Long lost siblings

[CarolinaKat]

Mar 8, 2015 20:53:56 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Yes, this is happening to me.
I was contacted yesterday by a half sister who did not know, until a few days ago, that she had two half sisters by her father's first marriage.

I've known for years, but never tried to contact them (half sister has a twin and a brother). Partly because I had no contact info and partly because I did not want to risk a rebuff.

We have been emailing photos back and forth and will talk on the phone tomorrow.  I'm really happy about the contact and happy that they (the twins) seem like genuinely nice people I'd like to get to know.

Pretty wierd, huh? But it's a good wierd.

That's awesome actually. We *think* DH has some half siblings by his father we don't know about. We aren't sure. His father is a toxic human being and the general consensus is they are older than DH and his sibs and the mother 'fled' with them to protect them from the father. That is a decision I can completely understand and support. 

If they ever show up/contact us, I think DH would be happy to meet them. Hopefully we can get to them and steer them away from his Dad before they get embroiled in that mess. DH and his family are loving and accepting people. His father and that set are not the people you want to be involved with.

[Ombud]

Mar 8, 2015 23:03:12 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

they didn't tell the girls about my Mom being their real grandma for quite a while...like years.

So your mom (the original grandma) is nothing now that they've met the real one? I feel sorry for the original one, tough to love a grandchild and then be told your not a grandparent (no, it didn't happen to me)

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 9:18:52 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Mar 8, 2015 23:03:12 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

they didn't tell the girls about my Mom being their real grandma for quite a while...like years.

So your mom (the original grandma) is nothing now that they've met the real one? I feel sorry for the original one, tough to love a grandchild and then be told your not a grandparent (no, it didn't happen to me)

I think you misunderstood.  My Mom isn't the "original grandma".  My brother's adoptive parents are the ones his kids consider Grandma and Grandpa.  They are high school age now (met my Mom when they were maybe 4 and 6) and I think they now know my mom is biological grandma, but they still call her by her name. 

[CarolinaKat]

Mar 10, 2015 10:18:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Mar 10, 2015 9:18:52 GMT -5 Ombud said:

So your mom (the original grandma) is nothing now that they've met the real one? I feel sorry for the original one, tough to love a grandchild and then be told your not a grandparent (no, it didn't happen to me)

I think you misunderstood.  My Mom isn't the "original grandma".  My brother's adoptive parents are the ones his kids consider Grandma and Grandpa.  They are high school age now (met my Mom when they were maybe 4 and 6) and I think they now know my mom is biological grandma, but they still call her by her name. 

I don't get it. Isn't it a good thing that there are more people that love your children and want good things for them?

Or should I stop calling the amazing woman who is DH's Grandfather's wife (they married after their previous spouses died) Grandma and stop spending time with all her children and grandchildren?

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 10:43:09 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Mar 10, 2015 10:18:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I think you misunderstood.  My Mom isn't the "original grandma".  My brother's adoptive parents are the ones his kids consider Grandma and Grandpa.  They are high school age now (met my Mom when they were maybe 4 and 6) and I think they now know my mom is biological grandma, but they still call her by her name. 

I don't get it. Isn't it a good thing that there are more people that love your children and want good things for them?

Or should I stop calling the amazing woman who is DH's Grandfather's wife (they married after their previous spouses died) Grandma and stop spending time with all her children and grandchildren?

Um...Yes? 

I think I must be writing poorly today.  LOL

[CarolinaKat]

Mar 10, 2015 10:46:48 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Mar 10, 2015 10:43:09 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

I don't get it. Isn't it a good thing that there are more people that love your children and want good things for them?

Or should I stop calling the amazing woman who is DH's Grandfather's wife (they married after their previous spouses died) Grandma and stop spending time with all her children and grandchildren?

Um...Yes? 

I think I must be writing poorly today.  LOL

The point was that the 'original' grandparents didn't want the children to have a relationship with the 'new' grandparents. Or call them grandparents, or whatever. My point was that more people who love your child and are a positive influence, the better... doesn't particularly matter how you acquire them

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2015 10:50:04 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Mar 10, 2015 10:46:48 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Um...Yes? 

I think I must be writing poorly today.  LOL

The point was that the 'original' grandparents didn't want the children to have a relationship with the 'new' grandparents. Or call them grandparents, or whatever. My point was that more people who love your child and are a positive influence, the better... doesn't particularly matter how you acquire them

Well, I think that was more of a problem with the mother being upset about her kids seeking out their biological parents than anything.  My Mother was 19 when my brother was born.  Adoptive mother adopted him in her 40's.  According to my brother's wife, when his older (also adopted) brother found his biological family his mother was really hurt and upset.  She was darn near 80 when my brother found my Mom so I think he just didn't want to make her feel bad.  Now the kids know my Mom is their grandma, but they also know not to tell her. 

My Mom is not hurt by this.  She put him up for adoption and she's happy to have met him, know he had a great upbringing with loving parents and to know the girls, but I don't think she thinks of them the same way as my kids or even her step grandkids.

[Gardening Grandma]

It may not make you feel any better, Sugilite, but my father does know I exist, but can't be bothered to pick up the phone and say "I'm sorry I ignored you for 65 + years".....

But I AM glad to talk to the girls.  They are 18 years younger than me so feel more like nieces than half siblings.  They are appalled at his behavior (which  I do appreciate)

We had a long telephone chat last night.  DH and I are driving to Texas later this month (where they live) - I will probably make plans to visit with them.  Haven't discussed it with them yet though.  Still feeling my way here.

[Jaguar]

I doubt my natural father told his wife and/or his son's that I exist. I doubt he told his parents, brother and sister as well, especially since I'm named after my aunts daughter.

My mom was a dreamer, he was a English shit.

[raeoflyte]

Dh has a half-brother 18 years older that found him about 5 years ago.  Once fil and new bil tried to talk to each other everything went downhill unfortunately.  

[Gardening Grandma]

Update
DH and I drove to Texas to pick up a travel trailer we purchased. I had lunch yesterday with my half sisters. It was wonderful. They are smart, sweet, accomished women who I'd want as friends even if we were not related.
I am very happy - it takes away a lot of the sting of my father's rejection.

[toomuchreality]

Mar 8, 2015 21:12:33 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Why couldn't my little brother have been a long lost sibling I never learn exists?

just joking

sorta

I have one of these.

Sorta.

[tskeeter]

Mar 8, 2015 21:08:14 GMT -5 msventoux said:

I'm glad it's a good weird.  In my teens I became interested in genealogy.  My immediate family didn't care one way or the other about what I was doing. 

Until I found out that great grandpa had a family with one of his adult step daughters that my family didn't know about...while he was still married to great grandma.  And that grandma and grandpa got married two months before their eldest child was born.  And that the ancestors who supposedly came over on the boat three generations ago were still in Tennessee several generations beyond that and were not terribly law abiding.  And a few other things about about some naughty ancestors even further up the tree.  Oh, and that the tree didn't fork much on one branch of the tree. 

For some reason my family strongly discouraged my research after that.  Afraid of what else might fall out of the tree. 

Heck, isn't that  part of the fun of genealogy?  Every family has some scoundrels and horse thieves.  Members of Dad's family, it seems, were political insurrectionists in Northern Ireland.  I'm pretty sure that if we dug deeper, we'd find thieves, drunkards, and an full assortment of other miscreants.

In DW's family, the whisper history is that her great grandmother was from a fairly well to do family of horse farmers.  She chose an unsuitable young man, so her parents forced her to marry a guy who they considered more suitable, but who was several years older than great grandmother.  It appears that great grandfather must have been a successful businessman, with a store with living quarters on the second floor, a cottage that he probably rented out, and he ran the pub acrosss the road from the store (pubs were usually owned by the brewry whose products they served).  Where the scandal arises is that the family lore is that great gran took to the drink.  By the time that DW's grandmother left home the pub was gone, the store and living quarters were gone, and the family was living in the tiny thatched roof cottage that had been the rental. 

[quince]

I have a half sister: my bio-dad impregnated my mom's best friend after they divorced. ( I think it was after). I knew about it growing up: we hung out with that family a lot.  I found out a few years ago that she did not know that we were half siblings until after high school.