hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 2, 2015 10:56:00 GMT -5
So I'm going to take a slightly different approach than most people saying they don't care. Let me start by saying I don't care if someone gets married on my anniversary...however, it sounds like that might not actually be the issue here. The way I read it, the real issue is that I take a trip every year, everyone knows I take this trip every year, and now a very close family member has chosen to schedule their wedding on that same date. Go for it, but don't be upset if people don't drop their pre-arranged plans to attend your event. If it is important to have someone attend your event (any event), then you don't schedule it for a time when you know they already have plans and just expect that they'll drop their stuff because you want them to. Take your trip the week before or the week after. Weddings are (theoretically) once in a lifetime. Anniversaries come every year. Weddings involve finding the right venue having an open spot, and the right church (if you are into that sort of thing) and a million other moving pieces. Anniversary trips can be scheduled around life fairly easily. Pretty selfish if your weekend in the Poconos ON THIS EXACT DATE is more important than the people you love. My 24th wedding anniversary is once in a lifetime! (ok i'm not close to 24). I say pretty selfish to schedule an important event on a day you know I have a conflict.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 2, 2015 10:59:27 GMT -5
::What she said and I will add if as the person organizing the event you took everyone exceptions into consideration you will never be able to pick a date.::
I'm saying pick a date. Just don't be offended when the people you conflict with decide they'd rather follow the plans they already have than drop everything to attend your event. I don't think there's anything actually wrong with scheduling over someone, just don't turn into a Bridezilla when people don't drop their plans to attend yours.
::At the end it was screw this; we don't care about your opinions. Family reunion is on this date at this location, RSVP if you can make it. Don't if you can't...::
I think this is fine actually. This is very different from "It's so important for us that you specific people attend, by the way we scheduled it on a date we know you're busy".
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Apr 2, 2015 11:54:51 GMT -5
It probably depends on the overall family dynamic and the relationship between the celebrants and the invited guests. In some families everything is viewed as a competition, in others every gesture, every invitation, every interaction is viewed as an opportunity to take offense, create drama, and declare oneself to have been slighted, overlooked, insulted, or otherwise not shown adequate respect. Some family members are just self-absorbed, others are just jerks, some are stupid, many are all three.
There are, however, families and family members who are able to understand that it is very unlikely that the date of an event was chosen specifically to inconvenience anyone else. Not everything has to be turned into an opportunity to be offended and sometimes one just needs to have the emotional maturity to understand that adjusting one's own routine in a small way to participate in the milestone event of someone one cares about is not a sign of weakness, nor is it the end of the world.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Apr 2, 2015 15:27:21 GMT -5
As far as I can tell, the bride is NOT turning into bridezilla. We haven't heard anything about the bride other than it would mean a lot to her to have these people at her wedding.
The person having the fit is a guest who could choose not to go, if she wanted. Instead, she's choosing to complain and make sure everyone knows what an imposition this is to her.
If I read this right, the bride is the widow of the OP's ex-husband's late brother. The bride remains close to her deceased husband's family, and wants them to share in her happiness as she moves on in her life. And it seems like it is important enough to the OP's ex-husband that he attend that he is willing to forgo/reschedule the annual anniversary trip to go, but that his new wife isn't so happy about that. And that's the OP's ex's problem, and no one elses.
Again, I would be that the bride has no idea this is someone else's anniversary. And even if she knows that her late husband's brother and his new wife take a trip every summer, is she really expected to know that it's on the same date every summer? I have friends and family who travel a lot. Are some of those (or even all of those) the same week every year? I have no idea. I have a number of friends who, like us, got married over Labor Day weekend so that they could take a little get away around their anniversary every year. Do I pay attention to if they go every year or not? No. Because it's not my life, and I shouldn't be expected to know their vacation schedule.
So yeah, the guest who complains that someone else (who it would seem to me is trying to coordinate minimum 3 different families attendance at her wedding) does not know off the top of her head, or prioritize that one guest's schedule, is the one out of line.
As a note, my wedding date was completely chosen based on when the venue I wanted was available. When I called to book, I was told I could either do the Sunday of 4th of July weekend or the Saturday of Labor Day weekend because that's all that was available. We chose Saturday/Labor Day weekend.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 23:27:34 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 15:50:46 GMT -5
As far as I can tell, the bride is NOT turning into bridezilla. We haven't heard anything about the bride other than it would mean a lot to her to have these people at her wedding.
The person having the fit is a guest who could choose not to go, if she wanted. Instead, she's choosing to complain and make sure everyone knows what an imposition this is to her.
If I read this right, the bride is the widow of the OP's ex-husband's late brother. The bride remains close to her deceased husband's family, and wants them to share in her happiness as she moves on in her life. And it seems like it is important enough to the OP's ex-husband that he attend that he is willing to forgo/reschedule the annual anniversary trip to go, but that his new wife isn't so happy about that. And that's the OP's ex's problem, and no one elses.
Again, I would be that the bride has no idea this is someone else's anniversary. And even if she knows that her late husband's brother and his new wife take a trip every summer, is she really expected to know that it's on the same date every summer? I have friends and family who travel a lot. Are some of those (or even all of those) the same week every year? I have no idea. I have a number of friends who, like us, got married over Labor Day weekend so that they could take a little get away around their anniversary every year. Do I pay attention to if they go every year or not? No. Because it's not my life, and I shouldn't be expected to know their vacation schedule.
So yeah, the guest who complains that someone else (who it would seem to me is trying to coordinate minimum 3 different families attendance at her wedding) does not know off the top of her head, or prioritize that one guest's schedule, is the one out of line.
As a note, my wedding date was completely chosen based on when the venue I wanted was available. When I called to book, I was told I could either do the Sunday of 4th of July weekend or the Saturday of Labor Day weekend because that's all that was available. We chose Saturday/Labor Day weekend. My wedding date was chosen only because lilacs would be in bloom. That's it. Completely arbitrary and pulled out of my ass for no reason except my absolute favorite flowers were in bloom and I could have them for my wedding for free. Sister-in-law (to be) did all the flowers for free using ribbons I gave her and lilacs her son liberated from other people's bushes.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Apr 2, 2015 16:04:58 GMT -5
What I can't believe is that 2 other people over here had the nerve to get married on our wedding date! What a copycat! Especially the one that was married longer than us. My birthday always fell on Mother's Day every 7? years. I was always so happy to get a free dessert or flower for my birthday when we went out to a restaurant. It was so thoughtful of them!
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 2, 2015 16:33:00 GMT -5
::Again, I would be that the bride has no idea this is someone else's anniversary. And even if she knows that her late husband's brother and his new wife take a trip every summer, is she really expected to know that it's on the same date every summer?::
If it's really "that important" to her that they be there...yes. If she doesn't mind that they won't attend, then not at all. No different than for anyone else holding any kind of event. If you don't mind that some people will have other plans, pick whatever day you want. If you want to make sure specific people will attend, then you need to make sure they're available before picking a date.
We just picked a date for our wedding. We didn't really care who showed up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 16:33:19 GMT -5
As far as I can tell, the bride is NOT turning into bridezilla. We haven't heard anything about the bride other than it would mean a lot to her to have these people at her wedding.
The person having the fit is a guest who could choose not to go, if she wanted. Instead, she's choosing to complain and make sure everyone knows what an imposition this is to her.
If I read this right, the bride is the widow of the OP's ex-husband's late brother. The bride remains close to her deceased husband's family, and wants them to share in her happiness as she moves on in her life. And it seems like it is important enough to the OP's ex-husband that he attend that he is willing to forgo/reschedule the annual anniversary trip to go, but that his new wife isn't so happy about that. And that's the OP's ex's problem, and no one else's.
You nailed it, Shane. My former sister-in-law was part of this family for about thirty-five years. It was a very close family, but it is slowly disintegrating. My former father-in-law and brother-in-law died several years ago. My former mother-in-law has dementia and is living in a precursor to assisted living.
I rather expect my former sister-in-law doesn't even know any of this. It is human nature to complain to everyone except the person you feel is responsible. She's definitely not Bridezilla. She probably wouldn't change her wedding date, though. There are definitely a lot of families including several adult children of the bride and groom to coordinate.
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jinksd1
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Post by jinksd1 on Apr 2, 2015 19:28:20 GMT -5
Of course that would bother me. That's why we got married on a day that nobody else has ever married on in the entire history of the world.
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