Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 9:11:07 GMT -5
I work with an extremely competitive person.
No matter what, she did it better. I walked 2 miles, she walked 3. I lost 2 pounds, she lost 4-1/2. I found chicken on sale, she got it cheaper.
There was an employee golf scramble planned this year and I did not go because of her. Even though a "scramble" is not competitive, she would have bragged how she hit the furthest shots and was the best putter. (It ended up being cancelled because no one signed up for it except her and the other managers.)
Now we are having a Thanksgiving and Christmas outfit contest. I decided not to try, even though I have some Christmas-y scarves, because no matter what, hers will be better.
So . . . . I came to the conclusion, I do not like to compete. I like to participate, but not compete.
Are you competitive?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 9:29:27 GMT -5
Are you sure you just don't like to lose?
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Nov 21, 2014 9:32:20 GMT -5
No, I'm not competitive. I always strive to do my best, but I don't really care who "wins". I always win if I succeed in doing my best. Besides, since I was a teen I've always found more joy in the elation of those who are competitive if/when they do win. I don't feel that elation so it's nice to see them that happy. I've been known to throw a game for that reason.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,329
|
Post by andi9899 on Nov 21, 2014 9:40:08 GMT -5
I am competitive, but am not as bad as what you are describing. We have sales contests all the time, but I don't brag about how I'm doing so much better than anyone. And when I'm not the best, I don't make excuses why someone has an advantage over me or anything. I just do my best and am satisfied with that.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 9:43:13 GMT -5
I'm competitive more with myself than anyone else. In athletic events, I've never gone overboard trying to pass someone; I was mostly interested in finishing with a time that was decent relative to past efforts. Same with actuarial exams; they were graded on a scale of 0 to 10 but 6 was passing. If I got a 6 I was happy (but realized I might have to study a little harder next time to avoid the dreaded 5).
Early in my career I worked with a woman who was very competitive. We had a boatload of work to do and frequently worked late. She ALWAYS had to be the last one out the door. I just learned to leave at a reasonable time for me, knowing she'd be out the door 10 minutes later.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,097
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 21, 2014 9:46:17 GMT -5
I ignore it. My MIL is in a regular competition with everyone around her over who is sickest. Whatever you have she's had it 20 times worse.
It attention whoring/grabbing. If I acknowledge it then I am giving her the satisfaction of knowing I am paying attention and care. If I ignore it she stops talking after awhile because she's not getting the reaction she hoped for.
|
|
cktc
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 19, 2013 22:15:31 GMT -5
Posts: 3,202
|
Post by cktc on Nov 21, 2014 9:57:23 GMT -5
I’m stealth competitive. Seeing others do well in something that interests me motivates me to try harder. The goal isn’t to rain on anyone’s parade, I just realize I can do better than I have been.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 9:57:12 GMT -5
Are you sure you just don't like to lose? Yes. Like I said, I like to participate, but not compete. Besides, the prizes are usually lame anyways. I don't like junk.
|
|
dancinmama
Senior Associate
LIVIN' THE DREAM!!
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 20:49:45 GMT -5
Posts: 10,659
|
Post by dancinmama on Nov 21, 2014 10:01:07 GMT -5
I work with an extremely competitive person. No matter what, she did it better. I walked 2 miles, she walked 3. I lost 2 pounds, she lost 4-1/2. I found chicken on sale, she got it cheaper. So says she. Did you see her walk farther? Did you weigh yourselves together? Were you able to confirm her better deal on the chicken? We knew someone just like her. No matter what the topic, whatever he did was better, faster, etc. and most of it was lies. He told someone (in front of my DH) that he was the punter on his high school football team. My DH went to high school with him and he wasn't ever even on the team. We're pretty sure that it came from overly high expectations placed on him by his father. He never felt like he "measured up" so he started lying to people about his achievements. The sad thing is that he really was very smart and very talented in his own right; but he was extremely insecure, feeling that his natural talents "weren't good enough". Maybe she really is "the best" at everything or maybe she's more insecure than she is competitive.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:01:23 GMT -5
I work with an extremely competitive person. No matter what, she did it better. I walked 2 miles, she walked 3. I lost 2 pounds, she lost 4-1/2. I found chicken on sale, she got it cheaper.
There was an employee golf scramble planned this year and I did not go because of her. Even though a "scramble" is not competitive, she would have bragged how she hit the furthest shots and was the best putter. (It ended up being cancelled because no one signed up for it except her and the other managers.) Now we are having a Thanksgiving and Christmas outfit contest. I decided not to try, even though I have some Christmas-y scarves, because no matter what, hers will be better.So . . . . I came to the conclusion, I do not like to compete. I like to participate, but not compete. Are you competitive? I'm kind of confused. On the top one, I'd just stop chatting with her at all. the bottom two - usually - this type of person is not actually the best at anything so in a competition, where there is actual comparative data - I wouldn't expect the them to be able to manipulative things - they would likely talk about how they were the best at these things in another social group - who doesn't have the real info. Then if you'd already stopped chatting with her (per #1) you wouldn't know I usually don't tell her anything I do for that reason. Sometimes things just come up in conversation, things that happened months or years ago, and she see that as a competition. My favorite example: A different coworker said in conversation a bird hit her window and died. Competitive coworker said she has several birds hit her window and die every day. I pictured a big pile of dead birds under her window. {That still makes me chuckle.}
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:01:50 GMT -5
Are you sure you just don't like to lose? Yes. Like I said, I like to participate, but not compete. Besides, the prizes are usually lame anyways. I don't like junk. Then why would you not continue to participate?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:04:54 GMT -5
She competes with her teenaged son too.
He told her he bench pressed 150 pounds in phy-ed class; she told him she could bench press 170 pounds. (She told me this story.)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:06:59 GMT -5
Yes. Like I said, I like to participate, but not compete. Besides, the prizes are usually lame anyways. I don't like junk. Then why would you not continue to participate? She would ridicule my Christmas scarf and brag about how much better hers is. I don't want to hear it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:07:44 GMT -5
I'm competitive in things I'm good at. In college they used to post our test scores and overall class rank on the wall outside the door of our classroom. I'd always try to get to the top of the pack and even if I had a sure A, I'd sit up all night studying for a test to pass anyone above me. But, I never bragged about it. I just liked looking at my SS number on the top (yeah, they used our SS number, that would be just horrifying today!). Sports, not so much because I suck at them and have no chance. LOL
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:09:43 GMT -5
When I was younger, my sister used to compete about who had the longest hair. I wasn't even trying to grow my hair out. I got a REALLY short hair cut.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:10:15 GMT -5
Then why would you not continue to participate? She would ridicule my Christmas scarf and brag about how much better hers is. I don't want to hear it. So? Is she judging the contest?
|
|
sesfw
Junior Associate
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 15:45:17 GMT -5
Posts: 6,268
|
Post by sesfw on Nov 21, 2014 10:12:29 GMT -5
Are you competitive?
No ...... not in anything. Years ago I found the best spot for me to be in. The audience.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:12:18 GMT -5
She would ridicule my Christmas scarf and brag about how much better hers is. I don't want to hear it. So? Is she judging the contest? As a matter of fact, she is. The contest was her idea. Then she told me about all of the different things she has that she could wear. I might wear black that day.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:13:46 GMT -5
So? Is she judging the contest? As a matter of fact, she is. The contest was her idea. Then she told me about all of the different things she has that she could wear. I might wear black that day. Well, how the heck can she be in it if she's the judge?
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,097
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 21, 2014 10:15:22 GMT -5
So you cut your hair because you didn't like your sister's behavior. You won't participate in anything because you don't like your co-workers behavior.
You are giving these people an awful lot of power over your life. Which is the reaction these people want.
Why should you stop doing things because other people are d-bags? If you continue to do as you please eventually they'll shut up around you because they know they aren't getting under your skin anymore.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:17:38 GMT -5
When I was younger, my sister used to compete about who had the longest hair. I wasn't even trying to grow my hair out. I got a REALLY short hair cut. Ya, no. That's not about you not being competitive. People that aren't competitive just don't care what competitive people are saying. They sure as heck don't rebel like that.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 21, 2014 10:17:53 GMT -5
So? Is she judging the contest? As a matter of fact, she is. The contest was her idea. Then she told me about all of the different things she has that she could wear. I might wear black that day. If she's judging then she shouldn't be allowed to participate. Ethics and all that. Which doesn't stop her from showing up in her best outfit in order to do the judging...
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 21, 2014 10:19:02 GMT -5
My trying to compete almost always backfires on me, and I perform way worse than I normally would. So, I try to ignore the competition aspect of things and just try to do my best.
|
|
movingforward
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 15, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
Posts: 8,385
|
Post by movingforward on Nov 21, 2014 10:22:10 GMT -5
She sounds like the classic "one upper." I don't even know if I classify those people as competitive, but rather just down right annoying. A little friendly competition can be healthy and fun. Like MPL I am slightly competitive at things I am good at and I also love game nights, etc. It is more fun than anything but I might get a little bit competitive at times.
I have worked with someone like you are describing and honestly she appeared to not have much self esteem. I just took what she said with a grain of salt and decided she probably hadn't REALLY won much her entire life.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 21, 2014 10:29:36 GMT -5
I work with an extremely competitive person. No matter what, she did it better. I walked 2 miles, she walked 3. I lost 2 pounds, she lost 4-1/2. I found chicken on sale, she got it cheaper. There was an employee golf scramble planned this year and I did not go because of her. Even though a "scramble" is not competitive, she would have bragged how she hit the furthest shots and was the best putter. (It ended up being cancelled because no one signed up for it except her and the other managers.) Now we are having a Thanksgiving and Christmas outfit contest. I decided not to try, even though I have some Christmas-y scarves, because no matter what, hers will be better. So . . . . I came to the conclusion, I do not like to compete. I like to participate, but not compete. Are you competitive? DramaQ said it best. It's not competition. Competition is fair play on a reasonably level and even playing field. What you are experiencing isn't that. Your coworker is an attention whore. She has to be the center of it all, even if it means putting everyone around her down by belittling them, making them look and feel like they are less worthy, less perfect than she is. Even if she has to go in a negative direction, like you have a cold, but she had it worse, she'll do it. Whatever it takes for her to get everyone looking at her. I work with your coworker's twin. Everything she does is bigger, better, more expensive; or she's had a situation worse or more tragic than anyone else. Case in point: I had leg surgery yesterday. Outpatient, and not a huge deal. All day Wednesday, she went on and on about a friend of a friend in the hospital for surgery, even taking a call from the friend who was (allegedly) in the recovery room after surgery. Of course, she took the call in the office, so we would all be impressed at how dramatic it was that someone would call her from their hospital bed (FWIW, the patient was sitting in recovery, because there was not a room available in the hospital so she could be moved). This is what I'm getting at with attention whores. They will stretch any little thing to the limit. Best bet: don't engage them to start with. Minimal interaction works best.
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,490
|
Post by Tiny on Nov 21, 2014 10:31:40 GMT -5
Then why would you not continue to participate? She would ridicule my Christmas scarf and brag about how much better hers is. I don't want to hear it. I get the whole 'one upmanship' thing for general conversations - the person 'one upping' may not even realize they are doing it - sometimes it's just the 'script' that people fall back on with out a thought. If you talk about your vacation in some place 'bland' that you REALLY enjoyed none the less - the one upper will talk about their vacation Spain with a side trip to Paris and then coming home the long way so they could stop for 3 days in New Zealand. They may not be one upping you they may just be talking about a vacation that they REALLY enjoyed. I sometimes do this - relate something that someone REALLY enjoyed to something that I REALLY enjoyed and unfortunately it sometimes comes off wrong. I'm trying to re-write the script in my head so that when someone sez something about something they've experienced to keep the conversation on them and/or their experience (and not on my experiences/whatever). Now that 'ridicule' part you're experiencing is definitely a problem with the person doing the one-upping. If I had to deal with this person - I'd limit my conversations to safe things and often remind myself that I don't need to accept their 'gift' of unpleasantness (a kind of "not my monkeys, not my circus"). I'd still join the Holiday contest - if I was in the mood for it.
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,490
|
Post by Tiny on Nov 21, 2014 10:38:04 GMT -5
I dont' have a competative bone in my body... I don't care if I 'win' the race or get a gold star on my chore chart. Winning or being judged better than every one else doesn't motivate me in any way shape or form. I don't even compete against myself. So if I did X, I can't/don't use "I can do X+1! I know I can!" as motivation. I don't NEED to do X+1 just because I can do X. Being able to do X does give me confidence that I can do X+1 - but I'm not doing X+1 to 'push myself' or to make a point or to be able to say "I did X+1!!!". I think my non-competativeness was born as a coping mechanism I learned to use in grade school and unfortunately I can't seem to undo it.
|
|
Ryan
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 16, 2014 13:40:36 GMT -5
Posts: 2,218
|
Post by Ryan on Nov 21, 2014 10:38:02 GMT -5
I am only competitive with things that I really care about and I'm not a d-bag about it, so it wouldn't be apparent to anyone.
I used to play in this flag football league with a bunch of 30 year olds and I couldn't believe how many douchebags there were that took this so seriously.
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,213
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Nov 21, 2014 10:41:10 GMT -5
I worked with a guy sort of like that, except it wasn't entirely competitiveness; he was a compulsive liar. Anything anyone did, saw, had, ate, experienced, visited, or anything else, he had done it better, earlier, bigger, more dangerously, etc., etc., etc. It was ludicrous. Even when he was caught in his lies--and he was caught every single day, sometimes multiple times--he just kept lying. We used to make stuff up just to see what he would say to top it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 11, 2024 4:18:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2014 10:46:30 GMT -5
Vacations - that's a whole other story.
A couple of years ago, a coworker and his wife went for a long weekend one hour north of their home to celebrate their 15 year anniversary. Competitive coworker said she felt stupid because she was flying to somewhere tropical and it was ONLY their 10 year anniversary. -- Actually she was bragging because she was going somewhere better. --
That same year, I went to Mexico with my BF just because. I did not need a reason and I did not need to talk about it.
I also love stay-cations and I have told her that when she is bragging about her travels.
|
|