competitive people

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

also love stay-cations and I have told her that when she is bragging about her travels.


Why don't you just not say anything? You're competing with her whether you want to admit it or not.

You want to show you are more modest/humble/thrifty than her because you prefer to stay home as opposed to travel in the same manner she claims and then brag about it.

This is why she keeps trying to one up you, she knows you're going to play. Just stop talking to her, when she gets into braggart mode go "hmm. .. that's nice/a shame" and go back to whatever you were doing.

Seriously for all your claims you don't like this stuff and don't want to participate you seem to be doing awful lot of participating.

[Deleted]

It sure feels good to "vent" and talk about this stuff to you guys. It's also good to hear there are other people like that.

I am laughing inside recalling some of the stories.

(FWIW: A lot of times she will plop down in my office and talk, and then I feel obligated to say something so she leaves. She will sit and look at me until I say something.)

[Deleted]

I'm not sure why you care about all her comments?   If you're not competitive you shouldn't care if she "beats" you in something, and if she's just a compulsive liar, then ignore or play the game dannylion did and see what you can get her to say. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

ot of times she will plop down in my office and talk, and then I feel obligated to say something so she leaves. She will sit and look at me until I say something

Then say "Excuse me but I am really busy right now and do not have time to talk, would you mind shutting the door on your way out?"

Or let her sit there and stare. SHE's the idiot if she does that, not you. You are not obligated to talk to her.

She's trained you. She knows eventually you'll play if she sits in your office long enough.

She is not going to change, YOU have to change how you react to her.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Nov 21, 2014 10:57:52 GMT -5 @bluester said:

It sure feels good to "vent" and talk about this stuff to you guys. It's also good to hear there are other people like that.

I am laughing inside recalling some of the stories.

(FWIW: A lot of times she will plop down in my office and talk, and then I feel obligated to say something so she leaves. She will sit and look at me until I say something.)

"Did you need something?" 

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat." 

Or "Why are you in here?" if you're feeling blunt. 

ETA - "Must be nice to not have deadlines/work."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I have a younger brother. If somebody wants to sit and stare at me to see how long it takes me to become uncomfortable they are going to be waiting awhile because I'm a master at that game.

[mmhmm]

*chuckle* I have a special smile I use for attention whores who are blathering on about themselves and their "accomplishments". So far, it has worked very well to stop the conversation in mid-sentence. 

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 21, 2014 10:41:10 GMT -5 dannylion said:

I worked with a guy sort of like that, except it wasn't entirely competitiveness; he was a compulsive liar.  Anything anyone did, saw, had, ate, experienced, visited, or anything else, he had done it better, earlier, bigger, more dangerously, etc., etc., etc. It was ludicrous.  Even when he was caught in his lies--and he was caught every single day, sometimes multiple times--he just kept lying.  We used to make stuff up just to see what he would say to top it. 

I had an xbf that did that.  (He started out better, and became worse over the years.). When I told him that people didn't like him because he lied all the time, he confessed that he did that because he was as dumb as a rock (or something along those lines).

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 21, 2014 11:04:44 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

*chuckle* I have a special smile I use for attention whores who are blathering on about themselves and their "accomplishments". So far, it has worked very well to stop the conversation in mid-sentence. 

This is a good idea! Something along the lines of a sarcastic, "Well, aren't you special." 

[mmhmm]

Nov 21, 2014 11:18:11 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 21, 2014 11:04:44 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

*chuckle* I have a special smile I use for attention whores who are blathering on about themselves and their "accomplishments". So far, it has worked very well to stop the conversation in mid-sentence. 

This is a good idea! Something along the lines of a sarcastic, "Well, aren't you special." 

Yeah. It starts out as a smile very, very close to pity. If that doesn't do the job, it moves to a cross between anger and a direct threat to escalate by saying things that person isn't going to like in the least.  It's all in the eyes.  I've never had it fail me. 

[lynnerself]

We used to have a doctor in our clinic that was super competitive. It was just his nature. We have about 20 providers and 100 employees. But he always had to have the biggest contribution to the food drive or win the most baskets at the Breast cancer auction. It was hard to complain since it was all for charity. But after awhile the employees would stop participating because he always won. 
We actually restructured some of the fund raisers because of him. Now we have raffles instead of auctions.

[Deleted]

She's my boss so I cannot be rude to her.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Saying you are busy working and cannot talk is not being rude. You should be doing your job instead of gossiping about how has the better vacation. If you really think she's going to fire you over saying you can't talk because you're working maybe you should find another job.

[whoisjohngalt]

I think I am competitive, but I am also super lazy.  Laziness usually wins

[tskeeter]

Nov 21, 2014 9:11:07 GMT -5 @bluester said:

I work with an extremely competitive person.

No matter what, she did it better. I walked 2 miles, she walked 3. I lost 2 pounds, she lost 4-1/2. I found chicken on sale, she got it cheaper.

There was an employee golf scramble planned this year and I did not go because of her. Even though a "scramble" is not competitive, she would have bragged how she hit the furthest shots and was the best putter. (It ended up being cancelled because no one signed up for it except her and the other managers.)

Now we are having a Thanksgiving and Christmas outfit contest. I decided not to try, even though I have some Christmas-y scarves, because no matter what, hers will be better.

So . . . . I came to the conclusion, I do not like to compete. I like to participate, but not compete.

Are you competitive?

Hmmmm - being competetive is one thing.  Making sure everyone knows you're a winner, even with mundane things like buying milk, smacks of issues with your self confidence.

[dannylion]

I love the "Well, bless your heart!" response!

Also, "OK, you win!"

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2014 10:31:40 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I get the whole 'one upmanship' thing for general conversations - the person 'one upping' may  not even realize they are doing it - sometimes it's just the 'script' that people fall back on with out a thought.  If you talk about your vacation in some place 'bland' that you REALLY enjoyed none the less - the one upper will talk about their vacation Spain with a side trip to Paris and then coming home the long way so they could stop for 3 days in New Zealand.   They may not be one upping you
they may just be talking about a vacation that they REALLY enjoyed.

I sometimes do this - relate something that someone REALLY enjoyed to something that I REALLY enjoyed and unfortunately it sometimes comes off wrong.

I think there's a right and wrong way to do this. DH and I have plenty of wonderful vacation stories and we try not to monopolize conversations with them. If someone mentions something more mundane- camping, a few days in Vegas, a short road trip- we always ask questions and let them tell their stories. What happens in Vegas or on a camping trip can be just as interesting and colorful as what happens in Europe. Last July, though, we were on a cruise and had dinner one night with a very well-traveled couple. No matter where we'd been, they'd been someplace more exotic- right down to petting penguins in Patagonia. It was the husband who monopolized the conversation, in a cultured British accent. I don't think he asked us even one question about any of the destinations we'd visited. It was all about them/him.

I made sure we didn't sit with them the rest of the cruise.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hey Dark, you've lost your avatar again. 

[Peace Of Mind]

Nov 21, 2014 11:17:50 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Nov 21, 2014 11:04:44 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

*chuckle* I have a special smile I use for attention whores who are blathering on about themselves and their "accomplishments". So far, it has worked very well to stop the conversation in mid-sentence. 

or the ole southern saw "well bless your heart!"

Yeah that.  ^^ or That's nice.    There is a lady in our group like the OP mentioned and I always smile and say "That's nice."   Not only does she have to one up everybody - she always has to brag about what she pays for something or what she got when she sells something.   Which reminds me of this old joke:


Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says, "When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says, "Well, isn't that nice."

The first lady says, "When my second child was born, my husband took me on a cruise." The second lady says,''well isn't that nice The first lady continues, "When my third child was born, my husband took me on a trip around the world." And the second lady says, once again, "Well, isn't that nice."

The first lady asks, "Well, what did your husband get you when your first child was born?" The second lady replies, "My husband sent me to finishing school." The first lady asks, "Well why did he do that?" And the second lady says, "So I could learn to say ‘Well isn't that nice,’ instead of ‘F**K YOU’!"

[8 Bit WWBG]

I am married to a competitive person, and realizing this has somewhat changed my outlook on our interaction.  DW won't lie about accomplishments she didn't do, but she definitely embraces competition.  I guess knowing that she is wired to want to compete can have an interesting influence on how I approach various topics!

While it is a bit frustrating that things that shouldn't be competitions become competitions, I'm thinking its time to throw down and compete!

[HoneyBBQ]

I'm competitive... extremely. But I try to leave it in it's normal and socially acceptable place... like on the hockey ice. I certainly wouldn't be competitive about an ugly Xmas sweater!!! LOL

[HoneyBBQ]

Nov 21, 2014 10:38:02 GMT -5 Ryan said:

I am only competitive with things that I really care about and I'm not a d-bag about it, so it wouldn't be apparent to anyone.

I used to play in this flag football league with a bunch of 30 year olds and I couldn't believe how many douchebags there were that took this so seriously.  

I basically stopped playing soccer because people would get so angry with me they would try to hurt me rather than play fair. (I played Division 1 college soccer).

I always said I already had my day in the sun and this was just for fun.... it wasn't worth it to even keep playing.

[violagirl]

I'm not in the Oneupman category of competitive, but I have certain nemesises (not sure if that is a word) who may not know they are my nemesis, and I basically compete with them. My current nemesis just had a baby and I was kind of happy about her "handicap". It will just make it easier for me to win. For our yearly bonus we are graded against our peer group, so the better I do in comparison to her the more money I get. Come to think of it, it is kind of a messed up system. 

At least I acknowledge my propensity for competition and make an effort to fight against it to be nice. Only my friends know what I am really thinking. 

[Deleted]

Not competitive at all except with myself.

[greeniis10]

I've only read the OP (will go back and read all 3 pages in a bit) but the person you describe is what I refer to as the "classic one-upper".  I've known a few of those.  I really dislike chit-chat, so when someone is like this I just disengage and let someone else take over the conversation.

In the case of your co-worker, it's a bit harder to escape.  And, you probably shouldn't do what I did with my ex-neighbor who was like that.  No matter what DH & I said or did, he did it better!  Well, I'd then trump his one-uppers with ridiculously over-the-top responses.  DH would cringe, but most of the time they went straight over the neighbors head because those types are too busy figuring out what they are going to say next.

[Ryan]

Nov 21, 2014 14:17:21 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Nov 21, 2014 10:38:02 GMT -5 Ryan said:

I am only competitive with things that I really care about and I'm not a d-bag about it, so it wouldn't be apparent to anyone.

I used to play in this flag football league with a bunch of 30 year olds and I couldn't believe how many douchebags there were that took this so seriously.  

I basically stopped playing soccer because people would get so angry with me they would try to hurt me rather than play fair. (I played Division 1 college soccer).

I always said I already had my day in the sun and this was just for fun.... it wasn't worth it to even keep playing.

That's what kinda sucks about sports now.  I had a more casual view of sports growing up....I loved playing sports through grade school, but it kinda sucked in HS.  You have to give up part of your summer, you have to practice everyday, and people took it way more seriously.  I wanted to say "Can't we just see how good we can get on 2 practices a week?"

[Deleted]

Competitive but humble. Do you believe it? I want to win for rewards but not talk about it or have people know. I only compete if financial reward. Not interested in decoration or clothing contest for fun or whatever!

[swamp]

I'm competitive. Bluesters boss isn't competitive, she's an asshole.

[Deleted]

I'm competitive. They asked each homeroom to design a logo, and I was pleased that my class won.    I had little to do with it artistically, but I did brainstorm ideas and push them to get it finished and turned in.

Your colleague would bother me, but not because of her competitiveness. She just sounds like a jerk.