not the free B&B....

[lisamomof4]

received a call from DD2's MIL today. she was calling to inform me i needed to pick up her grandson and a few of his friends at the train on thursday night. i told her i would not be able to do so (nearest train station is 40min. away) but was sure they could get a taxi to where ever they were headed. she then tells me they are coming to my house   and will be staying till the coming tuesday. um..excuse me the young men are all 19 to 21, i know none of them. i contact DSIL and find out the 'grandson' is the eldest of one of his various half sisters...who he has almost zero contact with and that he barely knew who the boy in question was. in further talks with this woman i am told 'they won't be a big problem' and in fact may not be there for most meals and will just need to barrow a car...'so i won't have to take them around'. once the screaming in my head stopped i calmly told her 'no' but was sure they could find an affordable hotel nearby and best of luck getting a rental  . she starts in yelling telling me they have been planning this for weeks...which is where i broke in a suggested next time they ask first.

wish i could say this is the 1st time mooch has pulled this stunt. previous to this i was trying my best to keep the peace and not mess up the kids wedding but i'm done with her and her insanity (my last contact with her was the wedding where she showed up with 10 uninvited extras and had a temper tantrum that she was not receiving 'special honors' at the wedding...for the life of us none of us were even sure what she wanted/expected)...

what is it with people who think that even very loosely based family ties entitle them to free use of your home

[mollyc]

My condolences.  DS1 did that a lot to our parents.  Our parents would have said yes most times if she had bothered to ask first.  Instead she would spring it on them and be offended by our mother's "rude and selfish" behaviour.  How rude of Mom to think she should have control over who stays at her house and when they stay there.

DS1 would likely still be doing it if it wasn't for the fact that DB1 and his wife bought our parents' house and live with them there.

[mamasita99]

Personally, I don't like to stay in other people's homes. I prefer my own home or a nice hotel. If I can't afford it then I hold off on the trip. I feel like I need an "escape hatch" for when I hit my limit of socializing.

[Shooby]

Same here. When I visit relatives, I almost always choose to stay in a hotel. I like to have my own space and it is much more comfortable for everyone.

However, yes, if someone is coming to stay at your home, it would be nice if you knew about it first!

[Shooby]

But, my kids will be welcome to come home and stay whenever they want, no matter how old they are. But, they would have to check with me about bringing friends though.

[CarolinaKat]

Why on Earth are they coming to stay at your house if you've never met them? This makes no sense. I mean my Inlaws are whacky, but I can't figure it out. Do you live in a tourist-y area or something?

[alabamagal]

I can't quite follow the relationship of this person to you, but the 'grandson' and a few of his friends, age 19-21 and will be they 'won't be a big problem'...lol what a joke.

I have boys 19 and 22.  They are good kids, but they are never 'not a problem', always require some attention.

And I would NEVER let a 19-21 yr old boy (or technically a man) who was not my child drive my car!  If they got in a wreck it might not be covered on your insurance.

[CarolinaKat]

Aug 27, 2014 9:29:42 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I can't quite follow the relationship of this person to you, but the 'grandson' and a few of his friends, age 19-21 and will be they 'won't be a big problem'...lol what a joke.

I have boys 19 and 22.  They are good kids, but they are never 'not a problem', always require some attention.

And I would NEVER let a 19-21 yr old boy (or technically a man) who was not my child drive my car!  If they got in a wreck it might not be covered on your insurance.

I think it's the kids of her son-in-law's half-sister who her son-in-law never had a relationship with.

[dannylion]

I have no words.

Kudos for standing up for yourself.

[billisonboard]

Aug 27, 2014 9:24:53 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Why on Earth are they coming to stay at your house if you've never met them? This makes no sense. I mean my Inlaws are whacky, but I can't figure it out. Do you live in a tourist-y area or something?

I think that there is a wedding involved.

[NancysSummerSip]

Aug 27, 2014 9:34:44 GMT -5 dannylion said:

I have no words.

Kudos for standing up for yourself.

Oh, I have words. I just cannot type them out here, because I'd be hogtied, horsewhipped and banned. What kind of mother-in-law-douchecanoe makes a phone call like that to a relative by marriage and tells them that kids they don't know are coming to stay in their house and use their car, but it won't be a bother? That woman has cojones the size of China, and about as much common sense as a pet rock.

Lisa, good for you for thinking fast and giving her "alternatives" while you screamed in your head. My "alternatives" would have involved suggesting she perform an anatomical impossibility on herself many, many times over.

[Deleted]

Holy moly   

It just kept going and getting more and more impressive.  

How many is "a few" of his friends anyway?  Somehow I get the impression if you'd agreed somehow there'd be 7-9 of them at the train station and you would have to shuttle run them to your home, then be expected to loan them more than one car.  If you didn't you'd be causing them Great Inconvenience.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 27, 2014 9:51:50 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

I honestly thought my in-laws were bad.  And they only showed up unexpectedly at our house after they were told "No I'm sorry June is a bad month for you to visit"

Did I mention they live 3 states away... I was traveling for work... oh and we said no, don't come?

But Sroo - they NEEDED to met the puppy (or the 1/2 of her that you own) right then and there.  How dare you travel for work so they can't meet their grandpuppy?! 

[HoneyBBQ]

Head-desk.

Who are these people that think this is appropriate behavior??

[Deleted]

Does your DD or SIL know she tried to do this? I'm just wondering how far the insanity spreads.

[Sam_2.0]

OMG, Lisa!! That lady is nutty! Glad you told her no. Your poor SIL. So glad they are coming out this way, it will probably be good for him to get some distance between himself and her. And hopefully she's not trying to run this crap on your daughter too!

(for those wanting the background, it's on the WIR - MW thread. This lady is cuckoo!!)

[Abby Normal]

Unbelieveable.  What did your SIL have to say about his mothers behavior?

[Apple]

[greeniis10]

REALLY glad you put your foot down and said "NO!".  At first I was worried this was going to be similar to a lot of those "Dear Abbey" letters that start out like this and end with, "What do I do?  I want to keep everyone happy!"  Thank goodness you aren't one of those people!

[lisamomof4]

i think it would be safe to say DSIL is not shocked by anything his mother does...
i wish i could say this is the first time she has done this....DSIL and DD2 were together 2+ years before we ever met his family...very first time i ever met her was when DSIL returned from deployment, he had warned us that 2 battalions deployed at the same time so would be a huge group returning so book accommodations early...we planned ahead and for months set aside $$ to cover the cost. rented a small 2 bed, 2 bath townhouse about 30min. from base in very quiet open area (his request on location as this deployment was a ruff one for him). DD2 and i drove down ruffly 4 days before the window of his return to get things together, DH would fly out to meet us once we had a firmer time. the plan was DH and i would have small vacation for week or so and then the kids would stay there till he got his leave (USMC requires they stay on or near base 1mo. after return)
his mother and sister were provided the same info along with his very clear instructions that no extra people were to come (no half siblings and none of their children)...
2 days prior to his arrival his mother shows up at rental....with 3 extra people(his sister and the 2 children she was point blank told not to bring)...and they come marching in the front door with their bags expecting to stay and the children start running around screaming and then run upstairs and start going through the 2 bedrooms fighting over 'which was theirs'...these kids were 12 and 16...i tell them they have to come down, that upstairs is private. i ask his mother where they are staying and she tells me 'here'. i asked where 'here' did she think was going to fit, that the bedrooms are spoken for and there is no space. she says hotels were too costly and she wasn't willing to pay the cost. DD asks that i let it go. as a result DH decides not to come as the place was turned into a mad house with his mother, sister and children constantly complaining. they were unhappy with the food at the house...i told them as the food was purchased for DD and i, not them, please feel free to go buy their own and stop eating what i paid for (this was after a day of constant complaints). 
on his return DSIL was livid to see them (the kids) and ended up spending most of the time in their bedroom as he could not deal with their noise/behavior....his mother even went so far as to say DD and i should leave since she was here (DSIL said something to her in spanish at this but i don't know what) i told her it was DD2's home so if any would leave...she also made several comments about 'white girl' but only when DSIL was not around. i told her that if she made the comment again that she and i were going to have a 'come to jesus moment'...i don't think she knew we understood any spanish. in the end DSIL put the 4 of them on a plane back to their home. and that was the 1st time i ever met the woman  ...

[mmhmm]

I'm stricken mute! I don't think I've ever heard the like of that! 

[toomuchreality]

The truth is "better" than fiction!  -Sorry you have to deal with people like this!

[Wisconsin Beth]

OMG Lisa that really sucks.  I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY sucks.  I'm just aghast that she could be so rude to you and so unfeeling to DSIL (this is his mom, correct?) on his return to the states.  Big hugs and kudos to you all for having to deal with her. 

And there's a couple of threads on disengaging from toxic family running lately.  I'm not sure if they're on EE, or YM/YM OT though.  Might be worth skimming to see if there's anything you want to try. 

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 23:53:09 GMT -5 lisamomof4 said:

2 days prior to his arrival his mother shows up at rental....with 3 extra people(his sister and the 2 children she was point blank told not to bring)...and they come marching in the front door with their bags expecting to stay and the children start running around screaming and then run upstairs and start going through the 2 bedrooms fighting over 'which was theirs'...

Wow.  After your update I kind of wonder if rather than the boys, the MIL had been planning the trip without telling you, and she would've arrived in person.  Sounds like a safe bet to estimate for extra people if she's involved anyway.

I have a LOT of respect for your ability to stay calm 

[zibazinski]

Ok, well, I'm guilty of being a patsy!  DS called me from the Courtney Campbell causeway his freshman year of college on a Friday night. At 10:30 pm. Wanted to know if I was home. Um, I just answered the home phone. Could he and a few friends spend the night? They're spending Saturday night at some other parent/victims house? Why not, I said. Then I said how many friends? Only 20!!!!! His pledge class!!! Holy cow!! DD was in 7th heaven at the thought of 20 college boys spending the night! I took them all to CiCis pizza and fed them to a tune of about a hundred bucks or so and then went to the grocery store and bought OJ and crispy creme donuts. Then I locked DD and me in my bedroom and let the boys have the rest of the house. Two bedrooms and two bathrooms and 20 boys.    We survived and I got awesome mom kudos. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I hope they cleaned the bathrooms before leaving Zib!

[Lizard Queen]

Aug 28, 2014 3:19:15 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The truth is "better" than fiction!  -Sorry you have to deal with people like this!

  -yeahthat-In a perverse way, it's sort of entertaining, like fodder for a sitcom or something.  Glad you stood your ground.

[zibazinski]

I actually don't remember. That night was a blur. 

[Nazgul Girl]

   Holy crap !   The nerve !    I mean, after reading Lisa's second post, Holy SHIT !    Indescribable.    Sometimes it's just such a privilege to be around some people, isn't it.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2014 7:54:27 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Ok, well, I'm guilty of being a patsy!  DS called me from the Courtney Campbell causeway his freshman year of college on a Friday night. At 10:30 pm. Wanted to know if I was home. Um, I just answered the home phone. Could he and a few friends spend the night? They're spending Saturday night at some other parent/victims house? Why not, I said. Then I said how many friends? Only 20!!!!! His pledge class!!! Holy cow!! DD was in 7th heaven at the thought of 20 college boys spending the night! I took them all to CiCis pizza and fed them to a tune of about a hundred bucks or so and then went to the grocery store and bought OJ and crispy creme donuts. Then I locked DD and me in my bedroom and let the boys have the rest of the house. Two bedrooms and two bathrooms and 20 boys.    We survived and I got awesome mom kudos. 

That's your own kid and his friends for 1 night, nothing patsy about that. You helped them make lifetime memories. Good on you.