Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 11:33:09 GMT -5
It's not something he wants to do right this second (or maybe even at all), just something we've discussed as "might be nice down the line."
At present, it's not an option. I'd have to be cracking six figures before he could stay home, otherwise we could forget about buying a house in the near future.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 27, 2014 11:42:11 GMT -5
Ah, gotcha. It feels so good to move forward after feeling stuck for a long time!
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 27, 2014 11:49:10 GMT -5
Firebird --Not sure about toddlers vs infants being a legal term. i think you will find that each daycare has their own rules and such. I think anything less than 1 yr old is harder because of the staff to infant ratio is higher-- is that your concern? At my kiddo's daycare she was in the "toddler A" room as soon as she turned 1. (5:1 ratio) She was in "Toddler B" at 2. (still 5:1 ratio) Infant rooms I think are 4:1 ratio. There is a law in Washington state you cannot leave any child at daycare for more than 10 hours, but I don't think it has anything to do with age (baby v toddler). It might do you well to get on some waiting lists for various companies NOW that have several locations so you have a chance now. I think if you are in the 'burbs' like Issaquah you'll have a better time finding child care than if you are looking in downtown Seattle like me.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 12:12:19 GMT -5
It might do you well to get on some waiting lists for various companies NOW that have several locations so you have a chance now. I think if you are in the 'burbs' like Issaquah you'll have a better time finding child care than if you are looking in downtown Seattle like me.
Good thought.
Yeah, the way it works in California (as explained to me by one of the daycares), the infant-caregiver ratio is higher than the toddler-caregiver ratio so nearly all daycares fill their infant slots first.
We've actually been pretty lucky with daycare. We managed to secure two day slots with two different daycares - it's a perfect arrangement for us, and fairly rare from what I hear.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 27, 2014 12:43:27 GMT -5
::If we have to keep our apartment because I have BB full time, I don't see weekly flights being possible anymore. It would be once or twice a month, so that's more suck. ::
I skipped a few pages, just wanted to comment on this part. It's a year. The flight is 2 hours. Without knowing how far from the airport either of you would be, tack on at least 1 hour more which seems conservative. That's 3 hours each way. Even if you had the money for it weekly, this seems like a once-a-month thing. This isn't a 2 hour drive (which theoretically you could hop in your car after work on Friday and be home for a late Friday dinner, then leave very late Sunday night). You are on the airline's schedule, and it takes time to drive to the airport and go through pre-flight stuff. Hard to imagine even with the finances wanting to spend every weekend for a year doing that kind of travel, particularly if it is only one side doing it.
Figure out realistically how often you'd see each other. To me once a month seems realistic. Then decide based on that real view (and not the rose-colored glasses view where you have unlimited energy to do this constantly) whether it's worth it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 12:51:22 GMT -5
Figure out realistically how often you'd see each other. To me once a month seems realistic. Then decide based on that real view (and not the rose-colored glasses view where you have unlimited energy to do this constantly) whether it's worth it.
It would definitely be once a month if we were keeping our apartment - which we will be, now that I changed my mind about the joint custody deal and Babybird would be with me full time.
I've decided that it's worth it - DH is still deciding. This specific job may not work out for a variety of reasons but I think it's time for him to start looking in the area and move once he lands a great job.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Aug 27, 2014 13:41:57 GMT -5
Issaquah is built up with new housing about 20 years ago on the hills around it. It used to be a nice little town but they turned it into a bedroom community. The little town is still there but crowded and now they have big box stores like Costco and Homedepot. They have a huge lake name Samamish that has cutthroat trout and a nice park. It is kinda yuppy, McMansion place, not bad. North Bend and other places like Carnation and Fall city aren't much farther out and more country, less McMansion and more rivers to fish for steelhead and farming.
One thing you need to understand is weather around here. We have mountains and Issaquah and North Bend are foot hills. We have air currents over the water so they get heavy. When they try to go over the mountains they are too heavy so rain or snow on the foot hills. We get snow in higher elevations so you can have no snow in Seattle then by the time you can drive to Lynnwood or Issaquah not make it home for hours. Seattle and lower elevations might not get more than an inch and higher places get several. We don't get snow every year in Seattle but foot hills do and Snoqualmie pass is ski area where snow is piled high from snow plows but you can cross almost everyday all winter if they aren't blasting avalanches.
Every area around here has a feel to it, old, new, rich, poor, ethnic of different types and some are more industrial or business or bedroom. I live south of Seattle in a close in neighborhood for 30 years but thinking of leaving soon. My commute was great no matter where I worked but I retired so doesn't matter. My neighborhood was all black and white people many elderly in 2 bedroom homes for decades. Now it is going more apartments and some townhomes old neighbors leaving and the new are mainly Asian or South East Asian buying homes. They are having more gang issues and gun violence but don't seem to bother people who don't bother them so far but I wouldn't want to have kids in the schools here. Some neighborhoods like where I grew up have gone to mostly Muslim or other minority like Russian. So you want to choose where you would be happiest. I like Kent and used to like Federal Way but I hear it is changing fast. The good thing is we can get more ethnic food and stuff. We have a mall named Great Wall that has all Asian food and merchandise and other stores are selling Mexican food now and my favorite store has lots of Halal stuff but it is high priced so I don't buy it or Kosher stuff. International district used to be China Town but now has more Thai and other people mostly old and poor people but good Chinese restaurants.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 27, 2014 14:19:47 GMT -5
I lived in Seattle for a year. Samamish was always my favorite name to see. It made me think of Sandwich.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Aug 27, 2014 14:53:07 GMT -5
Figure out realistically how often you'd see each other. To me once a month seems realistic. Then decide based on that real view (and not the rose-colored glasses view where you have unlimited energy to do this constantly) whether it's worth it.
It would definitely be once a month if we were keeping our apartment - which we will be, now that I changed my mind about the joint custody deal and Babybird would be with me full time. I've decided that it's worth it - DH is still deciding. This specific job may not work out for a variety of reasons but I think it's time for him to start looking in the area and move once he lands a great job. Good that you've warmed up to it. It will only get harder once the baby starts school. You'll be fine even if you have to wait until the spring to move with him. Between your vacations, his vacations, holidays and technology, you'll not even be aware of the distance. It wouldn't bother me a bit and I don't even have any family nearby to help out. Actually, I would look forward to it as it is there would be less laundry, less cleaning, less cooking and more "me time". I have a 2 year old and 4 month old.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 18:03:01 GMT -5
It looks like things may be moving forward... I have MAJOR butterflies right now... I can tell I am going to second guess myself a lot at first.
I'm glad this upcoming weekend is three days. We need to do a major clean-out of the apartment (were planning to do that anyhow because we have a community yard sale coming up). We can use this opportunity to declutter.
I'm scared... but excited...
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drivingaround
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Post by drivingaround on Aug 27, 2014 18:18:35 GMT -5
Awesome! So what Seattle metro region is DH's job in?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 18:23:11 GMT -5
I don't know yet. It's not 100% a sure thing (the salary may be a dealbreaker - for some reason they wouldn't tell him what it was until after he had applied, and they're probably going to try for some "cost of living" adjustment) so we don't have a lot of the details.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 29, 2014 16:30:52 GMT -5
So DH finally got the salary info. He'd get paid (for the same position) "mid to high forties." Currently he makes $62k+ (not counting his bonus).
I said some not nice words when I heard that and told DH he should tell them to piss off. I can understand some minimal COL adjustment but 25% (or more) is ridiculous. They've got to do better than that for a lengthy separation from DH to be worth it.
DH has been applying for other jobs in the area. Hopefully one of them will be willing to pay him at least mid fifties.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Aug 29, 2014 17:25:49 GMT -5
Ouch. So sorry to hear that!
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 29, 2014 17:29:45 GMT -5
Yeah it's a bummer. Realistically we're going to take an income hit when we move but there's a BIG difference between reduced income when we're together and only have one household to support versus reduced income when we're trying to support two households and traveling back and forth constantly.
The latter is not something I'm willing to deal with right now. This is going to be stressful enough without making it a financial catastrophe.
Some good news though... we are FINALLY about to close on DH's mom's property... I was losing hope it would EVER happen (place has been on the market for over a year now and we've accepted two or three offers only to have them fall through).
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Aug 29, 2014 17:32:15 GMT -5
I don't know yet. It's not 100% a sure thing (the salary may be a dealbreaker - for some reason they wouldn't tell him what it was until after he had applied, and they're probably going to try for some "cost of living" adjustment) so we don't have a lot of the details. Well that's a major deal breaker for me! Ouch!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Aug 29, 2014 18:50:46 GMT -5
So DH finally got the salary info. He'd get paid (for the same position) "mid to high forties." Currently he makes $62k+ (not counting his bonus). I said some not nice words when I heard that and told DH he should tell them to piss off. I can understand some minimal COL adjustment but 25% (or more) is ridiculous. They've got to do better than that for a lengthy separation from DH to be worth it. DH has been applying for other jobs in the area. Hopefully one of them will be willing to pay him at least mid fifties. I'm sorry. Do you think they low balled him to leave room for negotiating a salary, or is that the final number?
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 29, 2014 20:09:34 GMT -5
That bites. I'm sorry. What a disappointment.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 29, 2014 20:39:24 GMT -5
That's an alright starting point for negotiations. He should counter with his current salary, and tell them he's really excited about the opportunity but assumed the salary would be pretty close to his current one since the jobs are similar.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 29, 2014 21:21:11 GMT -5
Dark, that's basically exactly what he's doing. He applied anyway and figured if they could get into the $55-58k neighborhood, that would be much more palatable. Doesn't hurt to try.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Aug 29, 2014 21:28:10 GMT -5
DH was able to talk his Hawaii job up from 45k to 60k when they made the offer. Although he hated it once he got there and ended up coming back home.
I am usually away from him for one to two months a year due to my job being based out of state, but the whole Hawaii thing was much more difficult. I think due to the time zone thing. When there is only a few hours difference it is easy to call and talk on the phone for an hour or so every night. However we don't have any kids so that makes it a lot easier.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 2, 2014 17:01:07 GMT -5
my town's MEDIAN household income is 220K and that includes the old retired people driving K-cars who bought here 30 years ago.
Geez Louise, where do you live?! I think DH and I do pretty well and our household income is just shy of $150k. Now I feel inadequate Also, totally understandable if you missed this but we do not want to live in Seattle, Tacoma or any other major metro city. The idea here is to eventually find jobs OUTSIDE the city.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Sept 3, 2014 0:25:40 GMT -5
My goal, just outside Seattle, is to be back to a household income of $85k, and we can live on that just fine.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 3, 2014 11:07:51 GMT -5
My response was based on initially thinking firebird and family wanted to work in Seattle area close in in technology.Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay We're basically hermits. City life strongly disagrees with us.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Sept 3, 2014 15:44:22 GMT -5
In my just south of Seattle "suburb", median household income in 2012 was just under $48k/year. If FB's DH's job is benchmarking to one of these locales, vs to Seattle, Bellevue, or Kirkland (or even Issaquah) then the salary they offered would not seem that low.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 3, 2014 16:05:50 GMT -5
So DH finally got the salary info. He'd get paid (for the same position) "mid to high forties." Currently he makes $62k+ (not counting his bonus). I said some not nice words when I heard that and told DH he should tell them to piss off. I can understand some minimal COL adjustment but 25% (or more) is ridiculous. They've got to do better than that for a lengthy separation from DH to be worth it. DH has been applying for other jobs in the area. Hopefully one of them will be willing to pay him at least mid fifties. Did you factor into things that your DH would not be paying state tax on this income? That will help a little. I went the other way, when I went from TX to KY. Now THAT hurt!!
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 3, 2014 16:13:01 GMT -5
Did you factor into things that your DH would not be paying state tax on this income? That will help a little.
I haven't even begun to run the numbers. But I will if he gets the job. He actually applied to 3 or 4 jobs (one being the transfer position). I'm hoping he gets one of those but they don't want him to start for a few months Once he gets a job and we know what's going on, I'll start looking as well. I hate to leave this job but the more we've discussed and thought about the situation, I really can't bear for our family to be apart for longer than a few months. Maybe we'll get "lucky" and he won't get a new job in Washington until March or April. By then we'll have a significant amount in savings and I could just be a bonbon-eating, soap-watching SAHM for awhile while I job hunted in the area.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2014 17:03:43 GMT -5
Firebird, because of the pay offer, it doesn't sound like this is a good move anyway. BUT, your DH applying for the job seems to have lit the proverbial fire under your butts, and that's a good thing!
I sort of think it's also good that his offer was so low, because either it will take time to negotiate a higher offer, or it will take time for him to find another, better job. Either way, it looks like even when you finally make the move (because I think you will) you will end up being apart for less time than you initially thought / feared.
My guess is that you will both "compromise" with the time line. Hopefully he'll find a better job (or get a better offer) 2 or 3 months later, and you'll probably decide to move there 2 or 3 months earlier than you might have liked to.
That will lessen your time apart, and make the whole thing far more palatable.
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