sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 21, 2011 13:24:31 GMT -5
I have to agree with Malarky's comments to money100. My parents at one point had all 4 of us kids in 4 different public schools at the same time (elementary, middle, junior high and high school). The 3 youngest ones all played softball (or baseball in my brother's case) at the same time. 3 different ages, so three different teams on 3 different ball fields.
At my niece's dance class space is limited so the parents are only allowed to stay and watch the first class of every month. Otherwise they have to drop the kids off and sit in their cars and wait until class is over or leave and come back.
I am confused from you post- so only one kid at a time gets to do an activity? What are you going to do say "sorry Billy, it's your brother's turn to play t-ball this summer. you get to play next year?"
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 21, 2011 13:24:58 GMT -5
My daughter actually asked for a phone over the weekend. My answer was, "Who would you call with it?" Her, "I don't know, I just want one."
OMG, that was my husband's response for why we should shell out the money for an I-pad.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 21, 2011 19:40:43 GMT -5
Money100--why will you only let your kids do extra curricular at a time? I'm not trying to be snarky--just curious.
Even in early elementary school I always had 1 team sport, 1 music class (with performances), and girl scouts simultaneously. Plus usually a swimming class. It just got busier as I got older, but those are the things that I remember and loved. I can't imagine cutting any of them out.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 21, 2011 19:44:01 GMT -5
The minute my kid's school had a bomb scare and they were evacuated to an area that I didn't know where, that was when I got my kids cell phones. She used a friend's to call me.
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 21, 2011 20:13:22 GMT -5
Karma to Malarky LOL.
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Post by robbase on Mar 21, 2011 22:06:24 GMT -5
I would buy them a cheapo phone and get a $10 Pay-Go plan. I would reimburse any calls to and from the parents (that were not frivolous) weekly. Even if they use all their minutes they can still dial 911. Problem solved.
If kid wants a more high speed phone, they would have to make up the delta of the cost difference from that high speed phone and the cheapo phone I would pay for (with allowance, paper route, or something).
If kid wants a better plan with more minutes and whatever again they need to make up the delta
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2011 23:10:52 GMT -5
"At some point you will probably figure out when the parents first give in on the cell phones, it's because the kids are just starting to have more freedom and the parents feel the need to reach them." This is where we are at... He'll get a phone when we up next time... but its more for ME than for him at this point...
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Post by money100 on Mar 22, 2011 13:46:08 GMT -5
@ Malarky: "I'm going to be so impressed when you manage to have kids who are exactly the same age who do exactly the same activities. May they never have a practice that runs late and may you never need to be in three places at two different ends of town at the same time." Well, we hope to have either one child or two, so it wouldn't really be a problem in terms of being at 3 different places at once. It would be two, maximum and since DH and I are two people, it will likely work out. Also, for practice that runs late, like I mentioned, I would be happy to just sit in the car and wait for them. I'm sure I'd still be an avid reader and so I'd likely have a book on hand. "And after 9 years of karate, if I never watch another class, well that's OK. " I can understand this sentiment, but I hope to have my child(ren) do more than one activity. That is, not 9 years of karate but maybe during the winter, karate and during the summer, soccer. I also read on another thread a funny saying: "suck it up, buttercup." I'm also a person that subscribes to this school of thought although I never heard it before I came to this country! Additionally, we're really excited to be parents (I'm sure most people are!) and I hope to be able to show an interest in what our kid(s) are interested in as they're growing up. I manage to do it at company functions and dinner parties so it should be good practice for our own precious children. @ Sheila in Cali: "At my niece's dance class space is limited so the parents are only allowed to stay and watch the first class of every month. Otherwise they have to drop the kids off and sit in their cars and wait until class is over or leave and come back." I didn't know this. But DH and I would be pleased to sit in IF it didn't conflict with work or we were able to. Our goal is not to watch every lesson, so I think this situation would work out for us as well. "I am confused from you post- so only one kid at a time gets to do an activity? What are you going to do say "sorry Billy, it's your brother's turn to play t-ball this summer. you get to play next year?" " I'm not very good at expressing myself so I'd better try again. I meant each child (if we have more than one) would be in only one activity at a time. So if we have two children, in the winter, they would each be in an indoor activity (karate, dance, etc) and in the summer, they would each be in an outdoor activity (soccer, baseball, etc). @ raeoflyte "Money100--why will you only let your kids do extra curricular at a time? I'm not trying to be snarky--just curious." Thanks for the non-snarky comment. It's hard to read tone on a message forum, so I feel like I'm being roasted alive here. My reasons are: - to allow for unstructured free time for our children - to avoid stress from pickups, dropoffs, having enough money to pay for multiple activities - to encourage being "good enough" at different kinds of activities - to allow us to experience other cultures by travelling about 2 times a year. Canada is a wonderfully diverse country and as a black person, I'm disappointed at the lack of black faces I see going to the Rocky Mountains or to Europe. My husband (he's white) and his family and friends have had such wonderful experiences. I would like the same for our kids! "Even in early elementary school I always had 1 team sport, 1 music class (with performances), and girl scouts simultaneously. Plus usually a swimming class. It just got busier as I got older, but those are the things that I remember and loved. I can't imagine cutting any of them out." Thanks for posting about your experience. I'm really grateful to you for making it clear you weren't being snarky and so I have to make it clear that I honestly don't mean you any offense at all. I don't like this idea FOR MY FAMILY. I'm from a really poor country and one of the reasons it continues to lag in progress is because it's so, shall we say, "laid-back." What sucks for a nation worked really well for my siblings and me. It was lovely to lie under a tree and read books or make up silly games to play with neighbours and friends. Being available to see a neighbour's new puppy. Helping my mom make mats from scraps of cloth. Helping my sister and mom cook dinner and sitting for hours talking to older folks about scary stories and courageous tales about my grandpa (he was kind of a big deal). It's hard being from another country because you want to embrace Canada and its values but on certain things, you just really feel like your country of origin had the right perspective. Nothing would thrill me more, raeoflyte, than to completely throw myself into being a stereotypical Canadian because my life would be easier and I'd have fewer arguments with DH but I just really strongly feel that I have to find a way to marry the two experiences I've had because my children would be worth it.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 22, 2011 14:43:50 GMT -5
Money- Thanks for clarifying. I wasn't trying to roast you or offend you, just wanted to share my experiences. I only have the one kid so it's easy for us to schedule his activities and that. But I have 8 nieces and nephews so I get to hear those sides of the coin too.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 22, 2011 15:01:54 GMT -5
Money100--I can see where you are coming from. I still think I had lots of free time. Everything except music was a once or twice a week type of thing, so there were still hours on end left to fill each day.
Just something to consider--when my sister was young, my mom took some class on helping kids set goals and they told them to limit the kids activities to 2 things per year. So when jr. comes home from school wanting to sign up for everything, to have them pick the 2 most important to them and do those. She did this with my sister, and she still regrets it. (Granted my mom feels guilty about everything). But she felt like instead of setting realistic goals, she squashed some dreams and also sent a message that my sister wasn't good enough for certain things.
Really, its just going to come down to the individual child and your family situation. Travelling, depending on how long each trip is could limit some extra-curricular activities, but would provide tons of life lessons and memories. ;D
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Post by money100 on Mar 22, 2011 15:24:14 GMT -5
@ Sheila in Cali: thanks so much. It IS hard to get the tone of someone's post so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but I've sort of been defending my opinions for a while now (IRL I mean, with inlaws and so on). @ Raeoflyte: Your post makes me feel better. My sister has a little boy but she had him pretty young (she was just 17) so after-school stuff is strictly out of the question due to lack of money (mind you, he doesn't seem interested either). But everyone else I know with kids in activities seem to have the same song: so much to do, so much stress, etc. I did wonder if it's one of those things that people you sort of know talk about because it's what acquaintances say (you know, government stinks, weather stinks, work is stressful) without really being truthful. I'm glad you posted about having free time. It was the first on my list of reasons for a reason (LOL) because it's the most important to me. Also, you listed being in the Girl Scouts. We have Girl Guides in Canada and while it wasn't available where I was growing up, I've been lucky enough to learn more about it here. I had totally forgotten about it and now that I think about it, I would LOVE to have our kids involved in Girl Guides or Boy Scouts. Thanks you guys! It's been an education
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 22, 2011 15:54:21 GMT -5
Money- the flip side of the coin is to not have the kids do anything. My niece and nephew are almost 5 and 6. Until I signed the poor 5 year old up for skating lessons he had never done anything but daycare. He wanted to learn how to skate like no one's business but my sister wouldn't sign him up. Not for lack of money because she makes bank or lack of time- she has a strict M-F 8 to 5 job and lessons were on Saturdays. So Auntie signed him and my other 5 year old niece up. Niece is in all sorts of activities. First lesson started, niece went off and started listening to teacher, nephew stood there and cried and wanted to quit after 5 minutes. Mean old Auntie made him tough it out. By the end of the 5 weeks he was thrilled with his progress and that he did it. Now he wants to do t-ball and BIL is already whining that it will take up too much time. This kid is begging to do it and unless I sign him up and pay and bring him again to all of his lessons I doubt they will let him do it.
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Post by money100 on Mar 22, 2011 16:41:22 GMT -5
Sheila, I have noticed that some kids want to quit pretty quickly or after it starts getting tough. I think it's commendable to help out nieces/nephews and to encourage them to stick with their activity. I do wish I was able to do this for my nephew but I'm certain that my sister won't drive him to lessons/classes. Her reasons are money (she's saving for him to be able to go to university; she's a single mom) but also, she doesn't want to distract him from his school work (it IS a bit tough; he recently skipped a grade).
It isn't possible for me to take him because I live in Toronto, Ontario (right above New York) and she lives in BC (on the West Coast, like California). However, I think it's terrific when aunts and uncles (and grandparents) participate in kids' lives. It takes a village!
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 22, 2011 18:10:42 GMT -5
Money- I have to make up for some lost time. I moved to California before he was born and moved back when he was 3 1/2. He turns 5 next month. I take my niece to the bus every day and my sister drives the boys to school. Nephew's daycare is right near DS' jr high. On Friday's we switch and I take the boys. I get to see my other niece (BFF's DD) pretty often too. She just called me and told me she wants me to pick her up from daycare tomorrow so we can go to Noodles for dinner. We do this nearly every wednesday-- to get back to the original post-- she called me on her mom's cell phone since she is only 4. They do have a land line because BFF works from home and needs the fax line. So that's the number we normally call the Little Miss on.
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 22, 2011 18:28:26 GMT -5
Money, I have really enjoyed your posts immensely. I have four kids and they were generally limited to two extracurricular activities per year (but here everything goes from Sept to June so it was two simultaneous activities). I also felt / feel that kids need time to think, read, space out, play, color, be alone. I didn't want my kids "overscheduled" either (obviously that is a relative term.) As they got older sometimes they argued for a third activity, and if they had a valid argument and we could afford it, we let them do it. That's part of growing up, learning to manage your time. I can understand this sentiment, but I hope to have my child(ren) do more than one activity. That is, not 9 years of karate but maybe during the winter, karate and during the summer, soccer.While I totally understand your reasoning, I'd like to just point out that while some kids don't really grab onto any one activity and are happy to try successive activities, other kids get TOTALLY involved with one specific activity. So I think your guidelines are a great starting point, but keep in mind that as your kids get older you may need to change those guidelines along the way.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 22, 2011 19:52:36 GMT -5
The way they schedule kid's activities now you can do one activity and have it last all year too. Softball here for example has a spring season, summer season, and fall season. It's pretty much year round, and that's the rec league not the travel team. Soccer is the same way. I think football and baseball are still normal seasons though, but I don't have boys so I'm not really sure.
More and more kids sports these days are fairly competitive at pretty young ages so year round practice and playing a single sport from toddlerhood to teenage years is somewhat common.
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 22, 2011 20:17:46 GMT -5
Interesting, Dark. I have always been amazed that kids in the US could change activities per season. Here when you sign up for an extracurricular activity, it's for the entire school year, be it sport, or art, or music. We initially signed our kids up for one physical activity and one artistic activity, then it generally morphed into one or the other as they got older.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 22, 2011 20:54:28 GMT -5
Where I'm at in CA there are no sports programs through the school. They were cut for budgetary reasons from elementary and middle schools. The sports programs available are each their own non profit and set their own schedule, which may or may not sync up with the local school schedule, and may or may not overlap on each other's seasons. It also means if there's nobody in the community willing to put in the volunteer time to get a certain sport set up, it's just not available.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 22, 2011 21:11:06 GMT -5
My cousin got a cell phone at 12 and it was a Christmas gift. Her younger sister got one sooner bc the girls were going to different schools, different bus times, etc. My aunt wanted to know when they were on the school bus on the morning and when they got home at night. Both my aunt and uncle leave for work before they got on the bus and they got home after they got off school. Both also travel quite a bit for work. My aunt admits they have cell phones for her convenience not bc they need them. The 12 yr old wanted one forever before she got one. Until mom decided it was time based on scheduling, etc it was sorry about your luck no phone for you. When I was that age no one really had cell phones except for a few people and it was uber expensive. When I started driving, I had a phone. No one really did texting back then (2001) and to me it was just an electronic leash for my stepmom. I got my own phone in late 2003 when I was in college and I've had that number since then. I currently also have a prepaid one with local number for my apt complex gate. I'd love to it. Its always either dead or I don't know where I left it.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 23, 2011 8:38:58 GMT -5
I had totally forgotten about this until wvugirl's post about getting a phone when she started driving. Back in the dark age when I was a teenager my dad had a phone in his truck. Way before cell phones were popular it was a permanent mounted phone. Before I got a phone in my room I would go out and talk on my dad's truck phone for privacy as a teenager. Only lasted a month until the phone bill came. Apparently back then calls on that phone were like $1 a minute or so. So yup- got grounded for that one On the plus side- they put a land line in my room (extension of the house phone) the next month.
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