Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 10, 2014 9:53:03 GMT -5
You guys were begging for more and I hate to disappoint.  I'm curious what you would do in the same situation.
DH drove home from spending 9 days with MIL. While there he finally got her to 'fess up who she found to take care of her three dogs. Fast re-cap: We had a major family melt-down when she replaced her girl dog who died earlier this year with a rescue corgi mix in spite of DH advising he would not take care of a new dog when MIL passed. She had told DH she found "someone" but refused to tell him who. She's been playing this game for a couple of months. DH is executor and Trustee of her estate.
Turns out it's the Koi Pond guy.  When DH walked him to his car after dinner at MIL's he asked him if Koi Pond guy really said he'd take her dogs. Koi Pond guy says he told MIL that he would take care of her dogs, meaning that he would re-home them for her.  Obviously there was miscommunication and she heard what she wanted to hear. DH and Koi Pond guy have agreed to say nothing about it to MIL. Everybody hopes that the dogs will go before MIL and that it will be a non-issue. But I have a bad feeling about this and really don't think it's right to mislead her. I didn't have the conversation and it's really not my place to say anything but I sure wouldn't be happy about it if it happened to me. On the other hand she's so unreasonable and controlling that I don't think there's a "reasonable" approach. Caring for three older dogs is a major time and emotional commitment.
WWYD? Thoughts? |
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 10, 2014 9:56:15 GMT -5
I wouldn't say a word, she's been unreasonable about everything, as far as I can recall, why give yourself more headache over something she's ultimately going to have no say in if her dogs outlive her?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Oct 10, 2014 9:56:46 GMT -5
Let sleeping dogs lie...
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Oct 10, 2014 10:01:23 GMT -5
It would really have to depend on how healthy the dogs were. If they are really old/unhealthy than it would be best not to say anything. Most people would do the right thing and make sure there were no issues before trying to re-home. Once your dead, your dead and don't have a say on what happens to your possessions. And I believe she considers those dogs her possession. They are something she has ultimate control over. Until she passes. |
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 10, 2014 10:27:17 GMT -5
I wouldn't say a word. The major thing is finding the dogs a good home after she is gone. I just wouldn't want to see the dogs go to the pound. As long as this guy is trustworthy enough to find them homes then let it go. She isn't going to know any different once she kicks the bucket.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 10, 2014 10:29:25 GMT -5
You are talking about a dog, right? That is not a euphemism for, like, a brother that you just don't think kindly of, right?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 10, 2014 10:39:49 GMT -5
I think it's pretty sad because older dogs will be put down if you give them to a shelter. I understand you don't have a lot of options but it makes me sad for the dogs. They will lose their owner and then very little thought seems to be given to where they will go after that.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 10, 2014 11:03:55 GMT -5
I think it's pretty sad because older dogs will be put down if you give them to a shelter. I understand you don't have a lot of options but it makes me sad for the dogs. They will lose their owner and then very little thought seems to be given to where they will go after that. Her "new" dog from the Corgi rescue has enough personality issues that DH thinks she should probably be put down but he would offer her back to the network first.
The original two boy dogs depending on their health and our pet situation we could take. Or her sister has expressed interest in taking one of them. MIL was adamant that her dogs not get split up, even if it was to her sister. 
FWIW MIL gave her sister a Corgi too because she knew she couldn't have FOUR dogs.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Oct 10, 2014 11:55:48 GMT -5
I would suggest doing some research on rescues in your MIL's area. Here in WA, we have a rescue called Old Dog Haven, and they specialize in taking older dogs, often when someone passes away or has to be moved into a nursing home. They help families such as yours find the right new home for dogs, or the dogs might end up as permanent fosters, meaning a dog foster home associated with the organization provides them a loving home and the rescue pays for their medical bills.
I know that Old Dog Haven is not the only rescue organization like this in the country, so start checking around your MIL's state. Obviously you don't need their assistance yet, but it's better to know who they are/how to get a hold of them now, vs trying to figure it all out when you're dealing with the entire estate and everything that goes with someone's passing.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 10, 2014 12:24:50 GMT -5
She's not going to listen to you anyway, right? She's going to hear what she wants to hear and go on her merry way and do exactly what she wants.
So why bother? I know it's going to leave a hell of a mess when she dies but nothing will change, regardless of what you say.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 10, 2014 12:29:52 GMT -5
just smile and nod and do the best you can when the time comes.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Oct 10, 2014 12:37:45 GMT -5
I would suggest doing some research on rescues in your MIL's area. Here in WA, we have a rescue called Old Dog Haven, and they specialize in taking older dogs, often when someone passes away or has to be moved into a nursing home. They help families such as yours find the right new home for dogs, or the dogs might end up as permanent fosters, meaning a dog foster home associated with the organization provides them a loving home and the rescue pays for their medical bills.
I know that Old Dog Haven is not the only rescue organization like this in the country, so start checking around your MIL's state. Obviously you don't need their assistance yet, but it's better to know who they are/how to get a hold of them now, vs trying to figure it all out when you're dealing with the entire estate and everything that goes with someone's passing.  We have Senior dog rescue here. I fostered a dog for them when someone near (location) us passed away. |
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 10, 2014 13:02:43 GMT -5
She's not going to listen to you anyway, right? She's going to hear what she wants to hear and go on her merry way and do exactly what she wants. So why bother? I know it's going to leave a hell of a mess when she dies but nothing will change, regardless of what you say. This pretty much sums up my thinking.
What I can see playing out is MIL ragging on DH how pond guy is soooooooooooo wonderful because he's willing to take her dogs, whereby her son, her only child wasn't willing to do that. DH is likely to blow his stack and tell her the truth. Then pond guy will get "fired" and we're stuck back in crazy land.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Oct 10, 2014 13:08:33 GMT -5
She's not going to listen to you anyway, right? She's going to hear what she wants to hear and go on her merry way and do exactly what she wants. So why bother? I know it's going to leave a hell of a mess when she dies but nothing will change, regardless of what you say. This pretty much sums up my thinking.
What I can see playing out is MIL ragging on DH how pond guy is soooooooooooo wonderful because he's willing to take her dogs, whereby her son, her only child wasn't willing to do that. DH is likely to blow his stack and tell her the truth. Then pond guy will get "fired" and we're stuck back in crazy land.
Bonny - tell you DH it COULD be worse. He could have the uninvolved/absent sibling who is the apple of Mom's eye and can do no wrong that he has to hear how wonderful they are about all the time when DH is the one there helping her out. (He is an only child, right?) You're welcome! |
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 10, 2014 13:23:27 GMT -5
This pretty much sums up my thinking.
What I can see playing out is MIL ragging on DH how pond guy is soooooooooooo wonderful because he's willing to take her dogs, whereby her son, her only child wasn't willing to do that. DH is likely to blow his stack and tell her the truth. Then pond guy will get "fired" and we're stuck back in crazy land.
Bonny - tell you DH it COULD be worse. He could have the uninvolved/absent sibling who is the apple of Mom's eye and can do no wrong that he has to hear how wonderful they are about all the time when DH is the one there helping her out. (He is an only child, right?) You're welcome! Trust me if DH had a sibling he wouldn't be doing the work either! |
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Oct 10, 2014 14:56:52 GMT -5
I would suggest doing some research on rescues in your MIL's area. Here in WA, we have a rescue called Old Dog Haven, and they specialize in taking older dogs, often when someone passes away or has to be moved into a nursing home. They help families such as yours find the right new home for dogs, or the dogs might end up as permanent fosters, meaning a dog foster home associated with the organization provides them a loving home and the rescue pays for their medical bills.
I know that Old Dog Haven is not the only rescue organization like this in the country, so start checking around your MIL's state. Obviously you don't need their assistance yet, but it's better to know who they are/how to get a hold of them now, vs trying to figure it all out when you're dealing with the entire estate and everything that goes with someone's passing. We have Senior dog rescue here. I fostered a dog for them when someone near (location) us passed away. agilemom - your avatar is freaking me out I am half kidding but seriously I hate clowns especially THAT one! |
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Oct 10, 2014 15:01:31 GMT -5
We have Senior dog rescue here. I fostered a dog for them when someone near (location) us passed away. agilemom - your avatar is freaking me out I am half kidding but seriously I hate clowns especially THAT one! When I decided to put on a halloween costume- I decided to go with the scariest thing I could find (which I would never do IRL). The other one I had picked out was really creepy. Nightmare creepy. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2014 16:34:30 GMT -5
agilemom - your avatar is freaking me out I am half kidding but seriously I hate clowns especially THAT one! When I decided to put on a halloween costume- I decided to go with the scariest thing I could find (which I would never do IRL). The other one I had picked out was really creepy. Nightmare creepy. And that God-awful clown ISN'T nightmare creepy?!?!?!?!?! I stayed up to read that damn book one night and didn't sleep for 2 days afterwards. I hate that book! On the other hand, movingforward, yours is adorable! |
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 10, 2014 19:56:34 GMT -5
When I decided to put on a halloween costume- I decided to go with the scariest thing I could find (which I would never do IRL). The other one I had picked out was really creepy. Nightmare creepy. And that God-awful clown ISN'T nightmare creepy?!?!?!?!?! I stayed up to read that damn book one night and didn't sleep for 2 days afterwards. I hate that book! On the other hand, movingforward, yours is adorable! |
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 13, 2014 9:23:22 GMT -5
When I decided to put on a halloween costume- I decided to go with the scariest thing I could find (which I would never do IRL). The other one I had picked out was really creepy. Nightmare creepy. And that God-awful clown ISN'T nightmare creepy?!?!?!?!?! I stayed up to read that damn book one night and didn't sleep for 2 days afterwards. I hate that book! On the other hand, movingforward, yours is adorable! That book is awesome! Except for the ending, that was dumb. Everything else, awesome.  |
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 13, 2014 9:51:10 GMT -5
When I decided to put on a halloween costume- I decided to go with the scariest thing I could find (which I would never do IRL). The other one I had picked out was really creepy. Nightmare creepy. And that God-awful clown ISN'T nightmare creepy?!?!?!?!?! I stayed up to read that damn book one night and didn't sleep for 2 days afterwards. I hate that book! On the other hand, movingforward, yours is adorable! MOOOOOM, empresspunkless is playing faaavorites! MOOOOOOOMMMMMM.....  (But I do agree with her) |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 10:26:14 GMT -5
Is she ready to kick off yet? I mean this would be the least of my worries. When she does put them in a kennel for a few days till you decide what to do with them. pound or whatever. I feel sorry for the dogs but I doubt if they have been trained very well anyway so may not be adoptable. I hate to put animals down but they are still animals and not people. I doubt anyone would take care of either of mine soooo. But when they pass on I doubt I get anymore at least not for some time, until I stop traveling. If I am very old or not well, doubt I will want to be bothered, but that's just me.
The pond guy will likely get rid of them anyway, tell your husband to zip his lip, I know hard that is to do and not worry about it. He doesn't live close does he so doesn't have to listen to it daily. there is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 13, 2014 10:51:32 GMT -5
I'd leave it alone, otherwise she'll make your lives miserable and koi pond guy's life miserable for "lying" to her. Then she'll try to track down another person to foist her dogs on.
If she goes first you'll just have to do what you have to. It's a shame she won't listen while there is time for her to actually be in control.
Took us three months after my grandma passed to rehome the cat. I own dogs that would have ate it and my parents already had three dogs. We networked like mad and finally a co-worker of my DH's took the cat and last time we talked the cat was very happy.
It's rough when people leave pets behind. |
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 13, 2014 11:41:25 GMT -5
Is she ready to kick off yet? I mean this would be the least of my worries. When she does put them in a kennel for a few days till you decide what to do with them. pound or whatever. I feel sorry for the dogs but I doubt if they have been trained very well anyway so may not be adoptable. I hate to put animals down but they are still animals and not people. I doubt anyone would take care of either of mine soooo. But when they pass on I doubt I get anymore at least not for some time, until I stop traveling. If I am very old or not well, doubt I will want to be bothered, but that's just me.
The pond guy will likely get rid of them anyway, tell your husband to zip his lip, I know hard that is to do and not worry about it. He doesn't live close does he so doesn't have to listen to it daily. there is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. Not all animals are adoptable. Of my 6, 1 dog and 1 cat could be decent candidates for rehoming. 2 others could be rehomed but both are seniors with previous medical issues so they aren't likely to be wanted. I don't want my animals to live out the remainder of their years in a cage and would absolutely vote to have them humanely euthanized if I could no longer care for them. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 11:41:30 GMT -5
And I am wrong why? I'm a very realistic person, you do what you can and move on. She sounds like a real problem, don't know if she was a great mom or not.
Long as she doesn't harass the son, I too would leave it alone, it will work out one way or another. Believe me from dealing with my MIL, not much you can do with some people. because it's not 'just a dog'. it's a living breathing creature that feels pain and love and abandonment that someone took on responsibility for and can't just be dumped. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 11:42:37 GMT -5
there is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start. Not all animals are adoptable. Of my 6, 1 dog and 1 cat could be decent candidates for rehoming. 2 others could be rehomed but both are seniors with previous medical issues so they aren't likely to be wanted. I don't want my animals to live out the remainder of their years in a cage and would absolutely vote to have them humanely euthanized if I could no longer care for them. why would you not find someone else to care for them if you die? do you have someone to take care of your kids if you die? animals are no different. |
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 13, 2014 11:49:09 GMT -5
Not all animals are adoptable. Of my 6, 1 dog and 1 cat could be decent candidates for rehoming. 2 others could be rehomed but both are seniors with previous medical issues so they aren't likely to be wanted. I don't want my animals to live out the remainder of their years in a cage and would absolutely vote to have them humanely euthanized if I could no longer care for them. why would you not find someone else to care for them if you die? do you have someone to take care of your kids if you die? animals are no different. My animals are different than my children. My kids come before my animals. Doesn't mean I don't love them, but if I had to choose its a no brainer. Who are these people who take in aggressive dogs and senior cats with health problems? I obviously did and no one was fighting me for them. They are already at their end of the road. If I died and insisted they be rehomed the reality is that they would go to a no-kill shelter and sit in a cage until they became un-adoptable (aggressive or too expensive to treat--ding, ding, ding!) at which point that no-kill shelter euthanizes them or drives them down the road to the dreaded "kill" shelter. ETA: My cats could find homes as "donor" cats in vet clinics. Meaning that they live in an emergency vet hospital and are used as blood donors when needed. Not a terrible existence, but still wouldn't be my first choice for them knowing that some donor cats live out years of their life there. |
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Oct 13, 2014 11:50:55 GMT -5
Not that I think she'd listen, but I'd probably tell the MIL that she's behaving irresponsibly when she adopts pets that may outlive her. |
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 13, 2014 11:54:07 GMT -5
Not sure why this is an issue. She thinks she has it resolved. Let her. The pets may die first.Or if she ddies first, you do what you can do.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 13, 2014 11:56:09 GMT -5
When my grandmother died, she asked taut her cat be euthanized. I offered to take it, but it was a very aggressive cat and was only nice to my grandmother. She knew it and knew the cat wouldn't be happy without her. My min honored her wishes.
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