hit on you assuming you are probably a lesbian/bi as well? If that is the case I would simply tell them "sorry I am straight" and move on.
Or is it random people assuming that the only way you can be friends with a lesbian or bisexual woman is that you must be one too? If that is the case they are ignorant assholes and don't deserve a response.
Or is it that people assume you are a lesbian b/c you haven't found a steady boyfriend yet? If that is the case see the above response.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2015 22:17:16 GMT -5
Jeez, it's getting complicated out here folks! Here's the disclaimer-I will be 68 next week, have been hetero all my life, and have awesome friends who identify in many ways. I met someone a couple of years ago during a community event and thought she was smart, gutsy, funny and everything I enjoy in a friend. Yes, she is lesbian and married so when we meet, we hug, kiss, and honestly say "luv ya!" when we part. Nothing more, nothing less and nothing different than I do with straight female and male friends. For me, it's all about the quality of a person-their heart, passion, honesty and courage.
Yes, I have experienced folks who say "I can't hang out with you if you hang out with them because someone might think I am-insert one- (a) lesbian (b) Democrat (c) liberal. My response is, "I will miss you". And I wear my hair super short which some have mistaken as a clue to my sexual identity. I am no more offended at a sexual approach from one side than from the other.
The one area I am not knowledgeable in is bi-sexuality. The only openly bi-sexual person I've known I didn't feel a rapport with b/c she also endorsed sexual experimentation in young teens, 13-15 years of age. While I could, in principle, accept her premise that everyone needs to explore and accept their own sexual identify, I couldn't understand or endorse her pushing teens this young to be sexually active. The teen years are tough enough without asking them to experience both same- and opposite-sex interactions to discern their future path.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Nov 10, 2015 23:36:04 GMT -5
I have to ask. I am not be judgemental. How can you have a bisexual and a lesbian as your best friends?The odds of not having a heterosexual person falling into one of those two slots should be rather high, based on population breakouts of the three groups. I'm not following. What a peculiar question. I probably have more gay/bi friends than I have straight friends. How can that be, given the population breakdowns?
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 12, 2015 12:01:11 GMT -5
Personally, I would likely suspect a person whose only friends are lesbians and Bisexuals of being lesbian or bisexual. Generally friends share common lifestyles and interests, so it stands to reason that may be common ground for you. But I wouldn't automatically assume it, and wouldn't really care one way or the other. And I wouldn't say anything. Inquiring of ones sexual orientation is far too personal question for me.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 12, 2015 12:33:22 GMT -5
Personally, I would likely suspect a person whose only friends are lesbians and Bisexuals of being lesbian or bisexual. Generally friends share common lifestyles and interests, so it stands to reason that may be common ground for you. But I wouldn't automatically assume it, and wouldn't really care one way or the other. And I wouldn't say anything. Inquiring of ones sexual orientation is far too personal question for me. You are out with a friend. You see person "X". Your friend expresses interest in a possible relationship. You respond, "...?" That to me is where the issue might come up in a reasonable way, as in, ""I don't know, I think that he/she might 'bat' for the other team." (Is that still an acceptable way to reference such things )
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 12, 2015 13:05:40 GMT -5
Anybody dumb enough to ask me a question like that would get what my mother used to call "the hairy eyeball stare." The expression was a combination of giving someone the stink eye and the evil eye. I have no idea how it morphed into her calling in the hairy eyeball stare, but it made us all laugh when she used the expression. Now that she's gone, we say it and think of her.
I guess if I had to describe what it would look like in actual use, it would be a combination of silently saying "Bless your heart" with some "WTF?!" and "F-off!" thrown in.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Nov 12, 2015 15:19:46 GMT -5
Personally, I would likely suspect a person whose only friends are lesbians and Bisexuals of being lesbian or bisexual. Generally friends share common lifestyles and interests, so it stands to reason that may be common ground for you. But I wouldn't automatically assume it, and wouldn't really care one way or the other. And I wouldn't say anything. Inquiring of ones sexual orientation is far too personal question for me. You are out with a friend. You see person "X". Your friend expresses interest in a possible relationship. You respond, "...?" That to me is where the issue might come up in a reasonable way, as in, ""I don't know, I think that he/she might 'bat' for the other team." (Is that still an acceptable way to reference such things ) Even in my isolated little world I know that's a big fat NO.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Nov 12, 2015 15:25:28 GMT -5
I have to ask. I am not be judgemental. How can you have a bisexual and a lesbian as your best friends?The odds of not having a heterosexual person falling into one of those two slots should be rather high, based on population breakouts of the three groups. I'm not following. What a peculiar question. I probably have more gay/bi friends than I have straight friends. How can that be, given the population breakdowns?
idk, you tell me. Bisexual is how much of the population? I dnk How much of the population is gay? ten to 15%? My best guess, is 20 percent represent the combined figure, and I think I am high. So if 80% are straight, the odds seem to favor at least one of your two best friends are straight. I will even give you two out of five might fit the category as there are always exceptions that beat the odds. If your two best friends hit the category, I suggest you always play Powerball, because you are beating the odds. Like I said, not be judgemental, just asking. Mathematics, so I am told are fairly accurate.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 12, 2015 15:31:22 GMT -5
You are out with a friend. You see person "X". Your friend expresses interest in a possible relationship. You respond, "...?" That to me is where the issue might come up in a reasonable way, as in, ""I don't know, I think that he/she might 'bat' for the other team." (Is that still an acceptable way to reference such things ) Even in my isolated little world I know that's a big fat NO. So how do you say to Mary that she shouldn't invest time in getting Sam interesting in dating her because Sam will never be interested in dating her. Isn't there a fun way to say it or does it have to be a proper descriptor?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Nov 12, 2015 16:08:39 GMT -5
You and looney have the weirdest lives. Nobody here cares if you are bi or gay or straight, and they'd certainly never ask and they'd certainly never care.
Between your friends and your other "friends".... I have to question your motives for hanging out with these people.
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quince
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Post by quince on Nov 12, 2015 17:10:53 GMT -5
Unless someone has actually SAID they are gay, you don't go 'round telling people they are gay. People at my last job apparently thought I was a lesbian because my ex boyfriend is not super masculine looking? Or something? And felt the need to discuss my sexuality, which is kind of gross. Parents of some of my friends who knew my husband in college said they thought he was "light in the loafers" when we started dating. That's extra gross- speculating on the sexuality of your kid's friend, unless you catch your kid having sex with them or something along those lines. The justification? He didn't date in college. Not, he dated men, but he didn't date. (He was double majoring in math and computer science. It is possible he was busy.)
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Nov 12, 2015 17:13:31 GMT -5
when my sister came out to me I said something to the effect of "that make sense. i kind of figured".
did that mean I deduced her sexually from the people she hung out with her her demeanor or the way she dress? Maybe. I don't know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2015 17:21:15 GMT -5
I'm with the people that are trying to figure out why so many people would be commenting on your perceived sexuality.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2015 17:41:35 GMT -5
Several years ago, a coworker that didn't like me spread a rumor that me and another coworker that I'm friends with were girlfriends. Did I get upset? No. My friend has been happily married to a man for years and I'm single and love men. I know who I am and what I like, so that kind of stuff doesn't bother me.
I went out on Beale Street in Memphis with a close relative and her husband. I hadn't seen my relative in a while and for whatever reason, she grabbed my hand as we were walking down Beale. So, she's holding her husband's hand on one side and mine on the other. I told her people were going to think her husband was one lucky guy lol. I didn't care what they thought. If my relative was happy to be out with me and wanted to hold my hand, I wasn't going to make her stop just because people might think we were gay.
I'm a pretty private person IRL and I've learned the hard way that when you don't tell people all your business, they'll make up stuff about you. I don't even bother getting offended. Especially about what some random person that has no impact on my life thinks. As long as I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't stop doing what I want to do because of what random people might think either.
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