lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Mar 22, 2015 23:41:55 GMT -5
received an interesting call from dd2's MIL this weekend. haven't spoken to this woman since the wedding(nearly a year ago). she was calling to tell us her daughter was now engaged. while confused as to why she would tell me i wished them good luck. they both continued to talk about the wedding she had planned and everything she wanted...still confused i said it sounded very nice. dd2 MIL then starts talking costs and i agree that weddings can be quite costly, then she tells me that they have already called dd2 and SIL and that they can't cover 'their share' so we need to cover both 'our share and theirs'. to say i was stunned doesn't even come close...i finally said 'excuse me'. they proceed to tell me that they are expecting several thousand from us but if we need to we can break it down into a couple payments. i considered giving my answer in some rather foul language but refrained for the sake of future dealings. i told her that her daughters wedding was their responsibility not mine, not dd2 and DSIL. we would of course give a gift at the time of the wedding/reception but the amount was our choice. they then explain that we aren't invited to the wedding as it will be in spanish but they would be willing to list us as a 'donor' in the program if we give them the money they want. i suggested they might want to look in to a small bank loan because they weren't getting money from us. I called dd2 after hanging up to find out what the heck is going on. she and DSIL told me his mother had called and tried to also hit them up for money but they had explained they had no extra cash and if it existed it would go toward saving for a home. DSIL said he had told his mother it was not his job to pay for his sisters' wedding...she could pay for it just like he paid for his own. i'm still a bit steamed over it
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Mar 22, 2015 23:46:06 GMT -5
I don't even have words. Is it a cultural disconnect? You handled it far better than I would have.
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simser
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Post by simser on Mar 22, 2015 23:49:39 GMT -5
Very much a cultural disconnect- they're mexican? (The spanish wedding). Mexicans have lots of donors, and while I've never heard of this level of shakedown, random people helping out is normal there.
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mcsangel2
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Post by mcsangel2 on Mar 23, 2015 0:20:40 GMT -5
I remember Carl talking about the same thing, also normal, in the Haitian community.
How long have your daughter's in-laws lived in this country
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 23, 2015 0:25:52 GMT -5
Oh, gosh! I think I'd have been speechless! You done good, girl! I'm sure it is a cultural disconnect but man, can that kind of thing throw you for a loop! Apparently, though, it's not such a stringent custom that her son wasn't able to reject the idea so you're sure not out of line by doing the same. MIL needs to get a grip!
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Mar 23, 2015 0:40:17 GMT -5
I have some Mexican uncles, aunts and cousins, I have never heard of anything like that! You get married, your close family helps you out, not anyone you can shake down
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Mar 23, 2015 1:02:01 GMT -5
I would have been bleeding/hemorrhaging from biting my tongue.
Under the circumstances, I think you showed great restraint in not actually telling them how you really felt about their demands.
I'd be tempted to only send the "happy couple" a card of best wishes, considering you weren't even invited. How tacky trying to hit you up/guilt you into "donating" that size of cash to fund their wedding.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 23, 2015 1:02:38 GMT -5
That is totally inexcusable, what a rude person she is, like really.
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Mar 23, 2015 1:12:32 GMT -5
DSIL's ancestry is Nicaraguan...he was born and raised in the south. he talks with a strong southern drawl and says 'yall....he can speak spanish (lol...you always know when he is aggravated because he starts muttering under his breath in spanish) but rarely does. i believe his mom came to the states 30? years ago. the young man his sister is marrying is mexican.....but honestly i had never heard of this being done and i'd say close to half our family/friends are of some form of hispanic decent and this has never come up before. DSIL's mom has always been a mooch and that is what i put it down to. i know there are different customs depending on where you come from but this is a new one for me...
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Mar 23, 2015 1:34:54 GMT -5
I'm sure my reaction would have been different aswell and without foul language. I'd have started laughing so hard that the woman wouldn't have been able to get another word in. Just the thought of this idiocy (after your Dd and her son paid for their own wedding) would have left me howling. Then again, I seem to vaguely remember some rather strange stories that happened around DDs wedding where MIL drove up, left people in he car and demanded leftover food to take with her... Or was that someone else? It seems to fit in with is story. Thanks for sharing Lisa, I needed a good laugh today
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 23, 2015 2:14:48 GMT -5
I would start to worry about this woman's retirement plan. She might think her son should support her and when he says no you might be next in line.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Mar 23, 2015 5:43:02 GMT -5
This appears to be the classic definition for the Jewish term Chutzpah.
i would not have been polite and would have told her:
You are smoking something that CANNOT be bought at your local gas station.
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Mar 23, 2015 7:34:48 GMT -5
That's a really weird thing! Never heard of such thing and don't realy think is a cultural thing either. In most Latin cultures, the groom's family handles the wedding, the brides family just shows up because well, they bring the greatest gift of all: a beautiful bride! But that is in general. Specifics as to how, may vary but to tell somebody that had become a relative just through marriage that they need to donate or contribute while not invited that I never heard of! Maybe next time when you buy a car you should call and tell them that they need to put the down pavement and they will never ride the car either. See what they make of!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2015 8:17:30 GMT -5
ROFL They want you to gift them several thousand for a wedding you're not even invited to?
Man, I thought all the GoFundMe accounts were tacky. This beats those hands down.
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Mar 23, 2015 8:22:15 GMT -5
tulips nope the same insane woman ...... DH's reaction was to snort and say that at least someone thought he was rich.... DSIL has already told her she is not moving in with them, that she (and his sister) are not his financial responsibility. sounds harsh but he has had to take a hard line with her given her common actions....at the wedding she actually said 'just because he has a wife now that doesn't mean she and her wants/needs still didn't come first. he's made it clear that DD2 and their future are 1st and it seams to make her livid...some of the stunts she has pulled and things she has said -faint-it amazes me how DD2 hasn't killed her.....
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 23, 2015 8:24:44 GMT -5
Feel free to spill here.
I could use a smile.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 23, 2015 8:33:39 GMT -5
A family that make my family look normal...AWESOME!!! But let me knock on wood, family reunion is in July
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 23, 2015 8:37:23 GMT -5
We want to be invited!! Gosh, Carl, you must feel better!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 23, 2015 8:56:38 GMT -5
Doors lock and phones don't answer. I took care of a family member that way once. She banged and hollered for so long and so loudly neighbors called the cops on her who told her obviously no one was home and to leave the property. I was giggling hysterically in the upstairs bathroom. She never even brought it up to me but never showed up uninvited again. Well, except for the time she walked into a party I was giving in the backyard and stayed even though it was obvious she wasn't of the age group there.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 23, 2015 9:07:52 GMT -5
If you think MIL's are crazy wait until they are an ExMIL. ExMIL: I think you should give your ring back to my son. (Son remarried shortly after our divorce). Me: But he gave it to me - it's mine. Her: But he wants his new wife to have a nice ring. Me: Well, I'll be glad to FedX it to you as soon as I receive a Cashier's Check for 10 Grand!! Fast forward 9 months: ExMIL: You know son is getting a divorce. Me: Yep, I heard. Her: Can you please call his attorney and tell he what you know about current wife since you were friends and you know her so well. Me: Well, I've been thru one divorce with him don't need to go thru another one. These conversations took place at work and I worked in small office and my boss could hear both conversations. Boss: I don't know you EX but his mother sounds like a loon. You handled that well. Me: Yep she's a loon but I had 18 yrs of dealing with the loon!! And I won Moral of story: You think shes batty now JUST WAIT!!!!!
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Mar 23, 2015 9:11:23 GMT -5
My Puerto Rican friend explained this stuff to me. Her husband is Mexican and they had to sponsor some weddings, but I remember it as them being responsible for certain items and not being told a specific dollar amount to give the family. In the one case I remember they had to get the wedding cake, and I believe my friend ordered and paid for it directly and maybe even did transportation to the site of the reception. They weren't just giving money to someone.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 23, 2015 9:16:06 GMT -5
That could make for interesting weddings. Here's your cake - sheet cake from Sam's in blue. Here's your flowers - purple carnations. Here's your food - catered from McDonald's. Lol!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 23, 2015 9:31:21 GMT -5
If you think MIL's are crazy wait until they are an ExMIL. ExMIL: I think you should give your ring back to my son. (Son remarried shortly after our divorce). Me: But he gave it to me - it's mine. Her: But he wants his new wife to have a nice ring. Me: Well, I'll be glad to FedX it to you as soon as I receive a Cashier's Check for 10 Grand!! Fast forward 9 months: ExMIL: You know son is getting a divorce. Me: Yep, I heard. Her: Can you please call his attorney and tell he what you know about current wife since you were friends and you know her so well. Me: Well, I've been thru one divorce with him don't need to go thru another one. These conversations took place at work and I worked in small office and my boss could hear both conversations. Boss: I don't know you EX but his mother sounds like a loon. You handled that well. Me: Yep she's a loon but I had 18 yrs of dealing with the loon!! And I won Moral of story: You think shes batty now JUST WAIT!!!!! :eek::eek::eek: Keep them coming, now my family seems super normal!
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Mar 23, 2015 9:34:32 GMT -5
My Puerto Rican friend explained this stuff to me. Her husband is Mexican and they had to sponsor some weddings, but I remember it as them being responsible for certain items and not being told a specific dollar amount to give the family. In the one case I remember they had to get the wedding cake, and I believe my friend ordered and paid for it directly and maybe even did transportation to the site of the reception. They weren't just giving money to someone. But was this friend allowed to attend the wedding, or did s/he have to sneak off through the backdoor before the guests arrived inquiring minds want to know?
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Mar 23, 2015 9:40:28 GMT -5
My Puerto Rican friend explained this stuff to me. Her husband is Mexican and they had to sponsor some weddings, but I remember it as them being responsible for certain items and not being told a specific dollar amount to give the family. In the one case I remember they had to get the wedding cake, and I believe my friend ordered and paid for it directly and maybe even did transportation to the site of the reception. They weren't just giving money to someone. But was this friend allowed to attend the wedding, or did s/he have to sneak off through the backdoor before the guests arrived inquiring minds want to know? They were absolutely invited and attended.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Mar 23, 2015 9:44:47 GMT -5
You know, sometimes I feel a pang of regret that I never married. Then I hear about other people's nut-case in-laws and I don't feel so bad.
Sheesh. People be crazy.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 23, 2015 10:45:27 GMT -5
I think if I had received a call like lisamomof4 did, I would have made a donation to an animal shelter, called the woman back and told her that I'd used my money in a far more useful way than spending it on the wedding of any of her kin. Hey, she wanted a donation, and she got it, after all! Talk about a wacko with balls, chutzpah, gall and nerve! And then to tell the prospective donor that they are not even invited to the wedding because it's in Spanish??!! Apparently, this card-carrying, designer douchebag of a dame thinks lisamomof4 would neither understand nor appreciate a wedding in another language. Frankly, this broom-riding bozo also has the sensitivity of a Pet Rock. I think lisa handled it well. I would have told her to take her request and shove it up her derriere with a hot poker.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 23, 2015 10:46:15 GMT -5
If you think MIL's are crazy wait until they are an ExMIL. ExMIL: I think you should give your ring back to my son. (Son remarried shortly after our divorce). Me: But he gave it to me - it's mine. Her: But he wants his new wife to have a nice ring. Me: Well, I'll be glad to FedX it to you as soon as I receive a Cashier's Check for 10 Grand!! Fast forward 9 months: ExMIL: You know son is getting a divorce. Me: Yep, I heard. Her: Can you please call his attorney and tell he what you know about current wife since you were friends and you know her so well. Me: Well, I've been thru one divorce with him don't need to go thru another one. These conversations took place at work and I worked in small office and my boss could hear both conversations. Boss: I don't know you EX but his mother sounds like a loon. You handled that well. Me: Yep she's a loon but I had 18 yrs of dealing with the loon!! And I won Moral of story: You think shes batty now JUST WAIT!!!!! :eek::eek::eek: Keep them coming, now my family seems super normal! This is the same MIL who 12 yrs into my marriage offered me $15,000 to divorce her son. I told her 15 Grand wouldn't even get me to the curb. She did keep life interesting to say the least. But I have a sense of humor and told her that $100,000 would get me to an attorney. Hey, in 76 100 grand was a lot of moeny!!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 23, 2015 11:07:46 GMT -5
That could make for interesting weddings. Here's your cake - sheet cake from Sam's in blue. Here's your flowers - purple carnations. Here's your food - catered from McDonald's. Lol! Don't knock those wholesale club sheet cakes... Every one I've had was awesome!
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 23, 2015 11:09:04 GMT -5
Well, at least DD2 has a DH who understands what a complete nut job his mom is and has the backbone to tell her to go pound sand.
Imagine what a crappy marriage it would be if SIL catered to this idiot woman.
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