wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:30:30 GMT -5
Yes, I definitely have to change my line of thinking. And I am starting with the shopping. My two goals for January are to make $10k at work and to not buy anything beyond true necessities ( groceries, gas, toiletries, no meals out, wake up 15 minutes earlier to pack lunch).
I figure the savings from not eating out and shopping will be significant.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:30:48 GMT -5
Do you have a detailed budget you could post? You seem to make plenty of money but are apparently spending more than you make. Why are you planning two big vacations if you're trying to get out of the hole? That seems like an easy place to cut to boost things back on track. The clothes buying for the 2 year old needs to stop. They outgrow stuff at 6 months at that age so getting boat loads of clothes and shoes is a waste. I do not have a detailed budget, which is likely part of the problem. We are planning the vacations because we really need that to relax and reconnect and enjoy each other, to forget our day to day for a week. The total sum of both vacations will cost $5-$6k, so it isn't a terrible expense. I want to pay off debt, but I don't want to be miserable doing it. You can do that without going away on vacation, or for a lot less anyhow. To me, 5-6K is a crapload of money to spend on vacations for the year, even if I wasn't trying to pay down debt. It's definitely a want and not a need.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:33:06 GMT -5
Do you have a detailed budget you could post? You seem to make plenty of money but are apparently spending more than you make. Why are you planning two big vacations if you're trying to get out of the hole? That seems like an easy place to cut to boost things back on track. The clothes buying for the 2 year old needs to stop. They outgrow stuff at 6 months at that age so getting boat loads of clothes and shoes is a waste. I do not have a detailed budget, which is likely part of the problem. We are planning the vacations because we really need that to relax and reconnect and enjoy each other, to forget our day to day for a week. The total sum of both vacations will cost $5-$6k, so it isn't a terrible expense. I want to pay off debt, but I don't want to be miserable doing it. What you need to do is look at your day to day and decide why it is so stressful and disconnected and why you aren't enjoying each other in a daily basis. 5-6k vacations to theme parks don't fix underlying issues. The life you described doesn't sound bad to me. Are you not enjoying doing those things with your daughter? You need to be identifying what the bad is and changing that. A vacation won't change that. 5-6k is not a cheap vacation. By any means.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 26, 2014 11:33:22 GMT -5
$5K-$6K is a lot of money! I'm surprised anyone would qualify that as "not a terrible expense."
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:34:16 GMT -5
I'd no way be spending 3k on Disney for a 2 yr old before putting money in retirement. If she is happy at Disney, she'll be happy at the local theme park or carnival. Kids in general are happy just about anywhere. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) I went to Hawaii in 2012 and left the two year old at home with Grandma. He would have never remembered it anyhow and probably had more fun doing things like the McDonalds playplace and Children's Museum with Grandma while we were gone.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:39:26 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 26, 2014 11:41:14 GMT -5
We are planning the vacations because we really need that to relax and reconnect and enjoy each other, to forget our day to day for a week
Take some of that time you're spending on Amazon and other online retailers and spend that together. Tell yourself you will not get on the computer for X amount of time per day, use that time to spend with your husband and daughter.
Not only will that cut spending but you'll be using that time on more important things. Before you know it endless online spending will be a distant memory and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time on it.
Vacations are awesome, but you don't NEED to spend $$$ to reconnect and enjoy each other. DH and I love our family vacation but to be honest the best part of it is the 1-2 days before we leave. The kids are at daycare and we have NOTHING to do all day long.
The total sum of both vacations will cost $5-$6k, so it isn't a terrible expense
And how much have you spent on clothes, shoes, toys or other items? You have to stop looking at spending money as one time events and start looking at the whole picture. It's $6k for two vacations ON TOP OF whatever else you've spent this year so far.
DH is a present and tends to only look at what he spent TODAY. $20 today isn't so bad. He forgets about $X he spent yesterday and the day before that. That's how he gets himself into trouble.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:41:27 GMT -5
If you think a two year old is a lot of work at home, try dealing with them on vacation. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:41:27 GMT -5
I'd no way be spending 3k on Disney for a 2 yr old before putting money in retirement. If she is happy at Disney, she'll be happy at the local theme park or carnival. Kids in general are happy just about anywhere. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) I went to Hawaii in 2012 and left the two year old at home with Grandma. He would have never remembered it anyhow and probably had more fun doing things like the McDonalds playplace and Children's Museum with Grandma while we were gone. I have never left her with anyone overnight. I think I would miss her too much!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:43:18 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. I'm not as anti vacation as some on here, but you can put everything else on hold any time you want to. And should, more than twice a year. Make one day a week off limits to everything else. You probably have to pick one of your days off, being a nurse and all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:44:42 GMT -5
So, get a budget under control and maybe you can both work less and enjoy life more, be together more. Maybe you hire a person to clean once a week instead of spend a week at Disney. Maybe that makes life in general better. Happy parents = Happy kids.
Work on getting your daily life happy, rather than bandaiding with vacations and shoes.
Definitely need a budget, at least an idea of one.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:45:21 GMT -5
If you think a two year old is a lot of work at home, try dealing with them on vacation. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) I think she's easier on vacations because she isn't throwing a million toys around the house that I have to clean up! When we are spending time together at home, there is always laundry to wash o dishes to put away or floors to vacuum or furniture to dust or dogs to walk or something to stress about. The vacations just really relax us and take all that away.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:48:16 GMT -5
I get stress. I'm a single mom with all kinds of stress. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/confused.png) But, you can get away from that without jumping a plane and spending thousands (and if you ask me vacations come with their own set of stressors). Go somewhere local. My kids absolutely LOVE waterparks. We camp for really cheap, but most of them around here have reasonable cabin rentals if you don't like the camping thing. Sometimes I'll just take a couple vacation days and shut my phone off and never get out of my pajamas the entire time. (These days are especially relaxing if the kids still go to daycare or are school age). ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:49:29 GMT -5
I think she's easier on vacations because she isn't throwing a million toys around the house that I have to clean up! That can be solved by not buying her a million toys.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:51:41 GMT -5
Maybe pack up some of the millions of toys so there is a more reasonable number. Teach her to pick up. Pay someone to clean instead of buying shoes.
I think there is a good chance you are engaging in retail therapy. It's not just an 'ideal' thing. For it to really stop you will have to identify what you are trying to fill with shopping. Are you seeing a therapist?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 26, 2014 11:53:56 GMT -5
When we are spending time together at home, there is always laundry to wash o dishes to put away or floors to vacuum or furniture to dust or dogs to walk or something to stress about
So what is going to happen if you let the dishes sit a night or don't dust the furniture? Will they explode? Will the world stop spinning? Will the zombie apocalypse be unleashed?
I get that there are chores that need to be done and life can be hectic. I have two dogs over 50 lbs, a 3 month old and a 4 year old. We also both work full time.
In order to have any time together as a family or with DH I had to undergo a massive reprogramming of my mindset.
There are only so many hours in a day and I am the one in control of how I spend them.
So yeah there is a dust ball in the corner I am thinking about naming and passing off as a third dog, the laundry seems to reproduce overnight and occasionally we have a sink full of dishes.
And I am A LOT happier for it. We could spend thousands of dollars every year getting away because we've convinced ourselves it's the only way we can relax or we can decide that the world isn't going to end if we chose to let go of things and enjoy our evening/day together.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:55:45 GMT -5
wonderland - ""Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond.""
Sorry, my quote feature doesn't work at times.
You have to decide what is important. If he is that busy then maybe he needs to not volunteer now that one day a week an be home. Social and familial demands as well. You can cut out what you CHOOSE to cut out. And, if people get mad, then let them get mad. I finally stopped the Christmas craziness. No, we aren't going to travel to both sets of parents anymore, one for Thanksgiving, then one for Christmas. Eventually we just decided to stay home and if they wanted to come here, they could come here. I am very busy as well with 3 kids and a job as well. But, finally, I realized I was doing a lot of stuff that OTHER people wanted me to do and not what I really wanted to do. So, I dropped those other kinds of things and focused on my family. I now make time to cook good meals and then I focused on what was important to my family and also what is important to me as well. You can destress your life if you choose too. A vacation isn't going to accomplish that.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Dec 26, 2014 12:00:11 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. I'm a retired nurse practitioner. What kind of nursing do you do? In what area(s) do you work? There are a lot of choices, really, and the right place for the right personality is very important. If you feel highly stressed, it may be because you're in the wrong place for you. I'm also wondering why you get no benefits when you're working sufficient hours to warrant them - at least, you'd qualify here.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 12:02:08 GMT -5
I'd do several lists.
One, list where your money goes now... Your set expenses and make yourself go through the last 6 months cc bills. How much did you spend each place?
One, list what's important to you in life. Daily and ongoing goal. Be as specific as possible.
Prioritize these lists. How do they compare?
Some books to read... Voluntary Simplicity, Your Money or Your Life, Millionaire Next Door...
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 12:05:59 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. I'm not as anti vacation as some on here, but you can put everything else on hold any time you want to. And should, more than twice a year. Make one day a week off limits to everything else. You probably have to pick one of your days off, being a nurse and all. Who is anti vacation? I spent $10K + staying in Disney for 2 weeks.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 26, 2014 12:15:29 GMT -5
It's the end of the year. Take the last pay stub and do this...Take the net income and subtract out your mortgage or rent, home insurance, car payments, car insurance, water, electric, gas. The actual necessities (yes I know food is left out). Look at the amount you have left -that's how much you are spending and mostly on stuff! Then add in your credit card debt! That should boggle your mind.
You need an emergency fund now. At least 1000. Between now and April you need to set aside as much of 5500 as you can for your Roth for 2014 and put it in an account.
After you've put that in place start looking at where all your money goes.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 12:15:58 GMT -5
[quoteauthor=" mmhmm" source="/post/2129149/thread" timestamp="1419613211"] Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. I'm a retired nurse practitioner. What kind of nursing do you do? In what area(s) do you work? There are a lot of choices, really, and the right place for the right personality is very important. If you feel highly stressed, it may be because you're in the wrong place for you. I'm also wondering why you get no benefits when you're working sufficient hours to warrant them - at least, you'd qualify here.[/quote] I'm a prn float nurse, I do almost everything. ER, Telemetry, progressive care, PACU, med-surg, 23 hour obs, I have done ICU, but I didn't care for it, so I let my certifications drop. Because my job is prn, I do t get benefits, but it doesn't bother me. My compensation is more than fair. Nursing is stressful, and physical demanding, but I absolutely love my job. I have the privilege of helping people through their roughest times, of holding their hand as they leave this world, of hugging them on their way home. I get to heal and comfort. I have restarted hearts that had stopped and prayed with hearts that are broken. I get to meet people from all cultures and walks of life, and help them on their journey. It is an amazing job that I wouldn't trade, even if it does wear me out sometimes.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 12:22:28 GMT -5
It's the end of the year. Take the last pay stub and do this...Take the net income and subtract out your mortgage or rent, home insurance, car payments, car insurance, water, electric, gas. The actual necessities (yes I know food is left out). Look at the amount you have left -that's how much you are spending and mostly on stuff! Then add in your credit card debt! That should boggle your mind. You need an emergency fund now. At least 1000. Between now and April you need to set aside as much of 5500 as you can for your Roth for 2014 and put it in an account. After you've put that in place start looking at where all your money goes. I've done this and it does boggle my mind. That is why I'm trying to change. We'll see how we're doing come may, and if necessary, maybe cut the chicago trip. I'd really like to make the disney trip happen if possible. My extended family and some old friends are in the orlando area, so we use that opportunity to visit them as well. I didn't know I could put money into a 2014 Roth after December 31.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Dec 26, 2014 12:22:37 GMT -5
I, too, loved what I did. Wouldn't have retired at 70 if my mother hadn't needed me at home. I'd find PRN stressful, though. Nursing can be stressful, yes; however, I'd think working PRN would make it more so since you'd be, basically, on-call all the time. I wonder if having a more organized schedule might help you.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 26, 2014 12:25:01 GMT -5
That's abother thing to consider. Being a nurse is physically hard plus the shifts aren't 8 hour anymore, they're 12. How long before you can't bust your ass? These are the years to work and save.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 12:25:25 GMT -5
I'd do several lists. One, list where your money goes now... Your set expenses and make yourself go through the last 6 months cc bills. How much did you spend each place? One, list what's important to you in life. Daily and ongoing goal. Be as specific as possible. Prioritize these lists. How do they compare? Some books to read... Voluntary Simplicity, Your Money or Your Life, Millionaire Next Door... the credit cars aren't used for day to day, but more like odd expenses, like car repairs, vet bills, household repairs, and the like.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 12:27:07 GMT -5
I, too, loved what I did. Wouldn't have retired at 70 if my mother hadn't needed me at home. I'd find PRN stressful, though. Nursing can be stressful, yes; however, I'd think working PRN would make it more so since you'd be, basically, on-call all the time. I wonder if having a more organized schedule might help you. I'm not on call all the time. I plan my schedule a few weeks in advance and sign up for shifts in advance. If they call on my off day, I have no problems telling them no.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 12:27:15 GMT -5
I'd do several lists. One, list where your money goes now... Your set expenses and make yourself go through the last 6 months cc bills. How much did you spend each place? One, list what's important to you in life. Daily and ongoing goal. Be as specific as possible. Prioritize these lists. How do they compare? Some books to read... Voluntary Simplicity, Your Money or Your Life, Millionaire Next Door... the credit cars aren't used for day to day, but more like odd expenses, like car repairs, vet bills, household repairs, and the like. But these are things you should be budgeting for. They are not daily or monthly, but they're going to happen. They are not surprises.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 12:27:49 GMT -5
I don't have some master budget down to the letter. I really don't budget. But , I have always lived below my means so I really haven't had too. So, you dont' necessarily have to some detailed system to do it. But, it would behoove you to pull out all your CC's statements, bank statements, and check book and truly take a look at what you are spending and grocery receipts too.
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phil5185
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Post by phil5185 on Dec 26, 2014 12:29:13 GMT -5
My DW was prn for over 40 years until retirement a few yrs ago, it worked great for us - higher pay, no benefits, flex schedule. We used my benefits for healthcare, etc. But you are mixing benefits' and 'investing'. A 401k/403b is not really a benefit, it is an investment plan that most companies make available to employees, it is just your own money being placed in an account - the tax-break, etc are the same as open-market investing, ie, the Trad IRAs that you can buy anywhere. (The 'match' is a benefit if the company has one, mine did not, so no benny there - but my 401k was about a million when I retired).
So, the two of you can open an IRA at Vanguard of Fidelity - or you can just add more to DH's 401k, his limit is $18,000/yr, there is room there for you to add more.
Sounds like pyschobabble to me - but you're the RN, lol. We used to pack the kids in the van (along w/ tent, lawn chairs, books, cooler, food, toys, hummingbird feeder, badminton set) and head for the mountains/woods for 3 or 4 days. Don't know what it cost but it was way less than $3000.
But mainly - you need to rethink the family debt/investing plan. And the 'latte' factor will not solve your $10k and $20k problems - packing lunches, etc, is not the way to approach finance problems. Make a list of your annual expenses - include taxes, ss/med. all payroll taxes - it should sum to your gross income, ie $115k or $120k. Do a 'descending sort', you will see that taxes, house, transportation, are at the top. Lunches, etc are at the bottom. So you'll need to fix things near the top to make a difference, and stop fixating on the things at the bottom.
If you & DH write your Family Plan to build $1.6M, and both of you agree to prioritize the $7500/yr input, then you can enjoy spending everything else that you earn for the next 30 yrs, safe in the knowledge that you're on track to be wealthy. Hopefully, that will make the daily life enjoyable - it's a shame to enjoy only 2 vacations/yr.
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