Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 14, 2015 14:33:50 GMT -5
Has he been calling lately? He hasn't called in almost 4 weeks. Ever since I told him to stop contacting me via text and to only contact me when it is directly regarding the kids.
Or course I've got several dozen text messages in that time. Even that has slowed down with the last round being on my birthday over 2 weeks ago. I've ignored all those. Those don't even phase me anymore.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 14, 2015 15:02:28 GMT -5
Ok, since the overwhelming response was to just ignore & move on, that is what I will do.
I'm just so angry right now. I know the world isn't fair, but it fucking sucks when someone can essentially steal from you & the best answer is to do nothing. And the reason to do nothing is because he is a royal ass & will just harass me more. So my kids get no CS. I get money taken out of my account. I get hateful texts. And I do nothing because the consequences of action are worse than just taking it. And yes, I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
And as far as being upset & it is another way for him to control me. I don't care right now. Yes, he wins, he pissed me off. I think that most people get at least temporarily upset when someone steals $120 from them. Tomorrow I will move on, today I will be angry.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 14, 2015 15:07:27 GMT -5
I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
While I have not been in your particular position I understand the sentiment.
I don't think it's right to tell you not to feel angry. You are entitled to have your own emotions.
It's only a win for him if he figures out he pissed you off. If he's left dangling wondering why you didn't call then it's a win for you no matter how you feel on the inside.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2015 15:08:32 GMT -5
Ok, since the overwhelming response was to just ignore & move on, that is what I will do.
I'm just so angry right now. I know the world isn't fair, but it fucking sucks when someone can essentially steal from you & the best answer is to do nothing. And the reason to do nothing is because he is a royal ass & will just harass me more. So my kids get no CS. I get money taken out of my account. I get hateful texts. And I do nothing because the consequences of action are worse than just taking it. And yes, I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
And as far as being upset & it is another way for him to control me. I don't care right now. Yes, he wins, he pissed me off. I think that most people get at least temporarily upset when someone steals $120 from them. Tomorrow I will move on, today I will be angry. Considering the circumstances, it's ok to be angry today. I'll be angry at him with you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2015 15:11:26 GMT -5
How much was in that account? I'm not sure what surprises me more, that he tapped it or that he didn't drain it! Is it just a debit card that he can use for whatever?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 14, 2015 15:12:30 GMT -5
Ok, since the overwhelming response was to just ignore & move on, that is what I will do.
I'm just so angry right now. I know the world isn't fair, but it fucking sucks when someone can essentially steal from you & the best answer is to do nothing. And the reason to do nothing is because he is a royal ass & will just harass me more. So my kids get no CS. I get money taken out of my account. I get hateful texts. And I do nothing because the consequences of action are worse than just taking it. And yes, I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
And as far as being upset & it is another way for him to control me. I don't care right now. Yes, he wins, he pissed me off. I think that most people get at least temporarily upset when someone steals $120 from them. Tomorrow I will move on, today I will be angry. Considering the circumstances, it's ok to be angry today. I'll be angry at him with you. Me too.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 14, 2015 15:22:36 GMT -5
For what it's worth, I want to find him and punch him in the face kick him in the balls. Especially after reading the kids thread about DS2's ear infection. Here you are doing the right thing and taking care of your sweet kids and he is stealing your money you should be able to use to pay for their medical treatment. That doesn't just make him a shitty parent, it makes him a shitty person.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 14, 2015 15:28:08 GMT -5
Ok, since the overwhelming response was to just ignore & move on, that is what I will do.
I'm just so angry right now. I know the world isn't fair, but it fucking sucks when someone can essentially steal from you & the best answer is to do nothing. And the reason to do nothing is because he is a royal ass & will just harass me more. So my kids get no CS. I get money taken out of my account. I get hateful texts. And I do nothing because the consequences of action are worse than just taking it. And yes, I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
And as far as being upset & it is another way for him to control me. I don't care right now. Yes, he wins, he pissed me off. I think that most people get at least temporarily upset when someone steals $120 from them. Tomorrow I will move on, today I will be angry. You're right. Absolutely. It's awful that to have some peace in your life you have to let him get away with one more thing. I get it. My ex had a child support payment of $40.70 a week that he hasn't paid in 10 years and I couldn't even get modified when he was unemployed (heard that one from the CSE person's mouth). His judgement was for minimum wage in 2001ish because he was also unemployed then. I could be mad or I could be glad I could still basically cover it and move on. I've gotten more cash to pay for things out of the ex MIL than the father. We all have different things to suck it up and move on about. In the meantime, let's plan the various ways we could make him fit in the freezer over on EE
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2015 15:47:25 GMT -5
For what it's worth, I want to find him and punch him in the face kick him in the balls. Especially after reading the kids thread about DS2's ear infection. Here you are doing the right thing and taking care of your sweet kids and he is stealing your money you should be able to use to pay for their medical treatment. That doesn't just make him a shitty parent, it makes him a shitty person. A lot of times when I would get frustrated about my stupid ex going not doing his part to raise our children, I would think of something my Grandma use to say..... "One monkey don't stop no show". That would actually pop into my head lol. In those particular instances, my ex was the monkey and taking care of my children was the show. Angel, don't let him stop your show. Be angry for now, then let the anger go. You come across here as a good natured, loving person. Don't let him take that from you. Imo, when people strive to make you unhappy or upset, having a full, joyful life in spite of their efforts is the best revenge.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 14, 2015 15:51:12 GMT -5
Well, since his balls are apparently big enough for him to steal the money, and his brain is obviously useless and shriveled from whatever substances he's ingesting, I'd say cutting off his nether bits ought to be a good start to make him fit.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 14, 2015 15:58:25 GMT -5
Ok, since the overwhelming response was to just ignore & move on, that is what I will do.
I'm just so angry right now. I know the world isn't fair, but it fucking sucks when someone can essentially steal from you & the best answer is to do nothing. And the reason to do nothing is because he is a royal ass & will just harass me more. So my kids get no CS. I get money taken out of my account. I get hateful texts. And I do nothing because the consequences of action are worse than just taking it. And yes, I get to be the bigger person & I am the better parent & doing what I can for my kids, but somehow that just doesn't feel like a win right now.
And as far as being upset & it is another way for him to control me. I don't care right now. Yes, he wins, he pissed me off. I think that most people get at least temporarily upset when someone steals $120 from them. Tomorrow I will move on, today I will be angry. Do you have a paint ball gun? Go out to the woods someplace, line up some empty bottles, and blast the crap out of them with paint balls. It makes a giant mess. Shoot some trees, too. What I would LOVE for you to do is go to his house and slash his tires. Fill a bag with dog crap and fire works and set it on fire in front of his door. Carve the amount he stole from you with a knife on the side of his car. That's what I would love to do, if it was me. But I wouldn't, and I know you won't, either, because the asshat would only ramp it up and would never leave you alone. I think if you ever hope to have some peace in your life and in the lives of your kids, you're going to have to be the adult in this scenario and just leave it alone. The good news is he has a warrent out in your state. If you ever hear of him sneaking so much as a toe across state lines, call the cops and have his ass picked up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 14, 2015 16:04:01 GMT -5
That's why I said get the lawyer going now. IF he shows up, bye bye and he becomes someone's butt buddy.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 14, 2015 16:11:22 GMT -5
OK, now that one (in bold) I really like! The dog poop and fireworks thing is new to me, but clearly you know this is a tried-and-true method.
Happyhoix makes a good point, though. The warrant means he cannot come back to hurt you without risking arrest. So he has to find some other way, any other way. The money he stole...that amount will last him a day at the most. He'll drink it, smoke it, snort it, whatever. Then what? Whatever thrill he felt in his deep-fried brain cells when he got the money will be as gone, too. A month from now, he will have zero clue as to what he did with the cash, and likely will deny ever having it or taking it.
You cannot argue with the crazy, stupid or chemically deranged. Nor can you make sense of anything they do. You may have to witness his antics from time to time, as they pop up in your life. But you don't have to become a participant in any of them.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 14, 2015 16:44:05 GMT -5
In the meantime, let's plan the various ways we could make him fit in the freezer over on EE Sometimes I forget that not everybody is familiar with YM culture. My family looked at me really oddly when we were last shopping for a refrigerator and I told them I needed at least a "two hooker freezer."
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Apr 14, 2015 16:51:01 GMT -5
Only have a moment so haven't read it all yet, but when I approached a lawyer about removing his rights I was told I'd need to wait until I had received no child support for a year. It was almost a year when they caught up to him and started garnishing his wages again.
I would get them to garnish. Let the DA who handles child support know you aren't getting paid, and they should start to garnish g if they can find him). If he files for a tax refund, you will see that money before he does if he owes back payments.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Apr 14, 2015 18:16:52 GMT -5
I am with MPL ... as infuriating as it is, I'm guessing you have more than 129 in the account, and that this was a "test".
I would NOT engage with him over this. Give him enough rope to hang himself, let him go get a crown or something, and have the funds denied.
I am of 2 minds whether I would go for CS or for sole custody. I think for now I would go for CS, because I think it's more likely that a unicorn will appear at your front door tonight than that your ex will get his act together, get a lawyer, get a job, and dare to come to your state to fight for visitation, etc.
I don't know what his family situation is. But, if you have an order out for CS, if he inherits one day, I think that can be garnished too.
I would go for CS, but I would NOT engage with him over the 129. Again, I'm with MPL, I think it probably could have been a LOT worse.
Best to you Angel!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Apr 14, 2015 18:26:55 GMT -5
Other thought: could you petition to have the agreement amended to add your third child to the current agreement for your first two? I'm guessing that wouldn't be very difficult to do or cost very much, but of course I could be wrong.
If that is feasible, I'd start with that and CS.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 15, 2015 10:20:01 GMT -5
In the meantime, let's plan the various ways we could make him fit in the freezer over on EE Sometimes I forget that not everybody is familiar with YM culture. My family looked at me really oddly when we were last shopping for a refrigerator and I told them I needed at least a "two hooker freezer." In my family, cars are judged by 'dead body' trunkspace
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 15, 2015 10:56:19 GMT -5
So uh with the warrant out for him wouldn't that mean he wouldn't be able to go to the court and fight anything angel asks for? At least unless he has the money to hire a lawyer.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 15, 2015 11:11:55 GMT -5
So uh with the warrant out for him wouldn't that mean he wouldn't be able to go to the court and fight anything angel asks for? At least unless he has the money to hire a lawyer. Pretty much. The warrant is for his arrest on charges that he was either convicted and sentenced on (but never showed up for jail or paid his fines/costs) or was arrested on but never appeared in court to face. Either way, if he steps into the warrant-issuing state, and he's found, he can be immediately arrested and taken to jail. And he'd likely sit there; there would not be any bail or bond this time. He'd be there until he saw a judge, who might set bond, which he probably cannot pay (given that he's stealing from an HSA, I'd say he's long ago down to the bottom of the proverbial financial barrel). If he cannot post bond, he'd sit there until his next court hearing, which could be as long as 30-60 days. So I'd be surprised if he contested anything. An attorney could do it for him, representing him in a civil court of law, without him being there. But of course, he'd have to hire that attorney. And that's not likely, since he has no money. He could go the Legal Aid route, but I don't see him having the minimum amount of common sense required to think of that.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 15, 2015 14:13:32 GMT -5
So uh with the warrant out for him wouldn't that mean he wouldn't be able to go to the court and fight anything angel asks for? At least unless he has the money to hire a lawyer. Pretty much. The warrant is for his arrest on charges that he was either convicted and sentenced on (but never showed up for jail or paid his fines/costs) or was arrested on but never appeared in court to face. Either way, if he steps into the warrant-issuing state, and he's found, he can be immediately arrested and taken to jail. And he'd likely sit there; there would not be any bail or bond this time. He'd be there until he saw a judge, who might set bond, which he probably cannot pay (given that he's stealing from an HSA, I'd say he's long ago down to the bottom of the proverbial financial barrel). If he cannot post bond, he'd sit there until his next court hearing, which could be as long as 30-60 days. He skipped a court date on a DUI charge. It was his second so he was likely going to jail & decided running was better. I think it was supposed to be just a threat & he truly thought I was going to stop him & beg him to stay. LOL. But, I didn't stop him & he left. I can pretty guarantee he would have no way to post bail, so if he gets arrested, he will probably sit waiting for court & then probably have to take a plea for time in jail.
Is there a time after which warrants or charges expire? After some number of years will he be free & clear?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 15, 2015 14:19:45 GMT -5
Pretty much. The warrant is for his arrest on charges that he was either convicted and sentenced on (but never showed up for jail or paid his fines/costs) or was arrested on but never appeared in court to face. Either way, if he steps into the warrant-issuing state, and he's found, he can be immediately arrested and taken to jail. And he'd likely sit there; there would not be any bail or bond this time. He'd be there until he saw a judge, who might set bond, which he probably cannot pay (given that he's stealing from an HSA, I'd say he's long ago down to the bottom of the proverbial financial barrel). If he cannot post bond, he'd sit there until his next court hearing, which could be as long as 30-60 days. He skipped a court date on a DUI charge. It was his second so he was likely going to jail & decided running was better. I think it was supposed to be just a threat & he truly thought I was going to stop him & beg him to stay. LOL. But, I didn't stop him & he left. I can pretty guarantee he would have no way to post bail, so if he gets arrested, he will probably sit waiting for court & then probably have to take a plea for time in jail.
Is there a time after which warrants or charges expire? After some number of years will he be free & clear?
Not on a DUI, and sure as hell not on a second DUI. As far as I know, DUIs (and the warrants issued on them) are open until the person is dead or arrested. I cannot, off the top of my head, think of a state that has an expiration date on warrants. A warrant can be cancelled or withdrawn, however, after a certain time period by the court that issues it. But on its own - no, it does not expire.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 15, 2015 14:33:26 GMT -5
He skipped a court date on a DUI charge. It was his second so he was likely going to jail & decided running was better. I think it was supposed to be just a threat & he truly thought I was going to stop him & beg him to stay. LOL. But, I didn't stop him & he left. I can pretty guarantee he would have no way to post bail, so if he gets arrested, he will probably sit waiting for court & then probably have to take a plea for time in jail.
Is there a time after which warrants or charges expire? After some number of years will he be free & clear?
Not on a DUI, and sure as hell not on a second DUI. As far as I know, DUIs (and the warrants issued on them) are open until the person is dead or arrested. I cannot, off the top of my head, think of a state that has an expiration date on warrants. A warrant can be cancelled or withdrawn, however, after a certain time period by the court that issues it. But on its own - no, it does not expire. That's good to know. I would hate to lose that advantage.
Realistically, I don't see him ever choosing to come back knowing he would go to jail. I think the only reason he kept in contact as long as he did was thinking he could somehow win me back. I don't think he cares enough about the kids to fight me on anything. But, I also don't like the idea of pissing off a crazy person.
I did a little more research on the relinquishment. It looks like it would actually be pretty easy if he were here & signed the paperwork. But, with him gone I think it takes a little more work. No contact for 6 months seems to be a big deal, so if he doesn't call for 5 more months, then maybe I can pursue this. I really just need to talk to a lawyer on this because there seems to be a lot of conflicting info online.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 15, 2015 14:36:59 GMT -5
I had Baby Daddy ready to sign his rights away to avoid having to pay child support. The lawyer said the judge won't agree because our kids had the right to have two parents and we didn't have the right to take that away. So we didn't get to do that.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 14:43:55 GMT -5
I had Baby Daddy ready to sign his rights away to avoid having to pay child support. The lawyer said the judge won't agree because our kids had the right to have two parents and we didn't have the right to take that away. So we didn't get to do that. Most states are like this, in ours unless there is extreme abuse, you have to have someone willing to adopt before rights will be terminated. Angel is lucky to have the option.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 15, 2015 15:01:38 GMT -5
I had Baby Daddy ready to sign his rights away to avoid having to pay child support. The lawyer said the judge won't agree because our kids had the right to have two parents and we didn't have the right to take that away. So we didn't get to do that. Most states are like this, in ours unless there is extreme abuse, you have to have someone willing to adopt before rights will be terminated. Angel is lucky to have the option. Yeah. I was pretty disappointed with it too. You would think that the simple fact that he was willing to sign off on them so as not to have to pay for their care would have been enough to get a judge to at least consider it. Guess not.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2015 15:07:19 GMT -5
Most states are like this, in ours unless there is extreme abuse, you have to have someone willing to adopt before rights will be terminated. Angel is lucky to have the option. Yeah. I was pretty disappointed with it too. You would think that the simple fact that he was willing to sign off on them so as not to have to pay for their care would have been enough to get a judge to at least consider it. Guess not. I think a lot of the reasoning behind it is they want another body to come after for financial support. If you apply for any kind of state assistance in MN they go after the absentee parent pretty hard. They may give them zero parenting time because they are deemed not fit, but if they terminate their rights they can't get any money out of them.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 15, 2015 15:27:10 GMT -5
I had Baby Daddy ready to sign his rights away to avoid having to pay child support. The lawyer said the judge won't agree because our kids had the right to have two parents and we didn't have the right to take that away. So we didn't get to do that. I had always heard that too. But when I was researching the issue, it appears mine is one of the few states where they don't have this requirement. It probably makes it a lot easier if you have someone lined up to adopt. And it might depend on the judge you get whether or not it is approved. But, it seems that it is possible in my state.
But, it looks like relinquishment would require he be here because it requires counseling. I've found this:
"The Court has the right to deny the request for relinquishment if it is not convinced that the parent has a sufficient understanding of the consequences of their request or that there is undue coercion, fraud, duress or pressure exerted by another party."
and this:
"Courts will not allow relinquishment for the sole reason that a parent does not wish to pay child support, unless there is another available and appropriate person (such as a stepparent) to take over the parental responsibility for the child."
It appears that I can go for involuntary termination if there is no contact for 6 months, which is then consider abandonment.
Since I receive no support, I think I just have to prove he has no interest in being a parent & that it is in the kid's best interest to have his rights terminated. Given that he has a known drug/alcohol problem, has a history of domestic violence, & has a warrant out in our state, I think that may not be difficult. Everything I have found just says I need a good reason that isn't he just doesn't want to pay child support. Don't know if that will be enough though, that is where I would really need to talk to a lawyer. Maybe I'm way off base because you can't really trust what you find on the internet
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sapphire12
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Post by sapphire12 on Apr 15, 2015 18:18:44 GMT -5
Angel, my heart breaks for you and your kids. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish the best outcome for your family.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 16, 2015 3:09:34 GMT -5
Angel - the whole situation really sux but I too am glad he skipped - you are doing so well - question - were you able to take him off the account and/or cancel his card so he no longer has access?
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