Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 3, 2015 11:05:46 GMT -5
Do you? I wonder if feeling poor or flush has more to do with income than the balance sheet.
DH mentioned that it made him feel bad to go to the rec center and see all the high school kids driving much nicer cars. We're 40-ish. We could buy a nice new car for cash, but don't have nearly the income to justify it.
Would we feel richer if we had nice big incomes but no investments?
(Talk me down--feeling kind of beaten down lately.)
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Apr 3, 2015 11:23:00 GMT -5
I recommend you stop feeling and start thinking about money issues
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 3, 2015 11:23:20 GMT -5
Look inward, not outward. Is there something in your life that's missing?
Our cars are a 2005 and a 2001.... A car gets you from point A to point B, period. My 'smart' phone is a samsung g2 (my 3 yr old has a better one ((hand me down Xmas gift just for playing games)) not I didn't give it to her).
Just about everybody has a nicer car and nicer toys than us... lol. But we don't need it, and that's the important thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 11:29:56 GMT -5
Look at it the other way, wear it as a badge of honor. I would feel worse with a high income with a McMansion and two luxury cars and no savings. "Big hat no cattle" from the millionaire next door.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 3, 2015 11:33:22 GMT -5
Investment rich- cash poor.
I'd rather have my money sitting in my account, rather than in my driveway.
If someone doesn't like what I'm driving- or judges me because of it- Screw 'em.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 3, 2015 11:50:23 GMT -5
Look inward, not outward. Is there something in your life that's missing? Our cars are a 2005 and a 2001.... A car gets you from point A to point B, period. My 'smart' phone is a samsung g2 (my 3 yr old has a better one ((hand me down Xmas gift just for playing games)) not I didn't give it to her). Just about everybody has a nicer car and nicer toys than us... lol. But we don't need it, and that's the important thing. Yeah--a career. Sort of in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation at the moment. Thanks, that does make me feel better. I have a smart phone TracFone. That doesn't bug me. Our cars are 1999 and 2004 and are starting to have some issues. The kids at that school are hand-me-down Audis, and such, and much newer than ours. It just exaggerates the job frustration for me.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Apr 3, 2015 12:00:43 GMT -5
Oh I can definitely relate to this. To compensate, I look at my finances a lot, and just try to plan for the future. As tempting as it is to lease or borrow a more lavish lifestyle, I know in the long run it would just take me further from my goals; comfort, security, peace of mind.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 3, 2015 12:20:14 GMT -5
We are starting to think about a new-to-us vehicle to replace the 2001. The 2001 is a 2 seater... so we only have 1 vehicle that carries the kiddo and family around. Both DH's other children have WAY nicer cars than us... lol. It just is what it is.
Sorry about the career thing. I think it's easy to get wrapped up in what we should/could have and not what we DO have; especially when other aspects of our life are bothering us.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 3, 2015 12:34:46 GMT -5
I still have a dumb phone, that should make you feel better. Most people don't understand how I can make it through life with that thing.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Apr 3, 2015 12:39:34 GMT -5
Do you? I wonder if feeling poor or flush has more to do with income than the balance sheet. DH mentioned that it made him feel bad to go to the rec center and see all the high school kids driving much nicer cars. We're 40-ish. We could buy a nice new car for cash, but don't have nearly the income to justify it. Would we feel richer if we had nice big incomes but no investments? (Talk me down--feeling kind of beaten down lately.) you've got a couple of different things going on in your post. Feeling 'poor' or 'flush' when you actually have some financial security (meaning you aren't struggling with health issues or wondering how you'll keep the lights on and food on table while living in a hovel becuase you don't have enough income even tho you are working as best you can!) isn't about the actual money or how much you make. It's about accepting and feeling good about what you do have - ie having the things you VALUE. You have to know what you Value though to achieve this state. there's also the duality of life - you can't be everywhere and have everything. There's always trade offs. So, the HS kids with nicer cars have made a trade off (or their parents did) they gave up something else (weather it's tangible or intangible) to have that nicer car. They may or may not be aware of this happening. a nicer car doesn't automatically equal a nicer happier life. You might be richer (have more income) but you might not be happier - since you might be spending more than you earn and therefor worry about making ends meet at the end of the month. OR if you are on the hedonistic treadmill - you might be VERY unhappy because you can't afford the one-use disposible 14 carat goldplated dinnerware that's all the rage - happy rich people don't EVER use the same dishes/utensils twice much less eat off of anything lower quality than gold. <-- example of a general type of escalating spending - there's always something better that you DON"T have... So, review your values, take some time to be grateful for what you DO have, re-affirm what kind of future you'd like to have, and realize that you probably are actually happy and satisified with your life. FWIW: i have a relatively inexpensive 3yo vehicle which I purchased new - it's a box on wheels. It's small. I scraped the rear fender on the side of the garage 6 months after I bought it. I was annoyed but then I was "ok" - it's not getting fixed. I've customized my car. When people give me the hairy eyeball because I probably should be driving a nicer car - I smile and think to myself I do have a "nicer luxury car" - it's just NOT a car - it's my rental property - the Condo in the Sun. If I had bought a luxury car (which I certainly could afford) I wouldn't have been able to purchase investment property. I traded 2 years of super nice vacations in order to puchase a second investment property (basically I used the money I had saved for vacation for something else). For two years I did smaller one day "outings" and inexpensive crash on a friends/relatives couch for a Night trips instead. I'll take the bigger super nice vacations eventually. I'm slowly replenishing my 'vacation fund'. I love to hear about other people's vacations. I'm sure people shake their heads and wonder why I haven't gone anywhere exciting for a few years. I smile and think about how much I like having the "Little Rental House" while remembering all the fun stuff I DID do during the two years of no big vacations. It's all about what you value. See, there's always a trade off.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Apr 3, 2015 12:40:08 GMT -5
I don't feel poor even though people with much less income and assets have newer and/or fancier things than me and DH. Usually I feel a little superior for having self control. I am also thankful for what I have because DH and I are doing better than our parents. I don't feel deprived, and I understand that anyone can usually afford anything- just not everything. You can't judge a person's lifestyle based on seeing one thing.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 3, 2015 12:41:35 GMT -5
I actually get jealous of other people over their free time, not their things. So same problem, different issue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 12:52:00 GMT -5
DH and I laugh at people who drive shiny new SUVs and take their kids to Disney World and on cruises. We wonder if they have any money set aside for their retirement or their kids' educations. Some do, I'm sure, but the rest of us can't have it all and have to set priorities.
I wouldn't trade a lifetime of fancier cars and regular cruises for the blissful retirement DH and I have now. DS got to Disney World once but I'm sure he's also very happy that his spare income is going towards saving for his own retirement and his daughter's education rather than student loans he'd have had to take out if I'd spent more on fancy cars and other frills.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 3, 2015 12:58:47 GMT -5
It's a more affluent area that I was thinking I'd like to move to in the future. (Probably not so much now.) Those cars were hand-me-downs from the kids' parents. Maybe some of their parents are stretched thin, but there is genuine money there. I don't begrudge them--the kids are really, really nice. The people there are really nice. Just makes DH and I feel deficient. We took a wrong turn somewhere and we'll never catch up in time for our own kids, not at this rate, anyway.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Apr 3, 2015 12:59:38 GMT -5
I actually get jealous of other people over their free time, not their things. So same problem, different issue. and then I get angry at them because they are usually pi$$ing away their time by becoming engrossed in the minutia and routine of daily life as they succomb to Parkinson's Law* *Parkinson's law is the adage that "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion". .
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 3, 2015 13:43:42 GMT -5
I actually get jealous of other people over their free time, not their things. So same problem, different issue. and then I get angry at them because they are usually pi$$ing away their time by becoming engrossed in the minutia and routine of daily life as they succomb to Parkinson's Law* *Parkinson's law is the adage that "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion". . Touché. I've gotta quit sitting around feeling sorry for myself and do something while I have the time. Excellent point.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 3, 2015 13:48:08 GMT -5
Yeah, my kids go to school where SAHMs have nannies and go abroad in their spare time, 98% of the kids have an iproduct by age 10, and second homes are common. (One house worth 600K, and a lake "cottage" or second house in mexico.)
In that reality, we are poor. Almost embarrassingly poor.
One of my clients is affluent. The dad works 24/7, and the mom is pretty much left to run the kids everywhere by herself. That's their price for owning 100K in cars and a house over a half million.
Other parents we know, the mom works 3 hours away, comes home for the weekends. The dad and last child fend for themselves, pretty much. That's the price they pay for the wife taking a job that's too good to pass up.
Other parents we know (the ones with the half million house and the lake house) the dad travels so much he couldn't devote one hour a month to one of his kids' activities.
In real reality, we are not poor.
It has nothing to do with income, but everything with outlook and choices.
We are so blessed, and I am so grateful.
We have made our choices. We could have tried for high power, professional type jobs. We chose to have a family at a younger age. We chose to have a larger family. We chose our lifestyle.
We have used it as talking points with my oldest: My kids want more-then do good in school so that you can be a specialized doctor; be prepared to spend 70 hours a week at work as a CPA if you want to go somewhere. But understand, then that neither choice is wrong or right, but there are consequences: like we will never have a lake home, nor will we be able to take our kids to Europe for two months like I've dreamed of.
But we are not poor.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 3, 2015 13:54:42 GMT -5
I live where everybody has better or more than us. I do wonder if our bank balance is much higher though. I know one family is putting their oldest kid's college on credit cards and they have all the latest and greatest including granite counters/kitchen remodel, newer car, pool and take yearly out of the country vacations. Whatever floats their boats but I'm not on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds because of my finances. Not that having to be on those meds is bad - but if it's because you can't afford your lifestyle you are doing something terribly wrong. Just remember this: Somebody will ALWAYS have bigger, better, more, prettier, etc. than you. ALWAYS! This message is brought to you by somebody who doesn't want or have a cell phone and drives a 1995 3000-GT SL and can roll around naked in all her money. Oh. And our house is probably the smallest but they all go on and on about how gorgeous our house is. They love the layout, etc. Go figure! And we have granite counters throughout. We're not hillbillies and do have nice stuff!
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 3, 2015 14:12:58 GMT -5
Investment rich- cash poor. I'd rather have my money sitting in my account, rather than in my driveway. If someone doesn't like what I'm driving- or judges me because of it- Screw 'em. they can walk!There I fixed it for you
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Apr 3, 2015 14:22:48 GMT -5
Do you? I wonder if feeling poor or flush has more to do with income than the balance sheet. DH mentioned that it made him feel bad to go to the rec center and see all the high school kids driving much nicer cars. We're 40-ish. We could buy a nice new car for cash, but don't have nearly the income to justify it. Would we feel richer if we had nice big incomes but no investments? (Talk me down--feeling kind of beaten down lately.) I think it has to do with expectations more than anything else. Many people are under the delusion that rich means I can buy anything I want, when I want, and not think about it.
Very few people realize one can really define rich somewhat by where you fall in the income hierarchy tax-wise and that except for the very rich(and frankly even for them) one has to make choices with their resources. Just like its generally not possible to have it all, like time with family and an amazing time intensive career, we all have to choose.
DH can choose to feel OK about the car he has or not. Up to him, but I think expectations are the culprit. I don't know what would make you feel richer. It depends on your own personal expectations and money scripts in your head.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 3, 2015 14:26:56 GMT -5
Do you? I wonder if feeling poor or flush has more to do with income than the balance sheet. DH mentioned that it made him feel bad to go to the rec center and see all the high school kids driving much nicer cars. We're 40-ish. We could buy a nice new car for cash, but don't have nearly the income to justify it. Would we feel richer if we had nice big incomes but no investments? (Talk me down--feeling kind of beaten down lately.) No need to compare yourself to the Jones or their kids...they may have more stuff than you do, but so what? I am constantly trying to get rid of stuff. Happiness is not found in a bigger house, a nicer car (actually, I'm on the verge of selling my cars for the benefit of walking and cycling) or a bigger closet full of clothes you rarely wear. You need to figure out what is important to you.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 3, 2015 14:29:10 GMT -5
DH and I laugh at people who drive shiny new SUVs and take their kids to Disney World and on cruises. We wonder if they have any money set aside for their retirement or their kids' educations. Some do, I'm sure, but the rest of us can't have it all and have to set priorities.
Yes, and yes, but thanks for being concerned about me.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Apr 3, 2015 14:42:05 GMT -5
DH and I laugh at people who drive shiny new SUVs and take their kids to Disney World and on cruises. We wonder if they have any money set aside for their retirement or their kids' educations. Some do, I'm sure, but the rest of us can't have it all and have to set priorities.
Yes, and yes, but thanks for being concerned about me. LOL, I WAS thinking of you when I read Athena's post...But there are SOME financially responsible folks who own/do those things!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 3, 2015 14:48:49 GMT -5
I have my moments with this as well. I should really be embarrassed by my car. Everyone and I mean everyone has nicer, newer cars. But, I'm a keep it forever kind of person. My 1998 maxima keeps going and my net worth keeps growing.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Apr 3, 2015 14:50:30 GMT -5
Yes, and yes, but thanks for being concerned about me. LOL, I WAS thinking of you when I read Athena's post...But there are SOME financially responsible folks who own/do those things! Good to know I wasn't the only one :eek:
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 3, 2015 15:02:30 GMT -5
LOL, I WAS thinking of you when I read Athena's post...But there are SOME financially responsible folks who own/do those things! Good to know I wasn't the only one :eek:LOL! I used to picture you as a big ole macho man but now... not so much.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Apr 3, 2015 15:08:22 GMT -5
I live where everybody has better or more than us. ... Just for contrast: I live where I am one of the better off people. I have a good job in small town America. It pays in the $50,000 range. My wife makes about $25,000. We be rich in our community.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 3, 2015 15:12:59 GMT -5
LOL, I WAS thinking of you when I read Athena's post...But there are SOME financially responsible folks who own/do those things! Good to know I wasn't the only one :eek: BTW, Mr. Haitian, I'm sorry about that post I made about your cousin in Jersey, the other day. Now about cars...I am conflicted. The sensible part of me says...this old Nissan is just fine...and it is. The Italian part of me wants to burn rubber...and I like the smell of a new car.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 3, 2015 15:17:38 GMT -5
Good to know I wasn't the only one :eek: BTW, Mr. Haitian, I'm sorry about that post I made about your cousin in Jersey, the other day. Are you afraid he'll kick your ass now that you know he's macho and stuff?
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 3, 2015 15:26:11 GMT -5
BTW, Mr. Haitian, I'm sorry about that post I made about your cousin in Jersey, the other day. Are you afraid he'll kick your ass now that you know he's macho and stuff? Aren't you cute. No one kicks my ass...well, not yet I was just trying to be decent.
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