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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 10:44:43 GMT -5
I got a lot of kids dress shoes in like new condition from garage sales. I don't think I ever paid more than $2/pair. Kept them around and now younger son is wearing them. I have a big tote of shoes actually. Mostly boots and dress shoes which are in good shape. As younger son outgrows them I pass them off to younger cousins. The leather Stride Rites and Sorel boots still look great.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 11:00:23 GMT -5
My 13 yr old dd has 2 pair of sneakers. One of general wear and a good pair for basketball. And, of course softball shoes. She has a pair of Ugg boots that she loves and Bear Paws and a then a pair of black dress shoes and some sandals in the summer. When they wear out or get ratty, we buy new.
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mcsangel2
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Post by mcsangel2 on Dec 27, 2014 11:02:38 GMT -5
For all your income, you still have a mentality of poverty. The problem with that is, should anything happen to the income, you can easily find yourself in poverty again. Seriously, I don't care how people choose to spend their money. Spend every penny. Go to Disney 3 times a year... Just be honest that your main goal in life is not to deny yourself or your daughter anything for as long as the money comes in. Don't suggest that your goal is a secure future in which your daughter never knows what it's like to be poor. I agree with this.
You keep saying that everyone is suggesting you need to deprive yourself and your daughter, in order to get out of debt. I've reread the thread, you've said that over and over. No one has said that. You are perceiving your choices as spend everything or spend nothing. No one has said that.
All the suggestions have been ways for you to build a security and wealth building mindset. It does seem like you are having difficulty shedding the poverty mindset, as per the quote above.
Best of luck.
(Edited to be more helpful)
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Dec 27, 2014 11:39:30 GMT -5
Newsflash, your debt is an emergency!
Here is Mr. Money Mustache's perspective. www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/04/18/news-flash-your-debt-is-an-emergency/
The lack of financial security is what would really bother me about the OP's situation. What would happen if suddenly your credit card was cancelled and you had no credit with which to bridge the gap between what you earn and what you spend?
This "live above your means lifestyle" generally comes to a bad end when someone loses a job, unplanned illnesses occur, or other more pressing needs (think leaky roof) demand money to be spent.
You have not let your situation get very far out of control. You can correct your finances is a relatively short period of time if you commit your time and assets to debt reduction.
Take a look at how much interest you have paid on your credit card and car payments this past year. I am guessing it might be more money than what a trip to Disney costs.
Once you track what you spend, where the money actually went, you will be in the driver's seat. You will have hard numbers to make good decisions with.
Another good exercise is to look at your income and spending as percentages. How big of a percentage is your house payment from your take home pay? Do this across all your spending categories and you will gain quite a big of insight. In the end, your spending needs to be less than 100% of your income. Way less.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 11:46:23 GMT -5
It's about the value you place on peace of mind. It is about putting yourself in a good place for opportunity. Because we had lived below our means, when I had an opportunity at self employment and starting my own business, I was able to take that leap and do it. We still owed on our house and cars but we had money saved and I knew I could pick up some extra work. Being in a good financial place gives you options and choices. If you have debt and no savings, then no you can't decide to cut back at work if you have other life issues like someone is sick or you want to have another child and be home more, etc. Living within our means means that if one of us lost our job tomorrow and could not get unemployment or anything, we would still be OK for quite a long time. If you think shoes and Disney trips outweigh that, then I really have nothing more to say. However, I have the above AND the shoes DD wanted and trips to Disney. It is really about prioritizing, learning to let your money work for you and really focusing. When you take control of your money you get more of what you want. You look at your spending and you stop frittering it away on frivolous things that don't add value to your life and then you have more money to use on things you really love and enjoy.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 27, 2014 12:36:08 GMT -5
Different colors of clothes require different colors of shoes. Some things match brown, some things match black, some things match pinks, etc.
HUH? I hope you are joking.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Dec 27, 2014 12:52:06 GMT -5
4) Different colors of clothes require different colors of shoes. Some things match brown, some things match black, some things match pinks, etc. You do realize your DD is 2, not 13! My DD is 3 and she has 4 pairs of shoes, 2 sneakers and 2 pairs of flip flops (we live in south Florida). Actually, now it's 1.5 pairs of flip flops as 1 of the shoes is missing. She has no dress shoes. The last time she had dress shoes was when she went to a wedding 2 years ago and I got them at a second-hand store. She also wore them for Halloween a month later. One of the things of being so young, they get an excuse of not always matching. My DD is currently wearing an Elsa dress, but I don't have specific shoes that go with it. She'll wear what shoes she has when she and I go out in a few minutes. The fact your child is growing out of shoe sizes every three months is a reason to NOT buy so many pairs. 13 pairs of shoes for a 2yo is silly, but when they only last for 3 months because she's growing so fast...well that's beyond silly. My kids are slow growers (shoes last a year) and they still only have about three pairs each at any given time (tennis/boot/dressy). The shoes really aren't that big of a deal though. The issue is your mindset of living for now without a thought of the long term ramifications of your daily choices. It's like eating during the holidays. We all attend a hundred events where there is food/alcohol and we eat up because it's a special time of year, blah blah blah. Then comes January and our clothes don't fit. The point isn't that event X was the bad eating day, it was that you over-consumed for four straight weeks. You keep arguing the former, and we keep trying to point out the latter is the bigger deal. Until you see the pattern and long term consequences of your choices, you'll never fit in your clothes.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Dec 27, 2014 13:02:21 GMT -5
I am so glad I have a son. One pair of shoes that he wears nearly daily, and one pair of boots. We got away with one pair of boots for over a year (he's 3 1/2) because I bought them a size up and he had thicker socks for days when he needed them. He also is expected to take care of his things. All shoes and clothes that he's outgrown have been saved for future siblings.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 27, 2014 13:15:06 GMT -5
OP... You are a nurse with unlimited OT to you.
Can't you just pick up a few shifts every week to: - eliminate the debt - save the money for the two vacations
Yes that will require some time away from your daughter but the outcome is worth the sacrifice.
Two: at your income level I wouldn't go as extreme as living like a pauper. Just control impulse spending and make savings/retirement a must/obligation every time you get it paid. Treat it like another bill.
At your income level and LCOLA no reason you could not max your 401k. Just doing that and paying off your debt this year will put you miles ahead of your peers.
Take the extra shifts!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 27, 2014 13:20:42 GMT -5
I am so glad I have a son. One pair of shoes that he wears nearly daily, and one pair of boots. We got away with one pair of boots for over a year (he's 3 1/2) because I bought them a size up and he had thicker socks for days when he needed them. He also is expected to take care of his things. All shoes and clothes that he's outgrown have been saved for future siblings. I have a 3 1/2 year old girl. She gets one pair of boots, one pair of sneakers, one pair of dress shoes and one pair of sandals per year. She had no shoes before she was 1.5 years old. I also buy a size up. If her shoe size grew faster, of course I'd buy her replacements, but so far it hasn't been an issue. She is as happy and as adorable as any other little girl. Over indulging is not a girl toddler problem, it's a mom problem.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 27, 2014 13:32:19 GMT -5
My son is 2 and has had 3 sets of footwear: one is because we a cheap set of slippers before picking up a pair of crocs: might as well not have gotten that first pair. I'm from Hawaii and believe that footwear is for formal occasions and foot protection from cold, hot pavement, or sharp things. Not worn indoors, or even outside unless it is muddy. I need to knit myself some tabi socks so that I can wear them with slippers and manage to only actually put on shoes when I go to work out, now that I live somewhere without snow. I had to laugh at this. Back when my kiddo was baby/toddler I would put shoes on him to go outside. He would sit down and immediately take them off. I mentioned this to pedi doc and he said "is he walking on glass/sharp objects" Me: no just grass in yard but he does this in dead of winter too. Pedi doc said not to worry - he will probably be the healthiest kid on the block. Funny thing is I didn't realize till some time later that I never put on shoes unless going out in public ETA: My bad didn't realize this had morphed into so may pages - just kinda started along the way and this post caught my eye. Carry on - I wonder if the kiddo has 5,000 pairs of shoes by now
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 13:51:25 GMT -5
I have seen people with very modest means do very well in life. They live within their means, save, invest, but still Do things. And, you are 30. Now is the time to focus. And, then when you are hitting middle age, you might be at a place where you can relax a bit. Yeah, you are young and can probably pick up all the shifts you want. But eventually, you are going to get tired. And, taking on a lot of shifts to pay for things won't seem like such a good trade off anymore. There comes a point in life where you value your time more than simply working to pay for the things. The "do you own the things or do the things own you"? And, yes, when we were younger, some families lived much larger than us. Well, now those families are still living check to check and we are not. And, we can relax and have peace and really enjoy life. I don't have to stress about the bill to pay my sons' upcoming college tuition. I don't have get a heloc or second mortgage or parent plus loan or any of that. Your bills absolutely will escalate. You might not be paying for daycare and you are fortunate. But, then comes the orthodontist, the activities such as sports travel teams and so forth get more expensive and on and on. Again, only you can decide what lifestyle is important to your family.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 13:58:53 GMT -5
I didn't buy all the shoes for her. She received 5 pairs from various friends/family as birthday gifts.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:01:40 GMT -5
It's not about the shoes!!!! lol
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 27, 2014 14:01:53 GMT -5
Ok, color me strange but I find shoes for birthday presents strange. But it may be a generational thing since back in the dark ages most bd gifts were toys and play stuff.
But your friends/family must know what the little one likes so not being judgemental, just an observation!!
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:03:31 GMT -5
I've looked a little more into where our money goes.
We have a big entertainment expense. We go to a lot of big concerts, pro sporting even, and the like. DH insists we go pit/front row at the concerts, lower level at sporting events, so that runs us a pretty penny. He really wants to go to a big concert in a couple weeks, but we have already seen the performer 2 years, and 2 tickets will run us $700,which just isn't worth it. So I told him no, I'm trying to change our habits, and we need to skip this one.
I also spend big on birthday parties and dinner parties. Going to work on reducing these costs.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:05:26 GMT -5
See, that at least is helping you to answer the question of where the money goes. And, it isn't just tickets, it's parking and gas and food and so forth. I love going to live events too and it can add up for sure.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:06:46 GMT -5
Ok, color me strange but I find shoes for birthday presents strange. But it may be a generational thing since back in the dark ages most bd gifts were toys and play stuff. But your friends/family must know what the little one likes so not being judgemental, just an observation!! She had a big party, lots of gifts. People know she loves shoes. She does a cute little happy dance and squeals in delight when she sees shoes. She got toys and books and clothes as well. I probably spent more on the party than I should have, but we have a big social and family group and I really don't know how to cut the guest list.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:09:19 GMT -5
You don't necessarily need to cut the guest list. Again, it is all about your priorities. I don't mind spending for my kids' parties. But, I think if you begin adding up all the things you do, you might find your answer.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:11:54 GMT -5
OP... You are a nurse with unlimited OT to you. Can't you just pick up a few shifts every week to: - eliminate the debt - save the money for the two vacations Yes that will require some time away from your daughter but the outcome is worth the sacrifice. Two: at your income level I wouldn't go as extreme as living like a pauper. Just control impulse spending and make savings/retirement a must/obligation every time you get it paid. Treat it like another bill. At your income level and LCOLA no reason you could not max your 401k. Just doing that and paying off your debt this year will put you miles ahead of your peers. Take the extra shifts! Picking up extra shifts is part of the plan. I will be cutting back on a lot of the wasteful spending and working a little more. I definitely have been convinced to open an IRA asap. I really thought I needed to pay off all debt before I started a retirement account.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:13:45 GMT -5
Sounds like a good start.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 27, 2014 14:14:10 GMT -5
Ok, color me strange but I find shoes for birthday presents strange. But it may be a genyerational thing since back in the dark ages most bd gifts were toys and play stuff. But your friends/family must know what the little one likes so not being judgemental, just an observation!! She had a big party, lots of gifts. People know she loves shoes. She does a cute little happy dance and squeals in delight when she sees shoes. She got toys and books and clothes as well. I probably spent more on the party than I should have, but we have a big social and family group and I really don't know how to cut the guest list. You just cut it. Nobody really cares.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:15:00 GMT -5
Or, a backyard BBQ. Doesn't have to be at the Ritz!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 14:18:27 GMT -5
My kids' bdays are Oct, Dec, Dec.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:20:19 GMT -5
Or, a backyard BBQ. Doesn't have to be at the Ritz! We have the parties at our house, but they still cost over $1000 after food, cake, decorations, loot bags, plates, drinks, party hats, etc. Her first birthday was over 30 people, 2nd birthday was 26 I think. I order in catered food from local restaurants and a nice cake from a real bakery ( not grocery store- I hate grocery store cakes). The food is the biggest expense, but I don't have time to decorate and cook too, plus I don't want the kitchen a mess with company coming.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 27, 2014 14:22:25 GMT -5
Holy crap! 1000 for a birthday party! For a two year old! I hope 3/4 of that budget is booze for that much.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 27, 2014 14:23:38 GMT -5
Or, a backyard BBQ. Doesn't have to be at the Ritz! We have the partiues at our house, but they still cost over $1000 after food, cake, decorations, loot bags, plates, drinks, party hats, etc. Her first birthday was over 30 people, 2nd birthday was 26 I think. Seriously?do you think your 2 year old really cares?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 27, 2014 14:23:51 GMT -5
OP... You are a nurse with unlimited OT to you. Can't you just pick up a few shifts every week to: - eliminate the debt - save the money for the two vacations Yes that will require some time away from your daughter but the outcome is worth the sacrifice. Two: at your income level I wouldn't go as extreme as living like a pauper. Just control impulse spending and make savings/retirement a must/obligation every time you get it paid. Treat it like another bill. At your income level and LCOLA no reason you could not max your 401k. Just doing that and paying off your debt this year will put you miles ahead of your peers. Take the extra shifts! Picking up extra shifts is part of the plan. I will be cutting back on a lot of the wasteful spending and working a little more. I definitely have been convinced to open an IRA asap. I really thought I needed to pay off all debt before I started a retirement account. Good, that is a good start. I say you need to march right into HR/Benefits department and sign up to max your 401k/403b/ whatever they offer. At your income level you should be able to max it at 18,000k/year. Just that and you are golden. It doesn't have to be one or another: you can save for retirement while paying down debt. My wife and I are on a path to pay down our student loans yet still plan to save for retirement. Make savings/retirement a priority. Control your spending habits. Good luck!
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:25:31 GMT -5
We have the partiues at our house, but they still cost over $1000 after food, cake, decorations, loot bags, plates, drinks, party hats, etc. Her first birthday was over 30 people, 2nd birthday was 26 I think. Seriously?do you think your 2 year old really cares? No, but I care, our friends and family care. I care to show them a good time, and to have these memories with her.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 14:28:33 GMT -5
Typing it all out it does sound really freaking crazy. But it's just what we've done. I will do my best to scale back birthday # 3. Instead of a 3 tier cake I can do a 1 level cake and cupcakes, I can do cheaper foods. I bet I can get it down to $500. I really wanted to hire Anna/Elsa actors to come though. Maybe 20 year old sis in law will have some friends that could act the part.
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