Road to recovery alone

[zibazinski]

They want their money!

[Jaguar]

Well I wish you the best and speedy healing.

[thyme4change]

First off - the home health aid won't give a crap if your house is a mess or the cat is shaggy.  They have probably seen worse, and if they know you are alone, they will understand that you can't be standing around vacuuming.  And, even if they do judge you - who the hell cares what they think?

Second - sorry, but you are going to have to accept your Dad's help.  

Third - I can imagine how terrible I would be if someone called and asked to recoup at my house.  I am terrible with sick people, and I generally handle it in a very immature way (like avoid them.)  But, if you give her a call and ask for something simple, and in her wheel house, you might get a better response.  I could totally go to the grocery store for anyone.  I rock the grocery store.  It is my third home (after home and work.)  Grocery shop?  Sure!  Clean your wound, or have you in pain, smelly and bandaged on my sofa..ummmm - there is a reason I went into finance instead of the medical industry.  Sorry.  I would like to think I would do those types of things for my friends, but I can understand why someone would not be super-excited about that.  

[msventoux]

I was wondering a couple days ago where you were Zaire.  

The home health aids have seen a lot of horribly disorganized and dirty places.  Some of them live in such places. 

Re: the prescriptions, not sure if your dad could pay and you could pay him back later?  In all the times I've picked up prescriptions for my parents I've been allowed to pay for them and pick them up, provided I knew names, dates of birth, etc.

I would contact the hospital and see what services they have available.  When I've been with my parents when they've been  discharged from the hospital there were always multiple questions on if they had a safe environment to return to and sufficient help above and beyond any home health care to help them face whatever challenges they had after going back home.  I would also confirm with your insurance if you have to pay the home health aide.  The coverage my parents had allowed for a few dozen visits per year that they covered.

Sorry you're going through this.  I think it's a scenario that every single person who doesn't have an extensive support system dreads. 

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 14:51:09 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

They want their money!

yea!

I have asked for other stuff from the rental office (mail pick up, feed my cat, lock out service)
they were all business towards other requests
I was expecting them to say NO! I have to drop off my rent check, they can't provide special services for one! then they would have to special service for everyone!
also they would charge a late fee if I didn't get them their money on time!
that was the answer I was expecting.

but they did send a maintenance guy and I had him check the new installed heating and all my heaters are working!
still not as hot as I would like it but they actually helped

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 19:44:24 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

First off - the home health aid won't give a crap if your house is a mess or the cat is shaggy.  They have probably seen worse, and if they know you are alone, they will understand that you can't be standing around vacuuming.  And, even if they do judge you - who the hell cares what they think?

Second - sorry, but you are going to have to accept your Dad's help.  

Third - I can imagine how terrible I would be if someone called and asked to recoup at my house.  I am terrible with sick people, and I generally handle it in a very immature way (like avoid them.)  But, if you give her a call and ask for something simple, and in her wheel house, you might get a better response.  I could totally go to the grocery store for anyone.  I rock the grocery store.  It is my third home (after home and work.)  Grocery shop?  Sure!  Clean your wound, or have you in pain, smelly and bandaged on my sofa..ummmm - there is a reason I went into finance instead of the medical industry.  Sorry.  I would like to think I would do those types of things for my friends, but I can understand why someone would not be super-excited about that.  

true thyme!
very true
never dealt with a home health aide
but she came by - looked and changed my bandage - was calm through some screaming of pain - everything is fine - asked if I wanted to sign up for physical therapy with a different agency through my work insurance - had me signed some paperwork - and scheduled appointment for next day!

correct she was very nice and professional
I just didn't know
and better for the visit.

as for the friend!
well??
I think she is just offended!
I didn't call her when I call 911
when she called me and I told her well I was in the hospital
she was shocked! because after I was on the phone with her telling her I wa in pain from my stomach. I was telling her I will wait for the pain to stop! but then I changed my mind and called 911 after we hung up. then days later - she called to check up. I told her I was in the hospital
and she was surprised! and asked why didn't I tell her!
I said because she has a skill of turning everything around I do into something that is my fault, I am always wrong, and it makes me feel bad, so I don't tell her a LOT of things because I run the risk of getting my feeling hurt!
she said that's what I hate about you Zaire! you always assume shit and you're wrong!

I said but that is how you treat me! and you just did it!
after that she called my dad - because she knew I didn't call him to let him know I was in the hospital
few minutes later I got a call from my dad and I have not been able to speak to her since!
my dad was a bit upset I didn't tell him I was in the hospital as well

I told dad - I was gonna tell him, I just thought I was going to be in and out and would have told him when I got out. just didn't work out that way.

[zibazinski]

Just a thought. DH is in the hospital again. He hadn't told his kids and I'm tired of the responsibility being mine so I'm not going to. He also didn't tell his former step daughter that he had surgery on his hand so when we showed up to take her daughter to her birthday dinner, she just about freaked because his bandaged hand looks like a hand puppet, it's so huge. Family does not like hearing it from others.

[thyme4change]

I said because she has a skill of turning everything around I do into something that is my fault, I am always wrong, and it makes me feel bad,

LOL - awesome friend.  You are in the hospital / multiple surgeries and she is pissed because you didn't call her.  

I have a friend like this - somehow my problems are less important than how I involved her in my problems.  Ummmm - these are my problems, I can involve anyone, anyway I want.  I chalk it up to narcissism combined with a feeling of inadequacy about being a good friend.  If somehow it was your fault that I am a bad friend, it isn't my fault.

[Apple]

Wow, Zaire, that sounds like a really not-cool ordeal.  Hope the surgery fixes the medical issue and you're expected to fully recover!

I've had to have surgery that was supposed to lay me up a few days, but I had to take care of my son, so how much I could "lay" was limited.  I still had to help him prepare food, etc (I had the chance to plan ahead though, so was able to pre-make some meals).  My last surgery, he was old enough to fend for himself and even help out when I needed it (get something for me, cook my dinner, etc).  I can't imagine what you have to deal with being completely alone, and with no warning it was coming!

I know the relationship with your dad isn't the best, but, it sounds like he does care, so let him help where he can, and maybe this can help out the relationship between you two (I don't remember the details though).  I know my dad feels bad that he didn't get to do all he wanted for us when we were growing up, so when there are things I "finally need help with", he is glad to help if he can.  (He raised us to be independent, so he shouldn't be so surprised that we are.)

[zibazinski]

Maybe she's mad because she feels you didn't think she was a good enough friend to ask. Friends always ask if they can help. I'm actually going to ask someone or two someone's to get me a gift card to a restaurant for the former stepsons birthday and a 1 year baby present for his child. I've got their cards, I just need something to go in them. A check or cash to a 1 year old doesn't cut it. They'll be thrilled to help and it's nothing to them but huge to me. I know the perfect baby gift shopper, too. 

[mmhmm]

I'm so glad to hear PT is going to get involved! Abdominal surgeries are rough! So glad the aide did what was necessary to get you some help to get going again. Get better quickly, Zaire!

[Deleted]

I had minor surgery a couple years ago and my Mom came to stay with me for a few days to "help out". It just happened to coincide with the time that her a/c had gone out, she couldn't afford to replace it and temps were in the 90's. She drove me nuts by the 2nd day. Fortunately, the only real problem I had was that I was out of it the first day because of the anesthesia and that was really the only time I needed someone with me. By the third day, I was very upset so tension was thick in my house. Mom left.

It is scary to be alone and very sick or recovering from a serious surgery. I'm sorry you ended up in that kind of predicament. I hope your family and/or your friend come through for you. It sounds like you're in a serious situation and could use their assistance. I hope you heal quickly and without incident. Take care.

[Artemis Windsong]

I know the feeling of being alone.  When my DH traveled, I could have been dead for weeks before anyone would know.  Even though he called frequently, he didn't have a regular calling time and wouldn't know if he just missed me or what.

My kids lived in town.

[ZaireinHD]

MEN!!!


LAUGHING!


TOO FUNNY HOW WOMEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH US!

my dad is a MAN!!!

I tried to pick up my meds today!

ok wait - back up for a minute! LOL

Dad offered to drop off prescriptions, open an account at pharmacy around the corner from home yesterday
which he did. he got there and gave pharmacy my number - they called and all done.
Dad left out and gave back my medical cards


ok - so that was it - he left and didn't return for the day!

so today I tried to pick up my prescriptions! I am not able to! Both my vehicles are snowed in and I found out my passenger window on the SUV is down some and snow is inside!

I called Dad to see if I can get on his errand list! I told him I tried to get prescriptions and wasn't able.

he GOT UPSET!! that I tried!
ZAIRE DON'T BE GOING OUTSIDE! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! DON'T DO THAT YOU HAVE TO REST!


I stayed calm!
I said ok dad - but I need my meds, and they were ready for pick up yesterday and you are busy so what am I suppose to do? plus I need supplies now.

then he calmed down and said ok true - I'm on the way to pick them up.
I then PRINTED PICTURES of the cat food I need AND the toilet paper I use - I need them now

Dad gets here - ok
I gave him the pictures of what I need from the store, credit card, keys to SUV, and keys to doors!
he moved my SUV and closed the window! Great
got to the store and STILL called me!
Zaire what cat food you need? I am in the pet isle, I don't see what is on the paper. do they sell it here?
yes dad they do - OH ok I see it now! there are sooo many choices!

I know dad - that's why I printed the pictures
where would I find the toilet paper?

in the tissue isle dad

I'll stop here!
but it all worked out for now
I am grateful he is helping me - I do realize I do need help

[mmhmm]

*chuckle* I know it can be frustrating not to be able to do things for yourself. Others just don't do it the way we would do it. Sounds like your dad is doing his best to be helpful, though, and that's what's really important. So glad he's stepped up for you.

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 6, 2015 9:08:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I said because she has a skill of turning everything around I do into something that is my fault, I am always wrong, and it makes me feel bad,

LOL - awesome friend.  You are in the hospital / multiple surgeries and she is pissed because you didn't call her.  

I have a friend like this - somehow my problems are less important than how I involved her in my problems.  Ummmm - these are my problems, I can involve anyone, anyway I want.  I chalk it up to narcissism combined with a feeling of inadequacy about being a good friend.  If somehow it was your fault that I am a bad friend, it isn't my fault.

here is a perfect example of how she treats me!
I could go to McDonalds - order a Sweat Tea (which I got that idea from her) and a large fry!
I'll tell her I got a bad order from McDonald's! the sweat tea was really watered down with ice and the fries were burnt!

she'll then turn it around to my fault by telling me
I should have ordered a small fry - I don't need the large! and I should have said / requested not so much ice!
it's your fault Zaire that the order got messed up!


geez! I am just tell'n her I got a bad order - and she turns it around to be my fault I got a bad order!
I don't want to hear that shit! I am just venting - dang!
so when she does this towards me - I don't tell her a lot of stuff!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Feb 6, 2015 13:22:01 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 6, 2015 9:08:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

LOL - awesome friend.  You are in the hospital / multiple surgeries and she is pissed because you didn't call her.  

I have a friend like this - somehow my problems are less important than how I involved her in my problems.  Ummmm - these are my problems, I can involve anyone, anyway I want.  I chalk it up to narcissism combined with a feeling of inadequacy about being a good friend.  If somehow it was your fault that I am a bad friend, it isn't my fault.

here is a perfect example of how she treats me!
I could go to McDonalds - order a Sweat Tea (which I got that idea from her) and a large fry!
I'll tell her I got a bad order from McDonald's! the sweat tea was really watered down with ice and the fries were burnt!

she'll then turn it around to my fault by telling me
I should have ordered a small fry - I don't need the large! and I should have said / requested not so much ice!
it's your fault Zaire that the order got messed up!

Zaire, honey, I mean this for your own good.  If your local McD's is serving "sweat" tea, please stop going there.     Now, if it's sweet tea, it's still revolting but that's a personal flavor opinion! 

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 6, 2015 11:17:51 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm so glad to hear PT is going to get involved! Abdominal surgeries are rough! So glad the aide did what was necessary to get you some help to get going again. Get better quickly, Zaire!

ok - yes I am glad as well
doctor made the request for home health aide because I really not able to change the bandage daily. I also not able to see the healing process and if it is getting better or infected. BUT I am on the good side and healing well.

I also have NOT seen what they see? I have not looked in a mirror to see my cuts and scares! (really don't want too actually).


I see the bruises on my arms! and I get upset!


Funny!
don't get it twisted! I am a man but it is fucking painful when certain nurses are changing the bandage!
LOL
you know those tough guys in movies giving themselves stitches from a knife cut!


Haaaa! Haaaa!
OUCH! OUCH!

STOP LAUGHING ZAIRE!

[mmhmm]

LOL! A little hint for the laughing ... get a throw pillow or a stuffed animal (I don't know if guys have stuff like that!). When you need to cough, or laugh press the pillow against your abdomen and hold it there. It will help stabilize the tissues and reduce the pain. 

[Tennesseer]

Zaire-I know the meds have not kicked in yet (if your Dad has brought them back to you), but how are you feeling today?

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 6, 2015 10:41:45 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Maybe she's mad because she feels you didn't think she was a good enough friend to ask. Friends always ask if they can help. I'm actually going to ask someone or two someone's to get me a gift card to a restaurant for the former stepsons birthday and a 1 year baby present for his child. I've got their cards, I just need something to go in them. A check or cash to a 1 year old doesn't cut it. They'll be thrilled to help and it's nothing to them but huge to me. I know the perfect baby gift shopper, too. 

at this point I am sure she is upset because I have told her before she hurts my feelings the way she treats me. I have told her before I don't tell her A LOT of things going on with me because she ends up hurting my feelings so I have to be very careful of what I tell her / include her with my life!

also I do know she is dependable to help if needed. and she knows that I feel she is dependable!
BUT - the problem is ok - had I said to her that Friday the pain is too much I have to call 911
her first reaction would have been
boy ain't nuthin wrong with you but a stomach ache - stop being a drama King!
then she would have came to the hospital that night to be by my side.

so at this point I have been calling her - she has only answered one call days ago! and reply to only one text message days ago.

currently she is avoiding me.
 

[lexxy703]

Wow Zaire I didn't know you had started this thread until just now.  I'm glad your Dad is helping you.  Your friend sounds sort of wierd & not all that nice to you.  And finally, McD's sweet tea is nasty stuff.  I took a sip when they accidentally gave me sweet instead of unsweet & I nearly passed out in a diabetic coma.

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 6, 2015 14:08:58 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Zaire-I know the meds have not kicked in yet (if your Dad has brought them back to you), but how are you feeling today?

getting better
meds are here


even in the hospital I was not really taking the pain meds!
my dad kinda freaked out to get off morphine because it's so addictive
I said dad - DAD!!!
I am aware of it's usage - I can handle the pain and only use it when the pain gets too high
but I am not in enough pain to continue to use it!

the pain comes in depending on who is changing my bandage! one nurse was
I don't give a fuck - ripped off the tape from my stomach hair - kept saying sorry sorry
cold ass hands - still saying sorry sorry!
pulled out bandage a bit fast - I am like screaming! while nurse is just saying sorry sorry!


Thanks for asking!
today currently I am getting better!

SPOILER: Click to show

MY ASS HURTS!!LOL1 of 5 meds is to "flush" my system to reduce the swelling and make sure kidneys are working properlymeaning even sip of water and 3, 4, 5, Ritz sends me to the bathroom, leading to sore ass for increase use!

 

[NancysSummerSip]

Aw, the nurse didn't mean to cause you pain with that bandage removal.

But note to yourself....time to wax that bod, Zaire. Not now, but after you're all healed up. BTW, if you think bandage removal is bad, wait until the waxing wizards get to you. Mmmmmmmm, baby. Nothing like an application of hot melty liquid, followed by a push of gauze and then RIIIIIIIIIP! Miracle! No more hair. Of course, all your pain receptacles are are yowling like a cage of Yetis. But you get used to it.

[zibazinski]

They have adhesive remover. Too late for you now. I don't let them hurt DH and I don't let them put IV's in willy nilly. What's easiest for them makes it hard to bend your elbow which affects just about everything else. 

[zibazinski]

No hands, either. Same issues as you for him. Either above or below the crook of his elbow. He can't bend his arm with the tubes in like that 

[Tennesseer]

Feb 6, 2015 14:52:46 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

They have adhesive remover. Too late for you now. I don't let them hurt DH and I don't let them put IV's in willy nilly. What's easiest for them makes it hard to bend your elbow which affects just about everything else. 

What's it like now writing DH instead of DF?

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry to read about all this Z! Sending prayers your way. Get better.

[greeniis10]

Feb 6, 2015 17:18:12 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

I'm so sorry to read about all this Z! Sending prayers your way. Get better.

Same here!  I feel terrible reading this.  I completely sympathize with you, Z!  And here I was just a few moments ago complaining about being bored and not having anything to do tonight.  Sure wish I could be of some help and actually be useful to you.  I understand the feeling of always doing everything for yourself and then not having help when you most need it.  Hope you feel better soon.

[kent]

Zaire, get well quick buddy. If I were close, I'd do the shopping etc. for you but, alas, I don't live near "cloud" location you reference.