NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 1, 2014 17:18:12 GMT -5
Well if I did he's been backed up for 32 years
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Oct 1, 2014 17:37:40 GMT -5
Looking , planning , test driving
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 1, 2014 17:39:43 GMT -5
But you DO have a back up wife for your husband! Yes I do. He needs one. Now that's a good idea. My dh can't be single which was fine pre-kids, but now makes me worry about who he'd bring home... Now I realize I was just looking at it wrong. I just need to figure out MY replacement.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2014 18:46:54 GMT -5
Dang, and I thought all of us YM'ers were uberplanners. So not the case as proven by these posts . maybe we are all lying our butts off just in case current hubby sees our posts and we are great planners after all. Lol, there are areas were I don't plan. I don't create plans on how I would rob a branch of a local bank. If I turned to crime, there are a lot options that have far better risk/reward ratios. I don't create plans to replace my family (meaning people I trust deeply. blood is not absolute for us). DH is my family, with the same level of trust as my parents and sisters. He got there through 8 years of consistently proving himself to be excellent in a lot of situations good and bad while we lived together before we got married. That was the planning stage, we did an extended test run to see how we fit together in a lot of different scenarios. Now que sera sera. If our partnership dissolves later I'll be sad, but I don't need or want a backup husband waiting in the wings. As mentioned, that seems likely unrealistic and counterproductive. I'd hope that if someone actually was holding out they would take a breath and move on with their life, find someone who really liked them and put them before everyone else.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Oct 1, 2014 20:05:40 GMT -5
The more that I think about it, I think the better plan for me would be to have a back-up wife.
I love C. I love our life together. I do not want anything to happen to him. But if it did, I would totally invite my best friend to leave her husband and come be my SAHW. She came up the week before our wedding and stayed a week after, and it was glorious.
Yes, the more I think about it, the better luck I think I would have inviting one of my friends to come be a roommate and share expenses with me, etc, than to get married to one of the guys that is currently part of my circle. And if we needed the tax breaks, same sex marriage is legal in WA.
I also think I should be looking into the back up wife for C. If something happened to me, he would so not be good single. But any of the female friends I would want as my "replacement" are currently married to good guys. I guess I'll have to keep looking.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Oct 1, 2014 23:06:42 GMT -5
We had a divorce in the family this past year and both sides immediately started dating again. DH and I are astounded as the very last thing we would want to do if our marriage ended was get involved with another person. We can't tell if it's because we love each other so much we can't duplicate it, or it's because we hate our lives together so much we would want to relish our new freedom.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Oct 2, 2014 6:02:09 GMT -5
Since I am already a widow all I can say is I am working on it. Not sure I would actually get married since the existence of adult kids & grands would complicate things but would like to have someone to do things with (trips, movies, concerts, plays), share meals a few times a week (both out & home cooked)…………….
Like several have said I also will NOT be a nurse w/a purse – not that mine is very big.
Kitten If you think your age is hard, try being nearly 70. Limited availability. Many of those want women MUCH younger. Quite a few already have health issues, some minor but some serious.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Oct 2, 2014 6:09:49 GMT -5
Still working on getting another husband but strangely enough I do have a backup...
We dated for 3 weeks when we were 17 & I was desperately in love with him but he dumped me for an older woman then realized he wanted me back. He tells me I'm his best friend. I really think both of us can find someone more appropriate but we agreed that if God forbid we're both still single when we're 65 we'll try a relationship again. Right now when we go out we tell people we're cousins & I'm trying to find him a nice girl. We haven't kissed in over 25 years... it seems like a bad idea if we're not going to be in a relationship but he'd start things up again if I'd agree.
He has financial issues & legal issues & baby mama drama & bad judgment & finds new & unique ways of screwing up his life every few years... but he's a great daddy & an artist & published poet & talented mechanic & completely charming & we have this psychic connection where if he's on my mind he calls me.... it's really nice having a guy who knows exactly who I am & who I used to be & how I got here & tells me I'm beautiful & gives me advice about men & asks my advice about women & we can talk about anything.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 2, 2014 7:10:02 GMT -5
Since I am already a widow all I can say is I am working on it. Not sure I would actually get married since the existence of adult kids & grands would complicate things but would like to have someone to do things with (trips, movies, concerts, plays), share meals a few times a week (both out & home cooked)……………. Like several have said I also will NOT be a nurse w/a purse – not that mine is very big. Kitten If you think your age is hard, try being nearly 70. Limited availability. Many of those want women MUCH younger. Quite a few already have health issues, some minor but some serious. Older men want younger women. That leaves younger men for us older women don't knock it till you've tried it!
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Oct 2, 2014 8:27:19 GMT -5
Since I am already a widow all I can say is I am working on it. Not sure I would actually get married since the existence of adult kids & grands would complicate things but would like to have someone to do things with (trips, movies, concerts, plays), share meals a few times a week (both out & home cooked)……………. Like several have said I also will NOT be a nurse w/a purse – not that mine is very big. Kitten If you think your age is hard, try being nearly 70. Limited availability. Many of those want women MUCH younger. Quite a few already have health issues, some minor but some serious. Older men want younger women. That leaves younger men for us older women don't knock it till you've tried it! BTDT. I was not amused.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 2, 2014 10:13:14 GMT -5
We had a divorce in the family this past year and both sides immediately started dating again. DH and I are astounded as the very last thing we would want to do if our marriage ended was get involved with another person. We can't tell if it's because we love each other so much we can't duplicate it, or it's because we hate our lives together so much we would want to relish our new freedom. I thought the same until I got divorced myself. You mourn the end of the relationship well before you get to severing the legal aspect, then this panic kicks in that you've already wasted all this time on this terrible thing, and why should you have to wait even longer to find someone else. It might not be smart, but it made sense at the time.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Oct 2, 2014 10:14:58 GMT -5
Can YM posters count?
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Oct 2, 2014 18:10:12 GMT -5
Are you offering your services in general or do you have a back up wife in mind?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 2, 2014 18:19:59 GMT -5
Never ever say never.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Oct 2, 2014 18:23:56 GMT -5
I thought the same until I got divorced myself. You mourn the end of the relationship well before you get to severing the legal aspect, then this panic kicks in that you've already wasted all this time on this terrible thing, and why should you have to wait even longer to find someone else. It might not be smart, but it made sense at the time.
Yeah that.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Oct 2, 2014 19:00:22 GMT -5
I have been married or with my husband for pretty much all my adult life so I haven't really looked around at my option for Husband #2. We used to joke with the best man at our wedding that if anything happened to my husband that he had to step in but he's now engaged so I guess even that (not serious) backup is gone. Many women do not want to remarry and it is not simply a lack of eligible men. I have never lived alone, so I think that aspect would be kind of lonely. On the other hand - I could get more dogs!! and travel where/when I want. Not sure I'd want to bring another man into the picture to mess that up. If my husband passed off this mortal coil I would be open to remarriage but he'd really have to be something else. I could also move to a hobby farm and get some horses to go with my dogs. This is getting even better!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Oct 2, 2014 19:01:04 GMT -5
You mean like 1, 2, 3, 4....?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Oct 2, 2014 19:01:45 GMT -5
You mean like 1, 2, 3, 4....?
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Oct 2, 2014 21:30:22 GMT -5
[/quote]RUN! Change your name, address, phone number, dye your hair, but RUN!
Back up = not so bad Backing up into a charming oncoming train = NO!!!!!!!!![/quote]
Lol... he's matured quite a bit now that he's raising a 3yo by himself. I figure in another 20 years when we're 65 he should be all grown up. Anyway I don't anticipate that happening... I really hope I can get what I want... but knowing I have that option makes me feel less panicky about my situation & helps keep my resolve not to settle.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Oct 2, 2014 21:40:35 GMT -5
I don't even have a real husband, so no "back-up" one, LOL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2014 21:44:14 GMT -5
I thought the same until I got divorced myself. You mourn the end of the relationship well before you get to severing the legal aspect, then this panic kicks in that you've already wasted all this time on this terrible thing, and why should you have to wait even longer to find someone else. It might not be smart, but it made sense at the time. I met current DH in a theology class around the time I'd had my first husband removed from the house with a Restraining Order. We got together when the ink was barely dry on my decree, one year later, and that was it. I knew I'd been shortchanged the first time and I wanted a real relationship. This time I got it!
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 2, 2014 21:58:34 GMT -5
A pox upon the life of those that are married and have a back up. Sincerely, Single women out there* *Well, those that don't want to be single.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Oct 3, 2014 5:49:59 GMT -5
Older men want younger women. That leaves younger men for us older women don't knock it till you've tried it! BTDT. I was not amused. Everyone has different tastes and not all "young" ones are the same. Personally I'm a huge fan of the good ones, however, there is a lot to be said for people who are around your own age.
(Of course I don't talk about age all that much. I usually talk about experiences or in June of 1985 I was doing X. I've found it is amazing how much commonality I have with people of most ages speaking that way, but YMMV, etc.)
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Oct 3, 2014 8:19:21 GMT -5
BTDT. I was not amused. Everyone has different tastes and not all "young" ones are the same. Personally I'm a huge fan of the good ones, however, there is a lot to be said for people who are around your own age.
(Of course I don't talk about age all that much. I usually talk about experiences or in June of 1985 I was doing X. I've found it is amazing how much commonality I have with people of most ages speaking that way, but YMMV, etc.)
I don't really want a man of any age or experience, so it is ok. I am happy being single.
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cael
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Post by cael on Oct 3, 2014 8:36:48 GMT -5
Tom Hiddleston is my backup husband. He just doesn't know it yet. (IRL no I don't have a backup husband, lol - I'd never get married again probably, I'd just whore around )
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 3, 2014 9:59:35 GMT -5
Tom Hiddleston is my backup husband. He just doesn't know it yet. (IRL no I don't have a backup husband, lol - I'd never get married again probably, I'd just whore around )
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 3, 2014 10:23:49 GMT -5
Tom Hiddleston is my backup husband. He just doesn't know it yet. (IRL no I don't have a backup husband, lol - I'd never get married again probably, I'd just whore around ) That's the perfect plan
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Oct 3, 2014 11:29:09 GMT -5
June of 85 - I was 3 years old and recently potty trained, about to start pre-school. Life was good.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Oct 3, 2014 11:40:10 GMT -5
No back up husband. I do have an office husband, but that's different.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 3, 2014 12:12:52 GMT -5
I was just barely incubating in June of 85.
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