Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2014 13:05:10 GMT -5
I don't think I could turn my son in for this. I've seen what a clusterfuck the criminal justice system is and how they "help" people. I would feel better dealing with it on my own.
Now, if I thought my son was having some issues beyond being an overly hormonal idiot I would probably contact a lawyer to see if getting him evaluated would get him reported or not. I'm not sure how I'd proceed if that was the case.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 26, 2014 13:14:39 GMT -5
Do typical male teens really spend alot of time and effort to get photos of neighborhood women naked? Was it just one 'series' of photos from a chance opportunity OR does the kid have a whole collection of photos from many 'not so chance' opportunities? Is the kid 'trading' photos with some one else? I don't know. My kid brother just downloaded images from the web. And then didn't clear the browser which is how I found them. I told Mom (he lived at home and was probably 15 or so, I'd moved out) and she pointed out a binder where he kept printouts. Which still blows my mind - Mom knowing about his pron stash and turning a blind eye... I'd have expected her to toss it. But then again, she read all of our crappy romance novels, including the ones with a light sex scene so maybe I shouldn't be so naive. If my older brother had pictures/Playboy/whatever, I still haven't heard about it. I see a big difference between downloading porn in the 'privacy' of one's home - and spending the time and thought and effort to go out of my way to position myself and my camera (or just my camera) in such a way as to get pictures of people (In Real Life) in compromising situations. What if the kid was/is peeping over a fence at the neighbor's hot tube snapping pictures every time they have a Hot Tub party (where nakedness is the norm)? What if the kid is setting up his Go Pro pointed at a neighbors window so he can remotely films hours of activity - waiting for the 'money shot'.? I guess it comes down to how much intention is being spent on the endeavor... downloading ready made porn online seems kinda mindless and 'impersonal' - something that starts to feel like 'stalking; of one's neighbors - not so much.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 26, 2014 13:20:04 GMT -5
I went back thru the article:
So, the 15 year old, spent a bit of time and effort to get the naked pictures of people in real life on the sly.
If this was my kid I'd definitely be talking to a lawyer, a therapist, and maybe the police.
What if the kid SHARED the pictures of these women? What if there are enough 'tells' in the pictures/videos to IDENTIFY the women??
I think maybe the dad did the right thing...
ADDED: if I found out some neighbor's, now squirrelly to me, kid took and sent around compromising pictures of me (in what I assumed was the safety/security/privacy of my home) to all his fiends (and probably a million other people by default) I'd be making their lifes a living legal and financial hell. I would NOT be "oh, he's such a sweet little innocent teen... isn't he just the cutest he couldn't help himself!".
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Nov 26, 2014 14:05:35 GMT -5
I think I'm in the same boat. If this happened to me, and the photos went nowhere, were deleted, might be best to never know about.
The chances of that are probably very remote. If he shared them with even one person, they're out there. So, for me it would be better to know and be prepared for the potential fallout.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 26, 2014 15:31:01 GMT -5
If my son was committing criminal acts, then mostly yes, I would call the Police. I would rather my son be in jail and learn the consequences of criminal behavior earlier in life rather than later depending on the circumstances. If my child harmed anyone in any way or was having addiction issues and driving, etc I would contact the Police. However, this is a bit more grey to me. Looking through windows and snapping photos of women is creepy and disturbing but I am not sure any real harm has ensued from that per se. I would certainly bring it to his attention and seek the services of a counselor immediately. I mean teen boys are known for doing a boatload of stupid. And, yes the sex offender registry is something that will haunt him for the rest of his life. So, this is a tough one. You sure have an odd sense of what is right and wrong. Whateves.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Nov 30, 2014 14:08:44 GMT -5
I think this is a huge problem, and I am shocked that so many people feel like it is okay and that "boys will be boys" Since when does YM go easy on people who make bad decisions? And how dare people turn this around on the women that were in their own home minding their own business- calling them exhibitionists- as if they were asking to have a little pervert stalk them, watch them, and violate their privacy. That is completely and totally ridiculous. How would you feel if it was you or your wife or daughter? Honestly, how would you feel?
As a previous poster said, porn is everywhere, so if this kid just wanted to look at naked women it would be easy to get it. But what was doing was searching out victims and he felt ENTITLED to take their photograph WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. I really don't see rape being a far stretch from this type of behavior. This is not innocent behavior like taking your dad's playboys or looking at stuff on the internet. Women were violated, and what the boy did was a criminal act. I don't want to live in a world where all teenage boys learn that they can get away with something like this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 14:32:14 GMT -5
I don't see people taking the 'boys will be boys' view that the behavior is ok. I'm not sure who suggested the boy was entitled to take photos of people without their consent.
However, adolescents are not fully formed adults. They are still finding out what is right and wrong and are not always functioning with adult brains and impulses. There is a reason why intervention in teen years is much, much more successful than with adults. For many reasons, one is the motivation and disposition of the adolescent, another being that they are still learning and will take redirection. For this reason, treating an adolescent the same as an adult... specifically the registering of an adolescent as a sexual criminal for the rest of their life for this behavior is not automatically something I would recommend. And as such, given it is a likely outcome, it would reasonably (and counterproductively) lead parents to not report an incident like this to the police.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 30, 2014 15:27:01 GMT -5
I'm wondering, though, how you trust that a kid is telling the truth after you've caught them getting into trouble? In my experience, both as a child and as an adult, trust has to be earned back over time.
I fully expect that if we catch our kids getting into trouble, that they are going to lie about their behaviors to get the least amount of punishment as possible.
I also expect that when we catch them doing something wrong, that it won't be the first time my kids have done whatever it is they are doing..
The second issue, really as a parent puts us in a position. Folks are very quick to blame parents for not doing enough to prevent the kids from getting into trouble.
Perhaps the dad wanted to cover his ass? I don't blame him for that. He might think covering his own ass was a better choice than protecting his son. Maybe the dad had reasons he didn't want to be ostracized from the community.
Maybe the dad got an impulsive teen that kept pushing boundaries and dad finally had enough. Maybe the kid hasn't listened to dad for 3 or 4 years. Now, at that stage, my kids wouldn't have electronics to get in trouble with. But, other parents aren't like that.
I know for my own kids, at some point, talking just doesn't work anymore, and I grow tired of them choosing the behavior they are choosing. Unpleasant consequences usually happens then.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2014 15:33:29 GMT -5
I'm normally not an advocate of suing but if I found out a parent knew their kid was a voyeur and just "talked to him about it," I'd be doing some serious talking to a lawyer. At age 15 you know right from wrong and that boy/man knew he was doing wrong and still chose to do it. I hope the kid gets some serious help because he sure needs it. That isn't porn/playboy kind of stuff, this goes way beyond that.
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