midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 2, 2015 14:43:49 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. Do you have any other way to get into contact with him? I would be tempted to make his life as difficult/unpleasant as I could until I got my stuff back. If he's up for a Nobel Prize, I doubt he wants any bad publicity.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 2, 2015 14:44:42 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. Do you have any other way to get into contact with him? I would be tempted to make his life as difficult/unpleasant as I could until I got my stuff back. If he's up for a Nobel Prize, I doubt he wants any bad publicity.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 2, 2015 14:48:47 GMT -5
And, I am pissed off that he is "researching" on my rare rocks and now I probably won't get them back
Sounds like he may have been leading you on in order to gain access to your stash. He got what he wanted and now he doesn't need you anymore. Douchebag research tactics.
It happens to A LOT of people. Many researchers are dirt bags and would rather steal other people's work/data/samples than do the work themselves.
Lesson learned, anyone else comes snooping for your rocks make them come to YOU.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 14:53:01 GMT -5
If he has your rocks I would request they be retutned. Send something registered mail. You might have both overreacted a little. Yes him more than you. Sometimes things get real fast like and we do things out of panic and fear that we shouldn't do. That said, just because he is who he says he is doesn't mean he has said everything. He could have a girlfriend you don't know about and he was just playing till it got too real Eta. The others probably have a better take on this.... Drama's sounds feasible ...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 14:58:21 GMT -5
Facebook is just a social media site. We often forget that.
If you know him well enough to know that he's up for the Nobel prize, you know his academic affiliation. Write him a business-type letter (use the formalities here including Dear Professor Jones) asking for the return of the rock samples that you loaned him. Send it only to his academic address. Do not offer to pay. Do not include anything personal whatsoever. Keep it as short as possible. Sign it "Sincerely," and put your full name.
If/when he does not return the rock samples, write him a second request. Make it clear that this is your second request. Copy this one to his dept. chair.
If/when he still does not return the rock samples, write him a third request. Make it clear that this is your third request. This time copy this one to his dept. chair and dean.
I doubt you will have to make a fourth request, copying it to the president of the university. He will know where this is headed.
The key is that you don't want to come across as a stalker so you should sound as if you two have only interacted in a professional capacity. You loaned him some rock samples and would like them returned.
It will make his life miserable enough.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Jul 2, 2015 15:01:19 GMT -5
He may have been testing the waters before visiting you regarding potential suitors or may have been indirectly inquiring about your relationship with the facebook guy that you both know that lives in your area.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 2, 2015 15:02:29 GMT -5
As posted before, I sought him out as an expert in his field. He is up for the Nobel Prize in Physics next year. I am serious. And, yes, he is who he said he is... I know he is not married. I know he wasn't involved with anyone. We didn't just chat for a couple weeks and he freaked. We have talked for over 2 years and in the last couple months started having a much more personal relationship. We were making plans to get together. He discovered something new and made a big deal out of naming it after me.... Then the next morning he sends me a message that if I want a boyfrind to find one where I live and not to talk to him. I said "whatever" because that was all my brilliant mind could come up with at the time because I was pissed off. The following day he blocked me. I blocked him last night. I am a bit sad. And, I am pissed off that he is "researching" on my rare rocks and now I probably won't get them back... And ultimately, I have NO idea WTF happened on his end. But, at this point, if that is how he deals with conflict, then he had to go at some point. It just sucks. Sounds like he is brilliant but completely socially inept.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 2, 2015 15:04:31 GMT -5
Facebook is just a social media site. We often forget that.
If you know him well enough to know that he's up for the Nobel prize, you know his academic affiliation. Write him a business-type letter (use the formalities here including Dear Professor Jones) asking for the return of the rock samples that you loaned him. Send it only to his academic address. Do not offer to pay. Do not include anything personal whatsoever. Keep it as short as possible. Sign it "Sincerely," and put your full name.
If/when he does not return the rock samples, write him a second request. Make it clear that this is your second request. Copy this one to his dept. chair.
If/when he still does not return the rock samples, write him a third request. Make it clear that this is your third request. This time copy this one to his dept. chair and dean.
I doubt you will have to make a fourth request, copying it to the president of the university. He will know where this is headed.
The key is that you don't want to come across as a stalker so you should sound as if you two have only interacted in a professional capacity. You loaned him some rock samples and would like them returned.
It will make his life miserable enough. I like this idea.
I might file a stolen property report with the cops too.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Jul 2, 2015 15:10:10 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. You seem so...how can I put it?...UPSET?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 2, 2015 15:12:32 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. You seem so...how can I put it?...UPSET? You're not really this stupid are you?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 2, 2015 15:12:35 GMT -5
I'd be pissed too if someone made off with something that valuable.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 2, 2015 16:10:14 GMT -5
Here is another opinion: I thought your original post about selling your home and moving to California to be near a guy you had NEVER met in person was borderline stalker crazy. You probably freaked him out with your plans and conversation. Obviously, you were reading this situation way way different than he was. I also suspect that your conversations were coming across to him way different than you thought they were. As you said: "I sought him out as an expert in his field". So this whole thing started out as a professional contact and suddenly two years later you have yourself selling your home and moving to his state to be near him. Kind of reminds me of the thread by nutty about some guy texting her out of the blue. How you were reading your two years of wonderful conversations was way way different than he was seeing the situation. WAKE UP......you never even met this guy in person once, yet you were selling a home and moving to be near him. Reverse this situation and all the women on YM would be going crazy about some STALKER guy selling his home to be near a lady he never met, etc, etc, etc. I dont see any need for all the sympathy and male bashing......YOU NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY. Dangit. That sounds logical. I do think she should attempt to get the rocks back.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jul 2, 2015 16:25:06 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. You seem so...how can I put it?...UPSET? Did you smoke a big bowl before posting this?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jul 2, 2015 16:27:36 GMT -5
Here is another opinion: I thought your original post about selling your home and moving to California to be near a guy you had NEVER met in person was borderline stalker crazy. You probably freaked him out with your plans and conversation. Obviously, you were reading this situation way way different than he was. I also suspect that your conversations were coming across to him way different than you thought they were. As you said: "I sought him out as an expert in his field". So this whole thing started out as a professional contact and suddenly two years later you have yourself selling your home and moving to his state to be near him. Kind of reminds me of the thread by nutty about some guy texting her out of the blue. How you were reading your two years of wonderful conversations was way way different than he was seeing the situation. WAKE UP......you never even met this guy in person once, yet you were selling a home and moving to be near him. Reverse this situation and all the women on YM would be going crazy about some STALKER guy selling his home to be near a lady he never met, etc, etc, etc. I dont see any need for all the sympathy and male bashing......YOU NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY. I don't think most of this thread is male bashing, it's offering sympathy. Maybe she was over zealous and scared him off? You might be on to something. But what our friendly poster needs now is a place to vent and get a little support. Not be told what she might have done wrong. FWIW, my mom wanted to do the same thing except in reverse - wanted to let some dude she met on match move from across the country to move in with her. We thought she was fucking insane and told her as much. Convinced her at least to MEET him first. She did. She came home alone.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jul 2, 2015 16:33:20 GMT -5
For the most part I agree with wxyz (sans the male bashing part). I didn't really comment on the whole moving to meet some guy you really didn't know part of the other thread because stranger things have happened and worked out but you really didn't know the guy in the traditional sense. If him removing you from FB and/or deleting you from FB basically cuts off contact because you're so far away you didn't have nearly the relationship you thought or hoped you would. That's not to say mention of getting serious didn't scare him away as who knows exactly what's going through his head but it sounds like for you at least it's for the best. Sorry it didn't work out like you hoped.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 2, 2015 16:37:37 GMT -5
I don't see this thread as male-bashing. But I see some bashing of *this particular guy.* And FWIW, his despicable behavior makes him a worthy target.
And in all fairness, *clearly* all men are not like him.
And FWIW, I'd be saying the exact same thing if it were a woman doing it to a man. It is inexcusable to take (accept) someone else's property and then fall off the face of the earth. This guy didn't just disappear - he actively blocked her from any further contact.
That qualifies as bash-worthy in my book . . . however, as always - - YMMV.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 2, 2015 16:41:39 GMT -5
To be fair to Shasta, she was planning on moving anyway. She was looking a couple YEARS out. She may have gotten caught up in the what ifs, but if conversations had gotten more personal, isn't that the logical assumption?
The weird thing was him being on board to visit and then cut off all contact.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 2, 2015 16:47:22 GMT -5
If he told you he is up for a Nobel Prize next year, he was feeding you nonsense.
No one is up for a Nobel Prize. There are hundreds of folks nominated for a Nobel Prize and few are considered by the Nobel Committee. Even then, the Nobel Committee never announces who was even considered for a prize until 50 years after the prize for any given year is given.
You are far better off without him, Shasta.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jul 2, 2015 16:50:02 GMT -5
I don't see this thread as male-bashing. But I see some bashing of *this particular guy.* And FWIW, his despicable behavior makes him a worthy target.
And in all fairness, *clearly* all men are not like him.
And FWIW, I'd be saying the exact same thing if it were a woman doing it to a man. It is inexcusable to take (accept) someone else's property and then fall off the face of the earth. This guy didn't just disappear - he actively blocked her from any further contact.
That qualifies as bash-worthy in my book . . . however, as always - - YMMV.
Uh...didnt this just happen in the last day or so? For all anyone knows, her crap is in a box on its way back to her. The level of vitriol directed at this guy is ridiculous.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 17:20:17 GMT -5
Sorry he did that to you. I have never heard the term catfishing. Seriously am I just a 90 y/o woman now? Right there with you, I had to look it up But this is a guy Shasta met online due to professional inquiry, so it is not like he was all made up. Either he was scared of actually starting a relationship - like maybe he was having panic attacks over it, or he had a GF/wife that he was pretending he didn't.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 17:23:16 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. Send him a demand letter for return of the rocks. Otherwise take it to small claims court. Yeah, asshat for sure. Sounds like he is more socially inept than you could deal with if he freaked out + blocked everything. You seem more social and people oriented than that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 17:31:44 GMT -5
I think @wxyz is off base on this one. Shasta had not talked to the guy about selling her home or moving anywhere. She asked here wondering if anyone would consider it because she knew the guy would never move. It was not something she was about to jump into.
Then if I remember correctly, he initiated the conversations of coming to see her & it was kind of out of the blue in her opinion.
Calling a specific person, who took specific actions, a douchecanoe that she is better off without is hardly 'man bashing'.
He did something jerkish. I don't feel at all bad about taking Shasta's side on this one!!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 2, 2015 17:41:26 GMT -5
It's comforting to know that so many people on here are okay with leading someone on for a while, getting something from them, then cutting off contact. Makes me really optimistic about the human race.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 17:54:10 GMT -5
I'm so sorry this has happened to you shasta...really shows you what kind of guy he is, though (which isn't good enough for you) so in that respect, I'm glad whe's gone. Question re: your rare rocks...when exactly did you 'loan' them to him for (ahem) research? I'm heavily leaning towards thinking he's a scammer, plain and simple. He scams ppl (read: women) out of stuff he's interested in having. The fact that he got your rare rocks doesn't necessarily make me believe he's up for a Nobel Prize as another poster has posted re: the process, and seems to know what he/she is talking about (sorry I don't recall the poster is @ the moment) OR that he is anything else he told you he was; whether professionally or personally. And when it came time for the rubber to hit the road, as they say....he ran. Why? Because he led you to believe untruths. To what extent? All of it... Turn those sad feelings into what they should be as soon as you can: Gratefulness...T.G. girl, you dodged a bullet. You could have been scammed out of much much more, imo.. Try to be kind to yourself, love yourself, you did nothing wrong shasta, nothing. He on the other hand is a scumbag out to steal from naive, honest women.....pfft...be grateful he is gone!! Whew... It could have been so, so much worse... Best of Luck...chin up!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 2, 2015 18:22:10 GMT -5
And, before someone makes a comment about "rare rocks" I discovered a local area that has a special mineral that is $100 per slice when it is cut. He now has my whole bag of them.... asshat. Catfishing, especially for profit, is illegal in California. I'd report him. I'm sorry this happened but I'm glad you found out before you did anything permanent. I'm kind of happy that this old married lady (me) still has good instincts in today's world. I had commented on your thread about moving closer to him and said no way in hell. You really should listen to us over here. We've got your back. blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2013/01/what-is-a-catfishing-scam-ask-manti-teo.html
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jul 2, 2015 18:40:42 GMT -5
I read the other thread and while she didn't say that she talked about moving she said:
"I sought out a world expert to ask a question about a mutual interest and now 2 years later we spend all the dang time talking online and I want to change that and it appears he does as well."
"I didn't realize how he felt until recently and am just banging my head against the wall. Finally found a dude I like, who wants a relationship with me, but we don't live in the same area and it's not a quick 3-5 hour drive away"
I don't see anywhere whether or not it got to the point that she talked about moving just that they both basically wanted to get more serious so unless I missed it not sure how far the conversations went. Regardless to be fair if any of the women here had a friend who told you she had been talking to a guy online for a few years, that they hadn't met and that he started talking about getting serious I'm sure some of you would be concerned for your friend. Not because you don't trust her but because you don't know squat about him or his real intentions since you've never met him. By all accounts the guy could have scammed her or it could also be that all of her stuff is on it's way back to her in a box. Either way it's not a traditional situation, there's always two sides to a story and it's unfortunate.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 2, 2015 18:47:53 GMT -5
Unless you did something that mortally offended him, I'd say there is another woman in his life.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Jul 2, 2015 20:58:52 GMT -5
He has a safe life style with an opportunity of a Nobel Prize. How in the hell do you equate that responsibility in meeting that goal with your peers let alone with a personal life. I cannot even weight the two. A Nobel Prize with all the allocates for a future discovery. That is a lot of pressure for an introverted physics type of personality. I can understand why he wants to maintain the status quo without any personal changes in waiting for such a global prize. If I was waiting for a Nobel Prize, it will have to wait for any potential romance. When you have a Nobel Prize, the world opens to you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2015 21:02:29 GMT -5
I'd say he's a lying, deceptive creep who made shasta believe that he wanted more from the relationship; ie., moving it up...
Imo, there's one around every corner and we women need to be less trusting of what a man says, and instead pay attention to what he does. There were many ample opportunities to show shasta that he was becoming more interested; send flowers, send card, something other than the internet sharing that they were doing. Idk, like I said in MJ's thread......I'm a dinasour, but @ 58 I have learned some wisdom about men in my days...and I know it's a whole new world, and youngin's do other things to relay feelings that are growing, but I don't recall hearing the flower or card industry faltering or dying a slow death...old fashioned courting may be viewed upon by some younger ones as so cliche'.......but I disagree. When a man is interested in a woman, he WILL find creative (or old fashioned ways...) to tell her in different ways that he is 'in to her...' It's in their DNA, they can't help thinking about ways to knock her socks off; ie; impress her in unexpected ways...
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jul 2, 2015 21:22:16 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear this, Shasta. I know you must be disappointed to learn he is not the person you had thought. Best of luck getting your rocks back. {{ hugs }}
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