Road to recovery alone

[ZaireinHD]

I live alone just me and kitty
3 weeks ago while at home I had to call 911 emergency because I was in a serious great deal of pain coming from my stomach. I have been interested in the medical thing I have heard of called life alert. but never signed up because the commercials are all for senior people - I've fallen and can't get up old people! LOL
sorry that still cracks me up to laugh!
well living alone I was thinking I could fall victim to same situation as well. just press the button around my neck and help is on the way! but how do they get inside to help? kick the door in?

so I was picked up by ambulance screaming in pain - and they took me to the nearest hospital - which turns out is a few miles away from home.  I went into surgery that Friday night. I could barely open the door and I couldn't get dressed for the cold weather before being taken to the hospital. I had been in the hospital for 3 weeks in recovery.
also while in the hospital went though 2 operations when Anesthesia was used. then monitoring me for recovery until released 3 weeks later. my stomach was / has been cut open and I now have a open wound on my stomach which can get infected. which is what happened! it was discovered during monitoring healing an infection was found and I was sent back to surgery.

so now I am home with an wound that can get infected AND I don't have my stomach muscles any more and have to rebuild them. I am in pain, not much for stomach muscles, it's cold as heck at home, the entire time I was in the hospital I though I was loosing weight! and I actually gained 5 pounds!!  I am swollen with difficulty to walk. taste buds are out of wack! and when I went in the hospital I had plans to go grocery shopping, laundry, and pick up dry cleaning. so currently there is not much food for me and kitty, and I am very short on clean clothes. the maintenance people came into the apartment to make upgrades and made a mess! I have several bruises on my arms, my feet, shen, and ankles are severely swollen, making it more difficult to walk and causing pain also 

lastly we have had a few snow storms and my rental office expects me to go about my business as normal showing ZERO signs of any compassion for my situation. because both my vehicles are covered in snow.!

I am fucked!
How do I recover alone?

[ArchietheDragon]

sorry to hear, Z. 

[thyme4change]

Can you hire a care-taker to come in a few hours per day?  Maybe your insurance would pay for it (or some of it?)

Do you have a network that you could tap into?  When I was part of a group of ladies, one would organize the rest of us to check up on people - bring meals, etc.  

[ZaireinHD]

OH!
to add
I was NOT expecting any of this! Had absolutely NO idea this would be soo long in the hospital because I was continuously told I would be released from the hospital. I never told my job! I thought I would be back to work by that Tuesday after the Friday I went into the hospital! at most be missing from work for at MOST a week! so now I am not being paid!

living alone I live check by check unfortunately and just getting a grasp on finances. but now currently I don't have the cash to go grocery shopping, laundry, hell even a haircut! because I have a shit load of prescriptions to pick up!

screwed I tell ya!
I am sooo screwed!
 

[busymom]

Do you have grocery delivery available in your area? How about a drug store that delivers?  (The legal kind.)

I think it's time to call in some favors from family & friends!

[thyme4change]

I know this board thinks debt is a sin - but this is a good time to use credit cards.  

[taz157]

Feb 5, 2015 8:26:38 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I know this board thinks debt is a sin - but this is a good time to use credit cards.  

Yeah that.

Call family and friends for help. You may have a co-worker or 2 that could help too.

I hope you feel better soon. (((((Hugs)))))

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 8:24:52 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Can you hire a care-taker to come in a few hours per day?  Maybe your insurance would pay for it (or some of it?)

Do you have a network that you could tap into?  When I was part of a group of ladies, one would organize the rest of us to check up on people - bring meals, etc.  

ok yes
at release time signed out on paperwork! I did sign up for a home health aide. just got the call she is on the way here to my home this morning.

BUT here's the thing:
1- my place is a fucking mess! LOL all this time of keeping my place clean for just these type of situations. and now expecting company my place is a mess!
2- the aid as I understand it will change my bandage and take a look for infection.
3- I will be billed for each visit by the home health aide
4- I have to somehow navigate opening the doors to let her in
5- my freak'n cat is like a wild ass animal that hasn't been brushed in weeks!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs Z.  I hope you feel fast.  And call work. 

I agree with calling family, friends, hell, even a neighbor if you're on decent terms with them, to ask for help. 

[Opti]

I think your Dad and Mom live close to you. Have you called them yet

and asked for assistance?

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 8:26:26 GMT -5 busymom said:

Do you have grocery delivery available in your area? How about a drug store that delivers?  (The legal kind.)

I think it's time to call in some favors from family & friends!

everything is close!
delivery runs rampid in my area. I am NOT to lift anything! doctor orders! another complication!
I am strong! I can beat this and get back to shape. just going to be very painful!

NO - friends to call for help
actually it was my xgf that kept my kiddo alive!
also I had / have only one friend that I must have seriously offended when I went into the hospital because I have been trying to contact her for help and she hasn't answered my calls? I asked her if I could stay at her home for recovery and has hasn't gotten back to me. she did get back saying she would help with grocery shopping and I could wash clothes at her place. but now! she can't be found!

YES - this area I can get pretty much anything delivered.
but it costs more

[Deleted]

I don't have much to offer, but sending good thoughts for speedy recovery!

[mmhmm]

It sounds like you could use some help around there, Zaire. When the aid comes to check your wound, let him/her know the problems you're having. Be sure she notes the swelling in your lower extremities. She may be able to help guide you to help available in your area. If she can't, call the hospital's social services people and see if they can help. 

Really sorry, Zaire. 

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 8:40:20 GMT -5 Opti said:

I think your Dad and Mom live close to you. Have you called them yet

and asked for assistance?

yea my dad keeps talking that family to help bullshit!
dad insisted to pick me up from the hospital
but they live in the ghetto and I don't see them being more help than being in the way!
not really an option for me to ask them for help. THOUGH THEY WOULD ABSOLUTELY WOULD LOVE FOR ME TOO ASK FOR HELP!!

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 8:47:47 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

It sounds like you could use some help around there, Zaire. When the aid comes to check your wound, let him/her know the problems you're having. Be sure she notes the swelling in your lower extremities. She may be able to help guide you to help available in your area. If she can't, call the hospital's social services people and see if they can help. 

Really sorry, Zaire. 

yea - thanks mmHmm
think I will put my butt on each step to get downstairs to open the doors. then get back upstairs and just lay on the (dirty) floor. have bandage checked and changed and figure out washing up later?

[justme]

Task rabbit - a company where you post tasks you need done and with the amount they'd get paid and then it gets done. I haven't used it, but I saw it on John Stossels show.

Call your hr and ask them for std paperwork as well as fmla. That can all be fine retroactively, and std if they offer it will get some money coming in for you. Hardest part will be what info they need.

[Tennesseer]

Feb 5, 2015 8:51:20 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 5, 2015 8:40:20 GMT -5 Opti said:

I think your Dad and Mom live close to you. Have you called them yet

and asked for assistance?

yea my dad keeps talking that family to help bullshit!
dad insisted to pick me up from the hospital
but they live in the ghetto and I don't see them being more help than being in the way!
not really an option for me to ask them for help. THOUGH THEY WOULD ABSOLUTELY WOULD LOVE FOR ME TOO ASK FOR HELP!!

Sorry you are having a tough go, Zaire.

Don't let the thought of your parents rubbing it in(?) you asked for their help during this difficult time for you. There will come a time when your parent(s) will ask you for help too. Offer to help them without comment or judgment. They might not realize their own hipocracy or appreciate your silence, but you will be the better person for it.

[mmhmm]

Feb 5, 2015 8:59:59 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 5, 2015 8:47:47 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

It sounds like you could use some help around there, Zaire. When the aid comes to check your wound, let him/her know the problems you're having. Be sure she notes the swelling in your lower extremities. She may be able to help guide you to help available in your area. If she can't, call the hospital's social services people and see if they can help. 

Really sorry, Zaire. 

yea - thanks mmHmm
think I will put my butt on each step to get downstairs to open the doors. then get back upstairs and just lay on the (dirty) floor. have bandage checked and changed and figure out washing up later?

The aid should be able to help you get cleaned up, Zaire. Also, Tennesseer is right. Let your parents know the situation and ask for help. There's never anything wrong with asking for help when you really need it. There's always the opportunity to return the favor. Everybody needs help at one time or another.

[Opti]

Feb 5, 2015 8:44:38 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 5, 2015 8:26:26 GMT -5 busymom said:

Do you have grocery delivery available in your area? How about a drug store that delivers?  (The legal kind.)

I think it's time to call in some favors from family & friends!

everything is close!
delivery runs rampid in my area. I am NOT to lift anything! doctor orders! another complication!
I am strong! I can beat this and get back to shape. just going to be very painful!

NO - friends to call for help
actually it was my xgf that kept my kiddo alive!
also I had / have only one friend that I must have seriously offended when I went into the hospital because I have been trying to contact her for help and she hasn't answered my calls? I asked her if I could stay at her home for recovery and has hasn't gotten back to me. she did get back saying she would help with grocery shopping and I could wash clothes at her place. but now! she can't be found!

YES - this area I can get pretty much anything delivered.
but it costs more

I think you should call back the friend you offended and leave a message apologizing

for trying to impose on her. Tell her you are at home now and would appreciate any

assistance with groceries or laundry she's willing to offer. Then again apologize for

trying to impose on her and end the call.

FWIW, asking someone if you can live with them for awhile is a big deal. Its a bigger deal

when it can't be discussed or planned in advance because it is a planned surgery. You

were asking a lot and she might have offered just to stop you from asking to live there IDK.

But if she was willing to do the smaller stuff, apologizing might help.

[Opti]

Feb 5, 2015 8:51:20 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 5, 2015 8:40:20 GMT -5 Opti said:

I think your Dad and Mom live close to you. Have you called them yet

and asked for assistance?

yea my dad keeps talking that family to help bullshit!
dad insisted to pick me up from the hospital
but they live in the ghetto and I don't see them being more help than being in the way!
not really an option for me to ask them for help. THOUGH THEY WOULD ABSOLUTELY WOULD LOVE FOR ME TOO ASK FOR HELP!!

It is an option to ask, you just don't want to for whatever reason. Perhaps you could

just ask for something simple like groceries or laundry to be done and figure out how to

be grateful even if it is not done the way you like. You will eventually heal and you can

put your place back together then.

[NancysSummerSip]

This is not the time for pride or worry about how things look, man.

All that stress will only delay your healing, and may make things worse.

You have family. Ghetto or not, they are family and they can help. So let them, dammit. You can either ignore them or pay it forward later. But your life is on the line here, with an open wound liable to infection, not to mention everything else that you need done in order to keep your life functioning. Contact a local pet shelter for assistance (many of them offer food and petsitting help for people who are in need of it - it's cheaper and far more humane to keep the animal in its home than taking yet another animal into their shelter).

It's time to marshal the forces NOW. Whomever you can draft into Zaire's Army, you take.

[ZaireinHD]

dammit

thank you everyone!

I see and understand you guys are correct!
I have been doing things on my own for soo long now
NOT asking for help / having to cover and do things on my own!
which currently I do need help and in a bad desperate way

FINE!
I'll ask my parents
and will continue to reach out to my one friend

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 5, 2015 9:31:38 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

This is not the time for pride or worry about how things look, man.

All that stress will only delay your healing, and may make things worse.

You have family. Ghetto or not, they are family and they can help. So let them, dammit. You can either ignore them or pay it forward later. But your life is on the line here, with an open wound liable to infection, not to mention everything else that you need done in order to keep your life functioning. Contact a local pet shelter for assistance (many of them offer food and petsitting help for people who are in need of it - it's cheaper and far more humane to keep the animal in its home than taking yet another animal into their shelter).

It's time to marshal the forces NOW. Whomever you can draft into Zaire's Army, you take.

pride!
I feel soo fucking weak and useless!
stress!
stressed out for sure!
I am making things worse than what they are - I do realize
ok Nancy
I'll try asking for help - it is just also that
I don't ask and do things myself because being told no hurts
being rejected hurts
all my life I have ALWAYS come through for others and when I would ask for help and get told no or wait, or get an unexpected answer other than ok I'm here for you Zaire
makes me upset!
that is why I don't ask for help
because when I get rejected or told no, or told yes and they don't come through for me!
I get upset!!

[NancysSummerSip]

Feb 5, 2015 9:49:26 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Feb 5, 2015 9:31:38 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

This is not the time for pride or worry about how things look, man.

All that stress will only delay your healing, and may make things worse.

You have family. Ghetto or not, they are family and they can help. So let them, dammit. You can either ignore them or pay it forward later. But your life is on the line here, with an open wound liable to infection, not to mention everything else that you need done in order to keep your life functioning. Contact a local pet shelter for assistance (many of them offer food and petsitting help for people who are in need of it - it's cheaper and far more humane to keep the animal in its home than taking yet another animal into their shelter).

It's time to marshal the forces NOW. Whomever you can draft into Zaire's Army, you take.

pride!
I feel soo fucking weak and useless!
stress!
stressed out for sure!
I am making things worse than what they are - I do realize
ok Nancy
I'll try asking for help - it is just also that
I don't ask and do things myself because being told no hurts
being rejected hurts
all my life I have ALWAYS come through for others and when I would ask for help and get told no or wait, or get an unexpected answer other than ok I'm here for you Zaire
makes me upset!
that is why I don't ask for help
because when I get rejected or told no, or told yes and they don't come through for me!
I get upset!!

Been there, heard that. I'm one of those people who gets the word "No" a lot when I ask for help, too. Which is why I rarely ask. But when things get down and dirty and to the point where there is no other way, I'm dropping my pride, putting my personal preferences aside and just doing the down-on-my-knees thing. I've not had to do it in awhile (then again, the better half and I take a lot of crap from and off each other) but all things considered, assuming he dies first, I'll be alone.  And I'll face that dependence on others, at least temporarily.

Call your insurance company. Get a recommendation for a home health aide. If you have an emergency fund, use it for this.

Have a maid service come in and clean the place. This is as much for your peace of mind as it is for your health. You need a clean environment in which to heal.

Order groceries online and have them delivered. Get as much non-perishable stuff as you can in one trip, assuming the delivery charge does not vary with the amount you order. Ask neighbors to fill in the fresh stuff while you are home. If you have farm/CSA delivery service, it might be an option for fresh produce.

Contact your bank and let them know what happened. You're not banking in person right now. See what they can do to help you get cash while you are laid up.

[NoNamePerson]

                Don't have anything to add but listen to the folks here. No time to worry about pride and such.

[mmhmm]

ZaireinHD, everybody gets upset over rejections. Everybody. You're not alone in that feeling and you're sure not alone in being rejected. It's happened to each of us, at one time or another. Still, when the chips are really down each person needs (not wants, NEEDS) help and you have to reach out to get that help. You know you'll be there if someone needs you. Give them the gift of needing them. If you think about it, it gives you joy to help someone else. So, reaching out is, indeed, giving a gift.

[Waffle]

Maybe you shouldn't be at home. Your situation reminds me of a situation of an acquaintance. They sent him to a nursing home for a week or so . He wasn't old, but like you he lived alone and needed care after a hospital stay. Make sure your doctor knows your situation. Maybe there is an assisted care or nursing home type facility that he could admit you to until you are strong enough to take care of yourself.

Prayers, hugs and best wishes.

[Icelandic Woman]

Zaire I am so sorry you are going through all of this and especially alone. I wish you a speedy recovery and yes ask for help!

[ZaireinHD]

putting my pride away for now
Dad called today and offered to drop off all these prescriptions I received from the doctor.
I gave him my insurance information cards the register me at new pharmacy.
once filled I will have to figure out a way to pay and pick up?

because Dad is correct again! I have to start taking these meds NOW to get better. can't wait!
 

[ZaireinHD]

well what do ya know!??
rental office agreed to send over a maintenance guy to pick up my rent check!

amazing! they have continuously said NO to everything else
they have a key to get in so I do not have to navigate going downstairs to open the door!
very nice!