MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 1, 2015 20:29:19 GMT -5
I'll take your word for it.
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honeysalt
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Post by honeysalt on Aug 1, 2015 20:46:33 GMT -5
This is extraordinarily depressing for me. Am I to believe that when I'm ready to start looking again and find someone I want to spend my life with (and they with me) that they will live every day fighting off the urge to cheat? That makes me sad. There is a difference between having fantasies about strange and fighting off the urge to cheat. I think that aj and tech guy were describing the former, though I clearly can't speak for them. When a cute young woman walks by, DH's head gets turned, consistently. I know what he is thinking, and it isn't about how fascinating her personal narrative is. At the same time, even if he were single, he wouldn't be approaching the 20 something hottie that turned his head. Does my DH have sexual fantasies about other women daily? Yes. Is he fighting off the urge to cheat? No, but he would be if modelesque 20 somethings were throwing themselves at him. We are all pretty primal and our limbic systems controls much of what we think and feel in a day. I think that women have many of these same thought and impulses, we have just been culturally trained to suppress them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2015 20:53:53 GMT -5
Have any of you watched the movie "Kinsey"? It's about this researcher I think in the 50's who went around interviewing all kinds of people about their sex lives. The findings were facinating, disturbing and amazingly weird. It essentially found there is no "normal".
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Aug 1, 2015 21:04:54 GMT -5
Personally, I blame Stephen Stills. This song was released at just the wrong time of my adolescence.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 1, 2015 22:50:45 GMT -5
You do realize a ton and a half of women cheat? At least we don't try to blame it on our fucking biology. Or at least I never hear that excuse to explain it away. Sorry baby, my ovaries just wanted to jump him, nothing I could do. You're lucky I made the effort not to cheat as long as I did, you see his (redacted)?
lets see what's the positive about cheating cheating is fun and exciting and new and promising of a different prospective relationship and a (temporary) break from the old routine and brings new life to the old routine.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 1, 2015 23:09:55 GMT -5
Let me be frank and tell it from a guy's perspective. It's nature that causes men to want to Thai Food every attractive thing out there. It just is. So, it actually takes effort to NOT cheat. Those that don't cheat actually have to make a conscience effort to not cheat. I know, it's weird, but men can screw a different attractive woman every night with little remorse. We only worry about STDs and pregnancy. I, myself, don't cheat only because I don't want to get caught and hurt the current SO. But I can totally see why some guys are serial cheaters... This I don't cheat but I sure have the desire to, you can cage the lion but it still wants to hunt. I also think most men either will acknowledge they are the same way or they lie about it. Are men so naïve that you think women would not want to sleep with multiple men too? Do you really think nature made all females to be exclusive because it was better for the species? Just asking...
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 1, 2015 23:12:52 GMT -5
Yeah but the difference between men and women is that most women can get laid any night of the week with little effort. I need to address this.... Really? I've never felt like I could pull guys left and right. I mean I guess I could if I had no standards.... x 1 Million
I think men either have 1) no standards or 2) have no clue of the risks women take when sleeping with the wrong guy or just things they don't have to worry about like Oh...
3) Being preganant 4) Losing a job or being confined to bed rest while pregnant 5) Remember the book Mr. Goodbar or whatever it was ...
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 1, 2015 23:13:16 GMT -5
Probably not, seems better for the species to have sperm duke it out to see whose the fastest/stronger than think you picked the right guy. Lol
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 1, 2015 23:15:02 GMT -5
Personally, I blame Stephen Stills. This song was released at just the wrong time of my adolescence. Huh, when I just listen to the music, I always took it to mean, be happy with whomever you are with. Do not go searching for someone new.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 1, 2015 23:16:36 GMT -5
Probably not, seems better for the species to have sperm duke it out to see whose the fastest/stronger than think you picked the right guy. Lol I think nature is perfectly OK with sperm duking it out, or females having multiple partners. If it wasn't, Jerry Springer and Maury would cease to exist.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 1, 2015 23:25:05 GMT -5
Hmmm... that's interesting!! I watch the show Maury all the time Springer I don't like it!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Aug 1, 2015 23:32:58 GMT -5
..Huh, when I just listen to the music, I always took it to mean, be happy with whomever you are with. Do not go searching for someone new. Sweet thought but: If you're down and confused And you don't remember who you're talking to Concentration slips away Cause your baby is so far away
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2015 0:14:15 GMT -5
This I don't cheat but I sure have the desire to, you can cage the lion but it still wants to hunt. I also think most men either will acknowledge they are the same way or they lie about it. Are men so naïve that you think women would not want to sleep with multiple men too? Do you really think nature made all females to be exclusive because it was better for the species? Just asking...
Where did I ever say I thought it was only men? I only said men were more likely and posted an article to back it up, it seems you are really reaching to put words in my mouth.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2015 1:21:43 GMT -5
I need to address this.... Really? I've never felt like I could pull guys left and right. I mean I guess I could if I had no standards.... x 1 Million
I think men either have 1) no standards or 2) have no clue of the risks women take when sleeping with the wrong guy or just things they don't have to worry about like Oh...
3) Being preganant 4) Losing a job or being confined to bed rest while pregnant 5) Remember the book Mr. Goodbar or whatever it was ...
And right on cue, there is the inevitable push to make this a man-hating thread. Are you so naive to think all men should be lumped into those two buckets and most of us don't know the risks? Another male poster left the board mentioning this push towards man hating and I'm starting to see their point.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 2, 2015 1:51:10 GMT -5
[br So you are saying it isn't more hard wired in men to seek multiple partners? Everything I have seen and read suggests it is. www.m.webmd.com/men/features/our-cheating-hearts“There is a natural tendency that is pretty hardwired in us as a species that suggests putting your seed in as many places as possible. It’s what got humanity to this point in history,” says Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and board-certified sex therapist in Fair Oaks, California. “That non-monogamous urge persists in many men — though many manage serial monogamy despite that urge.” I think the key is — "though many manage serial monogamy despite that urge.” I'm not denying that across all animals males tend to have the biological need to spread their seed as much as possible while females tend to be selective because they have less eggs. But male animals also tend to piss everywhere to mark their territory, still won't keep me from calling bs on a guy pissing everywhere because of his biology. Our brains have evolved beyond the animals in the wild, oh and there's some monogamous species out there. If you don't want to be monogamous then don't be, but if you choose to be in an exclusive relationships don't act like it's a damn hardship and a favor and that you're going against nature. Humans are primates, and primates are not, by nature, monogamous.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 2, 2015 1:52:35 GMT -5
This is extraordinarily depressing for me. Am I to believe that when I'm ready to start looking again and find someone I want to spend my life with (and they with me) that they will live every day fighting off the urge to cheat? That makes me sad. Not EVERY day. Depends if there's football on TV.
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ktunes
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Post by ktunes on Aug 2, 2015 2:58:22 GMT -5
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Aug 2, 2015 3:01:47 GMT -5
People who cheat will cheat married or not. Marriage might make it more or less likely depends but ending a marriage is hard so staying married and cheating happens to people who don't do hard things. Non marriage is almost like marriage many times, many have children together without marriage and even buy houses together, not much easier to break up.
Maybe we should ask why not to cheat instead of why people do. I don't cheat because it is too much trouble to hid evidence and it would make me feel bad about myself also it would hurt him if he found out and the relationship might end anyhow so I would cut one before starting something new. After I left my ex I met a man and had sex with him, I remember thinking the marriage is really over now. That was more putting a nail in the marriage than leaving him or even the divorce being final. ISO tells me he has never cheated he considered it a few times but loves me. He knows it is wrong and hurtful and he has morals that would make him feel guilt over it. We don't live together any more but he knows if he cheats we are done. I just wouldn't answer any calls or ever come visit him. Tomorrow I am going to his house for a week, he is going to a funeral then we have 20-30 people coming for a BBQ without me he wouldn't have anyone to feed his chickens and cats, drive him to the airport and pick him up and plan his BBQ. He also doesn't have to deal with a new woman who might not find a 68 year old fat man a great catch. We have history 29 years together so we know each other's families even people who have passed away, new people don't have that.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 2, 2015 7:33:19 GMT -5
People who cheat will cheat married or not. Marriage might make it more or less likely depends but ending a marriage is hard so staying married and cheating happens to people who don't do hard things. Non marriage is almost like marriage many times, many have children together without marriage and even buy houses together, not much easier to break up. Maybe we should ask why not to cheat instead of why people do. I don't cheat because it is too much trouble to hid evidence and it would make me feel bad about myself also it would hurt him if he found out and the relationship might end anyhow so I would cut one before starting something new. After I left my ex I met a man and had sex with him, I remember thinking the marriage is really over now. That was more putting a nail in the marriage than leaving him or even the divorce being final. ISO tells me he has never cheated he considered it a few times but loves me. He knows it is wrong and hurtful and he has morals that would make him feel guilt over it. We don't live together any more but he knows if he cheats we are done. I just wouldn't answer any calls or ever come visit him. Tomorrow I am going to his house for a week, he is going to a funeral then we have 20-30 people coming for a BBQ without me he wouldn't have anyone to feed his chickens and cats, drive him to the airport and pick him up and plan his BBQ. He also doesn't have to deal with a new woman who might not find a 68 year old fat man a great catch. We have history 29 years together so we know each other's families even people who have passed away, new people don't have that. Feel free to tell me that it's none of my business, but after being together so long and living together, does not living together anymore feel like the beginning of the end of the romantic relationship? Are you transitioning to the friend zone? Or are you just finding that you get along better when living apart. I assume that marriage would never be a consideration. Sorry if it's too personal, I just find the arrangement interesting.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Aug 2, 2015 10:27:43 GMT -5
maybe people who are not married cheat because there is a communication problem with the relationship? instead of explaining how to fix a problem or let the other know there is a problem - person goes an seek out the fix.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Aug 2, 2015 11:47:57 GMT -5
People who cheat will cheat married or not. Marriage might make it more or less likely depends but ending a marriage is hard so staying married and cheating happens to people who don't do hard things. Non marriage is almost like marriage many times, many have children together without marriage and even buy houses together, not much easier to break up. Maybe we should ask why not to cheat instead of why people do. I don't cheat because it is too much trouble to hid evidence and it would make me feel bad about myself also it would hurt him if he found out and the relationship might end anyhow so I would cut one before starting something new. After I left my ex I met a man and had sex with him, I remember thinking the marriage is really over now. That was more putting a nail in the marriage than leaving him or even the divorce being final. ISO tells me he has never cheated he considered it a few times but loves me. He knows it is wrong and hurtful and he has morals that would make him feel guilt over it. We don't live together any more but he knows if he cheats we are done. I just wouldn't answer any calls or ever come visit him. Tomorrow I am going to his house for a week, he is going to a funeral then we have 20-30 people coming for a BBQ without me he wouldn't have anyone to feed his chickens and cats, drive him to the airport and pick him up and plan his BBQ. He also doesn't have to deal with a new woman who might not find a 68 year old fat man a great catch. We have history 29 years together so we know each other's families even people who have passed away, new people don't have that. Feel free to tell me that it's none of my business, but after being together so long and living together, does not living together anymore feel like the beginning of the end of the romantic relationship? Are you transitioning to the friend zone? Or are you just finding that you get along better when living apart. I assume that marriage would never be a consideration. Sorry if it's too personal, I just find the arrangement interesting. The relationship is better than ever. We are both divorced over 30 years and don't want marriage and don't trust the words "I love you" so we need shown love. Living together in my house it is hard to know if we are a couple because we don't want to trouble of moving or want to be together. So I picked a house and made an offer then decided not to buy it. He bought it, I picked it knowing he would love it. So after moving we needed to talk about relationships so now actually say "I love you". My house is my house and he always hated knowing it was my house he was a renter. He felt my house my rules and he didn't have choices. So when he got his house he started talking about how he felt as renter and now his house his rules. He was very happy and proud to get his own house told me not to try to decorate, I was no part of this. His house looks like log house and is decorated in brown leather and eagles, wolfs, fish, wildlife. He wanted me to move in but I know I would feel the same way living in someone else's house. So I go visit and be company and make sure I don't make him feel like he isn't the king of his castle. He was a little worried when I bought him chickens and a BBQ that I was trying to get part of his house I assured him I don't want to live there. Too country for me and mine is too city for him, we can afford two houses and each live our own style. We enjoy time together and time apart. We seldom have Thai food mostly from age we are 67-68 and overweight so mostly talk about Thai food.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 2, 2015 13:39:41 GMT -5
I see. To each his own. Well it sounds like it works well for you both.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Aug 2, 2015 19:51:52 GMT -5
Men buy sex because they do not want to deal with all that comes with the relationship.
Men cheat because they are azhats.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 2, 2015 20:15:19 GMT -5
MJ's post was really insightful. I think there are many reasons people cheat, and a good number of them have been posited here.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 21:10:58 GMT -5
Hmmm... that's interesting!! I watch the show Maury all the time Springer I don't like it!
I used to watch Springer when I was sick. Used to make me feel better about being divorced, laid off, whatever. At least I did not have baby momma or baby daddy drama.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 21:23:28 GMT -5
Feel free to tell me that it's none of my business, but after being together so long and living together, does not living together anymore feel like the beginning of the end of the romantic relationship? Are you transitioning to the friend zone? Or are you just finding that you get along better when living apart. I assume that marriage would never be a consideration. Sorry if it's too personal, I just find the arrangement interesting. The relationship is better than ever. We are both divorced over 30 years and don't want marriage and don't trust the words "I love you" so we need shown love. Living together in my house it is hard to know if we are a couple because we don't want to trouble of moving or want to be together. So I picked a house and made an offer then decided not to buy it. He bought it, I picked it knowing he would love it. So after moving we needed to talk about relationships so now actually say "I love you". My house is my house and he always hated knowing it was my house he was a renter. He felt my house my rules and he didn't have choices. So when he got his house he started talking about how he felt as renter and now his house his rules. He was very happy and proud to get his own house told me not to try to decorate, I was no part of this. His house looks like log house and is decorated in brown leather and eagles, wolfs, fish, wildlife. He wanted me to move in but I know I would feel the same way living in someone else's house. So I go visit and be company and make sure I don't make him feel like he isn't the king of his castle. He was a little worried when I bought him chickens and a BBQ that I was trying to get part of his house I assured him I don't want to live there. Too country for me and mine is too city for him, we can afford two houses and each live our own style. We enjoy time together and time apart. We seldom have Thai food mostly from age we are 67-68 and overweight so mostly talk about Thai food. It works for you and that is what matters. I think there are very few people who own homes and move someone in who can honestly say once married, 'this house is equally ours and our decisions carry equal weight'. We all have ideas or baggage if you will about homes, possessions and how relationships and marriages look.
My biggest and possibly only reluctance to perhaps someday move into someone else's is home is much like Crone described although hopefully less terroritoral because I am younger. You are only 67 to 68? I hope to be rocking it, even if less often as I age, until I am dead. (I don't remember what Thai Food is supposed to me sexwise, but I do remember an older female comic's take on it. You might enjoy actual food way more than sex because it is easier and perhaps less creaky joints & muscles are involved. )
FWIW, My Mom's live in, was trying to marry her to get taken care of by her $$ and I think my sisters and I. I think I understood him years ago when he was trying to accuse me of wanting an inheritance and I said buddy, you got it all wrong. I has she has enough money to sustain her, because I expect I will not, when she needs rescuing or funds. ETA: Too bad for him, he didn't realize I was not Mom's choice of executor because I live out of state. Wonder if he would have been smarter with other sib and her kids had he known. )
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 2, 2015 21:30:32 GMT -5
maybe people who are not married cheat because there is a communication problem with the relationship? instead of explaining how to fix a problem or let the other know there is a problem - person goes an seek out the fix. I think that is true too. Cheating like lying is often done IMO because it is easier than doing the hard, right thing. And that's how I get an idea of character IMO. Those who do the hard stuff, go without sex from their partner and don't look outside the marriage without a partner's OK, these IMO are people who find the relationship more important than at least some of their needs. That's the kind of person I want. A team player. Someone who wants to be married, not just someone who likes the perks.
YMMV. MO.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Aug 2, 2015 21:44:22 GMT -5
Yeah but the difference between men and women is that most women can get laid any night of the week with little effort. I need to address this.... Really? I've never felt like I could pull guys left and right. I mean I guess I could if I had no standards.... I'd say it's true. Pretty much any woman can have sex pretty much any time she wants to if that's all she wants. The problem is getting it from someone you WANT it from. That's a bit tougher.
I have a recollection of a comedian long ago talking about the difference between men and women on the matter. Something like:
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Aug 2, 2015 21:49:21 GMT -5
I think that is true too. Cheating like lying is often done IMO because it is easier than doing the hard, right thing. And that's how I get an idea of character IMO. Those who do the hard stuff, go without sex from their partner and don't look outside the marriage without a partner's OK, these IMO are people who find the relationship more important than at least some of their needs. That's the kind of person I want. A team player. Someone who wants to be married, not just someone who likes the perks.
YMMV. MO.
My then-wife TOLD ME to go out and have affairs. I still couldn't do it.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 2, 2015 21:54:04 GMT -5
I need to address this.... Really? I've never felt like I could pull guys left and right. I mean I guess I could if I had no standards.... I'd say it's true. Pretty much any woman can have sex pretty much any time she wants to if that's all she wants. The problem is getting it from someone you WANT it from. That's a bit tougher.
I have a recollection of a comedian long ago talking about the difference between men and women on the matter. Something like:
Whatever... those guys I can't get are missing out!
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