Family marrying on your anniversary. Would you care?

[Deleted]

This is just family gossip and actually none of my business.  But that doesn't make it uninteresting to me.  

My former SIL, who lost her husband (my ex's brother) to cancer, is remarrying.  She has selected the same day that my ex and his second wife married eleven years ago.

Apparently, the second wife is really upset because they always take a trip to celebrate.  My comments to my DIL (telling the story) were that (1) there has to be a reason (only day her choice of venue was open, for example) other than "I would enjoy pissing people off" and (2) what's the big deal . . . celebrate the week before or the week after.

Is it a big deal?  DH and I go out to lunch to celebrate our anniversary, but we would go out to lunch, anyway.  I was married to the ex for almost 25 years, and our anniversaries were pretty much nothing.  We probably went out as well.  It was in Oct., and teachers don't really have "vacation" then.  We got married that weekend because I had a 3-day holiday.  We certainly didn't take a trip; we couldn't afford to because we were raising kids.

SO would you be bothered if close family members got married on your anniversary?  It is very important to my former SIL that her late husband's family be there.  

Like I said, this interests me because it is family gossip.  

[Deleted]

Not at all, if anything it may help to remind me when mine is.

[busymom]

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. Some of my relatives had the audacity to have their babies on days that already had significance to DH & I.   If there's a big ceremony, I'd recommend they go, & then they can leave early during the reception to go do their own thing.  It's not like they'll be spending every anniversary with them. 

[TheHaitian]

Not at all... 

[Tennesseer]

My mom and my sister never got along.  They pretty much loathed each other.

My sister lived in New Mexico but she and her fiance flew to Massachusetts to be married in an early fall backyard wedding and recption at my parents home. My sister, having forgotten the date of my parents' wedding anniversay date picked their date for her wedding too.

My sister was disgusted when she found out she had picked their wedding date and even more disgusted when she overheard our mother telling some of her friends at the wedding her daughter was so sentimental and loved her parents so much by picking their wedding date to marry too.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

If the date just happens to fall on a Saturday (or any other day the wedding is scheduled for), possibly when weather is predicted to be good, who cares?

It's not like you "own " that date on the calendar.

My mother's birthday was 04/30. Guess what she did on one of her birthdays? She spent the day in the hospital - in labor - giving birth to one of my bothers who now shares the same birthday.

It was no longer just "her" special day. Things like this happen.

[justme]

My brothers first wedding was on the same date as a cousins. A year after I think. Nothing was said beyond well isn't that interesting/cool/fun.

[quince]

Nope. That's a bit silly.  No one gets a day of the year as their own special thing that everyone related to them should keep their hands off.

I don't even know anyone's anniversary. Why would I? When I need a reminder of mine I go look at the engraved pepper mills my husband's dad gave us. Usually all I know is it was sometime early July.

[kittensaver]

There are persons in three generations of my family with the same anniversary date. We consider it an honor.

[HoneyBBQ]

God no. It's just a date for fuck's sake. Same thing with kid's names. It's JUST A NAME people. Get over yourself.

[mmhmm]

Gosh, no! I don't know why that would bother anyone. If you need to attend the wedding, just make other arrangements for your anniversary celebration. The world certainly isn't going to end if you celebrate your anniversary a week earlier or later.

[weltschmerz]

Bother me? Not at all.

[marvholly]

Mar 31, 2015 22:24:21 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

If the date just happens to fall on a Saturday (or any other day the wedding is scheduled for), possibly when weather is predicted to be good, who cares?

It's not like you "own " that date on the calendar.

My mother's birthday was 04/30. Guess what she did on one of her birthdays? She spent the day in the hospital - in labor - giving birth to one of my bothers who now shares the same birthday.

It was no longer just "her" special day. Things like this happen.

My story is VERY similar.  DGD3 was born by C-seciton just 5 days before my bday.  Now we celebrate her bday only.  The kids & grands do give me small gifts & cards but on the side sort of after thoughtish. 

Should I have INSISTED DD schedule the C-section earlier or late?  That is a medical decision and WAAAY out of my expertise.

[MarleyKeezy78]

One of DH cousins had the nerve to get married on my birthday  ... Oh wait, a nice meal, drinks and dancing, I was like sign me up!!! I had a blast      Doesn't bother me one bit 

[happyhoix]

Oh please. She sounds like one of those women who can always find offense when no offense is intended.

"She got pregnant when she knew I was getting married because she wanted to ruin the wedding pictures with her fat belly!" "She gave her son my daddy's middle name when she should have known if I ever have sons I might want to use that name!"

I have a person like this in my family, and she wears me out. Life is too short to be constantly finding things to be offended about.

[NoNamePerson]

What is it with people who think they are so damn special that they "own the family rights" to a day. GMAFB   

[Wisconsin Beth]

My wedding day is actually on my uncle's wedding day.  I didn't know that when we were picking the date.  I was embarassed when he pointed it out.  And he's had some fun teasing me about copying his life - esp. as we both work for the same place (different depts and really different career paths) and his youngest daughter and my daughter share a b-day. 

The job part I just shrug off.  The b-days was a fluke.  I don't think either girl was born via predetermined C-section (I know my daughter wasn't) but I do feel vaguely guilty about the wedding date for about 2 seconds every year.  I know it's just a day though so I get over it really fast.  It was the day that worked best for DH and me (I was in school and working full time then), our venue and my church.  It also lines up with Sweetest Day every few years so as long as I get flowers and a decent meal out (i.e. not fast food) to celebrate us, I'm really over it being "Our Day" and all that stuff. 


Back to read everyone's comments. 

Edited to add - my uncle is a really nice guy.  He's about 10 years older than me so we grew up with a more cousin/sibling dynamic than an uncle/niece.  The teasing was in good fun and hasn't happened in years.  I don't remember my siblings anniversary dates so me not knowing his is par for the course. 

[973beachbum]

On any given Tuesday it is everything I can do to remember my own birthday or anniversary.  Now I am supposed to remember everyone else's

I am so screwed!

[Deleted]

I kind of get the disappointment, on your 20th wedding anniversary the younger couple will get some of the spotlight too and that sort of thing. OTOH, you get to go to their milestone celebrations and steal some of their thunder. And while I get the disappointment, I know it's petty and wouldn't say it out loud.

[ArchietheDragon]

I would punch her in the balls. 

[yogiii]

Mar 31, 2015 23:34:49 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

God no. It's just a date for fuck's sake. Same thing with kid's names. It's JUST A NAME people. Get over yourself.

My DD's name isn't very common but it also isn't a unique name so it will not surprise me one bit to meet another person, kid, whatever with her name. 

Apparently a relative of mine thought I was going for a one and only type of name because her response to my email letting everyone know she was born and made it into the world was "I know two other kids born in the past two years named x".  That's it, that was the entire email, LOL.  Okay ....

[MarleyKeezy78]

Apr 1, 2015 8:50:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I would punch her in the balls. 

How about a spork to the taint 

[alabamagal]

First with all the exes and in laws it is hard to follow what the relationships are.

How many people are you required to check with when you schedule a wedding?

I did have an issue when I announced my wedding date. A cousin was planning for the same date (it was 6 months in advance) but they had not finalized so they just moved to a month later

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2015 9:02:52 GMT -5 MarleyKeezy78 said:

Apr 1, 2015 8:50:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I would punch her in the balls. 

How about a spork to the taint 

Thank you, no.
(Where was your mindset to come up with that? )

[shanendoah]

I would bet anything that ex-SIL doesn't even know that the day she chose is her BIL's anniversary (unless new wife has told her). And even if she had, that shouldn't come into her wedding planning at all.

New wife needs to get over herself and be willing to celebrate her anniversary a day or week early or late, at least if it's important to OP's ex to be at the wedding.

For the record, I got married on a three day weekend. I encourage everyone I know to do the same (because you always have a 3 day weekend right around your anniversary in case you want to do something - we never do anything). I know of at least 3 other couples in our friends group that have "Labor Day" anniversaries. We're not all on the same day, but we're all within a week of each other.

And now, Pop Tart's birthday is only 2 days before our anniversary. So honestly, I'm more likely to be spending Labor Day weekend throwing her a birthday party than I am having a romantic dinner with C.



Now for some fun "southern" etiquette. Per my grandparents, it was impolite to acknowledge/celebrate someone else's anniversary. The anniversary was something special between the couple and others should not be involved. Young children could appropriately asked to make cards/gifts, but grown children were only to recognize milestone anniversaries (ie- only the 10s) for their parents.

[imawino]

Mar 31, 2015 22:34:20 GMT -5 quince said:

Nope. That's a bit silly.  No one gets a day of the year as their own special thing that everyone related to them should keep their hands off.

I don't even know anyone's anniversary. Why would I? When I need a reminder of mine I go look at the engraved pepper mills my husband's dad gave us. Usually all I know is it was sometime early July.

yeah that.

I find it a little odd that people even acknowledge other people's anniversaries.  A wedding anniversary is an occasion only for the anniversary couple, in my opinion.  My quasi-MIL is one who gives all manner of people cards for their anniversaries - and mentions the dates to me as though I might care.  What?  Why?  That's weird.   

[imawino]

Apr 1, 2015 10:17:34 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Now for some fun "southern" etiquette. Per my grandparents, it was impolite to acknowledge/celebrate someone else's anniversary. The anniversary was something special between the couple and others should not be involved. Young children could appropriately asked to make cards/gifts, but grown children were only to recognize milestone anniversaries (ie- only the 10s) for their parents.

Well, there  you have it.  I am southern and that's what I think as well.  I just didn't realize it was only a southern thing. 

[Cookies Galore]

Apr 1, 2015 10:21:16 GMT -5 imawino said:

Mar 31, 2015 22:34:20 GMT -5 quince said:

Nope. That's a bit silly.  No one gets a day of the year as their own special thing that everyone related to them should keep their hands off.

I don't even know anyone's anniversary. Why would I? When I need a reminder of mine I go look at the engraved pepper mills my husband's dad gave us. Usually all I know is it was sometime early July.

yeah that.

I find it a little odd that people even acknowledge other people's anniversaries.  A wedding anniversary is an occasion only for the anniversary couple, in my opinion.  My quasi-MIL is one who gives all manner of people cards for their anniversaries - and mentions the dates to me as though I might care.  What?  Why?  That's weird.   

Sounds like my MIL. She always texts hubs to tell him it's so-and-so's birthday or anniversary. I.Dont.Care.
Sometimes to be a jack ass I'll text honey (usually after seeing the notification on Facebook) that it's whatever cousin's birthday and to send him a card.

[NoNamePerson]

Apr 1, 2015 10:25:18 GMT -5 imawino said:

Apr 1, 2015 10:17:34 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Now for some fun "southern" etiquette. Per my grandparents, it was impolite to acknowledge/celebrate someone else's anniversary. The anniversary was something special between the couple and others should not be involved. Young children could appropriately asked to make cards/gifts, but grown children were only to recognize milestone anniversaries (ie- only the 10s) for their parents.

Well, there  you have it.  I am southern and that's what I think as well.  I just didn't realize it was only a southern thing. 

Maybe that explains it when I don't acknowledge my son's anniversary - or the fact that unless I look in momentos and find the napkin with the date printed on it    I do know it was in first week of April because they waited until time change (back then it was in April) so they could get some really good pictures outside in the church courtyard!!!!

[Cookies Galore]

We did get married on hubs' cousin's birthday. He has one bazillion cousins so whoop de doo. MIL wanted to get her a cake or have the DJ play happy birthday. Uh no. She's 25, not 5. She got a great fucking meal, open bar, and dancing. I would love the same on my birthday!