insane inlaws

[bean29]

My husband insisted when we were getting married that he did not want to have a traditional sit down meal b/c Mexicans would not understand/honor the invitation addressed to (Husband/Wife.) and that they would bring their children and any guests they happened to have at the time.  Which is why he wanted to have a buffet.  DH said you never go to a Mexican Wedding Hungry, b/c he claimed he had never been to a Mexican Wedding where they did not run out of food.  We did not run our of food at our Wedding, Most of my BIL's had Sit down meals as did many of DH's friends.  Some of DH's friends had very elaborate and expensive Weddings.  They spent some time communicating to their friends and family that they cold not bring their children to the Wedding.  Some refused to come to the Wedding w/o their kids and held a grudge about it.

My MIL is a very good cook - she is often assigned to bring food to Weddings or Showers or Baptisms. A very good friend of hers asked her to make Mole for her DIL's Wedding Shower but my in-laws were not invited to the Wedding. It would have cost my MIL quite a bit to make Mole probably a good $250, I think she said no, but she may have done it, but I definitely remember she was really mad at her friend.

To pay for funerals you may have a family contribution - for instance when DH's grandfather died - there were 8 children, 1 predeceased grandpa, 1 was indigent so the cost of the funeral was divided by 6 and that was the "family" contribution. DH and his Mother split the family contribution intending that his brothers not be asked for $$. DH later realized that several of his brothers gave more $$, so now if they give a family contribution they let the others know they don't have to give $$ b/c a "family" donation has been made.

I suspect Lisa's SIL's mother just reassigned the Son's contribution to the in-laws...but even Mexicans would find the $$ amount of her request, and the fact that she asked his inlaws for such a lage sum, way outside what the norms are.

[kittensaver]

I agree with milee. The same thing happens in the Italian/Sicilian culture when a wedding happens - the generous people step forward and help, particularly in poorer towns. In the Old World, a wedding is considered to be a community event - - at least it is in small towns. In many places there is no need to send out invitations, because when the wedding banns are announced in church, that is considered to be The Invitation.

Most Sicilians would not dream of coming to a wedding without their children (and no one would dare to ask or tell them to leave their kids at home), but neither would they ever dream of coming to a wedding empty-handed. Everyone shows up with bottles of wine and covered dishes (or long sandwiches) to share and feed the entire crowd. In the Sicilian culture there may be cake, but a cookie tower is considered to be the wedding "cake." The nonnas (grandmas) spend weeks baking cookies, and they are assembled into a tall cone-shaped tower (kind of like the French wedding croquembouche). The guests help themselves to a few cookies to take home as a party favors - cookies and also candied almonds.

There are horrible jerks and wonderful loving people in every culture. It's amazing how we sometimes - in our myopic cultural ignorance - attribute bad behavior to ethnicity or race. The two do not have anything to do with each other.

Or as I read recently: it's astounding how no matter who they are or where they came from, there's that one day in most people's lifetimes (their wedding) where they overspend inordinate amounts of money to pretend they're rich and ape the ways of the British Victorian and Edwardian aristocracy.

[Lizard Queen]

You can't come to a new country, and expect people there to ascribe to the customs of your old country. If they choose to adopt some of them, great, but you're the one who came to a new place. 

[kittensaver]

Mar 25, 2015 16:32:36 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

You can't come to a new country, and expect people there to ascribe to the customs of your old country. If they choose to adopt some of them, great, but you're the one who came to a new place. 

But I think the whole point is - - the woman in the original post is NOT imposing cultural norms on her adopted country. Many (if not most) folks of her culture "back home" would be astounded or embarrassed at her behavior. SHE is the one who is out of line with her "demands" - - her bad behavior has nothing to do with her culture. Just because some folks voluntarily follow tradition in the Old World (because they love/are attached to the bride or groom) does not mean she can turn that into a forced demand. She's out of line - not the culture or tradition. JMHO. 

[973beachbum]

I don't know if anyone remembers the KFC wedding we attended?  I actually would have helped more if we were approached in a nice manner and asked.  It is the tone that makes all the difference.  In our case were were not asked for anything.  We were ordered to bring the KFC and how much.  Personally if it hadn't be for me feeling sorry for the bride and groom I would have stayed home.  But the bride and her two brothers are literally my kids only cousins on that side of the family.  I didn't even know if they were involved or if it was DH's sister all on her own. 

I didn't want to ruin our relationship with them over what was really not that much money so I did bring the KFC.  And I got them some nice serve ware to put it in.  I just really don't react well to orders for some reason.

[NoNamePerson]

Mar 25, 2015 16:59:58 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

I don't know if anyone remembers the KFC wedding we attended?  I actually would have helped more if we were approached in a nice manner and asked.  It is the tone that makes all the difference.  In our case were were not asked for anything.  We were ordered to bring the KFC and how much.  Personally if it hadn't be for me feeling sorry for the bride and groom I would have stayed home.  But the bride and her two brothers are literally my kids only cousins on that side of the family.  I didn't even know if they were involved or if it was DH's sister all on her own. 

I didn't want to ruin our relationship with them over what was really not that much money so I did bring the KFC.  And I got them some nice serve ware to put it in.  I just really don't react well to orders for some reason.

I don't know why but this just cracked up me  - I apologize in advance for     But I do agree with you about bringing the KFC so as not to ruin your relationship with them. Sometimes you have to suck it up and pick your battles. Good for you!!

[tskeeter]

Mar 25, 2015 17:07:51 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Mar 25, 2015 16:59:58 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

I don't know if anyone remembers the KFC wedding we attended?  I actually would have helped more if we were approached in a nice manner and asked.  It is the tone that makes all the difference.  In our case were were not asked for anything.  We were ordered to bring the KFC and how much.  Personally if it hadn't be for me feeling sorry for the bride and groom I would have stayed home.  But the bride and her two brothers are literally my kids only cousins on that side of the family.  I didn't even know if they were involved or if it was DH's sister all on her own. 

I didn't want to ruin our relationship with them over what was really not that much money so I did bring the KFC.  And I got them some nice serve ware to put it in.  I just really don't react well to orders for some reason.

I don't know why but this just cracked up me  - I apologize in advance for     But I do agree with you about bringing the KFC so as not to ruin your relationship with them. Sometimes you have to suck it up and pick your battles. Good for you!!

Siblings - the people you love/put up with, even when they annoy the heck out of you. 

[Robert not Bobby]

Mar 25, 2015 15:51:15 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

I agree with milee. The same thing happens in the Italian/Sicilian culture when a wedding happens - the generous people step forward and help, particularly in poorer towns. In the Old World, a wedding is considered to be a community event - - at least it is in small towns. In many places there is no need to send out invitations, because when the wedding banns are announced in church, that is considered to be The Invitation.

Most Sicilians would not dream of coming to a wedding without their children (and no one would dare to ask or tell them to leave their kids at home), but neither would they ever dream of coming to a wedding empty-handed. Everyone shows up with bottles of wine and covered dishes (or long sandwiches) to share and feed the entire crowd. In the Sicilian culture there may be cake, but a cookie tower is considered to be the wedding "cake." The nonnas (grandmas) spend weeks baking cookies, and they are assembled into a tall cone-shaped tower (kind of like the French wedding croquembouche). The guests help themselves to a few cookies to take home as a party favors - cookies and also candied almonds.

There are horrible jerks and wonderful loving people in every culture. It's amazing how we sometimes - in our myopic cultural ignorance - attribute bad behavior to ethnicity or race. The two do not have anything to do with each other.

Or as I read recently: it's astounding how no matter who they are or where they came from, there's that one day in most people's lifetimes (their wedding) where they overspend inordinate amounts of money to pretend they're rich and ape the ways of the British Victorian and Edwardian aristocracy.

When was this, a century or two ago?

My grandparents on my mothers side are Italian, just outside of Rome...their custom was to give money to the bride and groom...between $200 -500, depending on how close they were.

And the British Victorian and Edwardian aristocracy were so lame, annal retentive and dour, it would have been impossible to have even a moderately good time in any of those events.

[kittensaver]

Mar 25, 2015 17:33:54 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Mar 25, 2015 15:51:15 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

I agree with milee. The same thing happens in the Italian/Sicilian culture when a wedding happens - the generous people step forward and help, particularly in poorer towns. In the Old World, a wedding is considered to be a community event - - at least it is in small towns. In many places there is no need to send out invitations, because when the wedding banns are announced in church, that is considered to be The Invitation.

Most Sicilians would not dream of coming to a wedding without their children (and no one would dare to ask or tell them to leave their kids at home), but neither would they ever dream of coming to a wedding empty-handed. Everyone shows up with bottles of wine and covered dishes (or long sandwiches) to share and feed the entire crowd. In the Sicilian culture there may be cake, but a cookie tower is considered to be the wedding "cake." The nonnas (grandmas) spend weeks baking cookies, and they are assembled into a tall cone-shaped tower (kind of like the French wedding croquembouche). The guests help themselves to a few cookies to take home as a party favors - cookies and also candied almonds.

There are horrible jerks and wonderful loving people in every culture. It's amazing how we sometimes - in our myopic cultural ignorance - attribute bad behavior to ethnicity or race. The two do not have anything to do with each other.

Or as I read recently: it's astounding how no matter who they are or where they came from, there's that one day in most people's lifetimes (their wedding) where they overspend inordinate amounts of money to pretend they're rich and ape the ways of the British Victorian and Edwardian aristocracy.

When was this, a century or two ago?

My grandparents on my mothers side are Italian, just outside of Rome...their custom was to give money to the bride and groom...between $200 -500, depending on how close they were.

And the British Victorian and Edwardian aristocracy were so lame, annal retentive and dour, it would have been impossible to have even a moderately good time in any of those events.

No, this is today - but in the backwater parts of Sicily (where part of my family is from). Things are different in big cities, of course.

And when I was referring to the British aristocracy, it's really about Western wedding traditions in general; much of what is done at American weddings today is lifted directly from that era (the white gown and veil, invitation protocols, seating arrangements, bridal parties, multiple fancy dinners, etc etc etc etc).

[toomuchreality]

Mar 25, 2015 17:07:51 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Mar 25, 2015 16:59:58 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

I don't know if anyone remembers the KFC wedding we attended?  I actually would have helped more if we were approached in a nice manner and asked.  It is the tone that makes all the difference.  In our case were were not asked for anything.  We were ordered to bring the KFC and how much.  Personally if it hadn't be for me feeling sorry for the bride and groom I would have stayed home.  But the bride and her two brothers are literally my kids only cousins on that side of the family.  I didn't even know if they were involved or if it was DH's sister all on her own. 

I didn't want to ruin our relationship with them over what was really not that much money so I did bring the KFC.  And I got them some nice serve ware to put it in.  I just really don't react well to orders for some reason.

I don't know why but this just cracked up me  - I apologize in advance for     But I do agree with you about bringing the KFC so as not to ruin your relationship with them. Sometimes you have to suck it up and pick your battles. Good for you!!

I'd like some KFC tonight for dinner. Now get it on over here! NOW!


Hmm... Maybe it's beachbum I should be saying that to! 

[lisamomof4]

without question it's DSIL's mother who is nuts...the phone calls have continued and the crazy train keeps on rollin ....so updates?? they want the $$ because it would appear the girl wants 2 wedding dresses because many of the guests will have attended dd2 and dsil's wedding and will expect a certain level of reception . i found this very funny because not a single person/family dsil's mother invited gave so much as even a card not to mention a gift of any kind. though as we've talked about this the last few days none of us would be surprised if his mother didn't do some pocketing of money behind our backs.

bean you are right about the lack of understanding regards who is invited. the plated sit down dinner precise count reception was not something she understood nor did it sink in that 'you can invite this number of people and that's it' omg did we go round and round about that one. it was at a formal reception hall and getting her to understand that you just couldn't have random hordes of univited strangers wandering through was a hurdle. the wedding was a blend of several cultures and no one culture held more sway than any other which infuriated her and we all endured her tantrums over it.

I guess i should clarify, i have in the past 'helped out' on someones' wedding but it was voluntary never demanded or even assigned and it's a personal choice. it is also only for aside touches. trusting someone else to pay for/order an essential element of your wedding is insane...6months ago we attened a reception where the person who was to do the cake didn't...bride was in tears, her dad ran to the nearest grocery store and got a sheet cake but it was just sad. never trust others on such important things.

beach lol, i think everybody needs to attend at least 1 KFC wedding in their lives ....

on cakes...gotta love a good sheet cake...it's all about what the couple wants

wish i could figure out how to post pictures....

[toomuchreality]

wish i could figure out how to post pictures....

If I can, you certainly can!  heh.   I only know how to do it on a desktop computer though.

Are you posting on a desktop computer?




At least you know it's her that's totally whacked, not you!

[dannylion]

Great. Now I want KFC.  And cake.

[lisamomof4]

toomuchreality yes i'm using a desktop  

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 26, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Great. Now I want KFC.  And cake.

Same here. And it's too early for either one.

I've been to a KFC-type wedding. It was also a shotgun wedding.  Bride was about eight months' pregnant. Wedding ceremony was outdoors in Florida - in September.

The luncheon was cold cuts and sparkling cider. I donated the very nice wedding cake. People still tell me that cake was the best thing about that day. I thought the best thing about that day was that no one dropped from heat stroke.

[NoNamePerson]

Mar 26, 2015 8:54:12 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Mar 26, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Great. Now I want KFC.  And cake.

Same here. And it's too early for either one.

I've been to a KFC-type wedding. It was also a shotgun wedding.  Bride was about eight months' pregnant. Wedding ceremony was outdoors in Florida - in September.

The luncheon was cold cuts and sparkling cider. I donated the very nice wedding cake. People still tell me that cake was the best thing about that day. I thought the best thing about that day was that no one dropped from heat stroke.

Or possibly that the bride didn't drop baby early at the alter  

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 26, 2015 9:23:18 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Mar 26, 2015 8:54:12 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Same here. And it's too early for either one.

I've been to a KFC-type wedding. It was also a shotgun wedding.  Bride was about eight months' pregnant. Wedding ceremony was outdoors in Florida - in September.

The luncheon was cold cuts and sparkling cider. I donated the very nice wedding cake. People still tell me that cake was the best thing about that day. I thought the best thing about that day was that no one dropped from heat stroke.

Or possibly that the bride didn't drop baby early at the alter  

Believe me, we all thought about it. Had she done so, we would have named the kid either Stinky or Sweaty, because that's how all of us felt that day.

[NoNamePerson]

Now Nancy, Nancy be kind. The baby could be named Sunshine unless it was a boy then your names are good   

[justme]

Hey I didn't say sheet cake was bad, I just don't think someone that wants two wedding dresses would find it acceptable. Though watching her throw it on the ground might be worth the price of the cake lol.

[andi9899]

Mar 25, 2015 16:59:58 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

I don't know if anyone remembers the KFC wedding we attended?  I actually would have helped more if we were approached in a nice manner and asked.  It is the tone that makes all the difference.  In our case were were not asked for anything.  We were ordered to bring the KFC and how much.  Personally if it hadn't be for me feeling sorry for the bride and groom I would have stayed home.  But the bride and her two brothers are literally my kids only cousins on that side of the family.  I didn't even know if they were involved or if it was DH's sister all on her own. 

I didn't want to ruin our relationship with them over what was really not that much money so I did bring the KFC.  And I got them some nice serve ware to put it in.  I just really don't react well to orders for some reason.

I don't remember hearing about that! I miss everything!

[andi9899]

Mar 26, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Great. Now I want KFC.  And cake.

They even have cake at KFC now. I don't know if it's any good or not, but they have it.

[KaraBoo]

KFC cake is NOT good. They have us one once when they messed up our order in the drive through and we had to go back.

[KaraBoo]

*gave*

[MJ2.0]

KARABOO!!!


You're the perfect person to weigh in on train-wreck weddings and crazy familial expectations!


How have you been btw?

[Chocolate Lover]

[mmhmm]

LOL! Some of the things that happen at, or about weddings are hilarious. We've got one coming up in May (my grandson is getting married). Now, all I have to do is get through to them that I need to know what the "dress code" is. I'm an old broad, dammit! Tell me what the heck you want me to wear! Are we doing pool-side in bathing suits, or formal? Inquiring minds wanna know! 

[mcsangel2]

Mar 26, 2015 0:06:50 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

without question it's DSIL's mother who is nuts...the phone calls have continued and the crazy train keeps on rollin ....so updates?? they want the $$ because it would appear the girl wants 2 wedding dresses because many of the guests will have attended dd2 and dsil's wedding and will expect a certain level of reception . i found this very funny because not a single person/family dsil's mother invited gave so much as even a card not to mention a gift of any kind. though as we've talked about this the last few days none of us would be surprised if his mother didn't do some pocketing of money behind our backs.

Whyyyyyyy is she calling you about this when you already said you won't be contributing any money

[KaraBoo]

Mar 26, 2015 11:59:54 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

KARABOO!!!


You're the perfect person to weigh in on train-wreck weddings and crazy familial expectations!


How have you been btw?

LOL!  It's just my mom and SIL who have the crazy expectations - they are like water and oil - just because they are exactly the same!

I'm better now and getting better every day.  I don't want to hijack the thread, so check out my last update here, reply #941.

[andi9899]

Mar 26, 2015 22:53:53 GMT -5 mcsangel2 said:

Mar 26, 2015 0:06:50 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

without question it's DSIL's mother who is nuts...the phone calls have continued and the crazy train keeps on rollin ....so updates?? they want the $$ because it would appear the girl wants 2 wedding dresses because many of the guests will have attended dd2 and dsil's wedding and will expect a certain level of reception . i found this very funny because not a single person/family dsil's mother invited gave so much as even a card not to mention a gift of any kind. though as we've talked about this the last few days none of us would be surprised if his mother didn't do some pocketing of money behind our backs.

Whyyyyyyy is she calling you about this when you already said you won't be contributing any money

I think the better question is why has she not been told to stop calling? If she's not going to take the hint, she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she will not get a contribution and to not call again asking for money.

[zibazinski]

Although, being selfish, I like reading the stories. Pretty entertaining.