Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 2:19:40 GMT -5
We don't have many single dads join homeschool group. One did a few days ago. Said he just moved from CO and wants to homeschool his boys. His picture gives me a creepy feel. As do the wordings on some of his info answers, like for what type of homeschooling, saying he likes to give "all kids a chance to do hands on". And his interest lists for meetup include all kinds of fetish and bsdm and dominance and submission things.
This is is a kid oriented group and we post locations and times kids will be places. Am I just being a paranoid bigot and prejudiced or is my freaking out justified in any way? Are these red flags to you?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 2:29:05 GMT -5
It's on his profile for meetup. Like you pick all of these interests and then are given recommendations for groups. Meetup has lots of kinds of groups, but your profile is for the whole system. I didn't see it at first. He has a huge list. His picture gave me creeps right away, but I figured I was being biased. But his list reinforced the weird ing out (kinky and Russian moms etc too... Lots of odd things) But is it legitimate to block him or not want to meet him in our context based on those things? I'm not being too helicoptery...
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Aug 16, 2015 2:35:52 GMT -5
If he gives you the creeps, exclude him. The majority of people have their own...peculiarities, but most are smart enough to have a separate profile to indulge in them.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Aug 16, 2015 3:09:24 GMT -5
Block him.
DH has a special interest group and he has to block people all the time who just seem to be trolls with no interest in the topic of his group.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 3:35:23 GMT -5
Ok. Good. I just didn't want to be overacting. Sometimes I don't have a good gauge on the normalcy of my response. Thanks guys.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 5:42:15 GMT -5
When it comes to protecting children from someone that truly creeps you out, I think you should go with your instincts. Block him.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 16, 2015 5:53:36 GMT -5
It's on his profile for meetup. Like you pick all of these interests and then are given recommendations for groups. Meetup has lots of kinds of groups, but your profile is for the whole system. I didn't see it at first. He has a huge list. His picture gave me creeps right away, but I figured I was being biased. But his list reinforced the weird ing out (kinky and Russian moms etc too... Lots of odd things) But is it legitimate to block him or not want to meet him in our context based on those things? I'm not being too helicoptery... Normal people are smart enough to have different profiles for their kinky stuff and their kid stuff. Best case the guy is a complete idiot, worst case he's a total creeper. Either way, why interact with him?
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Aug 16, 2015 6:54:41 GMT -5
Trust your gut, especially when it comes to your kids and their safety. Creeper!!!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 16, 2015 7:13:20 GMT -5
What the fuck?!? He mentioned that on a homeschool meetup group? This guy is a total creep. This. Block him.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 16, 2015 7:20:49 GMT -5
I was also thinking I don't find anything creepy about the fetish and bsdm and dominance and submission meetups in general either. But most people keep their sexual and life style choices separate from their children education in within groups. I know the parent group I am apart of, we have dads too, have a whole range of lifestyle choices. I would think anyone who mixes these would come off as seeming like they are looking for more from this group then just meet up for the kids. I would be more worried about him hitting on the other moms in this group then him being dangerous to the children.
So over all this guy is not very internet/technology savvy and doesn't realize that two profiles would be a good idea here. Or he is hoping to make some mommy porn fantasy come alive.
As far as people who are a danger to the children, I would be more worried about the profiles that seem to clean or perfect, child predators are good at hiding their intentions.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 16, 2015 10:01:06 GMT -5
What you've described would worry me. Either he has very poor judgment or is a creeper. I have no issues with adults who practice alternative lifestyles with other consenting adults; but the fact that he doesn't understand there is a difference between appropriate adult activity and appropriate interaction with children is a problem.
But... I'd also be very worried for his kids, too. A single dad with kids who are homeschooled (ie- don't have any contact with others who might notice and report suspicious behavior, bruises, inappropriate interaction) and is open about behavior that kids shouldn't be exposed to would be able to do some really horrible things to his kids without anybody ever noticing. Participating in homeschool group activities is possibly the only way the kids will have regular interaction with outsiders who might be able to notice or help them if something really is wrong.
Is there a way you can allow him and his kids to come to some activities for a limited, probationary period? Don't admit them to the group, just separately let him know of a few activities they can attend. Watch him and his kids closely and go from there?
I wouldn't suggest this if I thought there was a risk of this guy attacking any of your kids at a meeting. IMHO, the greater threat is that he'd use the meetings as a chance to try to form relationships and "groom" people, which hopefully you can monitor. On the other hand, this is a situation similar to what we talked about on the Duggar thread. If a kid is part of a closed system and never gets unsupervised exposure to people outside the system who can help them, what chance do they have of ever getting help?
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Aug 16, 2015 10:17:05 GMT -5
If it was me - I'd probably block the guy - especially if I got a 'creepy' vibe.
The people I know with either odd interests or, um, odd "lifestyles" don't broadcast their peculiarities to the general public. some of their 'peculiarities' are there out in the open - but in subtle non-creepy ways. They are more open about their peculiarities with people they trust or know.
FWIW: the only people I have experience with who go for the 'shock value' of putting it all out there tend to be HS or College kids who are, I guess, trying to make a statement, or discover who they really are - them and Internet Trolls. Generallly, if someone is comfortable with themselves (and what ever peculiarities they have) they don't broadcast them for all to see./hear.
FWIW: I don't find any of the people I know with "interest" or "lifestyles" outside the norm to be particularly creepy or feel like they might be 'dangerous' in any way. They are everyday people going about getting thru every day life - work, kids, kids going to school activities, worrying about the cost of college or retirement or aging parents or the upcoming elections.
I will say anyone with an addiction (not an odd interest or lifestyle - but sometimes a hazard of said interest/lifestyle) is a whole other story. They struggle. At some point it's only about their addiction and not about anything else that's vaguely 'every day life'. I've had aquaintances (or friends of friends) who have gone down that road...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 10:31:42 GMT -5
I found out who recommended him to the group. A mom friend of some of us, she currently doesn't homeschool, met him at vision therapy. He told her he IS married. But a single profile pic, not mentioning a wife on meetup and interests including Polyamory and Open Relationships · Fetishes · Kinky · Alternative Lifestyles · Kinky - Fetishes & BDSM · FemDom Culture · Lifestyle BDSM · Female Dominance and male submission · BDSM and Domination/submission · Sensuality · Intimacy ·.. I think geenamercile might be on to something. She did not meet his wife. She did meet one child, who is autistic. According to what he said, he is ex military in high tech field, wife is also science tech, autistic child, he might be socially unaware. He didn't set off radar for her. He did set off radar for me virtually. I haven't met him though and I do sometimes overreact, now. I thought of the kids milee. That's the mistake I made last time. Yes there was a last time. It's why I may overreact now. (Last time by the time I thought, I need to call social services, the guy moved away in the night back to Texas where there are no homeschooling regs ....) so. I consulted with other moms. He had said he wanted to come to Moms Night Out meeting this week. I sent him a message saying, sorry to remove him, but hope he understands we are cautious letting single men join and need to vet him in person, will see him Tuesday if he still wants to come. Mr oped will comes Tuesday as well. There are 20+ moms coming so we can get more sense than mine. Now I feel like I completely have to turn in my gender neutral card.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Aug 16, 2015 10:45:26 GMT -5
Having a single profile when he is married and putting all those things on there that clearly need to be on a totally different profile is super creepy to me! You are right in being cautious, people can be such weirdos
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 11:06:27 GMT -5
If your meet up with him and he turns out to be even creepier in person you could just tie him up an put him in a corner. Everyone would be happy. Lets look for solutions here.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Aug 16, 2015 11:12:10 GMT -5
Having a single profile when he is married and putting all those things on there that clearly need to be on a totally different profile is super creepy to me! You are right in being cautious, people can be such weirdos Frankly I think I'd be a little squicked out even if he was female. I'm glad you have plans to check on his kids though.
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kent
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Post by kent on Aug 16, 2015 11:21:30 GMT -5
Based on what has been said, I would be STRONGLY inclined to have the authorities get involved.
The creep wants his kids relatively isolated from society and he's into:
That pretty much sets off several alarms for me. I'm sure an investigation (multi-state) can easily be conducted. - we are talking KIDS here, why take a chance by NOT reporting him to see if he can be investigated for prior activity?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 16, 2015 11:21:28 GMT -5
I dint care what consenting adults do. But putting that info with home school info? WTF dude? Boundaries anyone?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 16, 2015 11:23:45 GMT -5
Based on what has been said, I would be STRONGLY inclined to have the authorities get involved.
The creep wants his kids relatively isolated from society and he's into:
That pretty much sets off several alarms for me. I'm sure an investigation (multi-state) can easily be conducted. - we are talking KIDS here, why take a chance by NOT reporting him to see if he can be investigated for prior activity? His sex stuff doesn't involve the kids. That overreacting.
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kent
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Post by kent on Aug 16, 2015 12:49:33 GMT -5
Based on what has been said, I would be STRONGLY inclined to have the authorities get involved.
The creep wants his kids relatively isolated from society and he's into:
That pretty much sets off several alarms for me. I'm sure an investigation (multi-state) can easily be conducted. - we are talking KIDS here, why take a chance by NOT reporting him to see if he can be investigated for prior activity? His sex stuff doesn't involve the kids. That overreacting. Doesn't involve the kids? And how do we know that? Overreacting? Kids are "potentially" at risk. When it comes to the safety and well being of kids, you can NEVER be too cautious IMO.
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quince
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Post by quince on Aug 16, 2015 13:05:25 GMT -5
His sex stuff doesn't involve the kids. That overreacting. Doesn't involve the kids? And how do we know that? Overreacting? Kids are "potentially" at risk. When it comes to the safety and well being of kids, you can NEVER be too cautious IMO. EVERYONE in the group has probably had sex. You make the assumption that they don't involve the kids, for some reason. Kids are ALWAYS "potentially" at risk. So people who have vanilla sex aren't a risk, but people into BDSM and open relationships are? Because...why? Open relationships and pedophilia aren't known for their overlap. Having ANY "unusual" sexual preference is not the same with being OK with all possible deviant behavior. Unless there are actually indicators that the kids are involved in sex stuff, yes, it IS overreacting, and you ARE being "too cautious" and fucking ridiculous. He didn't add this into his kid-related profile. He has a single meetup profile with all his interests. It shows all his interests, because you can't make some invisible. Done. If Oped gets a creepy vibe, it is utterly appropriate to be cautious and not welcome him with open arms. It IS overreacting to call the authorities because someone is creepy online. Especially appropriate to be cautious because of the conflicting information given in person and on profile. I have ONE meetup profile. I wouldn't think to create a separate one if I ticked off BDSM as an interest, because I don't see anything wrong or creepy with BDSM. I wouldn't put it on my Facebook profile or have my profile pic be related, but I wouldn't hide it either.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 16, 2015 13:16:18 GMT -5
Based on what has been said, I would be STRONGLY inclined to have the authorities get involved.
The creep wants his kids relatively isolated from society and he's into:
That pretty much sets off several alarms for me. I'm sure an investigation (multi-state) can easily be conducted. - we are talking KIDS here, why take a chance by NOT reporting him to see if he can be investigated for prior activity? His sex stuff doesn't involve the kids. That overreacting. Seriously just because he is into fetish, bsdm and dominance, submission and it seems open relationships doesn't mean he is any more attracted to kids then someone who likes to be inclusive with a single person who only likes missionary style.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 16, 2015 13:17:25 GMT -5
Doesn't involve the kids? And how do we know that? Overreacting? Kids are "potentially" at risk. When it comes to the safety and well being of kids, you can NEVER be too cautious IMO. EVERYONE in the group has probably had sex. You make the assumption that they don't involve the kids, for some reason. Kids are ALWAYS "potentially" at risk. So people who have vanilla sex aren't a risk, but people into BDSM and open relationships are? Because...why? Open relationships and pedophilia aren't known for their overlap. Having ANY "unusual" sexual preference is not the same with being OK with all possible deviant behavior. Unless there are actually indicators that the kids are involved in sex stuff, yes, it IS overreacting, and you ARE being "too cautious" and fucking ridiculous. He didn't add this into his kid-related profile. He has a single meetup profile with all his interests. It shows all his interests, because you can't make some invisible. Done. If Oped gets a creepy vibe, it is utterly appropriate to be cautious and not welcome him with open arms. It IS overreacting to call the authorities because someone is creepy online. Especially appropriate to be cautious because of the conflicting information given in person and on profile. I have ONE meetup profile. I wouldn't think to create a separate one if I ticked off BDSM as an interest, because I don't see anything wrong or creepy with BDSM. I wouldn't put it on my Facebook profile or have my profile pic be related, but I wouldn't hide it either. Thank you, you said it better then I did.
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quince
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Post by quince on Aug 16, 2015 13:18:03 GMT -5
Oh...and my husband and I have discussed open relationships. We don't have one, but one of my stipulations is that if we do, we don't hide it. We don't announce it, because that is moronic. I didn't announce that I was dating/fucking my husband, why would I announce that I'm involved with other people? However, unless our relationships are ONLY sex (which is private), we don't get to lie if directly asked, or otherwise behave as though we are ashamed of it. If we're ashamed of it, we shouldn't be doing it in the first place.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 16, 2015 14:03:35 GMT -5
Having a single profile when he is married and putting all those things on there that clearly need to be on a totally different profile is super creepy to me! You are right in being cautious, people can be such weirdos Frankly I think I'd be a little squicked out even if he was female. I'm glad you have plans to check on his kids though. Yup, that's a good question to ask yourself, Oped. If he was a single mom with the identical profile instead of a single dad, would you still have the same concerns? That said, and asked as sort of thinking out loud and NOT wanting to send this thread off into a multi-page detour, but, I don't often hear of women sexually abusing children. Usually it is in the context of young female teachers having afffairs with their students. Are men simply caught in the act more often or is sexual predation of children simply committed more often by men?
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Aug 16, 2015 15:33:46 GMT -5
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 16, 2015 16:16:56 GMT -5
Doesn't involve the kids? And how do we know that? Overreacting? Kids are "potentially" at risk. When it comes to the safety and well being of kids, you can NEVER be too cautious IMO. EVERYONE in the group has probably had sex. You make the assumption that they don't involve the kids, for some reason. Kids are ALWAYS "potentially" at risk. So people who have vanilla sex aren't a risk, but people into BDSM and open relationships are? Because...why? Open relationships and pedophilia aren't known for their overlap. Having ANY "unusual" sexual preference is not the same with being OK with all possible deviant behavior. Unless there are actually indicators that the kids are involved in sex stuff, yes, it IS overreacting, and you ARE being "too cautious" and fucking ridiculous. He didn't add this into his kid-related profile. He has a single meetup profile with all his interests. It shows all his interests, because you can't make some invisible. Done. If Oped gets a creepy vibe, it is utterly appropriate to be cautious and not welcome him with open arms. It IS overreacting to call the authorities because someone is creepy online. Especially appropriate to be cautious because of the conflicting information given in person and on profile. I have ONE meetup profile. I wouldn't think to create a separate one if I ticked off BDSM as an interest, because I don't see anything wrong or creepy with BDSM. I wouldn't put it on my Facebook profile or have my profile pic be related, but I wouldn't hide it either. This times 10000000!!!!
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Aug 16, 2015 17:50:00 GMT -5
Doesn't involve the kids? And how do we know that? Overreacting? Kids are "potentially" at risk. When it comes to the safety and well being of kids, you can NEVER be too cautious IMO. EVERYONE in the group has probably had sex. You make the assumption that they don't involve the kids, for some reason. Kids are ALWAYS "potentially" at risk. So people who have vanilla sex aren't a risk, but people into BDSM and open relationships are? Because...why? Open relationships and pedophilia aren't known for their overlap. Having ANY "unusual" sexual preference is not the same with being OK with all possible deviant behavior. Unless there are actually indicators that the kids are involved in sex stuff, yes, it IS overreacting, and you ARE being "too cautious" and fucking ridiculous. He didn't add this into his kid-related profile. He has a single meetup profile with all his interests. It shows all his interests, because you can't make some invisible. Done. If Oped gets a creepy vibe, it is utterly appropriate to be cautious and not welcome him with open arms. It IS overreacting to call the authorities because someone is creepy online. Especially appropriate to be cautious because of the conflicting information given in person and on profile. I have ONE meetup profile. I wouldn't think to create a separate one if I ticked off BDSM as an interest, because I don't see anything wrong or creepy with BDSM. I wouldn't put it on my Facebook profile or have my profile pic be related, but I wouldn't hide it either. If they're moms homeschooling, I think you can remove the 'maybe'. Also, am I reading those labels wrong, or is he interested in being dominated by a female? Is FemDom female domination as in the woman is the dominatrix? Does that make a difference in the creeper factor, or make him seem like less of a threat?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 16, 2015 18:45:50 GMT -5
FYI oped I don't think it's possible to be 100% gender neutral regarding personal bias. Our upbringing and life experiences have a pretty lasting effect.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Aug 16, 2015 19:34:59 GMT -5
The thing is, he is trying to get into a home school group, you don't put your sexual preferences on that site! If that is what you are into fine, but it is not right to put it down for that setting!!! Join a specific group for that shit and leave your kids out of it! Otherwise you come across as a effin creeper!
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