Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 21:28:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2015 5:51:43 GMT -5
Horrible mothers don't care about their children's needs or feelings. Obviously you care about hers, you just had to stick to your guns once you said it. If you decide you should have handled it differently in the beginning (and I'm not saying that's the case here), that's ok too. Even the most awesome mothers make missteps or lose their patience sometimes. Any parent that says they did everything just perfectly is either nuts or a liar. She learned that you don't have an unlimited supply of patience and tolerance and when you say something, you mean it.
Hugs!
|
|
marvholly
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 11:45:21 GMT -5
Posts: 6,540
|
Post by marvholly on Aug 23, 2015 5:58:10 GMT -5
At 8 he is old enough to learn actions have consequences. Apply again & again as needed until that is learned.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Aug 23, 2015 6:51:31 GMT -5
Wanna hear about the time I had to stand outside my 3 year olds room holding the door shut as she threw herself against it wailing "mama" because I'd said she had to stop crying before she could come out? And I was crying on the other side because she was so heartbroken and distraught? It took an hour.
When she came out finally she looked at me accusingly and said "You are NOT ALLOWED to make me stay in my room."
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,156
|
Post by giramomma on Aug 23, 2015 7:26:53 GMT -5
Wanna hear about the time I had to stand outside my 3 year olds room holding the door shut as she threw herself against it wailing "mama" because I'd said she had to stop crying before she could come out? And I was crying on the other side because she was so heartbroken and distraught? It took an hour. When she came out finally she looked at me accusingly and said "You are NOT ALLOWED to make me stay in my room." I've had to hold the door shut on DS when he refused to lay down and sleep when he was three. Kept running out of his room. It sucked, but thankfully only lasted a few weeks. I actually got the idea from another parent, who had to do the same thing. DD2 has a hate relationship with car seats. In a low point in our vacation, we had to forceabley put her in and I had to hold her hands so she wouldn't unclip the top part while we drove back to our hotel. She expressed her displeasure with ear-piercing screams. You could hear her scream outside the van. She was so high-pitched that she even made the older two kids cry from pain. She also scratched me with her nails. I didn't understand why so many moms on another message board drank wine, etc until I had my third.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 23, 2015 7:42:42 GMT -5
Seems to me you did the right thing. Perhaps next time she'll think before she complains about the dinner you're making.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,563
|
Post by Tennesseer on Aug 23, 2015 8:02:14 GMT -5
Wanna hear about the time I had to stand outside my 3 year olds room holding the door shut as she threw herself against it wailing "mama" because I'd said she had to stop crying before she could come out? And I was crying on the other side because she was so heartbroken and distraught? It took an hour. When she came out finally she looked at me accusingly and said "You are NOT ALLOWED to make me stay in my room." I've had to hold the door shut on DS when he refused to lay down and sleep when he was three. Kept running out of his room. It sucked, but thankfully only lasted a few weeks. I actually got the idea from another parent, who had to do the same thing. DD2 has a hate relationship with car seats. In a low point in our vacation, we had to forceabley put her in and I had to hold her hands so she wouldn't unclip the top part while we drove back to our hotel. She expressed her displeasure with ear-piercing screams. You could hear her scream outside the van. She was so high-pitched that she even made the older two kids cry from pain. She also scratched me with her nails. I didn't understand why so many moms on another message board drank wine, etc until I had my third. I must admit I had uncontrolled episodes of anger and frustration as a child. Opposite my brothers' and mine bedroom door was a stairway railing. I used to get so out of control when sent to my room, my parents tied a rope to the railing and bedroom door handle so I could not keep on slamming the door nor leave the room until I calmed down.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Aug 23, 2015 8:16:18 GMT -5
It's amazing so many of us lived to adulthood!!
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Aug 23, 2015 9:00:29 GMT -5
I've had to hold the door shut on DS when he refused to lay down and sleep when he was three. Kept running out of his room. It sucked, but thankfully only lasted a few weeks. I actually got the idea from another parent, who had to do the same thing. DD2 has a hate relationship with car seats. In a low point in our vacation, we had to forceabley put her in and I had to hold her hands so she wouldn't unclip the top part while we drove back to our hotel. She expressed her displeasure with ear-piercing screams. You could hear her scream outside the van. She was so high-pitched that she even made the older two kids cry from pain. She also scratched me with her nails. I didn't understand why so many moms on another message board drank wine, etc until I had my third. I must admit I had uncontrolled episodes of anger and frustration as a child. Opposite my brothers' and mine bedroom door was a stairway railing. I used to get so out of control when sent to my room, my parents tied a rope to the railing and bedroom door handle so I could not keep on slamming the door nor leave the room until I calmed down. Normally we just ignore her and wait for her to calm down, but she was REALLY out of control this day. It was right after #2 was born, and shed started screaming in the car PURPOSELY to wake the baby up, then gotten herself so worked up she couldn't stop. We've never shut her in her room before, so there weren't any handy systems in place to keep her in there. Now there is a rope to tie the handles shut, but we haven't had to use it since.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,563
|
Post by Tennesseer on Aug 23, 2015 9:06:50 GMT -5
I must admit I had uncontrolled episodes of anger and frustration as a child. Opposite my brothers' and mine bedroom door was a stairway railing. I used to get so out of control when sent to my room, my parents tied a rope to the railing and bedroom door handle so I could not keep on slamming the door nor leave the room until I calmed down. Normally we just ignore her and wait for her to calm down, but she was REALLY out of control this day. It was right after #2 was born, and shed started screaming in the car PURPOSELY to wake the baby up, then gotten herself so worked up she couldn't stop. We've never shut her in her room before, so there weren't any handy systems in place to keep her in there. Now there is a rope to tie the handles shut, but we haven't had to use it since. As long as the ropes is in view and she understands the purpose of it, the rope may keep her behavior in check. It took me longer than the average kid though to figure that out.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Aug 23, 2015 9:54:38 GMT -5
When she came out finally she looked at me accusingly and said "You are NOT ALLOWED to make me stay in my room." It's funny when you hear phrases you say coming out of their mouth. My favorite was when my younger son (who is a very innocent, earnest sweetie type with a slight lisp at that time) at age 3 would catch a glimpse of a scary or violent TV show or advertisement. He'd carefully turn it off and say solemnly "That is not appropriate for me."
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,237
|
Post by billisonboard on Aug 23, 2015 9:58:56 GMT -5
I recommend just keeping an informal ledger of child traumatizing parenting decisions like this that you make which has the number of weeks/months of therapy you will pay for once they are adults. It helps relieve the stress of wondering if you screwing your kid up for life. Just know you are but will make it right later.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Aug 23, 2015 10:00:12 GMT -5
I recommend just keeping an informal ledger of child traumatizing parenting decisions like this that you make which has the number of weeks/months of therapy you will pay for once they are adults. It helps relieve the stress of wondering if you screwing your kid up for life. Just know you are but will make it right later. I comfort myself by saying that instead of repeating some of the mistakes my parents made, I'm screwing my kids up in new and unique ways.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,222
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 23, 2015 10:19:45 GMT -5
OMG, after reading some of these posts I am going to call my son and ask him to come by this afternoon. I just want to hug him. I didn't realize how easy I had it when he was a little tyke. No, he wasn't a saint but nowhere near the things I am reading here Hang in there folks, it's bound to get better along the way ??
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 23, 2015 10:48:08 GMT -5
My father likes to point out that in his day, you didn't have to eat what was made for dinner. But you'd either not be leaving the table until you DID eat it, or you wouldn't be getting anything else and whatever you didn't eat would be waiting for you come breakfast. Back then, there wasn't food to waste.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Aug 23, 2015 11:17:51 GMT -5
Yup, mine weren't Angels and I'm no saint. There'd be more serious repercussions than a missed dinner
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Aug 23, 2015 11:18:55 GMT -5
Hopefully she's sadder and wiser today. Don't even remotely feel or look guilty or you'll reap more problems.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,695
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 23, 2015 11:24:34 GMT -5
Missing one meal won't kill her. And a few hours of crying won't either. Frankly, we'd have fewer problems in the world if everyone was a stricter parent, like you.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Aug 23, 2015 11:28:24 GMT -5
Lordy yes. My teacher friends think it can't get worse every year and every year it does.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,695
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 23, 2015 12:36:24 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 23, 2015 13:07:10 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless she remembers and chooses not to have a kid at all for fear it will be like her!
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Aug 23, 2015 13:07:53 GMT -5
LOL NancysSummerSip !! Thats EXACTLY what my mom used to do. Anytime I would complain about any of my kids, she would start..."Remember honey, when you did XYZ and it led to this....." Thanks for the support you guys. So we had an uneventful night after she slept. Morning was calm enough. She didn't say a word, but DS gave her a glass of milk and she chugged it down. She didn't ask me for breakfast and I didn't giver her any. At noon I served lunch and she was the first one at the table! Gobbled down a bowl of chili, then asked for for another bowl and then ate 2 slices of garlic bread on top of it. Seems to be a normal day so far. All good behavior and the like. A dose of hunger is a great motivator
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Aug 23, 2015 13:08:52 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mother does this. Frequently. It's not fun.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,563
|
Post by Tennesseer on Aug 23, 2015 13:16:24 GMT -5
LOL NancysSummerSip !! Thats EXACTLY what my mom used to do. Anytime I would complain about any of my kids, she would start..."Remember honey, when you did XYZ and it led to this....." Thanks for the support you guys. So we had an uneventful night after she slept. Morning was calm enough. She didn't say a word, but DS gave her a glass of milk and she chugged it down. She didn't ask me for breakfast and I didn't giver her any. At noon I served lunch and she was the first one at the table! Gobbled down a bowl of chili, then asked for for another bowl and then ate 2 slices of garlic bread on top of it. Seems to be a normal day so far. All good behavior and the like. A dose of hunger is a great motivator
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,494
|
Post by Tiny on Aug 23, 2015 13:24:35 GMT -5
LOL... when I read the OP all I could think of was Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are. I don't have kids... I don't think swasat's a bad mom... I don't think missing a dinner will cause any harm. I do think that kids need to learn how to deal with the "wild things" - ie their emotions. Some kids do better with it than others. Maybe in this case it's not so much that lesson in "learning about consquences" needs to be learned but rather a lesson in HOW to deal with one's emotions... When things are calmer, would it be worthwhile to revisit the "behavior" and maybe talk about ways DD can "wrangle" her "wild things"? Sometimes you <-- the generic you can't figure things out on your own.
|
|
moneymaven
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 10:05:04 GMT -5
Posts: 1,864
|
Post by moneymaven on Aug 23, 2015 13:51:45 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Story of my life. My parents laugh and always remind me "God is fair!"
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,156
|
Post by giramomma on Aug 23, 2015 13:56:29 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My DS said a real dip-shitty thing to me the other day. He didn't mean to. It still stings.. I've just tried to ignore rather than dwell, because I figure it's payback. I know I've unintentionally said a few things to my mom that stung her, but she responded by giving me the silent treatment and making guess why she stopped talking to me. So, I'm trying a new path.
|
|
moneymaven
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 10:05:04 GMT -5
Posts: 1,864
|
Post by moneymaven on Aug 23, 2015 13:57:11 GMT -5
As for the OP, I personally think you did the right thing. We do this with DS and he's 4. Eat what we put in front of you without whining or you don't eat. Don't eat your dinner during dinner time, you don't get to cry about it at bedtime and complain you're hungry. Mealtime is together and at the designated time with the food we've prepared. Take it or leave it, it's a choice you're making and there will be consequences for bad choices. It's only come down to it once where he went to bed hungry and man was he apologetic the next morning. We also try to explain to him regularly that we give him rules and boundaries to keep him healthy and safe. We explained that the only person he is hurting by not eating was himself.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 23, 2015 14:22:54 GMT -5
And years from now, you can use this as a teachable moment. When your DD is a grownup, with an 8-year-old of her own, and Granny Swasat is visiting and watching DD deal with her DD's meltdown moment, you can simply step up, take your daughter's hands in your own, look her straight in the eyes and say, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad has been doing that to me ALL summer. When the kids are driving me nuts and I complain to my dad he just laughs. DD was in a mood yesterday morning and I posted it on Facebook and my dad just laughed at me. Back to the OP, hugs. My kids have gone to bed without supper because they have gotten overtired and melted down at supper. We just give up and send them to bed.
|
|
Opti
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 10:45:38 GMT -5
Posts: 42,246
Location: New Jersey
Mini-Profile Name Color: c28523
Mini-Profile Text Color: 990033
|
Post by Opti on Aug 23, 2015 14:52:15 GMT -5
Tennesseer, you got me hooked on parrot videos! Those are hilarious! Because of this post I watched a few.
The Cockatoo meltdown was pretty funny.
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Aug 23, 2015 14:59:20 GMT -5
Tennesseer, you got me hooked on parrot videos! Those are hilarious! Because of this post I watched a few.
The Cockatoo meltdown was pretty funny.
That cracked me up! There really are a lot of such videos available and not all are of the same bird. I'm going to have to work my way through them. They're really too funny to miss. I wish someone had one of a myna. I'll have to look for one. They're really better "talkers" than the birds shown.
|
|