zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 26, 2014 9:59:33 GMT -5
Stay out of stores and online shopping. If I stay away from DD and even DF, I'm able to save a lot. If you're shopping for entertainment, stop.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 26, 2014 10:14:09 GMT -5
in order to give her the ideal childhood that neither of us had.
I hate to burst your bubble but no one ever has an 'ideal childhood'. And at 2 yrs old she doesn't care. All she wants is love, hugs, full tummy and warmth. When she gets to Jr High the 'in' thing to do is to complain about how awful her life is, and it gets worse until she has kids of her own that are complaining. It's the cycle of life.
The survival and well-being of the family unit is a whole lot more important that the wants of a very spoiled child. The word 'no' is a legitimate word. Concentrate on paying off debt ...... and thrift stores and kids 2nd hand stores are wonderful.
I worked in a thrift store at one time and when school started there were a lot of middle school kids that hated coming in with mom. Then they started finding great brand name clothes on the rack and absolutely loved us.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:16:17 GMT -5
The 'ideal" childhood is having parents who love and care for you. That's the ideal childhood. Everything else is just fluff. And, you can have just as much fun playing carnival games at the local carnival as you can going to Disney. Life is the moments you make, not the expensive trappings. And, they are called "trappings' for a reason. Think about it.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:22:58 GMT -5
Why are u not getting benefits? If u work 36 hrs could you not go 40 and be considered full time? But u may not need bennies if u can purchase thru your DH. Since u can pick up extra work at $40 / hr then pick up some extra work and start paying down your debts and / or contribute to a Roth. My position is technically PRN, even though I work full time hours. If I were to take a full time position, my pay would drop to $23/hr, and the benefits are not worth what I would lose in hourly pay. We get great insurance through DH ' S work, and it's cheaper than the family plan we had previously through my employer. If I work overtime, I get $60/hr plus most days they offer an additional incentive of an extra $12/hr due to short staffing. So there is money to be made by keeping my prn position.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 26, 2014 10:29:02 GMT -5
Absolutely. The money is there, you're just spending too much of it. Whenever I see parents of small children at Disney, it's the parents that wants on be there and are using the kid as an excuse. Trust me, Disney is horrible for a very small child. Noisy, crowded, ugh.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:35:41 GMT -5
Why are u not getting benefits? If u work 36 hrs could you not go 40 and be considered full time? But u may not need bennies if u can purchase thru your DH. Since u can pick up extra work at $40 / hr then pick up some extra work and start paying down your debts and / or contribute to a Roth. My position is technically PRN, even though I work full time hours. If I were to take a full time position, my pay would drop to $23/hr, and the benefits are not worth what I would lose in hourly pay. We get great insurance through DH ' S work, and it's cheaper than the family plan we had previously through my employer. If I work overtime, I get $60/hr plus most days they offer an additional incentive of an extra $12/hr due to short staffing. So there is money to be made by keeping my prn position. OK. That makes good sense. And, if you can purchase your healthcare thru your hubby you are far better off. But, you have to then address that there is no pension and you need to set some of your money into retirement accounts as well.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 26, 2014 10:35:55 GMT -5
Ideal childhood? I wanted that for my kids since my own sucked. Unfortunately I ended up divorced and their ideal childhood went to hell. Don't let anyone tell you different, unless there's abuse or something terrible that affects them, kids don't care if you're unhappy as long as their world stays intact. Selfish but perfectly understandable to me. You can't buy them a happy life just things. I'm in a situation now where I can do a lot for my kids but I can never make up for their childhood. I'm sure they blame us both but I'm the only one that gives two shits what my kids think or feel. The one who caused the shit goes merrily along his asshole way.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:36:56 GMT -5
I am self employed and it works better for us for me to purchase my health insurance thru DH. But, i have also set up a SEP IRA as well that in contribute to during the year.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:42:47 GMT -5
Absolutely. The money is there, you're just spending too much of it. Whenever I see parents of small children at Disney, it's the parents that wants on be there and are using the kid as an excuse. Trust me, Disney is horrible for a very small child. Noisy, crowded, ugh. I have to disagree about Disney being bad for a small child. DD loves it there. We've been twice and she asks to go back every day. It's such a nice, stress free place to vacation, and it gives us time to be together without all our regular life distractions. We pretty much let her decide what rides to do and what characters to meet and we are very relaxed about it. She is very social and outgoing and the crowds don't bother her. We stay off site in a condo and bring lunch with us, so the whole vacation costs ~ $3,000, which is worth it to us. Although we will likely only go once in 2015, instead of the two trips we took this year, so we can pay some stuff off.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:44:26 GMT -5
It is and it isn't. If you can see it through the eyes of a 2 yr old, then fine. But, there are people who feel bound by a schedule to see everything and drag a crying 2 yr old along.
But, whether it is or isn't really doesn't matter. If it isn't in your budget right now, then it isnt' in your budget.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 26, 2014 10:45:07 GMT -5
She's two? Okay. I'm bowing out now.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:48:10 GMT -5
Ideal childhood? I wanted that for my kids since my own sucked. Unfortunately I ended up divorced and their ideal childhood went to hell. Don't let anyone tell you different, unless there's abuse or something terrible that affects them, kids don't care if you're unhappy as long as their world stays intact. Selfish but perfectly understandable to me. You can't buy them a happy life just things. I'm in a situation now where I can do a lot for my kids but I can never make up for their childhood. I'm sure they blame us both but I'm the only one that gives two shits what my kids think or feel. The one who caused the shit goes merrily along his asshole way. You're right about "things". When I say I grew up poor, I mean that at one point we were homeless and house less, living in a tent for 3 months until child welfare stepped in and made my parents find an apartment. I know I have emotional issues surrounding the things I give our daughter, but it just makes me so darn happy to make her happy.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:52:29 GMT -5
I am self employed and it works better for us for me to purchase my health insurance thru DH. But, i have also set up a SEP IRA as well that in contribute to during the year. You're right, I need to have an IRA. It has always been my intention to open one after I pay off the debt, but that seems to get further and further away from me.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 26, 2014 10:54:47 GMT -5
A 36 hour work week at $40 an hour and $60 for anything more than 40 hours/week sounds amazing to me. What are your shifts like? Three 12s? Are you having to pay for daycare?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:55:04 GMT -5
Things don't really make her as happy as you think they do. Trust me, I have 3 kids. I bought a boatload of "things" most of which shortly wound up in the basement and taken to Goodwill. How many things does a 2 yr old need to have fun and play with? What things do a 2 yr old need besides crayons and paper, a doll and some building blocks or something. She would have more fun helping you fold laundry, put the detergent in the wash for you, measure flour, and so forth. Children LOVE to help mom and dad. It gives them a sense of accomplishment and competence. Too many parents are robbing their children of that by thinking that somehow helping is a punishment, when in reality it gives them a sense of pride.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:55:43 GMT -5
I know very little about investing. DH has a retirement account with about $22k in it, but it doesn't seem to grow very much each year, even with his employer matches. I don't have a retirement account because I don't qualify for benefits, and I keep telling myself I have to pay off my debt first. It is possible that your husband's retirement is in slow growing investments or that his employer has chosen a bad plan with high fees. My husband was stuck in a plan like that at his former employer where the fees sucked out all the gains. Once he changed jobs, we moved the money to a Vanguard Target Retirement fund and it is doing much better. Don't let one bad plan turn you off of investing.
I would recommend the book "A Random Walk Down Wallstreet" for getting some basics of investing in index funds. It's kind of complicated but you don't need to make it all the way through the book to get the general idea. If you aren't into investing books, you can read on the internet about "couch potato investing" or "lazy portfolios" to get an idea of how to jump into the market in a low maintenance sort of way.
I will check out those books, thanks! I have always feel so lost when looking for finance books. I tried to read Dave Ramsey ' s book once and it just seemed like a big advertisement for his other products so I was turned off of money books.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 10:56:15 GMT -5
You can open an IRA through a mutual fund and then contribute a percentage or x amount per month. And, just because your employer doesn't have a pension doesn't mean they don't have payroll deduction for prn or part time employees. Go to HR and find out if that is available.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 10:59:07 GMT -5
[quoteauthor=" gooddecisions" source="/post/2129082/thread" timestamp="1419609287"]A 36 hour work week at $40 an hour and $60 for anything more than 40 hours/week sounds amazing to me. What are your shifts like? Three 12s? Are you having to pay for daycare? [/quote] I work a variety of shifts, mostly 12 ' s or 16 ' s, depending on how many days off I need that week. Occasionally I will do an 8 or a 4, but it is rare. I am fortunate that a I don't have to pay for daycare. My mother in law comes to our house to watch DD, which is an amazing set up, she is a saint. I am really happy with my work situation, it is a dream for sure
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:00:09 GMT -5
I personally am not a fan of Dave Ramsey so he isn't the be all and end all. However, if you listen to him or Suze Orman or any number of other financial gurus, they all pretty much say the same thing. And, you need to keep it simple and what works for you. No, you are not going to become a Day Trader. And, you can manage your finances in a way that makes sense to you. I personally hate debt. Literally hate it. I will do everything in my power to eliminate any and all debt as quickly as possible. Doesn't mean I don't use it at times. I have used debt to finance college, buy a home and cars. However, those are the only things I will run debt on. I would never buy furniture on time or finance other things. If I can't pay cash, then I don't need it or I can buy used or something cheaper. So, as a result, my home and cars and every debt is paid off. That is just how I choose to live and I really like that kind of peace of mind. Far more important than a trip to Disney. And, financial stability in your home and your mind is far more beneficial to your daughter than buying her things you can't afford and having her live in a stressed out home.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 26, 2014 11:04:56 GMT -5
Does that mean you're working 2-3 days/week and shopping with your daughter on your days off to get out of the house? Definitely time for a new hobby.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:07:54 GMT -5
Once I stopped recreational shopping, I found so many other things to do. Now shopping is just an annoying chore for the most part. I want to get in and get out. I still like to browse from time to time but that's about it.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:10:02 GMT -5
Does that mean you're working 2-3 days/week and shopping with your daughter on your days off to get out of the house? Definitely time for a new hobby. No, most shopping is done online while she's asleep. Yes I work 2-3, sometimes 4 days a week , and on my days off we do Gymboree classes, we have a homeschool co-op 1 day a week we go to for preschool (which I will be teaching next semester to get free tuition, saves us $60), we have memberships to the zoo and children's museum, go to story times at the library, and get together with a couple other 2 year old at our house o their for social time. When it's not too cold we go to the park or walk on trails. Right now we are staying home on my off days because the flu is spreading like crazy here and I don't want her sick.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:12:33 GMT -5
Then it's time to cut the online shopping! lol
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:15:21 GMT -5
Then it's time to cut the online shopping! lol Yes, I am working on that!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:16:08 GMT -5
I know. It's very seductive. I am a big fan of Amazon!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:16:54 GMT -5
Do you have a detailed budget you could post? You seem to make plenty of money but are apparently spending more than you make. Why are you planning two big vacations if you're trying to get out of the hole? That seems like an easy place to cut to boost things back on track.
The clothes buying for the 2 year old needs to stop. They outgrow stuff at 6 months at that age so getting boat loads of clothes and shoes is a waste.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 26, 2014 11:22:44 GMT -5
Do you have a detailed budget you could post? You seem to make plenty of money but are apparently spending more than you make. Why are you planning two big vacations if you're trying to get out of the hole? That seems like an easy place to cut to boost things back on track. The clothes buying for the 2 year old needs to stop. They outgrow stuff at 6 months at that age so getting boat loads of clothes and shoes is a waste. I do not have a detailed budget, which is likely part of the problem. We are planning the vacations because we really need that to relax and reconnect and enjoy each other, to forget our day to day for a week. The total sum of both vacations will cost $5-$6k, so it isn't a terrible expense. I want to pay off debt, but I don't want to be miserable doing it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:24:57 GMT -5
See, now you are justifying. We really "NEED" this to relax. It's "ONLY" $6K, etc. No, you don't NEED it. And, yeah it's ONLY if you have money to spare. But, it's your choice. If you want to get out of the hole and go into another direction, that is entirely your choice. It's your money so do as you please. But, if you are really serious then you have to change that line of thinking. Your choice.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 26, 2014 11:28:37 GMT -5
Nobody needs a $6K vacation to "relax and forget". Take a bubble bath with some CHEAP candles. There ya go. $3.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2014 11:29:51 GMT -5
You are setting yourself up for future issues to teach a kid that ideal and or happy are tied up in things. It sounds like you are doing great with giving her love and some experiences. That's all she really needs.
I'd no way be spending 3k on Disney for a 2 yr old before putting money in retirement. If she is happy at Disney, she'll be happy at the local theme park or carnival. Kids in general are happy just about anywhere.
Making what you do and spending how you are, rather than savings, is actually a lot more likely to end up with a future of being poor, or feeling deprived, than If you kept things much more simple. If you are not paying daycare and not saving now and running up debt... What happens if something happens, to MiL, to a job? ... If you set her expectations so high, particularly with things equalling ideal and happy, then even if you survive a downturn with your home and family, she is going to find adjusting to a 'new normal' to be difficult.
I grew up poor. I have relatives who are poor. Security is # 1. Things... Meh.
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