AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Sept 27, 2015 23:23:48 GMT -5
Well there's also divorce which is what I did when my slacker first husband refused to get his stuff together.
I would think any woman who had a strong career and was feeling resentful would know she has that option.
Yes but it'll cost you. One of my friends was actually told she'd lose custody and have to pay cs and alimony. Funny. Back when I was a house husband for about 10 minutes, we had a blowout where the "D" word came up, and I said, "Go ahead. I can't think of a better time than right now to get divorced." She started speculating about all the things that might have meant. I finally explained to her she had the full time W-2 job and I was trying to get a business off the ground, but that it would be nothing to make that "full time stay at home dad" on paper. Our fights have never been physical, but she came very close to throwing something at me after I said that.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 28, 2015 8:27:35 GMT -5
Let's see............. I make WAAAAAAY more than my SDH. And my income should continue to grow and his will stay the same or decline due to health issues. I LOVE what I do and am invigorated by it daily. He enjoys his job but is tired and sore a lot. We have 4 kids. And a small house with one bathroom. DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I made my choices with my eyes wide open and I wouldn't change them for anything. My kids feel loved and needed. The house is (sort of) clean and everyone is fed. I stayed home once for a few years. Couldn't wait to go to college and change my direction. I now mentor women entering the workplace from college or trade school. Its amazing what crap we still have to put up with. How anyone can think a woman would/should work at a job and then shoulder more than 50% of running the house is beyond me. Well, honestly........... its not beyond me. I spent 10 years fighting that fight and it almost cost him our marriage. It changed when he realized that it was a bridge I was willing to cross because 'dude, if you won't help, what good are you? 'Cause I'm too damn tired for toe curling sex! I'm here because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be.' Yes indeed! I am by myself now. But that would be law in my house. You must work inside and out and if you problem with that then, there is no us.Amen to that...I don't have it in me to support an able-bodied person. I don't like working but I work to support myself and children and to prepare for the future. If a man isn't helping with that then I have no use for him.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 28, 2015 8:29:21 GMT -5
Yes but it'll cost you. One of my friends was actually told she'd lose custody and have to pay cs and alimony. Funny. Back when I was a house husband for about 10 minutes, we had a blowout where the "D" word came up, and I said, "Go ahead. I can't think of a better time than right now to get divorced." She started speculating about all the things that might have meant. I finally explained to her she had the full time W-2 job and I was trying to get a business off the ground, but that it would be nothing to make that "full time stay at home dad" on paper. Our fights have never been physical, but she came very close to throwing something at me after I said that. I'm surprised at this...you come across as conservative and fairly old-fashioned (the wife can't be alone with the opposite sex). I can't reconcile that with a man who would allow a woman to support him.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 28, 2015 9:09:43 GMT -5
You should have been around the boards from the beginning of Paul. His wife worked and I think carried the insurance, he was a dreamer. Guess he finally got some businesses off the ground. Each to their own...but this type of set-up would not work for me.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Sept 28, 2015 19:07:20 GMT -5
Let's see............. I make WAAAAAAY more than my SDH. And my income should continue to grow and his will stay the same or decline due to health issues. I LOVE what I do and am invigorated by it daily. He enjoys his job but is tired and sore a lot. We have 4 kids. And a small house with one bathroom. DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I made my choices with my eyes wide open and I wouldn't change them for anything. My kids feel loved and needed. The house is (sort of) clean and everyone is fed. I stayed home once for a few years. Couldn't wait to go to college and change my direction. I now mentor women entering the workplace from college or trade school. Its amazing what crap we still have to put up with. How anyone can think a woman would/should work at a job and then shoulder more than 50% of running the house is beyond me. Well, honestly........... its not beyond me. I spent 10 years fighting that fight and it almost cost him our marriage. It changed when he realized that it was a bridge I was willing to cross because 'dude, if you won't help, what good are you? 'Cause I'm too damn tired for toe curling sex! I'm here because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be.' Do you find that many of them are dealing with unequal expectations at home with housework and childcare? Very much so! But a lot of it is related to social norms. Dads get teased for taking kids to the dr, a supervisor wanted to promote a woman but 'the hours aren't good for family life' was his explanation to me so he wasn't going to offer her the job. I told him the decision to take the job was up to her and that, as a supervisor, he had no idea what would work for her family nor was it his problem. I also heard a supervisor (different one) getting angry with one of our men who no longer is willing to work overtime as his wife is sick and he's needed at home.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 29, 2015 7:30:04 GMT -5
Do you find that many of them are dealing with unequal expectations at home with housework and childcare? Very much so! But a lot of it is related to social norms. Dads get teased for taking kids to the dr, a supervisor wanted to promote a woman but 'the hours aren't good for family life' was his explanation to me so he wasn't going to offer her the job. I told him the decision to take the job was up to her and that, as a supervisor, he had no idea what would work for her family nor was it his problem. I also heard a supervisor (different one) getting angry with one of our men who no longer is willing to work overtime as his wife is sick and he's needed at home. Caring for a sick spouse must be extremely difficult. On the other hand, if work has to go out the door I can't have people working for me that refuse to put in the extra time. I'm assuming that the wife in the post had some serious medical condition. While I would want to be understanding, I am also faced with extremely tight deadlines that need everyone to work to get reports out the door on time. Missing a deadline is not an option where I work. So I would have an issue with an employee who couldn't work overtime regardless of whether it was a man or woman. Before I hire anyone I tell them about our deadlines, that we don't miss them and that we all need to work to ensure they go out the door.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Oct 6, 2015 23:43:13 GMT -5
Let's see............. I make WAAAAAAY more than my SDH. And my income should continue to grow and his will stay the same or decline due to health issues. I LOVE what I do and am invigorated by it daily. He enjoys his job but is tired and sore a lot. We have 4 kids. And a small house with one bathroom. DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I made my choices with my eyes wide open and I wouldn't change them for anything. My kids feel loved and needed. The house is (sort of) clean and everyone is fed. I stayed home once for a few years. Couldn't wait to go to college and change my direction. I now mentor women entering the workplace from college or trade school. Its amazing what crap we still have to put up with. How anyone can think a woman would/should work at a job and then shoulder more than 50% of running the house is beyond me. Well, honestly........... its not beyond me. I spent 10 years fighting that fight and it almost cost him our marriage. It changed when he realized that it was a bridge I was willing to cross because 'dude, if you won't help, what good are you? 'Cause I'm too damn tired for toe curling sex! I'm here because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be.' Do you find that many of them are dealing with unequal expectations at home with housework and childcare? I don't think it is as much social norms as the fact that women let men get away with this. It is as common as dirt for women who have no intention of becoming a SAHM to date, marry and procreate with a guy who refuses to cook and clean. I can't for the life of me figure out why women do this. As long as that is the case. men will continue to sit back and let women do all the housework. Men don't all buy flowers and chocolate in the middle of February because of some biological need. They do this because they want to get laid. If men knew that living in filth and not knowing how to put together a few healthy meals on a budget would make a large percentage of the female population reject them, they'd figure out really quick how to cook and clean. Housework isn't rocket science, after all. On the flip side, women need to realise that having a set of ovaries doesn't give them the right to unilaterally decide how the house is set up,how often stuff gets done and to what standards. Two people will invariably have different styles and standards, and they need to meet in the middle.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 7, 2015 5:57:20 GMT -5
Lots of men are no longer men but infantilized adolescents who find no shame in sitting on their cans playing video games and having women wipe their arses. It's sad really.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 7, 2015 6:02:04 GMT -5
Personally, I am Old School. There are times a man may need to be home. Maybe between jobs or finishing up a degree, etc. But, for the long haul, I can't imagine a man who doesn't want to work. Sorry. And, personally I would not find a man like that very appealing and certainly wouldn't want to support him. However, that is different than a spouse who cannot work due to disability or you downsized and you can't or don't want to move because the kids are in school or whatever. There are instances that happens. And, that is fine. But, I think you know what I mean. We have all seen women supporting men who are simply lazy. And, I see far more women supporting lazy men than I do in the reverse nowadays. Doesn't mean there aren't lazy women because there certainly is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2015 6:31:34 GMT -5
I'd love to have the SAH vs. 'working' debate yet again... But frankly, I'm too freaking busy...
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techguy
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Post by techguy on Oct 7, 2015 11:28:59 GMT -5
I don't think it is as much social norms as the fact that women let men get away with this. what exactly do you think a social norm is? I'm not formerroomate99, but I think the social norm is for Men to be able to work and provide / support their family and not stay at home with the kids while the Mom is out working. Of course, there are always exceptions and special circumstances (i.e. disability), but here are the 4 main choices for a family: 1) Dad works and Mom works (if Mom and/or Dad works part time, it would be in this category too) 2) Dad works and Mom stays home 3) Mom works and Dad stays home 4) Both Dad and Mom don't have to work The best choice is #4, but unless they are financially independent, many people cannot choose #4. The main reason why couples chose #3 is probably because the Mom makes more than the Dad so it would makes sense for the Dad to stay home. It's just too bad that these women couldn't find a mate that have more earning potential. And many women in this #3 category feel insulted because people are basically judging them for not having better husbands.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 7, 2015 11:33:27 GMT -5
No, I think people are insulted by these types of statements because they equate the size of one's paycheck with their worth as a spouse.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 7, 2015 13:05:30 GMT -5
Funny. Back when I was a house husband for about 10 minutes, we had a blowout where the "D" word came up, and I said, "Go ahead. I can't think of a better time than right now to get divorced." She started speculating about all the things that might have meant. I finally explained to her she had the full time W-2 job and I was trying to get a business off the ground, but that it would be nothing to make that "full time stay at home dad" on paper. Our fights have never been physical, but she came very close to throwing something at me after I said that. I'm surprised at this...you come across as conservative and fairly old-fashioned (the wife can't be alone with the opposite sex). I can't reconcile that with a man who would allow a woman to support him. It's not about him being supported, it's about throwing his weight around and getting his wife to do what he wants.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 7, 2015 13:08:34 GMT -5
No, I think people are insulted by these types of statements because they equate the size of one's paycheck with their worth as a spouse. Amen.
My brother was a SAHD for a few years. They had 3 kids under 5, and it just wasn't working with his schedule in retail. His wife made more money as a nurse, so he quit. He's now back to work in a more family friendly job.
It works for them.
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