10 Habits that Infrige on the Rights of Children

[Deleted]

Thoughts....

lulastic.co.uk/activism/10-habits-that-infringe-on-rights-of-children-and-how-to-change-them/

[billisonboard]

Wonderful. 

[Spellbound454]

Should be retitled..."How to raise a brat"

[hoops902]

Sooooo...I read it...I'm still not sure if that was intended to be serious or a parody.

[Deleted]

Oh it was very serious. And posted by my unschooling, can't tell kids no, must respect kids rights, schools infringe on kids rights, person...

[Deleted]

A lot of it resonates with me. I'm 62 but I still remember hating it when adults treated me as if I were slightly duller than a grownup, or less easily hurt or offended. I also hated people making decisions for me that I could make for myself. I felt so strongly about this that when DS was two, for example, I'd choose clothing for him by selecting a few shirts that were all OK in my opinion and letting him choose which we'd buy.  Letting even small children know that they don't have to allow themselves to be picked up, hugged, cuddled, any time and by anyone who thinks they're cute, may prevent them being exploited later.

I also found it strange when a friend on FB posted a picture of her adorable granddaughter, wearing only a diaper, after the granddaughter had used her colored markers as body paint. Some pictures don't belong on-line for eternity.

[hoops902]

<p>I feel like the proper response to people who think children/babies should be treated like adults is to make it clear how we treat adults in these situations. </p><p><br></p><p>Child took something that is dangerous for them to have, or your phone, or something else...don't just take it back...ASK them for it back?   How about call the police and charge them with theft? I didn't give you permission to take my phone you little thief! </p>

[Ryan]

Most of those make some sense (not laughing at kids, not talking about them in front, etc). Some of the others are good in theory (wiping of the nose and getting their input), but sometimes you just need to get the job done.

I never preach to my kids that they need to respect their elders, call them Mr and Mrs, etc. They know they should be polite/kind to everyone, but I don’t them to infer that adults should be put on some pedestal just because they are older.

[Chocolate Lover]

Yeah, I'm not asking a newborn for permission to pick them up either. 

[Deleted]

Some things I agree with Athena. I'm not for making kids hug people they don't want to hug. My kids always picked out their own clothes, etc. There is really no harm that can come from clothes.

I'm really not sure I could have let snotty kids run around because they didn't give me permission to wipe their nose though, I wonder at what age you need permission to wipe their bums ... and what you do if they say no?

I'm really just trying not to respond on facebook. Its part this post and part I'm annoyed at a list she posted informing homeschooling parents of their rights, which I KNOW is a response to my friend and my publication yesterday of our expectations for doing evaluations this coming school year. So this after that was just, well, eye rolling to me.

[hoops902]

Child starts grabbing at your wife's breasts? Punch them in the eye and call the cops.

Child hits you? Defend yourself and knock them on their ass.

Child hasn't paid rent in years?  Start an eviction proceeding.

Child complains of being hungry?  Tell them to get a job and buy themselves some food.

Child wants to go somewhere?  Ride the bus, take a taxi, or get your driver's license and buy a car.

Not to mention all the things in there which people actually DO do to adults...which seems to be the crux of most of the arguments.  You think my wife doesn't laugh her ass off when I do something accidentally stupid that's funny?  Think my wife has never shared anecdotes about me with friends?  Taken my picture and posted it without explicitly asking me if it is ok.  Wiped something off my face?  Told me what to wear?  Think I've never wrapped my arms around her and picked her up?  Told her to stop crying? 

[imawino]

Good grief. That article made me stabby. 

[hoops902]

::Most of those make some sense (not laughing at kids, not talking about them in front, etc). Some of the others are good in theory (wiping of the nose and getting their input), but sometimes you just need to get the job done.::

I think there are things in there which make some sense and might be good parenting advice...not so sure I buy the "these things infringe on their rights" though.  You don't have the right to not be laughed at when you do something dumb.  You don't have the right to limit someone talking about you.

[imawino]

Jul 31, 2015 15:53:22 GMT -5 oped said:

Some things I agree with Athena. I'm not for making kids hug people they don't want to hug. My kids always picked out their own clothes, etc. There is really no harm that can come from clothes.

I'm really not sure I could have let snotty kids run around because they didn't give me permission to wipe their nose though, I wonder at what age you need permission to wipe their bums ... and what you do if they say no?

I'm really just trying not to respond on facebook. Its part this post and part I'm annoyed at a list she posted informing homeschooling parents of their rights, which I KNOW is a response to my friend and my publication yesterday of our expectations for doing evaluations this coming school year. So this after that was just, well, eye rolling to me.

That.   Are you supposed to let them roll around in their feces because they say no I don't want to be changed?  Don't set yourself up for a battle on things that are non-negotiable. Same thing with the "it's time to go" example.   If it's time to leave the park and the kid says "I don't want to", what then?    Is the presumption there is nothing else the parent and child need to do for the day?  Silliness.

I also don't love that she equated picking up your child with letting strangers pick you up.  That's not the same. 

[Deleted]

These people do plan their entire days and lives around what the toddlers want to do.  

[imawino]

Jul 31, 2015 15:55:06 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Child starts grabbing at your wife's breasts? Punch them in the eye and call the cops.

Child hits you? Defend yourself and knock them on their ass.

Child hasn't paid rent in years?  Start an eviction proceeding.

Child complains of being hungry?  Tell them to get a job and buy themselves some food.

Child wants to go somewhere?  Ride the bus, take a taxi, or get your driver's license and buy a car.

Not to mention all the things in there which people actually DO do to adults...which seems to be the crux of most of the arguments.  You think my wife doesn't laugh her ass off when I do something accidentally stupid that's funny?  Think my wife has never shared anecdotes about me with friends?  Taken my picture and posted it without explicitly asking me if it is ok.  Wiped something off my face?  Told me what to wear?  Think I've never wrapped my arms around her and picked her up?  Told her to stop crying? 

Yep - I read that and thought "I'm not supposed to laugh at my boyfriend when he does something dumb?"    That ship sailed a looooonnnnnggggg time ago, and so far he hasn't accused me of a human rights violation.  For that, anyway. 

[mmhmm]

LOL! What lovely ideas ... in theory. In practice, however, often a recipe for disaster, I'm afraid. I can go along with most of the ideas being workable a good deal of the time, but there are going to be times in any family when it's time for the child to learn others must be considered - not just self. Kids are naturally self-serving. It's not a bad thing, but a rite of passage, sorta. It's the way kids are. They're going to have to learn to live in the world with other people, though, so they need to realize there are consequences to chosen actions. If they don't learn that early, the world is going to deal them some very, very painful blows, IMO. Time out, for instance, serves as much for the parent as for the child. Gives both a chance to decompress and, in some situations, that's absolutely necessary!

[Green Eyed Lady]

I have to show this to my mom.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I do agree with the "stop crying" thing. She was usually the one that made me cry in the first place.

[flamingo]

OH.MY.GOD. Is this serious? I mean, I'm all for not forcing your kid to hug someone they don't want-hell, I'm 35 and my mom still tries to force me to hug my sweaty aunt when I don't want to! But there is too much power being given to the kids/toddlers in this article. At some point, as the grown adult you have to make the decisions! Like the thing with the scissors. Little Kids aren't smart enough to know that scissors are dangerous. And as soon as you give them a choice in whether to give them back, they are off and running playing keep away and getting hurt. Common sense-more people should use it!!

[Spellbound454]

I always had a little tribe.

It would take me half an hour to get in the car with clean clothes, clean noses and hands... and enough to keep us going for a couple of hours.

Someone would always want the toilet as soon as we had set off.

There were no discussions about when we were going to leave or I'd have never gone anywhere.

This might be ok if you have only one which you can indulge.....but I was far too busy.

They did as they were told, they went to bed on time, they behaved well because they had clear expectations drummed in to them.

As a teacher, I give the kids no quarter. They do their work, they listen and stay on task. They obey the School behaviour policy.

If they do well they get a reward....if they don't they get a sanction. Its very structured and very clear.

They may get to make choices for their projects....or for which reward they want.....but that's pretty much it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Even with the very smallest child we can ask for something back, and explain why we would like it.

Lovely in theory but by the time I get thru using logic she's stabbed herself, the dog, me and whatever furniture is in the way.   Or swallowed it and now I have to try to get it back the hard way. 

Same goes with dirty nappies- in a respectful relationship, giving the child the option to come and get their nose wiped or their nappy changed, and given time to process it, is likely to result in them coming over for a wipe/ change themselves.

Clearly she has never met my eldest during potty training.  Don't even get me started on tooth brush we're FINALLY coming down the other sid of the hill on that one.

Since I am the one that will be paying for any resulting dental bills I am not going to give her a choice when it comes to dental hyigene.  When she pays for it she can do whatever she wants.


Yeah baby I’m calling it! Time Out is a Human Right’s Abuse! Putting a child on a step and not letting them move does not allow our children to experience the right to be a full participant of the community, it erodes their dignity and suppresses their right to have a say in things that are important to them. It just shuts things down according to an adult’s, often quite arbitrary, rules.

I'd agree with the time out.  As an adult if i do something stupid/naughty I get arrested or fired not hugs.   How do I get my kid fired?

[HoneyBBQ]

Honestly, I agree with a lot of the article. 

I supposed I'm raising a "brat... " 

Honestly, most these are just treating your child with respect. It's not that hard. You can still have boundaries and rules AND let them voice their opinion and have choices. It's not just one or the other. I grew up in a militant obedient household and I would never subject my child to that....

1 – Taking things off children.

I don't usually do this, unless it's dangerous or something. It's not that hard to say "hey, can I have that?" and usually she hands it over.

2 – Talking about children in front of them. 

I do this sometimes.

3 – Laughing at children.

I laughed at my kid the other day and she was upset because she wasn't trying to be funny. It hurt her feelings. So I apologized. *shrug*

4 – Picking babies up 

Yeah, I don't do this. We do "shake it off" and my kid will jump up and brush herself off. Independence. It works.

5 – Wiping children’s noses.

Eh, about half and half. Snot trickling down her face makes me nauseated.

6 – Deciding things without their input 

We always do a countdown before leaving - usually she will ask for 2 more slides or 1 more minute on the swing, and, it's really not that hard to accomodate. 

7 – Photographing (and sharing) them without permission 

Eh, my kid doesn't care about this.

8 – Putting children in Time Out 

We have some quiet time instead (she can go to her room and calm down) but she doesn't have to stare at the wall or stay in the same place. She just needs to be removed from the situation that is upsetting her.

9 – Telling them to stop crying

I don't do this. I'm big on validating her feelings. It's the fastest way to get her to calm down, is by feeling understood.

10 – Telling them what to wear.

She's been dressing herself since she was 2.5. I can make suggestions, but she picks out her own clothes. If it's really important she wear a particular item, I usually say "Do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one?" and she picks and we don't fight about it and we're both happy.

*shrug*

[billisonboard]

Jul 31, 2015 16:27:24 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

... "Do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one?" ...

Love and Logic fan?

[MJ2.0]

Jul 31, 2015 16:02:59 GMT -5 oped said:

These people do plan their entire days and lives around what the toddlers want to do.  

Toddlers don't know what they want. NEXT!

[HoneyBBQ]

Jul 31, 2015 16:34:48 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Jul 31, 2015 16:27:24 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

... "Do you want to wear the blue coat or the red one?" ...

Love and Logic fan?

No, did I post something inadvertently awesome?

[HoneyBBQ]

Jul 31, 2015 16:38:32 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Jul 31, 2015 16:02:59 GMT -5 oped said:

These people do plan their entire days and lives around what the toddlers want to do.  

Toddlers don't know what they want. NEXT!

My kid does! Just ask her! LOL

[MJ2.0]

Jul 31, 2015 16:40:04 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Jul 31, 2015 16:38:32 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Toddlers don't know what they want. NEXT!

My kid does! Just ask her! LOL

Yeah okay, mine does too... Or at least he thinks he does

[MJ2.0]

ITA about giving them limited choices. I'll let DS choose between usually 2-3 options for shirts and shoes. Also I let him pick a toy to take with him to school. But I plan outings based on what I know he enjoys. He doesn't always get to choose that. Once he chose to go to the bug museum.... <<shudder>>

[Deleted]

I would have gone to the bug museum.

I looooove choices. And natural consequences. But as someone mentioned last week, sometimes the natural consequences aren't worth the outcomes with a toddler. Ie. Bloody toes and snotty noses dripping on floors. Toddlers can't always get the concept of their rights impeding on the rights of others either... as in, their right to drip snot vs. my right not to vomit.