Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:02:59 GMT -5
Why can't DH pick up some work on evenings or weekends when you won't incur those daycare costs?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:04:20 GMT -5
Is the inlaws paying for privet school an option?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:11:38 GMT -5
Ouch, that is a HUGE difference. BUT, your DH will hopefully keep working once this expensive year or two for daycare is over. But, your DD won't need daycare forever. One day none of your kids will need daycare, they will continue to grow up, and become independent. You just CANNOT base ALL your decisions on what is going on right now, because your needs will be different next year, and still different the following year.
Frankly, Gira, I'm starting to think you are not seeing the forest for the trees. Which (to me) confirms that you need the time to evaluate things and move forward in the best manner. That does NOT mean to find another wheel to do the hamster on.
And (IMO) your DH's portfolio is NOT just your retirement income. I'd definitely tap into it, at least for this year, and try to take the time and opportunity to find a better solution going forward.
Unless you're hell-bent on having 3 jobs while your DH works PT to keep the daycare costs down and keep yourselves in a lower tax bracket ...
Kids cost money, for sure. But exactly how much each one costs per year is a moving target. One might have a school trip, another a growth spurt, another need glasses or therapy. They may well need braces. THESE THINGS ARE NOT ALL PREDICTABLE!!!
I honestly think you need to be more flexible, and to take a step back.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:11:51 GMT -5
Forgive me but i haven't kept up on your entire life, gira. I need the deets. How old are the kids? And, what are your jobs? Can DH pick up some extra work? Also, if you want to cut back, then consider the cost of private school, preschool. There are many very good public schools. Why pay twice?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 12, 2014 20:17:01 GMT -5
Why can't DH pick up some work on evenings or weekends when you won't incur those daycare costs? Because I'm teaching. DH can't make 30-50 an hour in the evenings/weekends like I can. Again, I don't see the point in asking my H to work 2-3X as many hours as I do just to make him work. It would be foolish for me to give up a job that pays close to $40 an hour so DH can make 10. We both can't work, because the littlest won't go down for anyone but us. And, then, hiring a sitter would run us $15/hour, or nearly all of his salary. So, we'd be back to square one.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:17:54 GMT -5
Shooby raises a good point about private schools. I know that's totally off the cards for you now, but again, as kids get older, I have found that we make different decisions.
Two of my 4 kids have done private school from time to time, for different reasons. But personally, I would not choose to live in a home where I felt I could never, ever put them in public schools.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:18:07 GMT -5
Where is the inheritance money now? What are your retirement options?
As as far as taxes, you can max everything retirement, minimizing earned income, and live off of inheritance money during these years with kids so young...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:19:52 GMT -5
Is downsizing a possibility?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:20:24 GMT -5
Gira, I'd either use DH's portfolio to pay for the "overage" this year, or accept his parents' offer to pay for private school (assuming they have even offered).
That would give you a year to figure it out, and to get ahead on the courses you're taking, which I have to assume will put you in a better place.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:20:43 GMT -5
He doesn't have to make what you make. And, i think you are missing the point. A dollar is a dollar. And, if he can pick up some work at whatever he makes, then that more money for your family. Be careful not to sideline him. So you are teaching all day and every evening and weekends for $50/hr? If you are, then what is the problem? As for asking him to work, is there some unwritten rule that if you don't make equal amounts that the lower earning spouse shouldn't work or contribute too?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:23:21 GMT -5
As for asking him to work, is there some unwritten rule that if you don't make equal amounts that the lower earning spouse shouldn't work or contribute too? No but since the OP earns much more, they have decided that it's best for her DH to stay home / work PT so he can watch the baby.
I'm not arguing with you Shooby, I'm just trying to answer your questions LOL.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 12, 2014 20:27:19 GMT -5
Carl, I don't think Gira's DH has inherited, I think his parents are still alive. But, I think they are wealthy, and Gira has said in another thread that she has a huge problem accepting gifts from them. Actually no he has inherited but she is saving it for their retirement, it is the bulk of their retirement pot. He inherited money from his grandparents and her kids inherited some money and will inherit some more from his parents. She has even mentioned using part of his inheritance as a down payment for their current house. So I don't see why not use it to cover a "temporary" shortfall. No wonder he doesn't see the urgency. I would think my wife is being dramatic too if she was worrying over $400/month shortfall when we have hundred of thousands in the bank.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Sept 12, 2014 20:28:33 GMT -5
All thing will come together for you.
Gramma says:
Take a few minutes to lie down, cover your face with a wash cloth and breath deeply then return to regular breath. Slowly sit up and return to the bedlam.
Write down all your have tos so they don't mull around in your head so you can sleep well.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:29:14 GMT -5
I think you need to be careful about putting yourself into a position where you work yourself into the ground. If you are putting the entire financial burden on you, it will only get heavier through the years. And, just because DH makes less now, doesn't mean he always will. But, if he isn't out developing work skills and experience, then that may harm him down the road. And, just because one spouse makes more is not a given that then higher earning spouse always be the main earner. I made quite a bit more after i finished my degree. When we had kids, DH stayed home for the first year of our son's life. And, it might have made sense for him to be a SAHD but that wasnt my desire nor his so eventually we rearranged our lives and he went full time and i was able to get a more flexible schedule. Yeah, we didn't earn as much as we could have if perhaps we would have pursued a different path, but in the long run, it has worked out far better as we both have good jobs and could survive if one of us lost your jobs. Don't put the entire weight on yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:30:13 GMT -5
Gira, I think what's really killing your budget is the private school for 2 kids (and then the day care for a third who will at some point be in that private school). I think that if you are honest with yourself, at the end of the day, THAT is the reason you have been working 3 jobs for years.
So, I'd either accept gifts from the grandparents for your kids' education, if they are offering, or use part of your DH's money for that if it's important to him too.
Take the pressure off yourself, and breathe.
End of story.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:32:45 GMT -5
Gira, I think what's really killing your budget is the private school for 2 kids (and then the day care for a third who will at some point be in that private school). I think that if you are honest with yourself, at the end of the day, THAT is the reason you have been working 3 jobs for years. So, I'd either accept gifts from the grandparents for your kids' education, if they are offering, or use part of your DH's money for that if it's important to him too. End of story.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 12, 2014 20:35:10 GMT -5
We might not have told someone to tap into their 401k but we sure as hell would has told them to "back off" a bit from contributing to it.
In your case you are not contributing to it, you made the lump sum investment from the get go with your husband inheritance.
I don't see why not take out 5k to cover a year shortfall and lower the financial stress vs worrying yourself silly and looking for more work.
$400/month is $4,800/year. You really think your lifestyle in retirement is going to go downhill over 5k?
Sometimes I think people forget that money is a "tool" and you need to put things in perspective.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:35:17 GMT -5
Not sure how the kids are 'better off" in a private school where mom is stressed out working 3 jobs? Wouldn't it make more sense to put the kids in public and have a bit more time at home?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 12, 2014 20:39:12 GMT -5
Forgive me but i haven't kept up on your entire life, gira. I need the deets. How old are the kids? And, what are your jobs? Can DH pick up some extra work? Also, if you want to cut back, then consider the cost of private school, preschool. There are many very good public schools. Why pay twice? The kids are 10, 7 and 2. I have a full time job in the public sector and I teach music lessons and do additional gigs-weddings, funerals, what have you.. Public school is a hill for me to die on. There are good public elementary schools in our district. We either need to move into university housing (not likely) or spend 350K+ on a house. Also not likely. Statistically, most of the kids that attend our neighborhood school can't read at grade level. I'm sure our kids would still do well there, but I still don't want to send them there. No one in our neighborhood actually sends their kids to that school. EVEN the teacher that lives across the street from us. Private school tuition is $700/month total. All of our bills, including daycare and private tuition come to 3800/month. That also includes gifts, most of the kids activities, etc. I think that's pretty good for a family of 5. I would prefer not to yank the littlest from preschool. I've already asked the ILs to help with one of the kids' activities as a family Christmas present this year. And, YES, I know my kids will have expenses down the road. THAT I have been saving for, actually since the kids were born. Because I wanted to be sure that even with a SAHP, the kids would still be able to partake in special activities. Also, generally, when you need to shell out 1K for a trip, you aren't given 3 days notice that you have to come up with the entire payment. You have a little more than that to prepare. We even have a separate EF for private school. It has almost one year of tuition in there. And, yes, we may need to crack into that. That's also a possibility. I saved up for that before we conceived our third because I knew that having three kids in private school was going to be tight. No doubt I'm rigid with our "buckets." And, yes, I was thinking I could raise my rates a little.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:43:36 GMT -5
OK. If that is your choice, that is your choice. However, i have 3 kids as well and looked into it. It seemed more sensible to me to bank that money for college or retirement instead. There are lots of ways to supplement public education. And if you werent' working all that extra time, you certainly could supplement them yourself with materials that you find interesting and challenging for far less money and it would decrease your stress level and improve your quality time with your kids. But, again, if that is the route you wish go, then you will have to find other work to pay those bills.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:44:52 GMT -5
My vote is take a deep breath and tap the private school efund for awhile if you need to.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:45:23 GMT -5
And, not every public school is a drug infested house of ill repute. You might just go take a tour for yourself and meet with the principal and see.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:47:24 GMT -5
What if Dad home schools ? Take away his income completely, but also a lot of the expenses...?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:48:26 GMT -5
Wow, Gira, you ARE a planner LOL.
Use that 1 year of tuition, and take that "grace period" to rethink things. PLEASE. Anybody can "do what they need to do" and work themselves to the bone for a finite period, but not indefinitely.
And yes, raise your rates. I know it's very hard to do (I tutor too) but at least give your new price to your new students. It's a lot easier that way, and people talk, so it will set a precedent for the others for when you (hopefully) finally raise their rates too.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 12, 2014 20:50:59 GMT -5
What if Dad home schools ? Take away his income completely, but also a lot of the expenses...? First dad have to be qualified to homeschool, not everyone can homeschool. Second dad have to want to homeschool, not everyone wants to homeschool.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:54:00 GMT -5
I'm just throwing out options. We considered private school. In the end, it was not worth the more expensive house, tuition and hours we would have needed to work to pay for it.
In her situation I'd probably see if inlaws wanted to contribute to private school.
And almost anyone can homeschool. Wanting to is a different story. Still though, sending out alternatives.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2014 20:55:16 GMT -5
I don't know how late I'll be up tonight, but I'm not straying far from my laptop until I go to bed. vent away, we're here. We're here for you, honeybun.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 12, 2014 20:56:52 GMT -5
We might not have told someone to tap into their 401k but we sure as hell would has told them to "back off" a bit from contributing to it. In your case you are not contributing to it, you made the lump sum investment from the get go with your husband inheritance. I don't see why not take out 5k to cover a year shortfall and lower the financial stress vs worrying yourself silly and looking for more work. $400/month is $4,800/year. You really think your lifestyle in retirement is going to go downhill over 5k?
Sometimes I think people forget that money is a "tool" and you need to put things in perspective. Our retirement is going well. I should be able to retire by 60, actually. Right now, between my pension and my 403b contribution, I figured that work and myself are contributing 16% to my retirement. DH is also putting money away into deferred comp, plus he is also contributing to a pension. We are almost to the point where our retirement specific accounts and the taxable are getting closer in amount. We also have other monies to tap. I would prefer not to. Thank you, TheHaitian, for this. It's a bitch to have a bad relationship with money. I'm actually much better than I used to be, actually. I've said before, when DH and I were first married, I'd cry after coming home from the grocery store. Because I thought we should be saving that money. I seriously thought we should be saving every penny that we didn't spend on rent and electricity. And Oh my goodness. When DH refused to eat generic grapenuts. I was sure we'd end up poor forever. I STILL think we are poor, sometimes. Even though I absolutely know the difference. I really only do find real security in have money sitting in the bank. And not normal people amounts. Like a year's worth of my salary amounts. That, to me is security. I'm trying my hardest for my kids to have a good relationship with money, better than I have. I thank you all for your input. I have to go study now. I'm trying my best not to pass on this money outlook on my kids.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 12, 2014 20:58:40 GMT -5
You're doing fine. And you are teaching your kids the best money lesson of all , the value of Hard work.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Sept 12, 2014 21:01:28 GMT -5
And almost anyone can homeschool. Wanting to is a different story. Let's agree to disagree on that one In our case we picked the 320k house in a good school district. No kids yet bit figured it would also be great for resale. It is an entry level home compared to the 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, 2 car garage, 460k-540k house that are surrounding it.
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