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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 10:20:00 GMT -5
My Dad's family is like lisa's DD's inlaws. They do it because it works. No one invites them so they have to force themselves on people. Myself and a few of the cousins are experts at setting boundaries because of growing up with these people.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Aug 28, 2014 10:39:19 GMT -5
My wacky SIL's mom is like this crazy MIL. She showed up at my mom's house one day to tell her that my mom would be hosting a reception for SIL and her sister at my parents house after a musical performance at church - because crazy mom lives out of town and didn't have a place to do it. Then proceeded to give my mom a list of things that were needed for the reception and asked my mom to go and get them while wacky mom stayed at my parents house to rest because she had just traveled in and was tired. My dad came in and told crazy mom to leave. Hahaha!!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 28, 2014 10:47:55 GMT -5
Lisa, I give your DSIL a lot of kudos for standing up to his mother and for his wife and you. A lot of men would just cave in for the sake of peace and quiet and blood family. Clearly, he has limits and enforces them. Small wonder he got out of that house and went into the service. With a mother like that, I'd flee to any corner of the earth to leave her.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 10:55:48 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. I can not spend time in the room with that woman, she is just awful. Spent every dime her son made while she was in charge of his bank accounts when he was stationed in Afghanistan. And that's the nicest example I can give. Some of them would be too specific and be able to be found online on various newspaper websites, so you get none of those. Sorry
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 28, 2014 11:11:07 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. I can not spend time in the room with that woman, she is just awful. Spent every dime her son made while she was in charge of his bank accounts when he was stationed in Afghanistan. And that's the nicest example I can give. Some of them would be too specific and be able to be found online on various newspaper websites, so you get none of those. Sorry OMFG. Like, so bad she went to jail kind of bad? (fingers crossed that she did). Theft from an active duty person putting themselves in harm's way, and one that you are related to, no less? Seriously?
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Aug 28, 2014 11:13:59 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. ... Wouldn't your SIL's MIL be your mother?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 11:32:52 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. ... Wouldn't your SIL's MIL be your mother? husband's sister
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 11:33:58 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. ... Wouldn't your SIL's MIL be your mother? No, my husband's sister's MIL.......or whatever she'd be when they're not actually married. MIL is easier than SIL's BF's mother. Mine is different sort of nutty, but a harmless nutty, not a thief.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 11:34:36 GMT -5
My SIL has a wacked out MIL like that. I can not spend time in the room with that woman, she is just awful. Spent every dime her son made while she was in charge of his bank accounts when he was stationed in Afghanistan. And that's the nicest example I can give. Some of them would be too specific and be able to be found online on various newspaper websites, so you get none of those. Sorry OMFG. Like, so bad she went to jail kind of bad? (fingers crossed that she did). Theft from an active duty person putting themselves in harm's way, and one that you are related to, no less? Seriously? No, he put up with it. Don't ask me why, probably because that's how she's always been?
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 28, 2014 12:51:31 GMT -5
This thread makes me feel rather 'normal'. Stable even! LOL
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hurley1980
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Post by hurley1980 on Aug 28, 2014 13:06:24 GMT -5
I am so thankful my in-laws are mostly normal (except for the druggies that we don't deal with much)! My DH got lucky, my family consists of my mom and two aunts (who are actually just my moms bffs). He has to deal with 3 ladies who think he is the awesomest dude ever.
I will never understand how people can act this way and think it is acceptable. It's like their brain isn't running on all cylinders or something...
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Aug 28, 2014 13:11:31 GMT -5
received a call from DD2's MIL today. she was calling to inform me i needed to pick up her grandson and a few of his friends at the train on thursday night. i told her i would not be able to do so (nearest train station is 40min. away) but was sure they could get a taxi to where ever they were headed. she then tells me they are coming to my house and will be staying till the coming tuesday. um..excuse me the young men are all 19 to 21, i know none of them. i contact DSIL and find out the 'grandson' is the eldest of one of his various half sisters...who he has almost zero contact with and that he barely knew who the boy in question was. in further talks with this woman i am told 'they won't be a big problem' and in fact may not be there for most meals and will just need to barrow a car...'so i won't have to take them around'. once the screaming in my head stopped i calmly told her 'no' but was sure they could find an affordable hotel nearby and best of luck getting a rental . she starts in yelling telling me they have been planning this for weeks...which is where i broke in a suggested next time they ask first. wish i could say this is the 1st time mooch has pulled this stunt. previous to this i was trying my best to keep the peace and not mess up the kids wedding but i'm done with her and her insanity (my last contact with her was the wedding where she showed up with 10 uninvited extras and had a temper tantrum that she was not receiving 'special honors' at the wedding...for the life of us none of us were even sure what she wanted/expected)... what is it with people who think that even very loosely based family ties entitle them to free use of your home What a nut job.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 13:12:14 GMT -5
I am so thankful my in-laws are mostly normal (except for the druggies that we don't deal with much)! My DH got lucky, my family consists of my mom and two aunts (who are actually just my moms bffs). He has to deal with 3 ladies who think he is the awesomest dude ever.
I will never understand how people can act this way and think it is acceptable. It's like their brain isn't running on all cylinders or something... This one should blow your mind. The SIL I was just talking about will now be L and the other SIL (brother in law's wife) is J. L had a baby with brain cancer and J was running the fundraising. First it was to move him to a different hospital but since none contacted (including St. Jude's) could help it became the fund to help with eventual funeral expenses. So, after L lost her child, J gives her the money but asks if she can borrow some of it for a car payment. When we were still there after the funeral and everyone else had gone we said something about J's new $600 phone. L's DH starts adding and says yep, that matches. Add that to the amount "borrowed" for the car payment and that's exactly how much was missing from the money they did get. J doesn't know that we know anything about this and never will if I can help it because I'm never interacting with her again.
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hurley1980
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Post by hurley1980 on Aug 28, 2014 13:20:34 GMT -5
OMG what the hell is wrong with people?!?!?!?!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 13:22:17 GMT -5
OMG what the hell is wrong with people?!?!?!?! I was so thankful I heard that story when J was miles and miles away from me. I'd be sitting in jail for assault or something right now.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 28, 2014 13:23:20 GMT -5
So, after L lost her child, J gives her the money but asks if she can borrow some of it for a car payment. There would have been two funerals in the family if someone dared to ask me that right after my child died.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 28, 2014 13:23:53 GMT -5
I am so thankful my in-laws are mostly normal (except for the druggies that we don't deal with much)! My DH got lucky, my family consists of my mom and two aunts (who are actually just my moms bffs). He has to deal with 3 ladies who think he is the awesomest dude ever.
I will never understand how people can act this way and think it is acceptable. It's like their brain isn't running on all cylinders or something... This one should blow your mind. The SIL I was just talking about will now be L and the other SIL (brother in law's wife) is J. L had a baby with brain cancer and J was running the fundraising. First it was to move him to a different hospital but since none contacted (including St. Jude's) could help it became the fund to help with eventual funeral expenses. So, after L lost her child, J gives her the money but asks if she can borrow some of it for a car payment. When we were still there after the funeral and everyone else had gone we said something about J's new $600 phone. L's DH starts adding and says yep, that matches. Add that to the amount "borrowed" for the car payment and that's exactly how much was missing from the money they did get. J doesn't know that we know anything about this and never will if I can help it because I'm never interacting with her again. Smart!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Aug 28, 2014 13:24:36 GMT -5
So, after L lost her child, J gives her the money but asks if she can borrow some of it for a car payment. There would have been two funerals in the family if someone dared to ask me that right after my child died. I'm still amazed there wasn't. L is much nicer than I would have been. And much more interested in seeing nieces and nephews maybe. Personally, she's teaching her kids this crap is ok, so I wouldn't mind not having them around mine.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Aug 28, 2014 14:52:49 GMT -5
BTW, it is nice to see you posting, lisamomof4.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Aug 28, 2014 16:30:26 GMT -5
So, after L lost her child, J gives her the money but asks if she can borrow some of it for a car payment. There would have been two funerals in the family if someone dared to ask me that right after my child died. Sounds a bit like my uncle's wife. Who wanted to start settling Grandma's estate. On the front steps of the church after the memorial service. Before going to the cemetary. If you look up avarice, you'll find this woman's picture.
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Sept 4, 2014 16:51:14 GMT -5
sorry, i've been recovering from cold momasitai agree...if i actually manage to get away...i want to get away...i will never understand wanting to stay at someone elses home... shoobymy kids are always welcome, to me that is completely different carolinakati live in rural will county...'nearest' place is chicago if 2hr? drive is near?? laterbloomeryes they know his family is nuts...it was hard for him at first but he see's it and is calling them on it now wisconsin beththese people of some of the most toxic i've ever encountered in life...and that says a great deal...DD2 and DSIL are setting boundaries sam814 being in kansas i sometimes wonder if the wacky MIL is the same person , as DD2's has done almost identical thing chocolate cheesecake it's sad isn't it what some people will do...i have heard so many similar stories from the boys DSIL has deployed with...it's depressing...almost tempting to compare notes..lets' say the story sounds very similar to one of his buddies...honestly i think that is why his mother showed this time. he cut her off from his accounts just before he left this time...she hadn't been in town 30 min. before she started to tell us how he was taking her, and all her other children and their children, to south america for the month of his break..it turns out she had it all set to go and wanted his money...DSIL told her 'NO'....she was not happy...
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 5, 2014 9:01:57 GMT -5
Good for him on telling her no. And it really sucks that so many people have horrible parents. Maybe there IS something in the water....
Glad you're feeling better too.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 5, 2014 9:10:46 GMT -5
Good for him on telling her no. And it really sucks that so many people have horrible parents. Maybe there IS something in the water.... Glad you're feeling better too. It just never fails to amaze how awful some people are to their own children. I suppose I should expect crappy behavior by now, but somehow I still have hope for humanity.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2014 9:13:42 GMT -5
I think it shocks a lot of posters, like the ones that say they'd do anything for their parents and they owe them for taking care of them, that there are others that had the opposite experience and wouldn't lift a finger and are furious at the idea that some nursing home could come after them to pay for their parents bills.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Sept 5, 2014 9:25:41 GMT -5
i think it would be safe to say DSIL is not shocked by anything his mother does... i wish i could say this is the first time she has done this....DSIL and DD2 were together 2+ years before we ever met his family...very first time i ever met her was when DSIL returned from deployment, he had warned us that 2 battalions deployed at the same time so would be a huge group returning so book accommodations early...we planned ahead and for months set aside $$ to cover the cost. rented a small 2 bed, 2 bath townhouse about 30min. from base in very quiet open area (his request on location as this deployment was a ruff one for him). DD2 and i drove down ruffly 4 days before the window of his return to get things together, DH would fly out to meet us once we had a firmer time. the plan was DH and i would have small vacation for week or so and then the kids would stay there till he got his leave (USMC requires they stay on or near base 1mo. after return) his mother and sister were provided the same info along with his very clear instructions that no extra people were to come (no half siblings and none of their children)... 2 days prior to his arrival his mother shows up at rental....with 3 extra people(his sister and the 2 children she was point blank told not to bring)...and they come marching in the front door with their bags expecting to stay and the children start running around screaming and then run upstairs and start going through the 2 bedrooms fighting over 'which was theirs'...these kids were 12 and 16...i tell them they have to come down, that upstairs is private. i ask his mother where they are staying and she tells me 'here'. i asked where 'here' did she think was going to fit, that the bedrooms are spoken for and there is no space. she says hotels were too costly and she wasn't willing to pay the cost. DD asks that i let it go. as a result DH decides not to come as the place was turned into a mad house with his mother, sister and children constantly complaining. they were unhappy with the food at the house...i told them as the food was purchased for DD and i, not them, please feel free to go buy their own and stop eating what i paid for (this was after a day of constant complaints). on his return DSIL was livid to see them (the kids) and ended up spending most of the time in their bedroom as he could not deal with their noise/behavior....his mother even went so far as to say DD and i should leave since she was here (DSIL said something to her in spanish at this but i don't know what) i told her it was DD2's home so if any would leave...she also made several comments about 'white girl' but only when DSIL was not around. i told her that if she made the comment again that she and i were going to have a 'come to jesus moment'...i don't think she knew we understood any spanish. in the end DSIL put the 4 of them on a plane back to their home. and that was the 1st time i ever met the woman ... ok, this post explains a lot. I think the Haitian could answer this thread better than most here. It is the clash of the immigrants versus Americans, or middle class America versus the old country ways of doing things. It kind of makes sense when you look at it this way.
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lisamomof4
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Post by lisamomof4 on Sept 6, 2014 0:25:20 GMT -5
value buy ...i think you might have a point with that. it was wishfull thinking on my part that we had heard the last of this...DSIL's sister (mother of the boy who wanted to stay) called DD2 and was quite nasty. apparently she feels we owe her family, that we have failed to show the proper respect and since DD has married into the family she is expected to do as she is told....none of this went over well with DD2 or DSIL. much of her screaming rant was in spanish too fast for either of us to follow but it comes down to the fact that we are greedy and selfish...it at no point appears to occurred to her that it's our home...not even DD2's home...that she (boys mom and DD2's MIL?) promised these boys a vacation and our actions ruined it ... never mind the fact we don't even have a guest room.... this reminds me of when we did DD2 and DSIL's engagement party...DSIL is USMC so any and all planning is tricky because has to be done around when he can get leave...you can request a 96 but may just get a 72 or 48...and you have to get ok to leave the state...It was a formal party (mailed invites, set time, fixed guest list) he flew in the night before, the party was at 3pm...his mother, sister and a random young man showed up at 8:45...most of the guest were leaving at this point and most of the food and a large part of the deserts were gone...her only explanation was they had been 'busy'...she then complained there was no 'real food' left...DSIL was hurt and embarrassed...I introduced them to those that were left and then we continued to say goodbye and thank guest for coming...and in the middle of this pizza delivery guy shows up...yep MIL ordered a pizza and sat in the kitchen and ate it...after everyone else was gone we went back in to talk with his relatives. i suggested since it was late that we get together in the morning. At this point DSIL askes us to talk in other room...out of corner of my eye i see his mother and sister carry bags into my livingroom ...DSIL tells me they decided not to get hotel and would stay at our home...he is sorry, didn't know they were doing it...DH and i are not thrilled but say fine for the night...but will need to stay in recroom, that we don't have people sleep on our livingroom...this includes all family not just them. DSIL's mother isn't pleased and huffed about it. so next morning i get up and discover i am expected to cooked breakfast for the entire group...which i had not planned, only to have her tell us they have decided to stay a couple extra days and site-see in chicago. DD2 and DSIL looked ill at this. I asked what hotel they had chosen to stay at and was told they were staying in my house... . We learned after that to make it clear that she would need a hotel unless we extended an invite to stay....
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2014 3:42:15 GMT -5
Wow, just wow!
I guess having "railroaded" you into letting them stay once (the engagement party episode you just described) they felt sure they could do it again. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Sept 6, 2014 10:58:40 GMT -5
I am completely speechless.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 6, 2014 12:32:46 GMT -5
value buy ...i think you might have a point with that. it was wishfull thinking on my part that we had heard the last of this...DSIL's sister (mother of the boy who wanted to stay) called DD2 and was quite nasty. apparently she feels we owe her family, that we have failed to show the proper respect and since DD has married into the family she is expected to do as she is told....none of this went over well with DD2 or DSIL. much of her screaming rant was in spanish too fast for either of us to follow but it comes down to the fact that we are greedy and selfish...it at no point appears to occurred to her that it's our home...not even DD2's home...that she (boys mom and DD2's MIL?) promised these boys a vacation and our actions ruined it ... never mind the fact we don't even have a guest room.... this reminds me of when we did DD2 and DSIL's engagement party...DSIL is USMC so any and all planning is tricky because has to be done around when he can get leave...you can request a 96 but may just get a 72 or 48...and you have to get ok to leave the state...It was a formal party (mailed invites, set time, fixed guest list) he flew in the night before, the party was at 3pm...his mother, sister and a random young man showed up at 8:45...most of the guest were leaving at this point and most of the food and a large part of the deserts were gone...her only explanation was they had been 'busy'...she then complained there was no 'real food' left...DSIL was hurt and embarrassed...I introduced them to those that were left and then we continued to say goodbye and thank guest for coming...and in the middle of this pizza delivery guy shows up...yep MIL ordered a pizza and sat in the kitchen and ate it...after everyone else was gone we went back in to talk with his relatives. i suggested since it was late that we get together in the morning. At this point DSIL askes us to talk in other room...out of corner of my eye i see his mother and sister carry bags into my livingroom ...DSIL tells me they decided not to get hotel and would stay at our home...he is sorry, didn't know they were doing it...DH and i are not thrilled but say fine for the night...but will need to stay in recroom, that we don't have people sleep on our livingroom...this includes all family not just them. DSIL's mother isn't pleased and huffed about it. so next morning i get up and discover i am expected to cooked breakfast for the entire group...which i had not planned, only to have her tell us they have decided to stay a couple extra days and site-see in chicago. DD2 and DSIL looked ill at this. I asked what hotel they had chosen to stay at and was told they were staying in my house... . We learned after that to make it clear that she would need a hotel unless we extended an invite to stay.... Holy crap! I would not even bother trying to be nice or even civil with these people. If they claim this is a cultural thing, point out that they chose to come to this country, so our culture takes precedence.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Sept 6, 2014 12:56:24 GMT -5
I don't care what culture or country you're from.
1. Don't show up almost 6 hours late and then complain about how much food is left.
2. Don't just show up and expect you can spend the night.
Even my b*#% XMIL know better than that. She gave us 3 hours notice that she was coming to visit when it took 2 full days to drive. She knew better than to expect to stay overnight. We didn't even have a couch at that time.
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