ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 23, 2014 10:46:59 GMT -5
I consider myself an introvert, but I like being in large groups much more than small groups. In a small group there is more pressure to be on and have to entertain the rest of the group. In a large group there are more people for the other people to interact with and it is much easier to float between people and have space when you need it. Just my weirdness.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2014 10:48:36 GMT -5
I consider myself an introvert, but I like being in large groups much more than small groups. In a small group there is more pressure to be on and have to entertain the rest of the group. In a large group there are more people for the other people to interact with and it is much easier to float between people and have space when you need it. Just my weirdness.
Give me a party that I can drift off into a corner at.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 23, 2014 10:48:48 GMT -5
Because we all have different things going on in our lives and live in the four corners of the county, we are usually doing things one on one actually. Lunch, dinner, the beach, watching the walking dead. If we are all together it is quite rare. Sometimes I just want to be alone but I don't want to be alone so much that they forget about me, I guess I am not explaining myself correctly, not unusual.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 23, 2014 10:51:03 GMT -5
It exhausts me because I over think things being said. I analyze people too much, so it exhausts me. I know I am an introvert, you have pointed out that there may not even be a correlation to being an introvert and over thinking things.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2014 10:54:51 GMT -5
Well, how much time are you spending with friends now? They won't forget about you in days or weeks. My best friend I probably only see in person a half dozen times a year. If you're doing something with someone every day, then maybe cut back to every other? Or once or twice a week. Whatever feels good to YOU. Are they asking you to do things and you feel obligated to say yes?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 23, 2014 11:02:12 GMT -5
Oh no, couldn't handle that. There are good people, I think the drama gets to me because I am not used to it, it is probably somewhat normal though. We are all around the same age but with a lot of variances in our experience so it is interesting. I think I am a people pleaser however I don't do anything I don't want to do. Maybe it is the attention, I am not used to that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 23, 2014 11:07:02 GMT -5
Why are you so worried about people forgetting you? DH and I went to a play a few months ago and I recognized a friend of mine in the program. When I went thru the cast line he recognized me instantly. I graduated HS back in 2002.
I hardly ever see my BFF in person. I try to make an effort to get together at least once a year for Christmas shopping. We haven't "forgotten" each other at all. Life gets in the way and it is unreasonable to expect to be constantly available to each other and hang out.
I think your issue isn't being introverted vs being extroverted. Your issue seems to be more insecurity/codepdency and people pleasing.
If you don't care what other people think then you aren't going to be fretting that they'll "forget" you if you pass on going out.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 23, 2014 11:09:06 GMT -5
It exhausts me because I over think things being said. I analyze people too much, so it exhausts me. I know I am an introvert, you have pointed out that there may not even be a correlation to being an introvert and over thinking things. Are you over thinking their issues and getting stressed out if they act in a way different than how you think they should?
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Oct 23, 2014 11:10:43 GMT -5
Give me a party that I can drift off into a corner at.
Sounds good to me. I'll take the opposite corner.
I learned a very long time ago that 50% of the people I meet will not be drawn to me, and I not to them. I can either let it control my life or not ...... my personal choice. I choose not to let it control me.
I'm a 'face value' type of person. I believe anything and everything good about a person until it's proven otherwise, then I'll never trust that person again.
DD, 2 DGDs all took classes in psychology and tried their lessons on me. All of them told me I was beyond psychoanalysis and I just laughed at them.
Don't over think me and I promise not to over think you.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 23, 2014 11:11:43 GMT -5
Add me to your list! I guess we should hang out. The three of us can sit silently together in a room I'll bring my book! I'll come too! This is why my BFF and I are friends. From 8th - 10th grades, I'd come home with her after school almost every day... we would both sit silently in her room, reading books, until my mom came to pick me up. Her mom always thought we were mad at each other because there was never any talking! (DH and I are the same way). I think it's becoming more socially acceptable to be introverted, but it can still be a challenge when people expect you to be social. My friends are always planning stuff, I go to most of it, but I try to keep at least one weekend day free so DH and I can just sit at home and do nothing.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 23, 2014 11:14:19 GMT -5
I have been abandoned a lot in my life hence that is something I think about. Maybe for others that have solid families and plenty of support it is not a big deal
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 23, 2014 11:15:19 GMT -5
I'm a 'face value' type of person. I believe anything and everything good about a person until it's proven otherwise, then I'll never trust that person again.
Even if you have been burned in the past, I have found it isn't good to let a bad experience make you suspicious of everyone. Most people are genuinely good, IMO. And the ones that aren't, just walk away from them. I trust someone (reasonably) until they give me a reason not to.
I guess I don't understand why you are so worried about your friend's personal drama. It isn't yours, don't become wrapped up in it. Enjoy the stories if you are a gossip like me, but don't let it exhaust you.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 23, 2014 11:16:36 GMT -5
Me too!
I wonder if many of us are drawn to YM because it is a good way to socialize if you are an introvert & don't want to go out a lot.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Oct 23, 2014 11:18:41 GMT -5
As an extrovert, let me just say that even extroverts get tired of people and being around people. We need alone time too I like people in general, I like parties, I like hanging out with friends and colleagues. My home feels lonely if the kids are gone for a day. BUT, I STILL need my own time. There are times I just want to be by myself. Not talk to anyone, take care of anyone, or make any effort to be "nice" to another living being. Those are the times where I re-charge myself. I do what I feel like doing. I can cuss if I want to without DH and kids staring at me... So yeah, there is nothing abnormal in feeling like you wish to be alone sometimes. Most of us human beings need to be in our own groove sometimes, to introspect, to dwell and sometimes just for nothing but to chill. Go ahead and do that for youself nutty. It won't do any harm
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 23, 2014 11:19:26 GMT -5
I am not worried about it at all, but I do hear it. I am not sure I said I was worried about it. Just that it happens and it is probably somewhat normal, maybe not my normal, but to be expected. I was stating that it is happening and it exhausts me, but I am not worried about it.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 23, 2014 11:23:39 GMT -5
I have been abandoned a lot in my life hence that is something I think about.
Not trying to offend here, but this statement & really this whole thread goes back to why some of us advise you not date. It is not healthy to date when you have a fear of abandonment, when you are a people-pleaser, when you try to hard to analyze people. Heck you called yourself a horrible person. You apparently found new friends, but they exhaust you. You need to get to a better emotional state.
Finding friends is good, but maybe you need to keep looking for ones that are a better fit for you. And I would keep working on yourself & making yourself happy & getting over the issues of abandonment & being a people-pleaser.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 23, 2014 11:24:32 GMT -5
I am not worried about it at all, but I do hear it. I am not sure I said I was worried about it. Just that it happens and it is probably somewhat normal, maybe not my normal, but to be expected. I was stating that it is happening and it exhausts me, but I am not worried about it. Maybe you should try restating what it is you are looking for advice on. Specifically. And clearly.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Oct 23, 2014 11:24:52 GMT -5
I am not worried about it at all, but I do hear it. I am not sure I said I was worried about it. Just that it happens and it is probably somewhat normal, maybe not my normal, but to be expected. I was stating that it is happening and it exhausts me, but I am not worried about it.
Why does it exhaust you? This doesn't make sense to me if you are keeping an emotional distance from the situation.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 23, 2014 11:30:37 GMT -5
I am not worried about it at all, but I do hear it. I am not sure I said I was worried about it. Just that it happens and it is probably somewhat normal, maybe not my normal, but to be expected. I was stating that it is happening and it exhausts me, but I am not worried about it.
Why does it exhaust you? This doesn't make sense to me if you are keeping an emotional distance from the situation.
Exactly. Why does a friends drama exhaust you? Can't you choose not to participate in it? Why are you complaining and then responding to everyone that it's not a big deal and of course you didn't mean than anything worries you?
Your emotions - and personality - are all over the place. You don't know who you are and what you want from one minute to the next. The only thing that really shines through clearly is need. You need people and dates and whatever to define yourself and feel like a real person. But you shouldn't.
What you need to do is continue with therapy, and work out who exactly you are now at this point in your life, and what you want. If you have trusted friends, spend time with them. But you do not need to latch on to a new group of dramatic people and then suddenly get anxiety because these new friends (who exhaust you) might forget about you if you're not with one of them all the time.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Oct 23, 2014 11:33:35 GMT -5
Nutty...do you find yourself wanting to just be alone when you aren't, and not wanting to be alone when you are? That's pretty common for someone just coming out of a relationship. It's not a horrible thing. It just means you don't really know what you want right now. That's normal. You'll find your happy medium. Just give yourself some time.
As far as hanging out with jealous drama queens? No way in hell. I'm an adult. If I do choose to socialize, it will be with other adults.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 23, 2014 11:39:39 GMT -5
Give me a party that I can drift off into a corner at.
Sounds good to me. I'll take the opposite corner.
I learned a very long time ago that 50% of the people I meet will not be drawn to me, and I not to them. I can either let it control my life or not ...... my personal choice. I choose not to let it control me.
I'm a 'face value' type of person. I believe anything and everything good about a person until it's proven otherwise, then I'll never trust that person again.
DD, 2 DGDs all took classes in psychology and tried their lessons on me. All of them told me I was beyond psychoanalysis and I just laughed at them.
Don't over think me and I promise not to over think you. 50% of the people are drawn to you. My stats are no where near that. Maybe I'm worse off than I thought
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 23, 2014 11:42:26 GMT -5
Because we all have different things going on in our lives and live in the four corners of the county, we are usually doing things one on one actually. Lunch, dinner, the beach, watching the walking dead. If we are all together it is quite rare. Sometimes I just want to be alone but I don't want to be alone so much that they forget about me, I guess I am not explaining myself correctly, not unusual. If you have to do something so frequently that you're afraid that they might forget you, I think that they are more acquaintances than friends. I have probably about 4 really good friends and the one that lives furthest away from me lives in Turkey. When she comes to the US, I make an effort to see her. If I go over the ocean, she does likewise. But even though it can be as much as 6 months between communications, our friendship picks up where we left it, seamlessly. It's like this with ALL of my friends.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 23, 2014 11:43:24 GMT -5
Me too!
I wonder if many of us are drawn to YM because it is a good way to socialize if you are an introvert & don't want to go out a lot.
Well duh! I don't keep coming back for the wonderful financial advice I want to know how everyone is... how things are with you or Phoenix's job or Dark's store. And I don't have to leave home to keep up with you people
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 23, 2014 11:51:55 GMT -5
I wonder if many of us are drawn to YM because it is a good way to socialize if you are an introvert & don't want to go out a lot.
I wouldn't be at all surprised. It's nice to have the option of not going on here for awhile if you're sick of things, and being able to resume whenever you're ready and as often as you like.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 23, 2014 11:52:39 GMT -5
Well duh! I don't keep coming back for the wonderful financial advice I want to know how everyone is... how things are with you or Phoenix's job or Dark's store.I come for the personal assholes (Best YM catchphrase of all time.)
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2014 11:56:09 GMT -5
I'm such an introvert that my own husband and kids eventually get on my nerves if I can't get some quiet time now and then. The only people I hang out with generally are family and they exhaust me because they're mostly extroverts and I have to be "on" when we're together. I love them dearly, but I am soooo glad to be home afterwards. This is why our master bathroom is my favorite room in the house. I go in there, take a good book, sit on the sink countertop, and read. Great lighting, and no one wants to bother you when you're in the crapper. Haven't had to use it as much since DS grew up and moved out, but it surely was a nice haven when he was bouncing around the house.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 23, 2014 12:02:17 GMT -5
Somewhere between alright and good. I need to stop making things hard for myself though. A lady came in a couple days ago asking if I buy older collectible toys. I told her I'd take a look. She comes back the next day with a dozen plastic totes full of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars still in the original packaging. Her husband collected them, had them all over the house, and in the storage unit, and at their daughter's house. He passed away, she wants to get rid of them. Price was too good to pass up. Now I have a huge stack of totes in my storage room full of 15-20 year old diecast to get rid of. Those were just the ones from the house, she's going to get the ones from the daughter and storage unit this week. I'm also selling a guys collection of Magic cards on consignment. Total collection is worth about $6-10k. Because, you know, I needed some fun little side projects heading into the Christmas season... Will you be able to off load the cars easily? If so, score! Even though it's not the best timing for it
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 23, 2014 12:10:49 GMT -5
I'm such an introvert that my own husband and kids eventually get on my nerves if I can't get some quiet time now and then. The only people I hang out with generally are family and they exhaust me because they're mostly extroverts and I have to be "on" when we're together. I love them dearly, but I am soooo glad to be home afterwards. This is why our master bathroom is my favorite room in the house. I go in there, take a good book, sit on the sink countertop, and read. Great lighting, and no one wants to bother you when you're in the crapper. Haven't had to use it as much since DS grew up and moved out, but it surely was a nice haven when he was bouncing around the house. You forgot what it was like having a toddler/preschooler. I could weekends ago I had to beg DS to please stay in the living room while I went potty and he was so upset because he "didn't want to be alone". I'm just like I NEED SPACE.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 23, 2014 12:13:14 GMT -5
I have been abandoned a lot in my life hence that is something I think about. Maybe for others that have solid families and plenty of support it is not a big deal That's not an issue of being an introvert. Introverts are very comfortable alone and don't fear that people are going to forget them if they don't hang out every time that person wants to.
Extroverts don't either. Extroverts don't spend time socializing out of fear that they won't be loved or liked or will be forgotten.
Your issues are something else. Slapping a label on yourself isn't going to fix the above.
Codependents are attracted to people with lots of drama because it makes them feel loved/needed. It gives them something they think they can fix. If you are finding you can't disengage from your friends' problems to teh point you are exhausted that's codependency. It has nothing to do with being an introvert or an extrovert.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2014 12:19:05 GMT -5
I have been abandoned a lot in my life hence that is something I think about. Maybe for others that have solid families and plenty of support it is not a big deal I used to try to please people, too, and then I realized hardly anyone cares about whether what they're doing is making me happy, so screw them. Seriously, do the best job you can at work, and be the best friend you can, and the best relative, but if someone takes offense anyway, ignore them. I have a sister who walks around the planet finding reasons to get her feelings hurt. We don't have a relationship anymore because she found offense in almost everything I said and everything I did. Like if I didn't answer my phone immediately but called her back a few hours later, she would have a screaming melt down and hang up on me because she was certain I didn't answer her phone call on purpose. So screw her. Life is too short for those kinds of drama queens, and I'm too old to walk on egg shells, bending over backwards trying not to offend someone who is so very, very easy to offend. I get along fine with one less sister. I have another sister, a great SIL, 3 great nieces, 2 great nephews, a wonderful MIL, soon to get a fabulous DIL and her very nice family - with all these relatives I get along great with, who needs to try to make the cranky, sulky, tantrumy sister happy?
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