Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 2, 2015 21:29:01 GMT -5
It often hurts to deal with REALITY. I dont believe in feeding someones fantasy out of sympathy. Yes, I know, in today's world it is all about.....FEELINGS. HIM (clueless).......Gee I met this really interesting amateur geologist online and we have some good discussion. HER......I met a wonderful man online, a perfect match for me. I think I will sell my home and move to another state so we can be close to each other and be able to take our relationship to the next level. We are a perfect match for each other and will have a wonderful life together. You just have no class at all, do you? BTW, both Shasta and "Dude" live in the same state, California. Shasta has had problems with arsenic on her land for years and land in her area is currently being snapped up by foreign investors, presenting her with an opportunity to sell at a good price. None of this has anything to do with "Dude". But please, do not allow facts to interfere with your love of kicking those you perceive as being down.
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tallguy
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 2, 2011 19:21:59 GMT -5
Posts: 14,568
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Post by tallguy on Jul 2, 2015 21:33:53 GMT -5
Dude's got some stones!
I know. Bad joke. I'm sorry. Did it lighten the mood at all?
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msventoux
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 12, 2011 22:32:37 GMT -5
Posts: 3,037
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Post by msventoux on Jul 2, 2015 21:46:14 GMT -5
I keep waiting for someone to make a reference to "The Dude abides"
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Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,992
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Post by Peace77 on Jul 2, 2015 22:34:18 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear this, Shasta. I know you must be disappointed to learn he is not the person you had thought. Best of luck getting your rocks back. {{ hugs }}
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2015 11:18:35 GMT -5
Thanks for those of you who offered support.
Thanks as well for the opposing position.
I am hurt and upset, which I think is pretty normal given the situation. We were friends for a long time and had been talking for multiple hours a day for the past few months.
I don't think it's another woman or because he wanted minerals from my area, I think it is more likely he is just anti-social and the idea of actually having a personal relationship maybe freaked him out.
It was nice to find another semi-anti-social human to relate to. I know all about his life and desires, and he knew about mine.
Perhaps that is how he got to be his age and has never married or had a ton of experience dating. Lesson learned I guess.
What gets me isn't his choice not to have a relationship. That I can deal with. I am not a stalker or whatever. I only want healthy relationships that are mutually beneficial to both of us.
What gets me is he made a new scientific discovery from my material. He sent me photos that will go in his new book and research paper. He was all sweet and named the new phenomena for me... we had all this fun conversation that night.
The NEXT morning I say hello to him and he tells me:
If you want a boyfriend find one local Only talk to me about rocks You shouldn't date anyone who XYZ and makes a list of things I should look for in a new guy.
Then he unfriended me and blocked me. I can't see any future posts about my minerals and he just "poof" ended our relationship and friendship for some completely unknown to me reason.
It's sad and it's hurtful. What ever happened to "sorry but I don't want a personal relationship with you because I changed my mind..." or some other decent way to deal with whatever his issue was, like, you know, talking about it?
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obelisk
Familiar Member
Joined: Nov 12, 2014 14:49:16 GMT -5
Posts: 663
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Post by obelisk on Jul 3, 2015 11:24:56 GMT -5
That's how he gets his "rocks off"
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Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
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Post by Bonny on Jul 3, 2015 11:27:31 GMT -5
It's sad and it's hurtful. What ever happened to "sorry but I don't want a personal relationship with you because I changed my mind..." or some other decent way to deal with whatever his issue was, like, you know, talking about it? Maneuvering that transition requires a surprising amount of social skill which he clearly doesn't have.
I suspect he's frightened by the situation hence the sharp cut-off. He also may have some mental issues that are not well managed.
You can grieve but don't waste time trying to "fix" it. His monkey, his circus.
Time for you to move onto those other men who seem interested in a relationship with you.
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 3, 2015 11:35:23 GMT -5
Sounds kinda like he used you.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2015 11:38:36 GMT -5
I agree with you, Bonny.
My mom suggested maybe he was drunk or something the night before and woke up and changed his mind.
I have no idea, and that's the hard part. But, this too shall pass.
I had two offers this week of river days with two different guys I've known for a while. One lives down the road from me and the other lives up in OR a bit. Both nice guys, and both more social....
I think I will just marry my dog and be done with men. LOL
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andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,333
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 3, 2015 12:10:27 GMT -5
I agree with you, Bonny. My mom suggested maybe he was drunk or something the night before and woke up and changed his mind. I have no idea, and that's the hard part. But, this too shall pass. I had two offers this week of river days with two different guys I've known for a while. One lives down the road from me and the other lives up in OR a bit. Both nice guys, and both more social.... I think I will just marry my dog and be done with men. LOL Don't end up on the news like the girl in Florida!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 3, 2015 13:19:26 GMT -5
What gets me is he made a new scientific discovery from my material. He sent me photos that will go in his new book and research paper. He was all sweet and named the new phenomena for me... we had all this fun conversation that night.
So this only benefits him. He will get $$ from the book and will get recognition from the research paper. It will also enhance his career, very likely give it a huge boost, because of you.
Have you googled this new phenomena to see if he actually did what he said he did? The fact that you can no longer see what he's done with the minerals you've found suggest that he's changed his mind about this too.
I'm sorry, Shasta.....he may be an anti-social jerk (and I know a LOT of scientists) so you really can't blame this on his profession. You either use people or not, but being a scientist and recognizing something important gives you the opportunity to screw someone over more frequently than others. More than once, I have helped people out in their research (which has gotten published as well), but not a single person slammed the door on me after they got what they wanted from me.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2015 21:18:45 GMT -5
I agree with you, Bonny. My mom suggested maybe he was drunk or something the night before and woke up and changed his mind. I have no idea, and that's the hard part. But, this too shall pass. I had two offers this week of river days with two different guys I've known for a while. One lives down the road from me and the other lives up in OR a bit. Both nice guys, and both more social.... I think I will just marry my dog and be done with men. LOL I think I'd give the guys that have a little more social skills, that you know, a chance before you totally blow up the idea of guys and dating. One door shuts and . . . . Did the universe know that you wouldn't give either of those other guys a shot if 'rock-man' was still distracting you?
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Spellbound454
Senior Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Sept 9, 2011 17:28:42 GMT -5
Posts: 4,096
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jul 4, 2015 6:51:57 GMT -5
Stay calm... and get your thinking head on.
Get your property back in a smart and business-like way.
Chalk it up to experience, don't speak to him again.........and move on.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 22:00:25 GMT -5
@workingshasta you shipped him the rocks, yes?
Did they go to an address or a PO Box? If an address, then you can send a demand letter for return (that is a legal format letter). If it went to a PO Box, then he's a flake, but you can still send demand letter there too.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 22:36:03 GMT -5
I liked southernsusana idea of graduated letters, first just him at work, then each one to cc consecutively higher people at his university.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 13:14:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2015 23:08:07 GMT -5
I liked southernsusana idea of graduated letters, first just him at work, then each one to cc consecutively higher people at his university. Yes, but a legal demand letter gives her standing to take it to small claims court & I believe she could do so in her own county since the shipment originated there. It gives her the potential for financial satisfaction, so he can't be a total thief in addition to a cad.
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