Do you let your kids read whatever they want?

[Firebird]

The only book I remember being off limits to me was Lolita.  My mom asked me to wait until 18 until I read that, and I couldn't really understand why since I read a bunch of other books with much heavier themes (including incest, rape, etc.).

Do you restrict the books your kids read?  Do you have an age where it's okay for them to read certain books?  Which ones are off limits, if any?

What about movies?  Any restrictions there? 

[swamp]

I do regulate TV. They're 7 and 8.

Books, meh. The 8 year old doesn't want to read. The 7 year old is still working on it.

[Pants]

I haven't thought about this much yet - interesting topic.

Then again we let our 2-year old watch pitch perfect and then the other day she pops out with "Let's talk about sex baby!" I know most people wouldn't be ok with that, but I kind of am.

When I was growing up, books were open season but TV and movies were heavily monitored. Anything I could read, I was allowed to read, but I never watched most of the "typical" movies of my generation until after I was at college - like Dirty Dancing or Pretty Woman. However I was allowed to read "Go ask Alice" at 12. Not sure that was the right way for things to be though.

[ArchietheDragon]

We restrict TV, movies and internet.   I guess books too as they don't have access to books unless we buy them.   They have limited library access, though. 

[Tiny]

Maybe a better question would be what kind of things in books that are age appropriate for your kids would you restrict your kids from reading? So, something that's hit pop culture or is on a reading list or that their friends are reading that's aimed at the age group.

Remember it's a book that's deemed 'age appropriate' for your kid but there's something IN the book you would object to? So, no, not a case of your 10 year old reading a copy of Story of O.     But maybe your 16 year old found a dusty copy at a bookstore (like kids go to bookstores....lol).

[milee]

I have not restricted their reading, but I do keep an eye on what they're reading and talk to them about it. The older one (14) has started to read books with very heavy subject matter as part of his high school English class (his choice, not assigned by the teacher, but they're allowed to make their own choices for the open project work) and it makes me a little sad to have to discuss some of the themes with him, but I'd rather he is exposed to that now while we can talk about it rather than later when he's no longer living here. The younger one is only 10 and hasn't expressed an interest in any mature literature, but we haven't expressly banned anything.

With movies, I'm a cultural oddity, I guess.  Nudity doesn't bother me and while I wouldn't knowingly expose either boy to pornography, them seeing a nude person wouldn't bother me.  Some of the forms of violence that are common in movies does bother me and I think changes how people respect/disrespect and view life, so I'm less likely to let them watch overly violent stuff than movies with just nudity.  But I know most Americans would rather allow their kids to see a person blown to bloody chunks than let them catch a glimpse of a female breast, so.... 

Anyway, the 14 year old is allowed to watch much more than the 10 year old, obviously.  And both are very self-policing.  The 10 year old will sometimes walk into a room where something is playing, take a look and leave while saying "I don't think this is appropriate for me." 

IMHO, the internet is a much bigger issue than books or movies.  You can search for and readily find anything.  Anything.  Let that sink in - anything.  Easily and quickly.  Even the most vile, horrifying, depraved stuff is only a click away.  Not hard to find at all.  And to top it off, many of us have kids that are more tech savvy than we are.  I know for certain that there is nothing I could do as a parent to prevent my 14 year old from doing whatever he wanted on the internet.  Sheesh, he fixes the computers at school and teaches the high school robotics club advanced programming.  So I can't physically control what he sees and instead take a different approach.  We regularly talk about being careful with what we view, being respectful of people and how we can injure our soul (sounds melodramatic, but I believe it) by seeing things we're not ready to handle.  I used an example of someone describing how the worst thing they ever did was google and watch the video of Daniel Perlman (sp?) being beheaded; the viewer talked about how he could never unsee that image and how it regularly haunts him.  So DS and I often talk about things he's curious about and how to find out information without going too far and how to self-select. 

[The Captain]

Oct 8, 2014 12:35:45 GMT -5 Firebird said:

The only book I remember being off limits to me was Lolita.  My mom asked me to wait until 18 until I read that, and I couldn't really understand why since I read a bunch of other books with much heavier themes (including incest, rape, etc.).

Do you restrict the books your kids read?  Do you have an age where it's okay for them to read certain books?  Which ones are off limits, if any?

What about movies?  Any restrictions there? 

I was more strict on the movie thing than was DH.  In my view, kids are exposed to way too much violence and I don't need DD becoming desensitized at an early age.  At age 10 we let her see some PG13 stuff but always discuss how movies are make believe yadda yadda yadda.  If I'm in doubt (Hunger games) DH or I will go to see the movie first.

Books - she's reading the teen stuff now (she's 11) so I read those books before letting her read them.  I read really fast so that's not much of an issue and have thanked her for introducing me to some stuff I wouldn't have read otherwise (The Fault in our Stars).  I'm old fashioned but I think sex is treated way too casually in a lot of teen novels and want to make sure we discuss that aspect so she doesn't get the impression that how it's portrayed is "normal". 

[raeoflyte]

I plan to let my kids read anything they want to and will try to read just ahead or at least along with them on the books they pick whenever possible.  

I read Sybil at 10.  I was at least half way through before my mom knew I had found it in the basement and started reading it, so she just asked me a bunch of questions about what I thought of it, and if I had questions for her based on it.  I read a lot of Heinlein as a tween and my mom didn't like any of his later stuff, feeling that he turned all of his heroines into sex objects but she didn't forbid it, just talked to me about why she felt that way.  I ended up agreeing with her and stopped picking up his books but it was because I didn't care for them.  

Video games are the things that bug me.  They all seem to be so violent which I don't care for.  

[zibazinski]

My reading as a child was unrestricted. My parents pretty much felt that if it was beyond me, I wouldn't understand it or get bored reading it and put it down. That being said, I read most of what my kids read before they read it while they were in elem school. After that, I backed off.

[raeoflyte]

Oct 8, 2014 12:51:42 GMT -5 milee said:

I have not restricted their reading, but I do keep an eye on what they're reading and talk to them about it. The older one (14) has started to read books with very heavy subject matter as part of his high school English class (his choice, not assigned by the teacher, but they're allowed to make their own choices for the open project work) and it makes me a little sad to have to discuss some of the themes with him, but I'd rather he is exposed to that now while we can talk about it rather than later when he's no longer living here. The younger one is only 10 and hasn't expressed an interest in any mature literature, but we haven't expressly banned anything.

With movies, I'm a cultural oddity, I guess.  Nudity doesn't bother me and while I wouldn't knowingly expose either boy to pornography, them seeing a nude person wouldn't bother me.  Some of the forms of violence that are common in movies does bother me and I think changes how people respect/disrespect and view life, so I'm less likely to let them watch overly violent stuff than movies with just nudity.  But I know most Americans would rather allow their kids to see a person blown to bloody chunks than let them catch a glimpse of a female breast, so.... 

Anyway, the 14 year old is allowed to watch much more than the 10 year old, obviously.  And both are very self-policing.  The 10 year old will sometimes walk into a room where something is playing, take a look and leave while saying "I don't think this is appropriate for me." 

IMHO, the internet is a much bigger issue than books or movies.  You can search for and readily find anything.  Anything.  Let that sink in - anything.  Easily and quickly.  Even the most vile, horrifying, depraved stuff is only a click away.  Not hard to find at all.  And to top it off, many of us have kids that are more tech savvy than we are.  I know for certain that there is nothing I could do as a parent to prevent my 14 year old from doing whatever he wanted on the internet.  Sheesh, he fixes the computers at school and teaches the high school robotics club advanced programming.  So I can't physically control what he sees and instead take a different approach.  We regularly talk about being careful with what we view, being respectful of people and how we can injure our soul (sounds melodramatic, but I believe it) by seeing things we're not ready to handle.  I used an example of someone describing how the worst thing they ever did was google and watch the video of Daniel Perlman (sp?) being beheaded; the viewer talked about how he could never unsee that image and how it regularly haunts him.  So DS and I often talk about things he's curious about and how to find out information without going too far and how to self-select. 

Can I pick you as my husbands back up spouse.  He is doing a lot better these days on keeping up with the home front--I swear!  

[milee]

Oct 8, 2014 13:05:41 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 8, 2014 12:51:42 GMT -5 milee said:

I have not restricted their reading, but I do keep an eye on what they're reading and talk to them about it. The older one (14) has started to read books with very heavy subject matter as part of his high school English class (his choice, not assigned by the teacher, but they're allowed to make their own choices for the open project work) and it makes me a little sad to have to discuss some of the themes with him, but I'd rather he is exposed to that now while we can talk about it rather than later when he's no longer living here. The younger one is only 10 and hasn't expressed an interest in any mature literature, but we haven't expressly banned anything.

With movies, I'm a cultural oddity, I guess.  Nudity doesn't bother me and while I wouldn't knowingly expose either boy to pornography, them seeing a nude person wouldn't bother me.  Some of the forms of violence that are common in movies does bother me and I think changes how people respect/disrespect and view life, so I'm less likely to let them watch overly violent stuff than movies with just nudity.  But I know most Americans would rather allow their kids to see a person blown to bloody chunks than let them catch a glimpse of a female breast, so.... 

Anyway, the 14 year old is allowed to watch much more than the 10 year old, obviously.  And both are very self-policing.  The 10 year old will sometimes walk into a room where something is playing, take a look and leave while saying "I don't think this is appropriate for me." 

IMHO, the internet is a much bigger issue than books or movies.  You can search for and readily find anything.  Anything.  Let that sink in - anything.  Easily and quickly.  Even the most vile, horrifying, depraved stuff is only a click away.  Not hard to find at all.  And to top it off, many of us have kids that are more tech savvy than we are.  I know for certain that there is nothing I could do as a parent to prevent my 14 year old from doing whatever he wanted on the internet.  Sheesh, he fixes the computers at school and teaches the high school robotics club advanced programming.  So I can't physically control what he sees and instead take a different approach.  We regularly talk about being careful with what we view, being respectful of people and how we can injure our soul (sounds melodramatic, but I believe it) by seeing things we're not ready to handle.  I used an example of someone describing how the worst thing they ever did was google and watch the video of Daniel Perlman (sp?) being beheaded; the viewer talked about how he could never unsee that image and how it regularly haunts him.  So DS and I often talk about things he's curious about and how to find out information without going too far and how to self-select. 

Can I pick you as my husbands back up spouse.  He is doing a lot better these days on keeping up with the home front--I swear!  

I am incredibly flattered but must decline.  If/when DH gets hit by a bus I am going to live a gloriously single life.    No more marrying for me. 

[The Captain]

Oct 8, 2014 12:51:42 GMT -5 milee said:

 

IMHO, the internet is a much bigger issue than books or movies.  You can search for and readily find anything.  Anything.  Let that sink in - anything.  Easily and quickly.  Even the most vile, horrifying, depraved stuff is only a click away.  Not hard to find at all.  And to top it off, many of us have kids that are more tech savvy than we are.  I know for certain that there is nothing I could do as a parent to prevent my 14 year old from doing whatever he wanted on the internet.  Sheesh, he fixes the computers at school and teaches the high school robotics club advanced programming.  So I can't physically control what he sees and instead take a different approach.  We regularly talk about being careful with what we view, being respectful of people and how we can injure our soul (sounds melodramatic, but I believe it) by seeing things we're not ready to handle.  I used an example of someone describing how the worst thing they ever did was google and watch the video of Daniel Perlman (sp?) being beheaded; the viewer talked about how he could never unsee that image and how it regularly haunts him.  So DS and I often talk about things he's curious about and how to find out information without going too far and how to self-select. 

I am sooo glad DH is IT.  So far he's been able to keep ahead of DD.  We are also very open about the fact that we can, and sometimes do, monitor her internet useage.  DD is also good about self policing so it's not really an issue.  At some point though I'm sure natural curiousity will win out...

[Firebird]

I am incredibly flattered but must decline. If/when DH gets hit by a bus I am going to live a gloriously single life. No more marrying for me.

What if you become my DH's longtime companion?  I know you would like my little girl right away and your new DBF will grow on you

[giramomma]

We don't restrict books. Movies, within reason.

This summer, the only way I could get DS to read was to let him read Simpson comics. He's so cute. There will be a "bad" word on the page, he'll run over to me and say "Mom, mom, mom, look at this," point, and snicker. (My DS gets mad at me if I take the Lord's name in vain and reminds me I'm breaking a commandment. Yay for Catholic School !!)

At his 10th birthday party, he wanted to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So we did. I did make it VERY clear on the invite and when acknowledging RSVPs that the movie was going to be watched.
All the sex stuff went over the kids heads. I had a great time watching it with all the boys. Some of them were savvy enough to get some of the running jokes. Others were happy with the illustrations.
The littlest was also watching the movie. 

When DS was a newborn, DH and I passed the time by watching all the seasons of the Sopranos. We stopped once DS was 3ish months old and more aware of his surroundings.

Fortunately, right now, DS watches a lot of PBS. Lately, he's been watching Ken Burn's The Roosevelts, Antiques Roadshow, and Finding Your Roots. DS also wants to watch the Ken Burns Baseball Documentary. He just requested that last night. Along with the Simpson's movie.

I wanted to let DS watch one of the last episodes of BBT, where Walowiz (sp?) throws out the first ball of the game, but DH removed that from Tivo.

We also discovered that my two year old thinks MC Hammer is the bomb with all that dancing.

We don't have cable. The kids also go to bed between 7 and 8 at night. So for the most part, I really haven't ever monitored what my kids are watching. But, I also never believed in all the flap that one of the teletubbies had a gay agenda.

[Firebird]

Thanks for the responses so far.  As racy as Barney is, I've given up on trying to restrict it   But I do think about this a lot for when she gets older.

I'd be willing to let her read and possibly even watch whatever she wants as long as we discuss it, preferably before and after.  And if it's a movie, I may insist on watching it with her and making her promise that she'll ask to turn it off if it's too intense (as opposed to seeing it in a theater where the fact that you paid an exorbitant amount of money for your ticket strongly encourages you to stay put).

Because I'm with milee, I think the violence in movies today (which gets exponentially more gruesome and graphic with every passing year) does much more of a number on them than a naked body. 

I'm still freaked out about some of the scenes in Midnight Express and I saw that in my twenties. 

[Deleted]

I don't restrict older son's reading at all.  He reads a LOT, but he seems pretty stuck on Sci-Fi and Fantasy books.  He was reading one of my Stephen King books and said he didn't think he should because there was too much swearing in it.  I told him he was crazy, that it was a great book!  But he quit reading it. 

TV and movies I censor a little, but not much.  The 4 year old gets very little screen time and he doesn't see anything beyond things like Sesame Street and Disney movies for the most part.  Older son (12), may have seen a few R movies with his Dad.  I don't think with me, but I don't think I've ever refused a PG-13. 

[justme]

Oct 8, 2014 13:10:20 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

(like kids go to bookstores....lol)

I wish.  My two, a bookstore, and a debit card is asking for trouble.  Their elementary school had a program for 3rd through 6th grade where they had to read X number of books during the year on their own time.  I think the goal was like 2 or 3.  For each book read they got a little book shaped colored plastic charm.  The younger one's fourth grade teacher stopped giving them to her after the 20th one.  She's still got a pile of those little charms somewhere.

This year is the first time we've really put our foot down about their reading habits.  They have to read 2 books or 300 pages per semester for their 8th grade English class, which to me is absurdly low for an advanced English class, but whatever.  To make it more interesting we went through our book collection and picked out the books they're allowed to read for that goal.  They're free to read as much as they want outside of that, but their 2 books have to come from our list of books which are basically classics, groundbreaking in their genre, or authors that we think are superb and make you think.

My middle school had a reading computer program where you'd log in and take a short quiz on whatever book you just read. I think it was only 60% to pass. Some teachers gave you extra credit for having so many points or for passing the test on certain books, but if you got to a certain number of points you were allowed to get x amount of free books at the next book fair. A few friends and I discovered they had some painfully simple books to test on that you really didn't need to read the book and that you could take the test as many times as you wanted. We racked up a lot of points for books we didn't or barely read. Man, was it nice to get so many free books from the fair.

[Phoenix84]

Well, growing up I never read much outside of school assignments past sixth grade. Before that, I did read a lot, but mostly non fiction books on subjects that interested me, like astronomy or geology.

All in all though, I never really had much of a desire to read adult fiction until I was well into high school, and by then my parents didn't care what I read.

On a somewhat related topic, my parents did waffle quite a bit on what video games were "appropriate" during my junior high years. I was 13 when the Columbine shootings happened and my parents (well, my mom really) started worrying about violent videogames were warping my mind. The kicker was they also didn't want me playing video games that were too "kiddie" then either, so I couldn't win with them for a few years. When asked what games were appropriate, the only games they listed were sports games. Anyway, after a few years of not blowing anyone away, they finally relaxed about it.

As for movies, I don't recall my parents restricting them much if at all.  I watched plenty of R rated movies from the time I was 9 or 10, mostly violent action movies of the 80's and 90's.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Mine are almost 5 and 6.  So books are whatever's in the house or whatever they pick out at the library.  With TV, DD has a history of walking in and asking "Is this appropriate for me?" and DS is starting to pick up on it.  They will also STATE that "this isn't appropriate for me"  it happened last week when I caught the Transformers 1 movie and was trying to show them Optimus skulking around in the bushes.  I did mute the part with the conversation on masturbation because as I said to DH "I'm not ready to have that discussion with them." 

I don't plan on banning books or music but to follow my Mom's rule "if you leave it laying around, I'm going to listen/read it"  It worked well for me. 

They like to watch their Dad playing FPS games on the computer.  And they love the farming game we've got going on both Kindles. 

[zibazinski]

Yup, that was me explaining to DS about homosexuals. He didnt believe me. Told him I'd explain HOW it worked when he got older but in the meantime, I was not lying to him about it. He thought i was lying because he knew there was an "innie and an outie" and he knew how that worked.

[Chocolate Lover]

Oct 8, 2014 12:48:20 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Maybe a better question would be what kind of things in books that are age appropriate for your kids would you restrict your kids from reading? So, something that's hit pop culture or is on a reading list or that their friends are reading that's aimed at the age group.

Remember it's a book that's deemed 'age appropriate' for your kid but there's something IN the book you would object to? So, no, not a case of your 10 year old reading a copy of Story of O.     But maybe your 16 year old found a dusty copy at a bookstore (like kids go to bookstores....lol).

I found it in Mom's dresser or something. They should really hide stuff better. I forget how old I was when I found it though. Early to mid teens probably.

[swamp]

Oct 8, 2014 13:53:11 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I found it in Mom's dresser or something. They should really hide stuff better. I forget how old I was when I found it though. Early to mid teens probably.

Damn, you're brave.  We looked through my grandmothers room once.  I found crotchless panties, a teddy thing, and lube.  Traumatized!  I never went through my mom's room because after that I truly understood that there are some things you can never unknow.

That's some hot granny!

[ArchietheDragon]

Oct 8, 2014 13:57:28 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 8, 2014 13:53:11 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Damn, you're brave.  We looked through my grandmothers room once.  I found crotchless panties, a teddy thing, and lube.  Traumatized!  I never went through my mom's room because after that I truly understood that there are some things you can never unknow.

That's some hot granny!

She was probably 40 years old at the time. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Oct 8, 2014 13:53:11 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I found it in Mom's dresser or something. They should really hide stuff better. I forget how old I was when I found it though. Early to mid teens probably.

Damn, you're brave.  We looked through my grandmothers room once.  I found crotchless panties, a teddy thing, and lube.  Traumatized!  I never went through my mom's room because after that I truly understood that there are some things you can never unknow.

I found the Playboy's under Mom's side of the mattress too. I'm not easily traumatized, never have been. Probably a good thing.... 

[CarolinaKat]

Oct 8, 2014 14:02:31 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Oct 8, 2014 13:53:11 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Damn, you're brave.  We looked through my grandmothers room once.  I found crotchless panties, a teddy thing, and lube.  Traumatized!  I never went through my mom's room because after that I truly understood that there are some things you can never unknow.

I found the Playboy's under Mom's side of the mattress too. I'm not easily traumatized, never have been. Probably a good thing.... 

There's nothing like your Mom asking you to go get the asprin out of her suitcase for her and you finding the Astroglide instead!

[Chocolate Lover]

Oct 8, 2014 14:25:57 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Oct 8, 2014 14:02:31 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I found the Playboy's under Mom's side of the mattress too. I'm not easily traumatized, never have been. Probably a good thing.... 

There's nothing like your Mom asking you to go get the asprin out of her suitcase for her and you finding the Astroglide instead!

Lesson to parents everywhere, hide your stuff or don't be shocked when your kids have it/find it.  

[Firebird]

You're a better parent than we were. We never let the three B's (Barney, Barbie, Bratz) in our house.

Barney was NOT my idea.  I actually had the same rule.

DH played Barney for her one day and she was instantly transfixed.  I begged him to turn it off, told him he'd regret it... he laughed at me.  Today when she begs to watch it and he says he's sick of it (or that "Barney passed away, sweetie") I remind him that he brought it on himself. 

[cael]

My mother would not let me purchase a copy of Gone with the Wind when I was 14... because of her objections to the language in it. But she did not object to me borrowing it from someone. she did completely mind-numbingly stupid things like that once in a while. Oh, she didn't let me read Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was 8-9 and wanted to... I have no idea. For such a liberal, hippie, generally-progressively-thinking book/reading-fan such as herself, it was entirely bizarre to me. Now she tries to act like she had a good reason for it but in the end, she and I both know she didn't.

I think if my kid ever came home with something super age-inappropriate (like Lolita, yeah), I may veto. Otherwise I feel like I won't want to censor what they want to read. If I think it's beyond them or has subject matter that may upset or confuse them I hope I'll have a good enough relationship with my kids that we can just have a talk about it. I'll probably be the parent who reads their books after they go to sleep, lol.

[Firebird]

My mother would not let me purchase a copy of Gone with the Wind when I was 14... because of her objections to the language in it.

Not because of the rape scene? 

[Malarky]

I never censored anything my kids read.
 
DH and I are both readers, so they were raised thinking that getting up on your day off and spending it on the couch reading is bliss.  DD is still a voracious reader and is the type to complain bitterly if the movie strays far from the book.  DS still reads for pleasure, although not as much

One of the things I taught DD is to go back and reread a book you love every couple of years.  It can be amazing how much the book "changes" as you grow and change. 

We've also been pretty lax about movie watching.  While I was working DH and the kids would be watching movies.  Every time I would declare a movie inappropriate, they would tell me they already watched it with Dad.      So far, I haven't raised any serial killers.

I also used movies as a means to discuss uncomfortable topics.  The first time DD and I ever discussed abortion was while watching "Dirty Dancing."