Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Oct 12, 2015 0:38:16 GMT -5
www.yahoo.com/news/semester-abroad-offers-couple-chance-grow-050906832.htmlDEAR ABBY: I am 50, own my home and am debt-free. I have friends but have never dated anyone. This doesn't bother me, although many of my close friends joke with me about being a "50-year-old virgin."
My problem is, four years ago I lost my job. I have a few investments and a small inheritance that, when combined, give me an income of $60,000 a year. So I don't need more money.
Although I did look for another job for two years, I haven't tried for the past two. I tell my friends I've decided to retire. They keep telling me I need to find a job because I need something to keep me busy. I remind them that I have enough money for everything I need.
Friends have started telling me I may have a "problem" and should think about counseling. I see no need for it, but have decided to get an outside opinion. So, Abby, should I see a counselor about my lack of interest in finding a new job? -- OUT OF WORK IN TEXAS
DEAR OUT OF WORK: There are reasons people work besides the financial one. Social stimulation is important, too. I am glad you have the money to support yourself now, but what if something unplanned or catastrophic happens in the future that jeopardizes your nest egg?
Fifty is young to "retire." The counseling you're considering should be used to determine why you lack the motivation to continue being a contributing member of society. (This may be the "problem" your friends are hinting at.)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 0:41:48 GMT -5
She needs to tell people to mind their own business. And, stop explaining herself to them. She doesn't need to explain or justify her choices to anyone but herself. It's her life and her money. If she wants to retire, then retire. And, just tell people, I am retired. If they start yapping about a job or suggest counseling, just say No Thanks and go about your life.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Oct 12, 2015 0:58:07 GMT -5
Most people would love to have the ability to retire at 50. Being a "contributing member of society" has little to do with being employed. If she wants to contribute to society, there's plenty of volunteer opportunities. And maybe at one of them she'll find a more supportive group of friends. And if she doesn't want to "contribute" to society, at least she has the means to support herself and not be a drain on society.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 12, 2015 1:27:59 GMT -5
Isn't ~50% of YM planning on retiring young? I'm not sure that this person didn't just roll into retirement without much forethought, but since s/he can afford it and seems to like it why not? A paying job is not the only way to have social interactions whether the friends believe so or not. Then again, it is quite possible that these friends see something, wrt social withdrawal, that the letterwriter is not presenting. So who knows whether they are legitimately worried or just "nosy buttinskies"
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 5:53:49 GMT -5
Maybe she doesn't want social interaction. She's 50, she isn't 12. I think she is old enough to manage her own social life!
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Oct 12, 2015 6:42:56 GMT -5
If I had enough in investments to give me 60k a year at age 50, I am sure as hell retiring. And if I do nothing but sit on my ass, that is my prerogative.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Oct 12, 2015 7:13:52 GMT -5
Why do you think it is a she not a he? Is it because a man is less likely to need another person's opinion? People quit working when they don't want to work anymore and can afford to quit. I know a woman who at 52 quit her job because she was afraid they were going to change the pension and it wouldn't change for those already retired. She worked a little part time at 58 and some at 60 only because people who knew her asked her to. She has never looked for another job. She contributed to society, a few years volunteer at a food bank then after she got a grandson watched him some. She would see him off to school while her daughter and SIL worked. She also worked a few years part time for my brother when he had a home based business, she is his sister in law so I have known her since she was a teen, I was one of those asking her to come work part time when she was 58.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 7:18:59 GMT -5
I like how no one is focusing on the "50 and never dated anyone" part. IMO that is the weirdest part of the post!
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Oct 12, 2015 7:26:41 GMT -5
I like how no one is focusing on the "50 and never dated anyone" part. IMO that is the weirdest part of the post! See I don't think that is weird. I have a couple friends in that position. I don't date anymore because I find it challenging to meet people and the people I do meet don't do much for me (although I'd be open to it if a great guy that I liked fell into my lap). I don't think someone not dating makes them less than, even if I do think that society tends to view people in that position that way. As for the person in the column, good for them. If they have the ability to retire why shouldn't they? And I dislike that the advice wasn't asking the person if they had hobbies or how they were spending their time. Because this person could be traveling, volunteering, or have hobbies that suck up a bunch of time. |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 7:27:28 GMT -5
No, nothing wrong with not currently dating. But I think NEVER HAVING DATED is weird.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 12, 2015 7:57:40 GMT -5
I think it was good advice.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 12, 2015 8:07:35 GMT -5
I like how no one is focusing on the "50 and never dated anyone" part. IMO that is the weirdest part of the post! This struck me as well. Dating doesn't automatically equal sociable, but maybe the friends are worried that without a job the letter writer is lacking social interaction and they have noticed a change? Having enough money to be able to say fuck it at 50 is great, but the LW seems like a hermit, because they chose to highlight the "50 and never dated" thing. |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 8:09:03 GMT -5
Maybe she wants to be a hermit? It's HER life. So what?
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Oct 12, 2015 8:09:56 GMT -5
It sounds like the writer needs new, less judgmental friends.
S/he is self-supporting, in command of his/her faculties, happy with his/her choice, not bothering anybody or asking anyone for help/money/whatever. The friends should just butt out and mind their own business if they can't be happy that s/he is content.
Whether s/he has or will have romantic relationships is irrelevant and no one's business.
The writer needs to stop worrying about what other people think and just get on with his/her life the way s/he wants it to be. |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 8:10:57 GMT -5
Well then why bother having advice columns or therapists? If someone wants to commit suicide or something, then just let them. I mean it's their life and all.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 12, 2015 8:11:24 GMT -5
Maybe she wants to be a hermit? It's HER life. So what? She was the one that wrote the letter to some blowhard. She was obviously concerned enough about it to do that. If she really was happy about it or didn't care, she would have been happy about it and not cared. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 12, 2015 8:12:51 GMT -5
Maybe the friends have noticed a personality change and that's why they are encouraging counseling.
People who are resistant to counseling usually don't really get why they are being told to go to counseling.
Or maybe her friends are just judgmental nosebags. |
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Oct 12, 2015 8:15:01 GMT -5
I like how no one is focusing on the "50 and never dated anyone" part. IMO that is the weirdest part of the post! This struck me as well. Dating doesn't automatically equal sociable, but maybe the friends are worried that without a job the letter writer is lacking social interaction and they have noticed a change? Having enough money to be able to say fuck it at 50 is great, but the LW seems like a hermit, because they chose to highlight the "50 and never dated" thing.
So? People are allowed to choose how they want to live. Maybe the writer is just sick of his/her pushy friends.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 8:16:09 GMT -5
While I wish I was more fiscally savvy, I'm glad that I'm nothing like some of you on here.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 8:16:59 GMT -5
This struck me as well. Dating doesn't automatically equal sociable, but maybe the friends are worried that without a job the letter writer is lacking social interaction and they have noticed a change? Having enough money to be able to say fuck it at 50 is great, but the LW seems like a hermit, because they chose to highlight the "50 and never dated" thing.
So? People are allowed to choose how they want to live. Maybe the writer is just sick of his/her pushy friends.
They can choose to live how they want, and I can choose to think they're weird. |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 8:18:11 GMT -5
Well then why bother having advice columns or therapists? If someone wants to commit suicide or something, then just let them. I mean it's their life and all. Wow. Melodrama much? Yeah, becasue retiring and not having your friends approve of exactly the way you do it is just like committing suicide.  |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 8:19:27 GMT -5
While I wish I was more fiscally savvy, I'm glad that I'm nothing like some of you on here. Oh, but of course!  |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 8:19:55 GMT -5
Maybe she wants to be a hermit? It's HER life. So what? She was the one that wrote the letter to some blowhard. She was obviously concerned enough about it to do that. If she really was happy about it or didn't care, she would have been happy about it and not cared. Nah. Most people just want confirmation that they are right. lol  |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Oct 12, 2015 8:21:18 GMT -5
Well then why bother having advice columns or therapists? If someone wants to commit suicide or something, then just let them. I mean it's their life and all. Wow. Melodrama much? Yeah, becasue retiring and not having your friends approve of exactly the way you do it is just like committing suicide. You're basically saying that no one should give two shits about anything that anyone does, including loves ones. So while yes that is a leap, I don't think it's an impossible one. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 12, 2015 8:21:34 GMT -5
I read into it that the friends are the kind that think you should be experiencing things with them. (not to start a tangent topic...) like the ones who bitch about how broke they are, how they don't get to do what they want, and that their life is so hard... then in the next breath say "You need to have kids it's so rewarding. What's wrong with you, why don't you want kids" Or the writer forgot to mention in her letter she now owns 42 cats and will be featured on next week's hoarders episode.
Bingo.
That's why the friends are recommending counseling, but the writer chose to focus on something else.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 12, 2015 8:21:42 GMT -5
She was the one that wrote the letter to some blowhard. She was obviously concerned enough about it to do that. If she really was happy about it or didn't care, she would have been happy about it and not cared. Nah. Most people just want confirmation that they are right. lol You are absolutely correct. |
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 12, 2015 8:23:49 GMT -5
Wow. Melodrama much? Yeah, becasue retiring and not having your friends approve of exactly the way you do it is just like committing suicide. You're basically saying that no one should give two shits about anything that anyone does, including loves ones. So while yes that is a leap, I don't think it's an impossible one. Oh ok, lol!!!!  |
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Oct 12, 2015 8:25:18 GMT -5
I think it's a leap to assume the writer is a woman, and in this age of more acknowledgement of what's acceptable sexually - what if the person is asexual? Their "love life" or lack of one isn't really anyone's business.
I, too, wonder if the writer's friends have noticed some changes that would have caused them to suggest 'getting counseling' or the generic "getting a job" or doing something outside of one's home.
I don't really see anything wrong with being retired at 50 with a 60K income. I would hope this person is doing more during their day than watching TV for 12 hours straight - OR - just making daily 'shopping' runs to get out of the house. I would hope they are pursueing hobbies or going out and doing things they are interested in.
I, too, wonder if the writer's friends have noticed some changes that would have caused them to suggest 'getting counseling' or the generic "getting a job" or doing something outside of one's home. What if the writer has become more 'socially isolated' or has stopped inviting people over to their house?
The flip side of "their friends are pushy bastards who should mind their own business" would be "how could their friends have left them to live in a hoarders "hell" with stuff piled up to the ceiling and no usable bathroom/kitchen and a dead relative buried in the mess" - or - "how could their friends have let them live with 80 cats in 800sq foot house!" Didn't anyone SAY anything?
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Oct 12, 2015 8:28:56 GMT -5
This struck me as well. Dating doesn't automatically equal sociable, but maybe the friends are worried that without a job the letter writer is lacking social interaction and they have noticed a change? Having enough money to be able to say fuck it at 50 is great, but the LW seems like a hermit, because they chose to highlight the "50 and never dated" thing.
So? People are allowed to choose how they want to live. Maybe the writer is just sick of his/her pushy friends.
I would hope that if I lost my job and decided to stop looking for work after years of no luck that my friends would be concerned about my well-being, especially if I exhibited a change in personality or behavior like some people here are saying could be the reason for the counseling suggestions. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 12, 2015 8:33:05 GMT -5
Eh... I also think that can't abide by 'different' so they get squirrelly when presented with someone outside their norm. I agree, there are a lot of people like that, but if they've been friends for years, maybe they're seeing an issue that needs to be addresses?  |
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