ners
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 16:21:18 GMT -5
Posts: 6,602
|
Post by ners on Mar 20, 2015 5:50:09 GMT -5
I was charged 20% of my take home pay from the time I started working at 16. I paid for my own college (went to a state school and lived at home). There was a 6 six month period right before my wedding when I did not have to pay rent, Paid for own wedding. I have a sister that still lives with my dad. She is supposed to pay the cable bill. If you are 29 living at home you should be contributing to the household, your parents charged you rent while you were still a minor? did you have to pay for your own food too? yet I'm betting they claimed you on their taxes. No I did not have to pay for my own food. I am sure they claimed me on their. At 16 I worked 6 hours a week and earned around 18.00. Their theory was I needed to learn I could not keep everything I earned. It was their attempt to teach a bit of budgeting. I am the oldest. As my younger siblings the rules changed a bit.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Mar 20, 2015 5:56:28 GMT -5
I was 17 and still in high school and worked since I was 15 years old and I was charged $200/mth. rent. You could get a furnished studio apt. back then for $225/mth. Out of 7 kids I was the ONLY one charged. When I asked about that I was told I was the only one that was responsible and had a job making enough money. I worked in fast food until 16 then started working at a bank at 17. I bought my own car (parents did co-sign my loan) at 15 before I even had a driver's license. I paid for my own social stuff, car insurance, car payment, and rent. When I moved out right after I graduated high school (and turned 18 - legal age where they couldn't do anything about it) my mom couldn't understand why I was in such a hurry to leave home. Without mentioning the abuse (various kinds), dysfunction and alcoholism AND being charged rent I can't understand why either. My parents were asses but I learned a lot from them and their assiness. It's eerie how similar that is to my story. I didn't have to pay a set rent amount, but I did have to buy my own food and clothes plus whatever else I needed. I think it's awesome we both took something bad and learned from it, rose to something better.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 16:29:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2015 6:01:46 GMT -5
I know some people on here think I am way too indulgent with my kids, but I would rather be that way than be the type of parent who charged their minor child rent or makes them pay for food or basic clothing or basic necessities - I can't even imagine what kind of parent does that.
|
|
dogmom
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 7:00:49 GMT -5
Posts: 1,094
|
Post by dogmom on Mar 20, 2015 6:17:12 GMT -5
As soon as I got a job (at 16) I paid $100.00/month. Also paid for clothing, car, car insurance. I did have chores. I think it taught me to be responsible.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 16:29:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2015 6:29:50 GMT -5
I don't charge rent. But not all their money is theirs to spend as they want. My rule is that minor children with real pay checks need to save a certain percentage. It went from 10-20 as son got paid more. Also what I will pay for (in terms of extras at this point, not necessities) goes down as well. <br><br>I doubt I would charge rent right away at 18. It would probably depend on the situation if when I actually would. I'd be more likely to keep the, you are under my roof, I retain some control over where money goes.. I guess collecting rent and putting it in savings for later is similar.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 16:29:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2015 6:46:00 GMT -5
I don't charge rent. But not all their money is theirs to spend as they want. My rule is that minor children with real pay checks need to save a certain percentage. It went from 10-20 as son got paid more. Also what I will pay for (in terms of extras at this point, not necessities) goes down as well. I doubt I would charge rent right away at 18. It would probably depend on the situation if when I actually would. I'd be more likely to keep the, you are under my roof, I retain some control over where money goes.. I guess collecting rent and putting it in savings for later is similar. saving is a lot different than making your minor child buy their own toothpaste.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Mar 20, 2015 7:11:15 GMT -5
no. not even a little. she came out a a lesbian in sophmore year. Can't a lesbian be easy? Yes. Although less likely that a 15 year old in the 90s who is uneasy with her sexuality and feeling different than most people would be.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Mar 20, 2015 7:19:42 GMT -5
My mom didn't charge me rent. I still managed to be productive and responsible. I had my own credit card, car, car insurance, and cell phone, all of which I had no problem paying on time. My mom is the one who had a problem with paying shit on time. ETA: Mom didn't have a washer and dryer so I sat at the laundromat once a week doing my laundry. I also worked most nights and some days in a restaurant so meals were at work. I bought my own food anyway.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 16:29:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2015 7:24:25 GMT -5
I agree forced savings is different than rent. Someone said about charging and then hiving it back to them later... Which would be similar. I just hope to instil a habit or pay yourself first and forget it. It's apparent that was not the goals of many parents described here however.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 20, 2015 8:26:30 GMT -5
Hmmm.....my dad started charging me rent before the ink on my diploma dried up.
Years later, my parents didn't charge us a dime when my husband stayed with them 4 days out of the week while working in MD, while we moved 400 miles away. It went on for 2 yrs
So, either my parents got softer with age or they like my husband better than me.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,379
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Mar 20, 2015 8:38:25 GMT -5
I think the point that anyone reading this should take away is that some kids probably need to be charged rent in order to install some traits/lessons/skills, etc and some don't.
Back to what I know best, my situation, I think my brother needed to be charged rent. He flunked out of college, had no real job prospects had no plan, didn't have much drive, didn't seem to know what it took to live in the "real" world. I think making him pay rent started to give him an idea of what it took to be self sufficient and helped push him out on his own where he had to sink or swim. (My parents eventually gave him back all of the money he paid in rent, but it was probably 10 or 15 years after he moved out)
I don't think I needed to be charged rent. I graduated college, had a job within a couple of months, saved money, didn't disrespect my parents or house and didn't blow money on things that would represent that I did understand what it took to be self sufficient.
|
|
cael
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -5
Posts: 5,745
|
Post by cael on Mar 20, 2015 8:40:36 GMT -5
My parents are not charging us rent. The point of us living there is to get a good house fund saved up, so my mom refused actual rent. We do contribute to monthly bills though - electric, cable etc, and we obviously buy half the food at least. We also did all the shoveling and lots of the chore type things around the house for them, so it works out. The house is also paid for so they don't have a mortgage, just utilities/taxes/water etc. We're also 32, lived independently for 8-9 years together and can adult pretty well. (and can't wait to live by ourselves again in a year-year & a half )
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Mar 20, 2015 8:51:41 GMT -5
I will say it's a big - It depends.
When I got my first job at 15 90% of my take home went to college savings. I kept the 10% plus any money I made from babysitting gigs (which was actually pretty substantial).
A lot of that "pocket money" was spent on doing things with my sister or on my hobby (art). I'd take sis bowling, we'd go to the movies, crawl the mall and have lunch etc.
The only contribution I had to make monetarily was paying for my share of any auto insurance when I was driving. I think the folks did us to keep us in fear of doing anything stupid to raise the rates.
Now sis and I did a LOT around the house. All the laundry, cleaning, ironing, and the bulk of the cooking and kitchen cleanup. I also did all the yard work during the summer (except mowing - Dad enjoyed doing that) so we contributed a lot in a non-monetary way.
If DD was in school FT and doing well I wouldn't charge rent. If she graduated and still had her shit together I probably wouldn't charge rent (so she could build up an EF, pay off SL's, get a car whatever) so long as she helped out around the house.
If she was a mess then, yep, I'd charge rent.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Mar 20, 2015 9:14:34 GMT -5
I would expect DD to contribute what she could at the time -- either financially or by helping out with cooking or chores. DH and I lived with ILs for 5 months after we moved back to our home state (at 25). We didn't pay rent, but bought our own food and helped clean and do laundry. If our stay had been longer I would have wanted to contribute financially, but I doubt ILs would have accepted it. I am still incredibly grateful for their help. So - basically, right now we're talking a full diaper here? Now - that's a contribution Hey, she cleans! Not nearly as much as she destroys, but we're working on it.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Mar 20, 2015 9:16:19 GMT -5
My parents are not charging us rent. The point of us living there is to get a good house fund saved up, so my mom refused actual rent. We do contribute to monthly bills though - electric, cable etc, and we obviously buy half the food at least. We also did all the shoveling and lots of the chore type things around the house for them, so it works out. The house is also paid for so they don't have a mortgage, just utilities/taxes/water etc. We're also 32, lived independently for 8-9 years together and can adult pretty well. (and can't wait to live by ourselves again in a year-year & a half ) I'd actually be up for this type of arrangement with DD as well (as long as she and her SO had their stuff together). Nothing wrong with family helping out. I thinks it's pretty smart.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,070
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 20, 2015 9:24:40 GMT -5
I'd approach it on a case by case basis.
If they are in college, making good grades and working to cover their college costs I am not going to charge them rent. I also probably wouldn't charge them rent immediately upon graduation.
If time passes and they are still living at home I would start charging rent. You'd be paying rent if you lived somewhere else. I think it would be good practice to pay me for awhile since I am going to be a lot more lenient than a landlord. Better to make mistakes and learn from them under my roof than make them and face eviction, IMO.
I'd do what my grandmother did with my dad and gift the rent back to them at a later date to be used as they please.
If they are like my brother then I am charging them out the nose. He did nothing around the house and barely worked part time. I think it would have been a good motivator to get him to leave the nest knowing if he left he wouldn't have to pay my parents everything he earned.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,891
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on Mar 20, 2015 9:27:39 GMT -5
My parents are not charging us rent. The point of us living there is to get a good house fund saved up, so my mom refused actual rent. We do contribute to monthly bills though - electric, cable etc, and we obviously buy half the food at least. We also did all the shoveling and lots of the chore type things around the house for them, so it works out. The house is also paid for so they don't have a mortgage, just utilities/taxes/water etc. We're also 32, lived independently for 8-9 years together and can adult pretty well. (and can't wait to live by ourselves again in a year-year & a half ) Friends of ours did something similar when they moved in with one set of parents to save for a house. Their "rent" was buying friend's dad a big ass tv.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Mar 20, 2015 9:38:39 GMT -5
Even better is living with grandparents. I've known a few people who did this. To help out you they shoveled snow, mowed the lawn, drove grandparents on errands, to appts. It helped out the parents too as it was less stuff for them to do. Also the kid has a little more privacy as sometimes grandparents are less nosy than parents.
|
|
cktc
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 19, 2013 22:15:31 GMT -5
Posts: 3,202
|
Post by cktc on Mar 20, 2015 11:28:44 GMT -5
I think the point that anyone reading this should take away is that some kids probably need to be charged rent in order to install some traits/lessons/skills, etc and some don't. Back to what I know best, my situation, I think my brother needed to be charged rent. He flunked out of college, had no real job prospects had no plan, didn't have much drive, didn't seem to know what it took to live in the "real" world. I think making him pay rent started to give him an idea of what it took to be self sufficient and helped push him out on his own where he had to sink or swim. (My parents eventually gave him back all of the money he paid in rent, but it was probably 10 or 15 years after he moved out) I don't think I needed to be charged rent. I graduated college, had a job within a couple of months, saved money, didn't disrespect my parents or house and didn't blow money on things that would represent that I did understand what it took to be self sufficient. This is what I've observed as well. If someone is responsible and has a plan to be self sufficient, they will probably succeed more quickly without paying rent. If someone has no direction, or ambition to strike out on their own, you have to charge just below market value or they will have no incentive to launch.
|
|
emma1420
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 28, 2011 15:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,430
|
Post by emma1420 on Mar 20, 2015 11:36:14 GMT -5
I think as others have said, it really depends on the situation and the kid.
I was charged rent when I moved back in with my mother a few weeks after I finished grad school. And in my case all it did was made me resent her. I was charged rent (market rate) for 3 months I was unemployed (but actively looking for a job). The rent I had to pay when I was unemployed drained my savings and it took me much longer to be able to move out. It was also compounded by the fact that as I was paying rent that I was required to function as a family member, yet pay as a renter (so moving out of my room when my mother had visitors, yet pay for my own food).
I don't think there is anything wrong with charging an adult child rent, and asking them to contribute to the household. But, I do think an adult child's individual circumstances need to be assessed before making that decision. Because some adult children, just need a soft place to land for a few months or a year as they transition to the next stage of their life. Other adult children will happily sponge off their parents for decades. And, I don't think both types of adult children should be treated the same way.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Mar 20, 2015 12:04:18 GMT -5
I moved back home after college. My parents lived in a beautiful home, they bought the groceries, cooked for me, didn't expect me to clean, I kept my room and bathroom as I wanted (which was typically neat) and didn't expect me to give them any money. They expected me to save my money and didn't give me a hard time about anything. So I did, payed off some debt, and moved out 9 months later.
They did the same for my sister and she moved out 4 months later. My parents have never needed to support either of us in the 15 years since graduating college and getting real jobs.
I wonder why it's so hard for others.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Mar 20, 2015 12:29:14 GMT -5
I moved back home after college. My parents lived in a beautiful home, they bought the groceries, cooked for me, didn't expect me to clean, I kept my room and bathroom as I wanted (which was typically neat) and didn't expect me to give them any money. They expected me to save my money and didn't give me a hard time about anything. So I did, payed off some debt, and moved out 9 months later. They did the same for my sister and she moved out 4 months later. My parents have never needed to support either of us in the 15 years since graduating college and getting real jobs. I wonder why it's so hard for others. It's great that you're so awesome, but lots of things that may be easy for me or you are hard for others.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 16:29:32 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2015 12:39:52 GMT -5
I'm 90% certain that even if I did feel the need to charge my kids, I'd secretly set it aside and give it back to them later. I've kind of got the "my home is always your home" thought process going on, but I want them to want to set out on their own and have their own place.
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 20, 2015 13:13:24 GMT -5
My parents were very sad when I 'moved out' full time. They lost their cook, laundress and personal shopper. I wasn't expected to do these things as 'chores' and I didn't get an allowance either, but both my parents worked FT and I did these things because I loved them and wanted to help. I'd even do the grocery shopping and laundry when I was home from college (1.5 hrs away, I was home every other week or so). I lived at home for ~6 months after college, I didn't pay rent, but I did look for work and did all the normal tings I did before while living at home.
It's funny, now both my parents are retired. When they come visit, Mom cooks and does laundry and goes to the grocery for DH and I. Isn't it strange how things work out?
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Mar 20, 2015 13:42:37 GMT -5
I was 17 and still in high school and worked since I was 15 years old and I was charged $200/mth. rent. You could get a furnished studio apt. back then for $225/mth. Out of 7 kids I was the ONLY one charged. When I asked about that I was told I was the only one that was responsible and had a job making enough money. I worked in fast food until 16 then started working at a bank at 17. I bought my own car (parents did co-sign my loan) at 15 before I even had a driver's license. I paid for my own social stuff, car insurance, car payment, and rent. When I moved out right after I graduated high school (and turned 18 - legal age where they couldn't do anything about it) my mom couldn't understand why I was in such a hurry to leave home. Without mentioning the abuse (various kinds), dysfunction and alcoholism AND being charged rent I can't understand why either. My parents were asses but I learned a lot from them and their assiness. It's eerie how similar that is to my story. I didn't have to pay a set rent amount, but I did have to buy my own food and clothes plus whatever else I needed. I think it's awesome we both took something bad and learned from it, rose to something better. I know! And we turned out awesome any way. I forgot to mention that I had to buy most of my own clothes since I was 13 (but have mentioned in the past with you all) with my babysitting money. They bought me 3 outfits and one pair of shoes a year and I had to buy the rest. They had the money but that's what I had to do. I know my brothers and step sisters were abused and have their stories too but we were all abused and treated different in one way or another. But based on how most turned out none of it was good. Even the spoiled ones have more issues than some of us. Go figure. You and I overcoming and learning from it sure beats whining constantly about it like my siblings do. It's like they are trapped emotionally by what happened so many years ago. Why? Why not move past it and make a better life for yourself now that you are free from them? I can honestly say that most of my life I've been nothing but spoiled rotten once I got control of it. I have a good picker of men and friends and know what not to do. I paid attention. To be fair - they were not lazy either. We all worked hard since we were little kids. Me doing most of the house work and cooking and helped mom paint the house. My brothers mowed lawns and had a little lawn mowing business and had to do the yard stuff at home. My step brothers had to help step dad add on to the house and concrete the front yard (circular drive, etc.) so nobody got off easy. I was just the only one that made enough to pay rent or I was the only one that mom could get the money from? But none of us were helpless and knew how to do stuff so a lot of good came out of it. I even changed my own water pump in my first car. Step dad talked me through and I crawled under the car and did it. It's all good. I got a decent inheritance so I got it all back and then some. LOL! Yes, that's really why I was charged rent while in high school. They really should have started in elementary school because I was slacking in pulling my financial weight and was financially irresponsible! I should have never gone to the ice cream truck.
|
|
alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,146
|
Post by alabamagal on Mar 20, 2015 14:20:47 GMT -5
DD came home for 8 months when she graduated. DH also hired her to work in his printing business at just above minimum wage. She was a good employee and got no special treatment. We were going to give her a year rent free. We had plenty of room with a 4br house and our sons were in college. After 8 months she got an internship in TX and stayed out there when it was over.
DS1 got a job offer while in college which he started in Jan in DC area. I loaned him $2k to get started and he has paid back $1500 rest will be in APril
|
|
|
Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 20, 2015 16:10:07 GMT -5
My brother moved back into our childhood home with my dad when he was in his mid-20s for financial reasons. They were basically roommates as far as food and housework went, but I am pretty sure that my dad did not charge him rent. My brother was still living there a few years later when my dad's drinking got really bad. Our dad was an awesome parent, but he went downhill really fast. I think it probably reached the point where my brother wanted to leave more than anything, but he stayed and did what he could to keep things together. He probably kept the house from burning down more than once. We both inherited the house when my dad passed away 10 years ago, and he is still living there (and paying for the taxes and insurance). If I ever needed to move in, I would definitely ask. Otherwise, I would never ask him to move or sell it, so I could extract my financial half. I kind of feel like he earned it.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 20, 2015 16:20:44 GMT -5
I'm 90% certain that even if I did feel the need to charge my kids, I'd secretly set it aside and give it back to them later. I've kind of got the "my home is always your home" thought process going on, but I want them to want to set out on their own and have their own place. That's actually exactly what my parents did.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 20, 2015 17:42:36 GMT -5
Depends on the circumstances.
Is the child doing something to improve their lives? Is it really just some bad luck, or an ongoing thing?
Regarding college graduates, someone looking for a job 6 months to a year out of college, it's probably okay to give them a pass. But if it goes much beyond that, I think it's reasonable to expect some rent.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Mar 21, 2015 10:38:08 GMT -5
Peace Of Mind said:
"You and I overcoming and learning from it sure beats whining constantly about it like my siblings do. It's like they are trapped emotionally by what happened so many years ago. Why? Why not move past it and make a better life for yourself now that you are free from them?" I try not to whine in RL but it does come out from time to time. Especially when I think my friends' kids are acting like spoiled brats. But I've sure had this stuff on my mind lately. I just can't figure out why my folks made stuff so hard. It really feels like we were punished for their childhood. Intellectually I understand that the situation perpetuates itself through the generations but at some point you have to know what you're doing is wrong and hurtful.
|
|