Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 8, 2015 20:53:56 GMT -5
Yes, this is happening to me. I was contacted yesterday by a half sister who did not know, until a few days ago, that she had two half sisters by her father's first marriage.
I've known for years, but never tried to contact them (half sister has a twin and a brother). Partly because I had no contact info and partly because I did not want to risk a rebuff.
We have been emailing photos back and forth and will talk on the phone tomorrow. I'm really happy about the contact and happy that they (the twins) seem like genuinely nice people I'd like to get to know.
Pretty wierd, huh? But it's a good wierd.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 8, 2015 21:00:48 GMT -5
Good Luck
I believe I have two long lost younger brothers, by my natural father. I would rebuff them if they came forward now, cause we might be related but they ain't family.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Mar 8, 2015 21:08:14 GMT -5
I'm glad it's a good weird. In my teens I became interested in genealogy. My immediate family didn't care one way or the other about what I was doing. Until I found out that great grandpa had a family with one of his adult step daughters that my family didn't know about...while he was still married to great grandma. And that grandma and grandpa got married two months before their eldest child was born. And that the ancestors who supposedly came over on the boat three generations ago were still in Tennessee several generations beyond that and were not terribly law abiding. And a few other things about about some naughty ancestors even further up the tree. Oh, and that the tree didn't fork much on one branch of the tree. For some reason my family strongly discouraged my research after that. Afraid of what else might fall out of the tree.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Mar 8, 2015 21:10:00 GMT -5
GG ...... I would be scared and very excited.
I have a friend that found her son after many years. While the relationship isn't mother and son, it is a friendly one.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Mar 8, 2015 21:12:33 GMT -5
Why couldn't my little brother have been a long lost sibling I never learn exists? just joking sorta
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 8, 2015 21:13:42 GMT -5
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 8, 2015 21:13:58 GMT -5
Why couldn't my little brother have been a long lost sibling I never learn exists? just joking sorta I empathize. Believe me.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Mar 8, 2015 21:22:11 GMT -5
Gardening Grandma; First of all, congratulations on starting a relationship with these family members!
Oddly enough, something similar has happened to me. The only difference is that I'm the one making the first contact.
I always knew I had a half-brother by my father's second marriage. He's 16 years younger than me. It turns out this half-brother is working with my favorite cousin (maternal cousin). Last week I sent her a message and asked if her co worker would have any problem if I contacted him. She talked to him about it, and he gave her his personal email address to pass along to me. Right now we have been messaging back and forth, with the idea of meeting when I go back to the old country. I'm so excited! At the same time it's weird. I know he's related to me and I want to give him a chance, but he doesn't feel like a brother. I already have a brother. We grew up together and I adore him. I feel sorry, but this guy, no matter how nice he is, will never get to that level. I still want to get to know him and welcome him as family.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 8, 2015 22:04:50 GMT -5
I tracked down my father's family when I was 48 yrs old. I never knew him since I was 16 months old when he was shot down. I hopped a plane and went to see them over a Thanksgiving weekend. Enjoyed getting to meet what was left of the family and kept in touch for a while but that sorta fell by the wayside. I was able to get some of my fathers medals, year books (if that is what you call them) while in military and some other stuff. I also think I have a half brother floating around out there somewhere but no real proof - just guessing from something someone said long ago. But there is no one left to give me any insight on that. But glad you are going to get to meet them and hope it turns out to meet your expectations. It is a unique experience though for lack of a better way to describe it - at least for me.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 22:20:32 GMT -5
My mom had put my older brother up for adoption and I never knew about it. He found us when I was 34. That was weird.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 8, 2015 22:41:01 GMT -5
My mom had put my older brother up for adoption and I never knew about it. He found us when I was 34. That was weird. Wow! What a shock for you. Do you stay in touch? In my case, my father told them (after DNA tests on Ancestry.com revealed the match). So, at least they heard it from a family member.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Mar 8, 2015 22:49:56 GMT -5
Wow, sounds like it could be interesting.
A similar thing happened to my BIL. He found out he had younger brothers, twins. And, they were full siblings. The extra twist with him was that his mother had kept his younger siblings secret from him until he was in his 40s, and they were the ones to make contact. It gets pretty weird from there, but he did enjoy getting to meet the brothers he never got to grow up with.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 23:03:12 GMT -5
My mom had put my older brother up for adoption and I never knew about it. He found us when I was 34. That was weird. Wow! What a shock for you. Do you stay in touch? In my case, my father told them (after DNA tests on Ancestry.com revealed the match). So, at least they heard it from a family member. My Mom told me ahead of time. He found her first and she figured she'd better warn me. I'd just had my first son a few days before, so I was kind of preoccupied emotionally and it sort of rolled off and didn't upset me too much. I was kind of relieved actually. The last time she bothered coming to my house (and bringing beer) was when she told me she had cancer. This time it was just a brother. My Mom found out she was a grandma three times over that week. My son and his two girls. They still keep in touch and come to some of our family things and my son's birthdays sometimes, but we're not what I would call close. He's closer with a couple of my aunts. We're too much alike. Neither one of us is much of a talker so get us in a room together and not much gets said. LOL His wife and I talk though. From what I gather, they didn't tell the girls about my Mom being their real grandma for quite a while...like years. I guess adoptive mother had a complete fit when she found out that her older adopted son found his biological family and my brother was afraid if the kids knew she'd find out.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 8, 2015 23:10:47 GMT -5
I have a half brother who doesn't know about me. Guy got my mom pregnant and they split up. He knows about me, and the one time we talked when I was in my 30s he made it VERY clear his current wife/son don't know about me and it would be disastrous if they did. I also got the sense he has money and was scared of me coming after it. I'm just letting is go for now. Maybe in another decade or so I'll try to find the brother. He may want to know about me, maybe not. But I figured it would be easier for bio-dad and his wife if I made contact after they were dead. Or, maybe I'll just never do anything about it.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 8, 2015 23:34:22 GMT -5
I have a half brother who doesn't know about me. Guy got my mom pregnant and they split up. He knows about me, and the one time we talked when I was in my 30s he made it VERY clear his current wife/son don't know about me and it would be disastrous if they did. I also got the sense he has money and was scared of me coming after it. I'm just letting is go for now. Maybe in another decade or so I'll try to find the brother. He may want to know about me, maybe not. But I figured it would be easier for bio-dad and his wife if I made contact after they were dead. Or, maybe I'll just never do anything about it. So is this your bio father or someone after?
If he were my bio father I wouldn't be a happy camper. Under your state laws you might actually have a claim unless he expressly dis owns you. I'm not posting to create trouble but you may be entitled to something.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 8, 2015 23:52:19 GMT -5
I have a half brother who doesn't know about me. Guy got my mom pregnant and they split up. He knows about me, and the one time we talked when I was in my 30s he made it VERY clear his current wife/son don't know about me and it would be disastrous if they did. I also got the sense he has money and was scared of me coming after it. I'm just letting is go for now. Maybe in another decade or so I'll try to find the brother. He may want to know about me, maybe not. But I figured it would be easier for bio-dad and his wife if I made contact after they were dead. Or, maybe I'll just never do anything about it. So is this your bio father or someone after?
If he were my bio father I wouldn't be a happy camper. Under your state laws you might actually have a claim unless he expressly dis owns you. I'm not posting to create trouble but you may be entitled to something.
I know. I don't really care, though. I would have been open to starting a relationship with him, but since he so obviously didn't want one with me I lost respect for him and there was no point in going farther in that direction. I'm almost 42yo - it seems silly to go for back child support now.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 9, 2015 3:17:29 GMT -5
My dad's cousin had 5 kids with a woman. Not sure what happened before that but she had some other older kids taken away and adopted out so she probably lost parental rights. One of her kids is now a favorite cousin and she and her last 5 are facebook friends. My cousin met the older kids and said they are nice but they aren't family. Strange but we aren't related to our cousin's mother since she didn't marry dad's cousin but I see her sometimes.
A man who married my ISO's former step sister found his son after his son was an adult and he had 5 grandchildren. Not sure how he lost his kid, I think a girl friend was the mother and after they split up put him up for adoption. We had Christmas with him and his family once and his adoptive parents were the real grand parents and parents. The grandfather built the girls a huge barbie house for Christmas must have taken him all year.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 9, 2015 7:31:13 GMT -5
It's funny how some people react when we "show up" My fathers brother didn't meet with me when I went to meet family. He told his daughter that they were taking me at face value and she should ask to see my drivers license. I just laughed and said all that proved was that I was licensed to drive in the state of _____. There were no family jewels to steal I am his only neice and he never did come to meet me. I did write him a letter some time later (before internet) and and gave a little of my background and ended it with "sorry you didn't get to meet me" He told her that I sounded really interesting and the next time I was in Ohio he would like to me!! Well BTDT - no more trips to Ohio. ETA: well except maybe to Canton - Football HOF is on my bucket list
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 9, 2015 9:21:33 GMT -5
So is this your bio father or someone after?
If he were my bio father I wouldn't be a happy camper. Under your state laws you might actually have a claim unless he expressly dis owns you. I'm not posting to create trouble but you may be entitled to something.
I know. I don't really care, though. I would have been open to starting a relationship with him, but since he so obviously didn't want one with me I lost respect for him and there was no point in going farther in that direction. I'm almost 42yo - it seems silly to go for back child support now. I didn't mean child support although that's an interesting angle. I think you mother would have to pursue any claim.
I mean if he dies and leaves assets you might be entitled to something unless he expressly disowns you in his will or Trust. And obviously he can't disown you without acknowledging that you exist.
I'm always amazed at what people think they can get away with.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 9, 2015 9:33:09 GMT -5
My Mom founds cousins - at a funeral. She and her older sister worked with this guy. He was nice enough and they were friendly. Well, one day they went to a distant relative's funeral and he was there. Confusion abounded and they figured out he was part of a branch of the family that cut ties for reasons that Mom, Aunt and Guy never found out. But nobody on either side was talking about it. This was Mom's parents or grandparents, I'm not sure which. They were happy to find out they were family and swapped out a bunch of contact info. But there's no inheritances to squabble over - everyone that they had as a common ancestor was already dead. So it wasn't a big deal. If Guy's branch has kids in my generation or my kids, I don't know about them, my Mom would. But the common ancestor would be at least 3 generations back and we have a large family.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Mar 9, 2015 9:33:59 GMT -5
My Dad has two daughters from his first marriage. There's a big involved story there that I won't go into but reaching out to them didn't go so well. It's too bad because I'd like to get to know them better. Gardening Grandma - I sincerely hope it works out for you and you find another good family connection.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 9, 2015 9:52:47 GMT -5
I appreciate all the responses. It is so interesting - and more common that I'd have thought.
In my own case, my parents divorced in 1947 (I was 2 and my mother was pregnant with my sister). In 1947, a divorce was a huge scandal. My father remarried and failed to disclose a previous marriage with children. His mother was our only living grandmother and mom took us to visit her. One year, when I was about 5 or 6, mom took us to visit Granny a few days after Christmas. She didn't phone ahead (maybe Granny didn't have a phone or maybe Mom just didn't think to phone)
Well, my father, his new wife and their son (a toddler) were there. That's how the new wife learned about us. The story is that she nearly left him and stayed on the condition that he not have anything to do with us. She was the daughter of a respected minister and would never have knowingly married a divorced man.
I've never understood a religion that thinks it's fine to reject one's own children, but whatever.
My half sisters are appalled by his actions (and embarrassed by the actions of their mother). Both their mother and ours have died.
The good news is that, at 91, he still has a good mind. There is so much Alzheimers history on my mother's side that Sis and I find it reassuring that 50% of our gene pool gives us a chance of avoiding it.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Mar 9, 2015 9:59:24 GMT -5
10 years ago, when my brother was in his late 40s, he found out he had 3 grandchildren he didn't know about.
The daughter of a girl he was with in high school contacted him and said she thought he was her father. And she already had 3 kids.
Luckily DB was happy with the whole thing. But his newly discovered family is just as messed up his known kids. Now at 58 he is about to be a great grandfather
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 9, 2015 10:09:50 GMT -5
It's funny how some people react when we "show up" My fathers brother didn't meet with me when I went to meet family. He told his daughter that they were taking me at face value and she should ask to see my drivers license. I just laughed and said all that proved was that I was licensed to drive in the state of _____. There were no family jewels to steal I am his only neice and he never did come to meet me. I did write him a letter some time later (before internet) and and gave a little of my background and ended it with "sorry you didn't get to meet me" He told her that I sounded really interesting and the next time I was in Ohio he would like to me!! Well BTDT - no more trips to Ohio. ETA: well except maybe to Canton - Football HOF is on my bucket list What's wrong with that....you have a good face. Well, except for the one on your WANTED poster. I met some new-to-me cousins on my mother's side while at a funeral. I knew there was some of her family I'd never met; I'd heard about her grandfather, the one with twelve kids. I also knew he'd had two wives, but no one ever spoke of the second wife. Turns out she was a different religion (old-country Jews would sit shiva for relatives who married non-Jews back then, and mourn them as if they had died). On the loss side, I found out in my thirties that I'd had a sister. She died during birth. I had no idea. I never found a death certificate or any evidence of her time on earth. No one ever discussed it, and back in the sixties, stillbirths were treated very differently than they are now. These days, the loss is treated more compassionately, and the tiny one is seen as a real person and member of the family. Not so much back then.
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midwestlily
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Post by midwestlily on Mar 9, 2015 15:23:40 GMT -5
A friend of mine, who's about 40, knew that her father had children by a previous marriage. She wasn't very interested, but some years ago they contacted her sister, and I think they're still in touch. Sounded like it was kind of nice to meet their half-siblings, but not a big deal.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Mar 9, 2015 21:59:47 GMT -5
Good Luck I believe I have two long lost younger brothers, by my natural father. I would rebuff them if they came forward now, cause we might be related but they ain't family. I have to ask why. I assume, you are probably pissed at your father ? I could not hold them accountable for something they had no say in the matter. They are still part of the bloodline, even if just partially. Sorry if I spoke out of place.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 9, 2015 22:04:34 GMT -5
Good Luck I believe I have two long lost younger brothers, by my natural father. I would rebuff them if they came forward now, cause we might be related but they ain't family. I have to ask why. I assume, you are probably pissed at your father ? I could not hold them accountable for something they had no say in the matter. They are still part of the bloodline, even if just partially. Sorry if I spoke out of place. My natural father left mom and me just before my 3rd birthday. I was very sick and he didn't want anything to do with my care. It works both ways. It is, what it is.
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Mar 9, 2015 22:10:59 GMT -5
Good Luck I believe I have two long lost younger brothers, by my natural father. I would rebuff them if they came forward now, cause we might be related but they ain't family. I'm curious why as well. It's not their fault. What would it hurt to talk to them?
My older son (that i gave up for adoption at birth) has a half sister just a couple of months older than he is. i don't know if his mom told him that or not, but he's displayed no interest in ever meeting his bio dad, so I'm not too worried about i.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Mar 9, 2015 22:18:04 GMT -5
My natural father was an alcoholic and ran off and got married, they more than likely don't even know I exist and they wouldn't try to come find me anyway.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Mar 9, 2015 23:05:25 GMT -5
My natural father was an alcoholic and ran off and got married, they more than likely don't even know I exist and they wouldn't try to come find me anyway. Sorry Sugi It's probably no consolation at all, but as someone whose alcoholic father stuck around, you may have dodged a bullet with him. I wish mine had left, or that we had stayed gone the one time my mom left him.
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