happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2014 12:20:25 GMT -5
This is why our master bathroom is my favorite room in the house. I go in there, take a good book, sit on the sink countertop, and read. Great lighting, and no one wants to bother you when you're in the crapper. Haven't had to use it as much since DS grew up and moved out, but it surely was a nice haven when he was bouncing around the house. You forgot what it was like having a toddler/preschooler. I could weekends ago I had to beg DS to please stay in the living room while I went potty and he was so upset because he "didn't want to be alone". I'm just like I NEED SPACE. Well, to clarify, I could only do this when DH was at home, couldn't leave the toddler unattended while I shut myself in the crapper for an hour to read.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 23, 2014 12:23:48 GMT -5
You forgot what it was like having a toddler/preschooler. I could weekends ago I had to beg DS to please stay in the living room while I went potty and he was so upset because he "didn't want to be alone". I'm just like I NEED SPACE. Well, to clarify, I could only do this when DH was at home, couldn't leave the toddler unattended while I shut myself in the crapper for an hour to read. Did he know what you were doing? Or did he think you were having bowel problems?
There are days when I totally put my kids to bed early too. When I was pregnant I would feed them dinner & then go eat mine alone in the bedroom. I felt like a horrible mom, but between being tired & the energy needed to deal with them at the table, I just couldn't do it many nights.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 23, 2014 12:25:18 GMT -5
Nutty
It just sounds like you are in a difficult place now, and it sucks. But realize that this too will pass. You will be in a better place tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. It sounds to me like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to be someone else, or do something else that maybe you shouldn't be doing.
I would slow down. Figure out 1 or 2 things to accomplish today. That can be sending an email, going for a walk, or going to the grocery store. Take control. Figure out 1 or 2 things to do tomorrow. Bit by bit, gain control over your life and realize that you can make things happen and that you decide your own fate.
If you don't want to answer the phone, don't do it. If you want to see a friend, send an email, meet for coffee.
Figure out what nutty wants to do and go from there.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 22:15:13 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2014 17:14:42 GMT -5
I over think and over analyse, I think I am a horrible person sometimes. I say this because I think I am pretty intuitive and I look for consistencies and when I see something not matching up I get suspicious. Now that I have made new friends I am with them a lot and frankly they exhaust me. I already want to run away. So much emotion, so much baggage (good and bad), so much drama, maybe I should just not be around people. My therapist wants me to live in the moment instead of worrying, thinking, planning the future. How can I get to that point. Has anyone here been told to live in the moment?
A few years ago I realized that my body and my mind were rarely in the same place at the same time. I think when you spend a lot of time doing things you really don't want to do or in stressful situations, mentally escaping can become a habit. So much of a habit that you end up not really being present for and aware of the good moments as they unfold either. Go sit outside somewhere there's a peaceful setting. It can just be your balcony or patio if you have one. Look around you, really look. Pay attention to things you've never noticed before, mabye seen before but not really looked at. Pay attention to the sounds that usually get drowned out by your inner chatter. Even if there are no people around, nature often makes sounds. If there's a breeze, what does it feel like on your skin? It might sound corny, but that's really all living in the moment is. Not thinking about what's already happened, what comes next, or what you should be/wish you could be doing right then instead, it's just being fully engaged with the present. Being out socializing while you're wishing you could just go home already is not living in the moment. If it's always like that, figure out what in particular makes it so unpleasant for you and what you should do differently so you can enjoy it more. I don't think humans are meant to be isolated and alone all the time, but there's all kinds of ways you can socialize with other people. It doesn't have to be a group of people in a restaurant or bar. Figure out what works for you. When you're doing something you enjoy, it's easier to practice being fully engaged and living in the moment. If you practice it enough, you'll get it. Just my opinions.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Oct 24, 2014 10:45:21 GMT -5
Yes, socializing is exhausting to me. I guess that is what I am trying to say. I would never suggest taking some sort of mood enhancing stimulant to get your party on. They ALL girls, Archie.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Oct 24, 2014 10:50:20 GMT -5
I consider myself an introvert, but I like being in large groups much more than small groups. In a small group there is more pressure to be on and have to entertain the rest of the group. In a large group there are more people for the other people to interact with and it is much easier to float between people and have space when you need it. Just my weirdness.
Give me a party that I can drift off into a corner at. My parents had friends who had relatives who would come to every party just to sit in an arm chair and read newspaper.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 24, 2014 10:58:14 GMT -5
Oh no, couldn't handle that. There are good people, I think the drama gets to me because I am not used to it, it is probably somewhat normal though. We are all around the same age but with a lot of variances in our experience so it is interesting. I think I am a people pleaser however I don't do anything I don't want to do. Maybe it is the attention, I am not used to that. You are not?? 99% of your posts about some drama going in your life. And it didn't just start with divorce. If I were you, I would be more exhausted from all that personal drama. I would probably need a year off or something
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 25, 2014 14:50:21 GMT -5
At some point in life, and some realize this earlier than others, you need to live life to please yourself. What do you like? What do you want to do? How do you want to spend your time? What is important to you? What are you passionate about and what do you not care for? I spend too much time in my life trying to please people who don't give a DAMN about me. Don't waste your time caring what others think about when they don't care about you! They don't pay your bills, so heck with them and their opinions. And, you have the right to be who you are in this world. Your opinions are likes are equally as valid as anyone else's. And, if whether you are an introvert or extrovert, who cares? Embrace who you are. I finally got to the point that I am going to stop running everyone's race and marching to their drums and I am going to march to my own drum. Sooo, I really took at look at how I was spending my time and began to focus on what was important to me and leave the rest go. I don't have to explain why I am who I am and nor do you. Just be yourself. Have fun. Find the things that give you joy and pleasure and let yourself be who you are. And, people will respond to that. People are attracted to people who are passionate about something. You don't have to play anyone else's game but your own.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Oct 25, 2014 14:53:12 GMT -5
As for living in the moment, yes, live for today. Everyone has baggage. The thing about baggage is that every morning it is sitting there beside your bed. You have the choice every morning to get out of bad and then pick up that huge stinking bag of baggage and drag it around with you all day. Or, you can just decide to leave it sitting there and get up and go out and about your life and see what the day brings and live for today.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 25, 2014 15:33:14 GMT -5
How about getting a job? That would keep you busy and focused and not get drawn into other peoples lives?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 25, 2014 17:17:37 GMT -5
Yah, def. need to get a job, some logistically problems to be overcome but I have applied to a few.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2014 18:26:28 GMT -5
To piggyback on what Shooby posted, a few years ago I had a conversation with somebody about how other people's demands and expectations can take over your life if you let it. She said something like, everybody that wants you to do what they want you to do is still going around living their lives, doing what makes them happy. They aren't concerned about how what they want from you affects your life. So if everybody else is living how they want to, why do you have to be the exception? You don't. You get to make your own choices and try to be happy too. The person that said that is pretty much my enemy now, but I have to acknowledge that she said something worth hearing at least once in her life. Sometimes when I'm torn between what I want to do and other people's expectations of me, "why I gotta be the exception?" will pop into my head, which were her exact words. Being true to yourself regaradless of what other people think, is the only way to really be at peace and have a joyful life. Just another one of my opinons.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 26, 2014 14:45:27 GMT -5
You need to read "The Language of Letting Go" by Beattie and Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach
The language of letting go actual did more for me than any of the typical books on codependency.
I skimmed, have nothing further to contribute, and I'm going to go outside and work in my gardens for a bit. That, and needlework, help me stay grounded in the present.
Other people, and the interwebz, actually, do not keep me grounded and help me stay in the present.
(Case in point, I spent 4 days working on my needlework and away from my computer. Not once did I worry about finances or anything else. Glorious!)
ETA: In my time of stillness, I was also able to really understand some of my procrastination behaviors. At least, now I can talk over my fears with my husband, and see what he thinks. So happy that I can really understand myself, get a plan of action together to work it out and move on.
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