raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 14, 2011 17:08:15 GMT -5
I wouldn't have a problem with my child having a facebook account either. I use fb to stay in touch with friends. I imagine my kids will too.
Privileges are earned with responsible behavior. They can be taken away for poor behavior, but the goal is that each stepping stone allows a child to learn something and demonstrate that they are now ready for additional responsibility/privileges.
At least in theory. We'll see what I think when we get to these ages. ;D
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Mar 14, 2011 17:10:59 GMT -5
I'll get my kids cellphones the minute they start going to people's houses who don't own phones. Oh wait.... If they want them, they can buy them for themselves and pay for the monthly plan themselves. Since I don't pay them an allowance, that means they won't get a phone til they get a job.
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 14, 2011 17:45:01 GMT -5
All our four kids got a simple cell phone that didn't sing and dance when they started middle school (so either just 11, or almost 11). They did not need one in primary because they were pretty much accompanied wherever they went.
We started giving them more independence when they went to MS. Plus three did not go to the local MS so they took public transport. So MS seemed like the right time, as well as a handy "milestone". Given that two had relatively long commutes in MS, we felt it was a "need" at that point.
The two younger kids wanted one in late primary, we said no, they'd have to wait till MS. And they did.
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jitterbug
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Post by jitterbug on Mar 16, 2011 12:16:21 GMT -5
My son got a cell phone at 16 and what I learned was that I lost a lot of control when he got the cell phone. Girlfriend used to call at 11 p.m. on a school night on the landline and I could say "sorry, too late. Call back tomorrow!". Once he got a celll phone, I saw that she was calling at 3 a.m. and I never knew it because his bedroom was at the other end of the house. Also...he was good about calling me to update me as to his whereabouts - but with his cell phone, I couldn't verify via caller id that he really WAS at the place he said he was. This was 8 years ago and I know that times have changed even since then - but if I had to do it all over again, there would have been no cell phone until he was a legal adult. So giving a 9 year old a cell phone? NO WAY!!!
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 16, 2011 12:35:32 GMT -5
I think a lot of this is really a moving target. Cell phones used to be a special convenience for people to use when they weren't at home or the office to use the regular one. Now most houses near me don't have a land line. totally different story. So if a kid wants to call my kid they have to call my cell phone to talk to them. Who in their right mind wants a bunch of preteens calling their cell all the time? Or worse my kid goes to someones house and they don't have a land line so the number I am given is mom or dad's cell. So if I really have to talk to my kid or pick them up I end up calling a person who isn't even there. Later, Rinse, Repeat a few times and see if you don't get your middle schooler a cell phone too. The schools don't want the kids using the office phone anymore too. So once middle school hit and Dd had to be picked up at different times and a cell is the only way to let me know when that is. The ten bucks is definitely worth it. PS my Dd always gets my hand me down phones.
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Mar 16, 2011 12:54:47 GMT -5
My friend just got her nine-year-old daughter a cell phone for christmas. She turns ten in May. It was mostly because the father had promised her one almost a year ago, and never came through with it, so she was harassing her mom for one ever since. I remember asking her last summer during one of her whines who she was going to call, as she is always with an adult or at school. Her answer 'my cousin,' who is in the same class as her, lives in the same apartment building, and is watched after school by the same woman.
I couldn't believe my friend caved, I told her she needed to grow a backbone. W/e, the girl is just going to lose it in a few months anyway.
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Mar 16, 2011 12:57:06 GMT -5
I actually got the first cell phone of my family, ten years ago. I switched companies with six months left on my contract, and my dad took over the plan. Guess who ran up a $470 bill calling his friends???
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 16, 2011 13:09:32 GMT -5
My son got a cell phone at 16 and what I learned was that I lost a lot of control when he got the cell phone. Girlfriend used to call at 11 p.m. on a school night on the landline and I could say "sorry, too late. Call back tomorrow!". Once he got a celll phone, I saw that she was calling at 3 a.m. and I never knew it because his bedroom was at the other end of the house. Also...he was good about calling me to update me as to his whereabouts - but with his cell phone, I couldn't verify via caller id that he really WAS at the place he said he was. This was 8 years ago and I know that times have changed even since then - but if I had to do it all over again, there would have been no cell phone until he was a legal adult. So giving a 9 year old a cell phone? NO WAY!!! Jitterbug--from what I understand parents can now gps their kids phones and cars, so you can check a nice little map of where the kids went. I'm hoping I don't use that kind of stuff, but will definitely wait it out until we get there. I was an overall good kid, but still didn't spend all of my time the way my parents would have wanted me to. My grades were good, I worked 1-2 jobs, and was active in band and theater so they gave me a pretty loose leash to do my thing. I think I learned a lot of responsibility, from my less responsible activities during youth. ;D
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 16, 2011 14:55:38 GMT -5
My son's middle school strongly discourages students from using the office phone during the day. It is a lifesaver to be able to send him a quick text or receive one from him if the schedule has changed. I agree with 973Beachbum- totally worth $10 a month.
Of his 4 closest friends at school only one has a land line- and they never end up at that kid's house. The others are all like us- cell phones for each family member and no land line.
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 17, 2011 17:13:23 GMT -5
Second time I comment on a kid related thread without actually being a parent. I wish I could find a way not to give future kid a cell until he/she is 18. But as others pointed out, lots of families don't have landlines anymore, everyone just assumes that you have a cell even in an emergency...I'd probably be glad if I can resist until HS. One idea though: I would totally confiscate the cell for the night from a 14-year old. If said person has to be in bed, he/she has no business texting etc. into the small hours. I know this sounds unnecessarily harsh, but I'm generally of the opinion that too little is expected of kids, who are way too much pampered.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Mar 17, 2011 17:50:54 GMT -5
DS didn't get a cell phone til he was 13 and frankly it was because he never wants anything and we were desperate to find a birthday present for him. I never met a person on the planet who wants less.
DD got one when she was 12 because that was when our four family members headed off to four different towns every morning. It used to be that the kids were in the same school and I was 5 miles away. Then DH's job changed, and DS chose to go to high school in a different town. I changed my hours so I wasn't home every day when the kids got home. Communication from a distance became essential.
Initially I was opposed to texting but I have since changed my position. It's a lot easier to read a text than retrieve voicemail. Plus the same children who can't be bothered to call home or answer their phone when it rings can be counted on to text a "staying after" or "at Brian's." Considering that I'm not sure my mother actually knew where I was from my 8th to 12th grade, I'm satisfied.
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pepper112765
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Post by pepper112765 on Mar 18, 2011 9:53:20 GMT -5
My son got a cell phone at 16 and what I learned was that I lost a lot of control when he got the cell phone. Girlfriend used to call at 11 p.m. on a school night on the landline and I could say "sorry, too late. Call back tomorrow!". Once he got a celll phone, I saw that she was calling at 3 a.m. and I never knew it because his bedroom was at the other end of the house. Also...he was good about calling me to update me as to his whereabouts - but with his cell phone, I couldn't verify via caller id that he really WAS at the place he said he was. This was 8 years ago and I know that times have changed even since then - but if I had to do it all over again, there would have been no cell phone until he was a legal adult. So giving a 9 year old a cell phone? NO WAY!!! Most cell phone providers have a service called Family Locator. I have Sprint. Since I work quite a distance from my home, I can set it so that it sends me texts at different times throughout the day as to the location of my son. I used to do it for my oldest daughter, but now she's 18, soon to be 19. But, if I had to find her I could. It is also useful when they lose their phones. My son lost his phone near his school and couldn't find it. The locator was able to locate the phone, as it hadn't moved from where he dropped it. It was finally found when we ALL went to go look for it. As a matter of fact, my youngest daughter found it within the first five minutes.
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pepper112765
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Post by pepper112765 on Mar 18, 2011 9:58:15 GMT -5
My youngest daughter who will be 9 in May wants a cell phone but knows that she cannot get one until she is in middle school. Right now it is not necessary for her to have one. Mine also know that the phone is a privilege and not a right and I will not hesitate to cut off their service if grades suffer or anything like that.
Although cell phones are not necessarily a need; times are indeed different, where kids are being abducted and whatnot, a parent just wants to be able to have ready contact. And if a child needs to call finding a payphone is damn near impossible.
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on Mar 18, 2011 11:49:51 GMT -5
I didn't get a cell phone until christmas halfway between my 16th and 17th birthdays. At 17, the bill was mine to pay.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 18, 2011 13:07:37 GMT -5
Although cell phones are not necessarily a need; times are indeed different, where kids are being abducted and whatnot Child abductions are less common than they were 20, 30, and 40 years ago. We just have more news coverage when it happens.
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 18, 2011 17:23:09 GMT -5
Exactly. Everyone's always citing child abduction as a pro for cells, but you'd stand stranded on the motorway sooner with a puncture (in which case having a cell is really useful).
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 18, 2011 17:33:28 GMT -5
Loop and Dark I totally understand your position. I am very curious as to whether or not you will keep it as your DDs grow up though LOL. At some point you will probably figure out when the parents first give in on the cell phones, it's because the kids are just starting to have more freedom and the parents feel the need to reach them. In my case it was because of the public transport. Considering that I'm not sure my mother actually knew where I was from my 8th to 12th grade, I'm satisfied.I'm definitely with Malarky on this one LOL. For me it was 10th to 12th grades. I sometimes feel sorry for my kids, knowing that the counterpart to paying for their cell phones (or half) means I expect to be able to reach them 24/7. Obviously I'm talking about much older kids here, HS kids. That was my only rule with them per the cell phones. If I'm paying (all of it in MS, half of it in HS) it's so I can get in touch with you. If I can't reach you when I need to, then I'm not paying. You're probably betting that your kids will be different. But they probably won't LOL. And my kids ARE good kids too. But some degree of freedom is part of growing up. As an (older) mom once told me, kids need freedom as they get older. So either you give it to them, or they will just take it. Wise words IMO.
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azphx1972
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Post by azphx1972 on Mar 18, 2011 17:37:30 GMT -5
Hmm, life was so much simpler when I was a kid. No cell phones, but boy did we get a smackdown if we weren't home right after school and working on our newspaper routes! Ah, good times. Too bad most children are missing out on those experiences today.
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Post by money100 on Mar 19, 2011 21:38:40 GMT -5
Ok, I think cael is my long-lost twin. ;D I'm not a parent so my view on this may change when I become one but I really doubt it since it has a lot to do with my values. I would let my kids get a cellphone when they're old enough to legally sign the contract AND pay for the monthly bills. I have some differences in how my kids will be raised compared to y'all though. For example, my kids will only be in one after-school activity at a time, so I doubt that the necessity to call for different pick-up times would exist. Also, these things have approximate times (like soccer practice ends at 5) so I would arrive for 5 and just wait if it ends later. DH and I are interested in "hanging out" at the ballet lesson or whatever and see how our kid does, so we would try (if it doesn't conflict with work) to be there for the class. The other thing is related to another poster's bad experience with a train. A friend of mine lives in the suburbs and she commutes to Toronto for work. One day, her train was delayed getting home by quite a few hours and of course, that night she had plans. She doesn't have a cell phone at all so she just borrowed another passenger's phone and called her friend. Easy peasy! It was the only time of her life that she ever NEEDED one, she said. Also, Snerdley, there are still payphones (here at least!). I'm always so surprised to see them ;D But it now costs TWO quarters to make a call
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Post by maxie on Mar 20, 2011 6:54:45 GMT -5
I think if a kid is doing things on their own or with friends, they should have one. Quarters are nice, but the last payphone I passed was actually removed and someone had drawn a dinosaur with the words "Never Forget" above it. There are not enough payphones for them to be reliable for a tween.
Some people rely on their friends having one and letting them use it in an emergency, but as another mom put it, what if the friend is the problem?
My son got a phone when he started biking places on his own. Now he's got and ipod touch (which he bought with his own money) and he uses that much more often for texting.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 20, 2011 8:37:20 GMT -5
Most of the people I know whose children (elementary school age) have a cell are people whose friend's children have cells. 8 year old Janie Sue gets one and everybody else jumps on the bandwagon.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 20, 2011 10:12:04 GMT -5
I don't have a kid, so my experience is very limited.
That said, I think it depends on the kid and the family situation with them. To me, there needs to be a compelling need for the kid to have a cell phone. "So I can talk to my friends" isn't good enough, it has to be some safety issue or they are busy with activities. You also need to have some level of reassurance the kid can handle a cell phone.
I'm not fond of the idea of "giving" a cell phone to a child. Unless they need it I'm all for waiting until they can get a job and pay for it themselves. I realize times have changed, when I was in high school cell phones were just starting to get big, but I still don't support the idea of just giving someone a cell phone.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 20, 2011 10:23:22 GMT -5
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 20, 2011 16:17:38 GMT -5
At some point you will probably figure out when the parents first give in on the cell phones, it's because the kids are just starting to have more freedom and the parents feel the need to reach them. I don't disagree at all, it's just that our 10 year old doesn't really have much freedom. When she's at a friends house playing we know where she is, we have the parents number, etc. She's limited to walking/scooter distance. She's not driving to the coast to hang out at the beach and whatnot, you know? When she's old enough for that kind of thing, I have no problem with her having a cell phone. When I see an 8-10 year old with one though, I always wonder who they're really calling. My daughter actually asked for a phone over the weekend. My answer was, "Who would you call with it?" Her, "I don't know, I just want one." Yeah, sorry kid. Not happening.
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 20, 2011 16:26:22 GMT -5
She's not driving to the coast to hang out at the beach and whatnot, you know?
LOL. It was the same for us in primary, we had the same walking / scooter rule, and we knew all their friends and had the parents' numbers. That changed in MS so that was the right time for us. But everybody needs to decide what works for them.
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 20, 2011 16:44:55 GMT -5
"My daughter actually asked for a phone over the weekend. My answer was, "Who would you call with it?" Her, "I don't know, I just want one." Cheers for DD's honest reply.
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schildi
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Post by schildi on Mar 20, 2011 17:02:58 GMT -5
I don't know, but we have an 8 yo, and he is nowhere even near getting a cell phone. There is no need for it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2011 17:48:39 GMT -5
I think when a kid is old enough to use their phone responsibly and able to "pay" for it. The lack of pay phones is a valid point, so it may not be safe to wait for the kid to get an actual job to pay for it - but they should recognize that Justin Bieber ring tone they just HAD TO HAVE is coming out of their allowance.
I would also want my kids to be old enough that they know how to spell "Hello. How are you? What is up?" etc. in their entirety before they are allowed to text their abridged equivalents.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 21, 2011 12:28:42 GMT -5
I haven't seen a payphone around in ages, then again, seemingly everybody over the age of 12 has a cell phone on them at all times, so I have to imagine it wouldn't be that hard for my daughters to bum a phone and make a local call if they really needed too. I'm pretty sure businesses still have land lines, so you can ask to use that as well. I don't think the decline of payphones has made it any harder for a kid in public to call their parents if they needed too.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Mar 21, 2011 12:54:34 GMT -5
I'm not a parent so my view on this may change when I become one but I really doubt it since it has a lot to do with my values. I would let my kids get a cellphone when they're old enough to legally sign the contract AND pay for the monthly bills. I have some differences in how my kids will be raised compared to y'all though. For example, my kids will only be in one after-school activity at a time, so I doubt that the necessity to call for different pick-up times would exist. Also, these things have approximate times (like soccer practice ends at 5) so I would arrive for 5 and just wait if it ends later. DH and I are interested in "hanging out" at the ballet lesson or whatever and see how our kid does, so we would try (if it doesn't conflict with work) to be there for the class. money100, I'm going to be so impressed when you manage to have kids who are exactly the same age who do exactly the same activities. May they never have a practice that runs late and may you never need to be in three places at two different ends of town at the same time. And after 9 years of karate, if I never watch another class, well that's OK.
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