bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Aug 26, 2015 3:01:34 GMT -5
Yesterday I spent the night at a friend's place. She'd been begging me to come, and I needed to see a former co-worker who was in her area from Japan.
My friend's house is always messy so as a rule DH and I won't eat there. We went to dinner, and the first thing they did was put their 1 year old on top of the table. I've never seen anyone do that. I mean he walks so his shoes are dirty and we had a high chair, but they put him in the middle of the table. First they let him tear up a menu, then when drinks came he pulled at the tray and nearly knocked it out of the servers hand. He chewed up 3 coasters and spit the paper all over the table which his dad wiped off the table and onto the floor. Then when the appetizer came they let him eat directly from the chip bowl. Oh course he's doing normal baby behavior putting half eaten stuff back, crunch up all the chips, throwing them on the ground. I got one chip before this happened, and I am sorry to say but yes I think it is rude for a parent to let their kid do that if you have other people eating with you from a communal dish. Then after the chips were gone, they put the basket on his head like a hat. And my friend took pictures while he screamed. They ask for more chips because of course half were on the ground, and they proceed to let him do the same thing with the second bowl. When the food came they served him directly on the table. Refried beans and rice. He threw some on the floor, the rest was ground around into the table. I asked them if he was able to eat from a plate, and they said they are slowly training him to do that and right now working on him throwing less food. But I did not see where they were trying to "train" him. They continually let him have more than he could eat so that they played with what he had, and they did try to distract him, stop him, or say no when he threw food. Then they insisted that they always clean up after him so I thought well, okay, babies are messy but at least if they clean up after him. After the baby ate and got antsy they put him on the floor and let him crawl around. He was getting under people's tables, pulling on stuff, and was in the way of servers. Then when we left neither his mom or dad wiped up the mess on the table or cleaned up the food he threw. I will never go out to eat with them again. I know babies are a lot of work, and I am forgiving of people in public because I get you can't always control everything. But I was really embarrassed with the way my friends acted.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 26, 2015 5:35:45 GMT -5
Is this their first child? Some parents are positively overwhelmed by a baby and dont' really know what to do. Not excusing this at all. But, in their minds they may have thought that just letting the baby have whatever he wants would keep quiet. Of course, we all know that that approach does nothing except create an entitled citizen, lol. Or, maybe they feel that that junior is such a special snowflake that everyone should just bow down before him. Who knows? Sometimes you think you know your friends but now you see a whole new side of them. But, it is still pretty early in the parenting game. Maybe they will wise up in time. I know we have all made a lot of parenting mistakes.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 26, 2015 6:39:46 GMT -5
I would never go out to eat with them again either. And if their house is so gross that you won't eat there, I would stay at a hotel next time. When asked why you don't want to go out anymore, I'd say that the last time was embarrassing and disgusting and you'd rather not go out in public with them until they have taught their kid how to behave in public.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 26, 2015 7:24:36 GMT -5
We went out to dinner a few nights ago with a friend. Six kids 7 and under, 3 adults. Holy shit, you should have seen it. The babies crying, the other kids acting crazy. Friggen Armageddon.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Aug 26, 2015 7:25:36 GMT -5
I'll say that I have a 1-year-old and when I started reading this thread, I wrongly assumed it was just going to be normal baby stuff that you can't control and being a non-parent, you just didn't know that. But wow, your friends are terrible! They let the baby crawl all over the restaurant and bother other people?! Seriously?! That is super rude (and yucky!). My kid does throw food on the floor - we have dogs so it is fun to throw them food - she just doesn't realize out at restaurants or other people's houses that there are no dogs! I do pick it up though.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2015 7:33:57 GMT -5
I rarely took my kids to restaurants when they were really little. There were a few times that were unavoidable and I suffered through doing my best to not bother other people, but it was almost never a pleasant experience.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 26, 2015 7:44:57 GMT -5
This is not your friends having lack of parenting skills. This is your friends being rude and ignorant slobs in general.
On a side note - I don't get people's desire to bring toddlers into restaurants. Even if it's family friendly restaurants.
Yes, I know, no one wants to be imprisoned in their homes just bc they popped a kid or two, but unless a child sits through a meal like an adult - holy crap that is just way too much work!
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Aug 26, 2015 7:46:43 GMT -5
I'll say that I have a 1-year-old and when I started reading this thread, I wrongly assumed it was just going to be normal baby stuff that you can't control and being a non-parent, you just didn't know that. But wow, your friends are terrible! They let the baby crawl all over the restaurant and bother other people?! Seriously?! That is super rude (and yucky!). All of this, except my son is 3. We've taken him out to eat regularly more or less since birth, and neither he nor we act like that. Has he thrown food, of course, but we clean it up, and take food away to prevent it from happening again. And gross on letting a baby crawl around a restaurant, not to mention dangerous with everyone walking around and not knowing the kiddo was there. I'm with you - I wouldn't eat out with them again, unless it's adults only.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Aug 26, 2015 7:52:38 GMT -5
Your friends are rude and inconsiderate. DS1 has always eaten from a plate and as soon as he could hold them properly, he has used utensils. He is fully expected to maintain decorum and appropriate behavior in a restaurant. He is 4 now and knows how to respectfully order drinks and his meal, place a napkin in his lap, use an appetizer plate, etc. Kids emulate what they see on a regular basis. I am guessing your friends are not demonstrating the desired behavior themselves.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Aug 26, 2015 7:57:50 GMT -5
On a side note - I don't get people's desire to bring toddlers into restaurants. Even if it's family friendly restaurants. Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Aug 26, 2015 8:03:09 GMT -5
On a side note - I don't get people's desire to bring toddlers into restaurants. Even if it's family friendly restaurants. Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. You don't have to go to a restaurant for that. I expect my kids to eat off a plate and not throw food at home. Also to be conscious of where their milk is because I don't want it spilled all over the floor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2015 8:03:29 GMT -5
On a side note - I don't get people's desire to bring toddlers into restaurants. Even if it's family friendly restaurants. Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. I don't know. I think they age into knowing not to scream, throw food and crawl under peoples tables without actually going to a restaurant.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Aug 26, 2015 8:07:31 GMT -5
DH gave me grief about staying with them too. He wouldn't have, and after this last time I won't either.
The one thing I will say is that they finally started using the word no. Up until he was 8 or 9 months they weren't. I don't know what changed. If it was just exhaustion or what. But he was biting them pretty hard for a while, and she didn't know how to handle it and didn't like that everyone told her to say no to him. She thought it would damage him emotionally.
I think their biggest problem is that they don't change his diaper enough, and they won't let him stay asleep those rare times he goes to sleep. They complain to everyone that will listen that he only sleeps a few hours at a time, but I saw him asleep several times and they picked him up and woke him up each and every time for no reason. And they hardly ever change his diaper. The morning I left they brought him downstairs and he was dressed really cute. They put him in a bouncer and within a few minutes he was pooping. So they complain about having to change him and about 45 minutes go by and he's howling most of the time, and from about 20 feet away I look at him and realise why. I have to say "hey, his shirt is wet from the diaper to halfway up his back. You need to change him now." He had a huge diarrhea blowout that he sat in all that time. And all my friend did was complain that her husband put on a set of clothes she didn't like. I think in the day I was with them they only changed his diaper 3 times, and twice was because I said something to them. And what I don't get is how they don't understand that their kid isn't sleeping because his diaper is never clean. I've seen my friend breast feed him in 3 minute increments for hours to soothe him when the problem was that he took a and sat in it for hours. They always fight over who is supposed to change him, but I've never seen her do it. And I believe they know better, but they are just lazy. He is 31 and she is 28, and they've both spent lots of time around kids so it isn't like they are clueless 18 year olds.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 26, 2015 8:17:34 GMT -5
Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. You don't have to go to a restaurant for that. I expect my kids to eat off a plate and not throw food at home. Also to be conscious of where their milk is because I don't want it spilled all over the floor. WE had one horrendous meal out where I swear that every single beverage that came to the table was knocked over. I think I did one and the kids did the rest. But I think we spilled at least 4 times in about an hour during dinner. And the kids were probably 5 and 6 or so. We apologized, wiped up what we could and left a hefty tip. This was/is at our favorite restaurant and we eat there about once a month or so. Between the frequency, the kids and DH's dietary needs, they remember us. The staff still seem happy to see us so I'm assuming we're not the most Godawful customers ever. When DD was the baby, we took her out to lunch more than dinner. But around 18 months she just got awful about tossing food and not eating anything at restaurants. So I stopped taking her out for meals. And then we had a newborn and a toddler and while I was depressed, I wasn't crazy/insane and we got takeout.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 26, 2015 8:20:30 GMT -5
On a side note - I don't get people's desire to bring toddlers into restaurants. Even if it's family friendly restaurants. Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. I never differentiated between public and private. I don't allow my kids to sit on the table, throw food on the floor, run around, etc while they eat at home. Once in awhile, as a treat, i will allow to have TV on while they are eating lunch. I don't allow them to stick their forks into a common bowl or put something back once they took it. Although - for full disclosure - we are still working on it. The only real differences are that they don't have the waiting time at home as they would do in a restaurant, and they can be louder at home than they would be in a restaurant. The waiting part in a restaurant is usually handled by allowing them to draw on kids' menus or playing a drawing game. Or just talking with them. The volume control is handled just like it would be in any public place.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 26, 2015 8:21:32 GMT -5
Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. You don't have to go to a restaurant for that. I expect my kids to eat off a plate and not throw food at home. Also to be conscious of where their milk is because I don't want it spilled all over the floor.Still working on that one with my youngest.....
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 26, 2015 8:22:33 GMT -5
Yes, but I think this is a Catch 22. Kids don't know how to behave in public unless they are in public. I don't know. I think they age into knowing not to scream, throw food and crawl under peoples tables without actually going to a restaurant. I agree. Most children learn manners at home first and that usually carries over. And yes we took kiddo to resturants when he was little but he knew how to behave. Did he always behave, no, but then I removed him. Meal time is meal time whether at home or out. The people in the OP don't sound very bright/intelligent ? Common sense tells the average person when to change a diaper, etc. -faint-I'd be somewhat concerned about this child's welfare.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2015 8:22:52 GMT -5
go by and he's howling most of the time, and from about 20 feet away I look at him and realise why. I have to say "hey, his shirt is wet from the diaper to halfway up his back. You need to change him now." He had a huge diarrhea blowout that he sat in all that time. And all my friend did was complain that her husband put on a set of clothes she didn't like. I think in the day I was with them they only changed his diaper 3 times, and twice was because I said something to them
How do they not SMELL it? If a baby is howling usually it's one of three things: poop, sleep or hungry. If it isn't one of those three things then we start to panic b/c we've run out of ideas. I'll admit I sometimes miss when Abby poops. Gwen has become our "poop radar". 9 times out of 10 she catches Abby poopped a lot faster than we do. But that's not the same as never changing her. Poor kiddo. I too would be concerned about his welfare.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2015 8:23:23 GMT -5
Do you make your kids sit at the table and wait for their food to be cooked at home?
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Aug 26, 2015 8:27:01 GMT -5
Bobo, that is just horrendous behavior and honestly, very concerning for the welfare of the child. Especially when coupled by other signs of willful neglect, like failing to keep the home maintained. Are there bigger issues here?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2015 8:27:04 GMT -5
We solved the waiting problem at resturants by asking a portion of food be brought out ASAP. At Village Inn the kid's meal has lots of fast side items. We'd ask for a side of bannanas and that they bring them BEFORE the meal with Gwen. Worked great. Just as she was about thru with the bannanas the rest of our meal would arrive.
With Abby we ask for DH's toast or crackers. She'll happily munch away while we wait.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 26, 2015 8:30:08 GMT -5
DH gave me grief about staying with them too. He wouldn't have, and after this last time I won't either. The one thing I will say is that they finally started using the word no. Up until he was 8 or 9 months they weren't. I don't know what changed. If it was just exhaustion or what. But he was biting them pretty hard for a while, and she didn't know how to handle it and didn't like that everyone told her to say no to him. She thought it would damage him emotionally. I think their biggest problem is that they don't change his diaper enough, and they won't let him stay asleep those rare times he goes to sleep. They complain to everyone that will listen that he only sleeps a few hours at a time, but I saw him asleep several times and they picked him up and woke him up each and every time for no reason. And they hardly ever change his diaper. The morning I left they brought him downstairs and he was dressed really cute. They put him in a bouncer and within a few minutes he was pooping. So they complain about having to change him and about 45 minutes go by and he's howling most of the time, and from about 20 feet away I look at him and realise why. I have to say "hey, his shirt is wet from the diaper to halfway up his back. You need to change him now." He had a huge diarrhea blowout that he sat in all that time. And all my friend did was complain that her husband put on a set of clothes she didn't like. I think in the day I was with them they only changed his diaper 3 times, and twice was because I said something to them. And what I don't get is how they don't understand that their kid isn't sleeping because his diaper is never clean. I've seen my friend breast feed him in 3 minute increments for hours to soothe him when the problem was that he took a and sat in it for hours. They always fight over who is supposed to change him, but I've never seen her do it. And I believe they know better, but they are just lazy. He is 31 and she is 28, and they've both spent lots of time around kids so it isn't like they are clueless 18 year olds. That's just wrong. That poor kid. I'm surprised he doesn't have diaper rash from all that time in wet/dirty diapers. We changed diapers once we were aware of poop. I know we did dry diapers first thing AM and last thing PM. And I hated changing the kids in the night because they were always more wide awake after a diaper change. During the day, I think we did it as needed but we checked during the day. And they got a dry diaper before nap time. So 7amish, noonish, after nap and at bedtime. There were probably 1-2 more changes during the day when they were babies but by a year, we pretty much had a schedule of sorts. Sleep for my babies was one of my hills to die on. "Never wake a sleeping baby" is sort of a family parenting motto. If I remember correctly, a 1 year old should be getting over 12 hours of sleep a day, between naps and nighttime.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 26, 2015 8:33:51 GMT -5
Do you make your kids sit at the table and wait for their food to be cooked at home? That's the beauty of appetizers. You sit down, order drinks and chips/fries/fruit/whatever. Although at 1 year, I think I was packing Cheerios for the kids or assorted babyfood items.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 26, 2015 8:34:05 GMT -5
I agree that kids need to be in public to learn public rules. But I am not convinced that needs to start at 1 years old. When my daughter was a baby she was quite, so we took her to a lot of restaurants. When she got to the point where she wanted to walk around a lot, we stopped going until she was a little older, and had learned about sitting for a long enough period of time to get through a restaurant meal.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2015 8:43:09 GMT -5
There are definitely strategies for dealing with waiting. I just don't think home is exactly the same as going out is terribly accurate. Just my opinion.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Aug 26, 2015 8:45:32 GMT -5
There are definitely strategies for dealing with waiting. I just don't think home is exactly the same as going out is terribly accurate. Just my opinion. No it isn't but the waiting becomes easier as they are older. Throwing, making a mess, being loud, etc, that stuff can be mimicked at home. The few times we've gone to a restaurant with the kids, they are generally ok waiting for the food, people watching and the like. It's when they are done eating that they get restless and want to leave. So usually one of us will go outside and take them for a little walk while the other waits around to pay the bill.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Aug 26, 2015 8:48:54 GMT -5
Do you make your kids sit at the table and wait for their food to be cooked at home? That's the beauty of appetizers. You sit down, order drinks and chips/fries/fruit/whatever. Although at 1 year, I think I was packing Cheerios for the kids or assorted babyfood items. Cheerios, goldfish, eese puffs, those yogurt/fruit melt things - I have a variety of snacks anywhere we go so she can eat while waiting on the cooked food. I do it at home too - sometimes she sits in her high chair and has an "appetizer" of these things or of fruit if she is really hungry before dinner is ready.
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lund
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Post by lund on Aug 26, 2015 8:57:17 GMT -5
What lousy parents!
How on earth do they think that their kid will get what is right and what is wrong if they don't tell him?
And a kid needing to be changed should be done so at once IMO. Else, it might get a rash, will not sleep or be nice, and will also stink. It is so much easier to have a well-smelling, cuddly, clean, happy and rested kid.
(But I had a baby/kid who slept very little, and in case there was naps during the day, one of us could look forward to a night with a baby who did not sleep.... So waking a kid during the day might have many reasons. Not changing it does IMO not.)
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Aug 26, 2015 9:03:07 GMT -5
Well, when the baby was first born there was some concern about failure to thrive. My friend was really upset because she wanted to breastfeed without supplementing. Because of the failure to thrive designation they were automatically made to comply with weekly home visits by a social worker and nurse to help with feeding, skills needed to care for baby, and my friend was really mad about that. But in all the time the nurse and social worker didn't find anything significant enough to report it. And I know they weren't doing anything different then.
I will admit my standard of housekeeping is very different from theirs. I can't stand clutter of any sort, and with 2 dogs I vacuum nearly every day. I might be a little OCD about germs too. But still I understand what most people's normal is. Now I don't think my friends are super nasty, 80% of the issue is that they have too much stuff and they never put anything away- ever. So they can't clean on a regular basis. I told her to get a housekeeper, but right now she is the only one working and their income is less than half what it used to be. When she stayed home she never cleaned either though, and that was without a baby, but she expects her husband to watch this rowdy kid and clean. He is supposed to start a job in November, and they will move to Japan for it. I told them they need to get rid of most of their possessions because they will most likely have to live in a place half the current size. And I told her it would be easy to clean the house if there was less stuff. She agreed with me, but I don't know if she is going to do anything. Its like when I point out to her that the baby needs to be changed she knows it, but doesn't do anything. And how do you report something like that because I don't think the baby has diaper rash, so it would be one persons word against another.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2015 9:05:12 GMT -5
How on earth do they think that their kid will get what is right and what is wrong if they don't tell him? I think with a 1 year old you're pretty much limited to distract and/or remove from the situation.
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