tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Aug 2, 2015 21:58:00 GMT -5
I'd say it's true. Pretty much any woman can have sex pretty much any time she wants to if that's all she wants. The problem is getting it from someone you WANT it from. That's a bit tougher.
I have a recollection of a comedian long ago talking about the difference between men and women on the matter. Something like:
Whatever... those guys I can't get are missing out! I'll bet!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 22:12:50 GMT -5
I think that is true too. Cheating like lying is often done IMO because it is easier than doing the hard, right thing. And that's how I get an idea of character IMO. Those who do the hard stuff, go without sex from their partner and don't look outside the marriage without a partner's OK, these IMO are people who find the relationship more important than at least some of their needs. That's the kind of person I want. A team player. Someone who wants to be married, not just someone who likes the perks.
YMMV. MO.
My then-wife TOLD ME to go out and have affairs. I still couldn't do it. Damn. I tried to find my XH a new wife, way before I divorced him. He was a good man, just bad for me mentally & sexually, as a husband.
(He was decent when he was willing to have sex, but men who think woman can have sex all the time and they[men/guy/TG/other male posters] can not, are delusional. MO. If you knew how many IT and engineer type of men who have turned me down or wouldn't sleep with me because they were hoping to have a relationship with X, well, I'd like to think you'd change your mind big time. IT and engineer men in my experience(most) have a strict moral code much like I was brought up with.)
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Aug 2, 2015 22:20:23 GMT -5
I think you missed the point.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 23:34:06 GMT -5
I think you missed the point. I probably did. Please rephrase or say it in a way my tired mind can understand. Thank you in advance.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 23:37:26 GMT -5
I think that is true too. Cheating like lying is often done IMO because it is easier than doing the hard, right thing. And that's how I get an idea of character IMO. Those who do the hard stuff, go without sex from their partner and don't look outside the marriage without a partner's OK, these IMO are people who find the relationship more important than at least some of their needs. That's the kind of person I want. A team player. Someone who wants to be married, not just someone who likes the perks.
YMMV. MO.
My then-wife TOLD ME to go out and have affairs. I still couldn't do it. Neither would I be able to, because of how *I* view marriage. But, I now accept that others see things differently, and as long as I am not married to *them*, less harm, less foul in my reality.
We may have had similar issues, the difference being my XH did not tell me to have affairs. I just planned to use having no sex for a year as grounds for my divorce. (NJ is a fault state. And divorce is not quick.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2015 11:01:58 GMT -5
After this last adventure, I locked down my FB account and removed anyone I don't really know or like. My new rule is that I won't date anyone I don't meet in person. Period. I don't appreciate men coming into my life, lying to me about a bunch of crap, simply to get sex. I have no concept of that at all. I am not a prude and am very, very liberal about things, but I am not looking to be Girl 2 or sex for someone else's relationship. I find it really offensive he baited me and didn't tell me that he was in a multi-year serious relationship. While I don't want to ever get married again, this experience taught me I do want a monogamous relationship with someone who is not in one with anyone else.... My new pre-date questions based upon my life experience to date: 1. Are you married? 2. Are you gay? 3. Are you in a committed relationship with someone else? 4. Are you addicted to heroin? There must be some men that answer no.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 3, 2015 11:03:19 GMT -5
After this last adventure, I locked down my FB account and removed anyone I don't really know or like. My new rule is that I won't date anyone I don't meet in person. Period. I don't appreciate men coming into my life, lying to me about a bunch of crap, simply to get sex. I have no concept of that at all. I am not a prude and am very, very liberal about things, but I am not looking to be Girl 2 or sex for someone else's relationship. I find it really offensive he baited me and didn't tell me that he was in a multi-year serious relationship. While I don't want to ever get married again, this experience taught me I do want a monogamous relationship with someone who is not in one with anyone else.... My new pre-date questions based upon my life experience to date: 1. Are you married? 2. Are you gay? 3. Are you in a committed relationship with someone else? 4. Are you addicted to heroin? There must be some men that answer no. There's this thing called 'lying" that people tend to do.
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techguy
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Post by techguy on Aug 3, 2015 12:06:30 GMT -5
After this last adventure, I locked down my FB account and removed anyone I don't really know or like. My new rule is that I won't date anyone I don't meet in person. Period. I don't appreciate men coming into my life, lying to me about a bunch of crap, simply to get sex. I have no concept of that at all. I am not a prude and am very, very liberal about things, but I am not looking to be Girl 2 or sex for someone else's relationship. I find it really offensive he baited me and didn't tell me that he was in a multi-year serious relationship. While I don't want to ever get married again, this experience taught me I do want a monogamous relationship with someone who is not in one with anyone else.... My new pre-date questions based upon my life experience to date: 1. Are you married? 2. Are you gay? 3. Are you in a committed relationship with someone else? 4. Are you addicted to heroin? There must be some men that answer no. Sorry to hear that this happened to you. Maybe thats why some folks wait a few months before giving it up to get to know the person better and fish out any wierd inconsistency.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 3, 2015 13:09:28 GMT -5
Reasons:
1. It's a challenge 2. I like spending time with you, but I want to enjoy sexy time with someone else 3. I want to test drive the new car before I trade the old one in, just in case the new one isn't as shiny as it looked
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quince
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Post by quince on Aug 3, 2015 13:15:56 GMT -5
I didn't wait a few months before giving it up, but my husband was vetted by mutual friends. Then we were both concerned that it might be mostly physical and he suggested giving sex up for a week to see how we did together. I told him he was a stereotypical woman. I have cheated: to the point of kissing, at least. In my case, it was my high school crush when I was on a visit home from college, and it was a "maybe I will never get to feel like this again" moment. I truly fucked up, gave it some thought, and to put the massive guilt behind me, resolved to make up conscious rules for my behavior in the future, to be followed even in the heat of the moment. It took me 5 years to stop feeling nauseated with guilt every time I thought of it, so I definitely do not understand serial cheaters.
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Plain Old Petunia
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bloom where you are planted
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Aug 3, 2015 14:21:50 GMT -5
Having been in the position of feeling stuck in a marriage which did not meet my physical and emotional needs, I understand that many things which may seem black/white actually contain many shades of grey.
I can absolutely understand why some people choose to cheat. It doesn't make it right, but I get it.
Shasta, re-entering the dating world after a long hiatus does take some adjustment. Just remember to limit your expectations and take things for what they are, and you will do fine. It is good to have personal rules, to analyze past dating misadventures, and to think about what you really want.
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