Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 11:06:05 GMT -5
Okay, I want to know how my house rules compare to others. GW is 18 in her last year of high school.
1. There is a curfew of 11 on my work nights and 12 on weekends, this is flexible for special events.
2. No boyfriend in the bedroom. I eased this one up when we had the other 2 girls because there really was nowhere to have space to themselves but I have reinstated it now. They have a family room downstairs that they can have to themselves.
3. School attendance every day unless sick or on vacation.
4. Do own laundry, clean own room and bathroom and clean up after self in the kitchen, taking turns emptying the dishwasher.
5. Let me know where you are when you go out.
How do my rules compare?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 3, 2015 11:11:33 GMT -5
We don't have a set curfew. My girls ask for permission to go somewhere and we come to an agreement on time to be home. They have to call me if they are going to be late.
No boys regardless of relationship status on the second floor of my house and never home with them alone.
I do the laundry and cooking. They have to help me with the general neatness of the house. They are assigned certain chores that are only theirs and take turns emptying the dishwasher.
Go to school unless they are sick or at a school related activity.
Ha! I was trying to edit and ended up liking my own post!
ETA: They must also let me know where they are going and who they will be with.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 11:14:34 GMT -5
How old are your girls andi?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 3, 2015 11:19:32 GMT -5
How old are your girls andi? 15 and 17. I need to think about if rules will change when the oldest turns 18. I don't think they will change much if at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 11:22:14 GMT -5
Thx, I give a set curfew based on the idea that she can make her own decisions within those parameters and doesn't have to ask me every time.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 3, 2015 11:33:15 GMT -5
My kids are 19, 18, 16 (almost 17) and 14. Here are our rules:
1. Curfew is negotiated based on who's going where and with whom and why (example - mall with friend vs. chapparoened band event) 2. Expected to help with household chores when asked - everything is spread out pretty equally (we got rid of all of our "extra" dishes - everyone has their own plate bowl and cup - if it's dirty, their own fault for not washing it) 3. Kids deal with what we buy them until they get a job (we're not horrible, we do take their likes and wishes into consideration). If they want something fancier - they have to pay for it themselves (cell phone is a prime example of this) 4. You want us to help you? A good attitude and decent grades (or at least evidence that you're trying your hardest/best) goes a lot further than the expectation we'll help "just because" with an accompanying attitude.
Our house is small - everyone shares a room. No computers or TV in any of the bedrooms. No smart phones for the kids unless they prove they can be responsible with it (only oldest and 17 year old has one). Computer is in the living room for all to view activity.
At this point, only the oldest has a vehicle (that we bought for $1k) and is driving. She had a job, but quit that without a plan in place. We're going to allow her to "learn the hard way" what it means to have no money and dependent on parents after she's tasted freedom.
The 18 year old is in driving classes and is expecting to have his license by June. He's in marching band, he knows we expect him to have a job no later than January 2016 (marching band schedule is brutal through November!!). Next year will be his last year in high school.
The 16 year old has his own plan, refuses our help, and is currently not working towards anything we've offered to help with (he'll get a taste of "reality" soon enough). He's not driving, we won't help him with his current attitude/grades, and he'll be bouncing off brick walls by his own choice.
The 14 year old is still a work in progress. She attempts to find "loop holes" rather than following our rules, but is bad about hiding it, so we usually find out pretty quick and call her out on it.
I don't personally think your rules are too strict.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 3, 2015 11:37:51 GMT -5
Oh! They are also responsible for their own laundry. With 6 people in the house, if they "miss" their laundry day - it's a struggle for everyone else. We've actually told the kids when they missed their day - work it out with the others - otherwise, it's your own fault if you have to wear stinky/wrinkled cloths to school.
Kids cannot do their laundry on the weekend as that is mine and DH's days (due to work). If they only have one-two items, we'll usually help (like one set of athletic cloths for gym on Monday). If we happen to finish early, then we'll let them know so they can start if they want to, but otherwise, they're outta luck!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 12:25:57 GMT -5
Kara, you're a well oiled machine!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 3, 2015 12:59:04 GMT -5
I never recall school attendance being a "rule" when I was in ha.
I just went to school. I rode the bus to school until my senior year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:02:17 GMT -5
I never recall school attendance being a "rule" when I was in ha. I just went to school. I rode the bus to school until my senior year. It probably never had to be a stated rule because you went. If I let GW she would go once a week, tops. Because "they never teach us anything anyway!"
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 3, 2015 13:07:55 GMT -5
Not going to school never crossed my mind as a teen. And I'd never get away with it if I tried to skip school.
The one and only time I got detention was because I left school after my last final before winter break. My last period was study hall and since all my classes were done for the semester, why should I stick around? Well, I got busted for non attendance and got detention.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 3, 2015 13:08:53 GMT -5
I never recall school attendance being a "rule" when I was in ha. I just went to school. I rode the bus to school until my senior year. It probably never had to be a stated rule because you went. If I let GW she would go once a week, tops. Because "they never teach us anything anyway!" Ahh, to be 18 and know everything. Those were the days....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:11:27 GMT -5
I on the other hand would go to dad and say, blank is coming in on the train friday, I need to go pick her up and he'd say, well, you haven't been to the dentist lately have you? And write me an excuse...
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 3, 2015 13:13:46 GMT -5
By the time I was a senior I had to write my own notes and dad would sign. I only had 5 classes anyway one of which was study hall/community service. I did go most of the time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:14:58 GMT -5
I do remember missing a lot of school my senior year. I also missed a lot of classes in college.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Apr 3, 2015 13:20:21 GMT -5
I never recall school attendance being a "rule" when I was in ha. I just went to school. I rode the bus to school until my senior year. It probably never had to be a stated rule because you went. If I let GW she would go once a week, tops. Because "they never teach us anything anyway!" Yeah - that's Rowdy's response as well (the 16 yr old). He'd never go either if we'd allow him to get away with it. We wrote that into his "agreement" - that he had to attend school for us to follow through. He has many more "rules" than the other kids, but only because of choices he's been making, not because we're trying to oppress him like he claims.....
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Apr 3, 2015 13:21:22 GMT -5
I don't have kids and it has been a few years since I was a teenager, but your rules sound reasonable. We didn't really have a curfew. Sometimes when we had friends over and stayed up all night my parents would not say anything, but would expect us to still complete our chores the next day. I seem to recall a smile on my Dad's face when he came to get us up in the morning.
We used to get what my mother called The Nine O'Clock Flu. ie as soon as the bus went by we suddenly felt better. We didn't do that often though as we liked school so playing hookey occasionally wasn't a problem.
If I had kids I would also have them responsible for cooking a weeknight meal. Good for them to learn how to cook.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:24:24 GMT -5
violagirl she does cook, she actually likes it so we haven't needed rules about it.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 3, 2015 13:38:08 GMT -5
It probably never had to be a stated rule because you went. If I let GW she would go once a week, tops. Because "they never teach us anything anyway!" Ahh, to be 18 and know everything. Those were the days.... I knew everything when I was 18 too. Then I had Thing 1 when I was 19 and realized how wrong I was. I also find it amusing that my mom's IQ went up 1000000000% overnight when Thing 1 was born.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:43:23 GMT -5
The big problem today is that I reinstated the no boyfriend in the bedroom rule. Sorry, I tried it but I am very uncomfortable with them coming here and spending all their time in her bedroom, even if the door is half open. As I said, they have the family room downstairs all to themselves.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 3, 2015 13:44:57 GMT -5
Ahh, to be 18 and know everything. Those were the days.... I knew everything when I was 18 too. Then I had Thing 1 when I was 19 and realized how wrong I was. I also find it amusing that my mom's IQ went up 1000000000% overnight when Thing 1 was born. I saw a quote that said by the time a daughter realizes how smart her mother is she's got a daughter who thinks she knows nothing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 13:47:14 GMT -5
I might have needed an excuse because I'd had too many unexcused I understand the bedroom rule. I'm not sure it ultimately stops much, but everyone should be comfortable in their own home.
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PK Bucko
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Post by PK Bucko on Apr 3, 2015 13:48:54 GMT -5
Ahh, to be 18 and know everything. Those were the days.... I knew everything when I was 18 too. Then I had Thing 1 when I was 19 and realized how wrong I was. I also find it amusing that my mom's IQ went up 1000000000% overnight when Thing 1 was born. I knew everything and was invincible. Bad combo. There's no hard and fast rules for my son. (he'll be 16 on Sunday) But we do have an understanding of what's expected. The general rule is, "Don't be an idiot". Most everything else is common sense.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 3, 2015 13:54:56 GMT -5
I had 0 rules in HS. At least ones given to me by my parents, I still had to obey the law and most of the school rules.
I however did do the shopping, cooking, and laundry. I also enforced bedtimes for my parents so they would get enough sleep for work the next morning.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 3, 2015 14:04:50 GMT -5
The big problem today is that I reinstated the no boyfriend in the bedroom rule. Sorry, I tried it but I am very uncomfortable with them coming here and spending all their time in her bedroom, even if the door is half open. As I said, they have the family room downstairs all to themselves. You're the boss. You can impose any rule you want.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 14:08:05 GMT -5
We have enforced quiet time at night. There are consequences if people don't meet their obligations.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 3, 2015 14:10:54 GMT -5
We have enforced quiet time at night. There are consequences if people don't meet their obligations. I like that one How old are your kids?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 3, 2015 14:13:17 GMT -5
Your rules sound an awful lot like our rules some 35-40 years ago, Later. They worked out well for us.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 14:29:18 GMT -5
The big problem today is that I reinstated the no boyfriend in the bedroom rule. Sorry, I tried it but I am very uncomfortable with them coming here and spending all their time in her bedroom, even if the door is half open. As I said, they have the family room downstairs all to themselves. You're the boss. You can impose any rule you want. LOL thanks, but I still don't want to be unreasonable. It helps to get reinforcement from other parents.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 3, 2015 14:34:52 GMT -5
It sounds okay to me. I didn't have any rules or a curfew, but I didn't need them. I was good kid with perfect attendance (yeah, I was that dork with 18 years perfect attendance) and good grades. I had boys upstairs all the time, but I never had sex and never got in trouble. My parents recognized it and let me be. My curfew was "be reasonable". By senior year, reasonable was 2:00 AM. Good luck. I don't know what I'll do if my daughters end up like my older sister who rebelled against everything. She went to juvi for shop-lifting, got kicked out of high school, got pregnant, did drugs, etc. My parents tried rules with her, didn't work. Her life did not turn out well. Every kid is different and you know best.
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