HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 26, 2014 16:59:47 GMT -5
Yeah, haven't you seen me bitching about how much my house and my day care cost?? LOL.
Party at Boskone's... he's got the big yard!
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,149
|
Post by giramomma on Aug 26, 2014 17:35:20 GMT -5
How much of an impact will this make on your H's career?
I keep hearing how you don't want to sacrifice your career (rightly so). I don't hear how this is going to boost your H's so that he will earn as much as you are.
You (Firebird) have also never really mentioned how you planned for your nuclear family to handle dual careers. Were you both going to try to have good careers?
My DH contributes a little less than yours-about 25-30% of our household income. That will likely never change. We have talked about moving so he can try to have a career. The question is always "How easy will it be for me to get a job. How easy will it be to build up clientele again for my SE income? " Because I don't want to try to support a family on DH's salary right now. (It would be around 20K) To say it would be bad would be an understatement.
And, as for making life easy on your self... Even with the most loving, supportive family, you CAN use up all your goodwill and overstay your welcome. I don't think that should be entered into so lightly or taken for granted.
And, just because Firebird "should" be able to handle being a single parent for 9 months, doesn't mean she will be able to do so. Just because her mother can now take on extra responsibilities now doesn't guarantee that in the future. There's a million what-if scenarios that could come into play that could mess the "perfect plan" up. One bad, double ear infection, actually, would do it. I'd rather she know how to make life easier on herself before she completely gets overwhelmed...
ETA: I think this is a big risk. And obviously I'm risk adverse and I don't pretend that my family does things the right way. In the end, I know FB will make the best decision for her family. But, it's easy to paint a rosy picture of how well it's going to go, assuming you get family help and all that when life goes swimmingly. It's easy to assume that you'll move to a new city and boom, get a job, or that your hosts will never tire of you being around. I wouldn't be making these assumptions.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 26, 2014 18:21:16 GMT -5
It seems like it's never very easy to move so far away. You'd probably have to do it in steps anyway, these steps are just really far apart. I really like the idea of breaking it up by staying in your place until January.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 26, 2014 18:29:47 GMT -5
There's two sides to that though. They've wanted to move up there for literally years at this point. Being risk averse is fine, but being so risk averse that you spend your life doing things you don't want to do because you're afraid to try and living in constant regret is horrible. Is moving all sunshine and roses, fuck no. It's a pain in the ass. However, it's not the end of the world either. People have been doing it throughout all of recorded history.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 26, 2014 18:55:41 GMT -5
Dark said it. We've been wanting to move for YEARS. The timing has NEVER been right. The timing never WILL be right for such a huge move.
Ironically, I'm more enthused about this now than I was this morning and DH is now thinking he doesn't want to do it.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Aug 26, 2014 19:07:07 GMT -5
Dark said it. We've been wanting to move for YEARS. The timing has NEVER been right. The timing never WILL be right for such a huge move. Ironically, I'm more enthused about this now than I was this morning and DH is now thinking he doesn't want to do it. What are DH's concerns? Is he worried about missing babybird? If that's the case do you think you would be able to handle not seeing her every day better than him? Sounds like long term it will be a fantastic move for the whole family. BUT only if both of you can handle what you have to do to get there.
|
|
drivingaround
Established Member
Joined: Feb 26, 2011 21:38:18 GMT -5
Posts: 295
|
Post by drivingaround on Aug 26, 2014 19:20:07 GMT -5
I say go for it. Seattle and SF aren't exactly far apart, if it was Miami I could see the hesitation since flights are 7+ hours and expensive. Will it get tiring, frustrating and emotional during those 9 months? Sure, but so are lots of other things you encounter while being married and raising a family. I'm all about short-term sacrifices for long-term gain IF it is what both people want. You have been talking about moving to Seattle for years. Not sure if I'm getting you and Shanendoah mixed up, who's MIL was killed by a tree falling on her house in the Seattle area.
Also, your DH could move first and you could test the job market. Worst case it takes 9 months, best case it is faster and you move sooner. This situation is akin to military families or perhaps when a spouse returns to college or does a residency program. Short-term sacrifices for long-term benefit. And really, it is even easier now to be long distance with cell phones, Skype, IM and other host of quick communication means never-mind flying has become very inexpensive.
What type of work does your DH do? Seattle metro, say Tacoma to Everett, has a very diverse employment base. Or are you looking at living on the Peninsula? Was it Bainbridge or Bremerton region?
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 26, 2014 19:28:55 GMT -5
You're not getting us mixed up, DH's mom was killed by a tree in 2010.
His main concern is my plan to commute for up to six months. But to be honest, I see myself job hunting in earnest once we're up there. I don't think I'll stay until June unless nothing else comes up during that time.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 26, 2014 19:30:46 GMT -5
Dark said it. We've been wanting to move for YEARS. The timing has NEVER been right. The timing never WILL be right for such a huge move. Ironically, I'm more enthused about this now than I was this morning and DH is now thinking he doesn't want to do it. Firebird.....Dark touched on this earlier. There are whole populations of women who do this who are in the military and they still manage to have a perfectly satisfactory family life. It requires compromises on both parts, but you're not going to harm your daughter if daddy lives a plane ride away for less than a year. I'm a military brat and this was essentially my life until I was about 16 years old. My dad was gone for as little time as a week and for as long as a year and frequent visits were not on the agenda like you're talking about. That in itself will make a world of difference. And despite what others say about you being a single parent, you will still have the emotional support of another spouse - which is way more than single parents have. It also sounds like you have a good support system where you live right now, so it should make the transition fairly easy. When you make a decision to jump, jump and don't look back.....look forward. It may be the right move, it may be the wrong move. But you'll never know unless you jump so you need to commit to the jump.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:17:33 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 19:34:40 GMT -5
Dark said it. We've been wanting to move for YEARS. The timing has NEVER been right. The timing never WILL be right for such a huge move. Ironically, I'm more enthused about this now than I was this morning and DH is now thinking he doesn't want to do it. Firebird.....Dark touched on this earlier. There are whole populations of women who do this who are in the military and they still manage to have a perfectly satisfactory family life. It requires compromises on both parts, but you're not going to harm your daughter if daddy lives a plane ride away for less than a year. I'm a military brat and this was essentially my life until I was about 16 years old. My dad was gone for as little time as a week and for as long as a year and frequent visits were not on the agenda like you're talking about. That in itself will make a world of difference. And despite what others say about you being a single parent, you will still have the emotional support of another spouse - which is way more than single parents have. It also sounds like you have a good support system where you live right now, so it should make the transition fairly easy. When you make a decision to jump, jump and don't look back.....look forward. It may be the right move, it may be the wrong move. But you'll never know unless you jump so you need to commit to the jump. you will not be happy if you give up this opportunity hoping a better one comes along.
|
|
drivingaround
Established Member
Joined: Feb 26, 2011 21:38:18 GMT -5
Posts: 295
|
Post by drivingaround on Aug 26, 2014 20:22:45 GMT -5
You're not getting us mixed up, DH's mom was killed by a tree in 2010. His main concern is my plan to commute for up to six months. But to be honest, I see myself job hunting in earnest once we're up there. I don't think I'll stay until June unless nothing else comes up during that time. Another thing to check into, kind of a back-up plan/safety net, is whether CA will pay for your unemployment if you voluntarily leave your job to move with DH. Washington does, as in if you lived here and moved with your spouse to CA because your spouse had a job there, thus you had to quit your WA job, you are eligible for WA unemployment benefits. I realize the goal isn't for you to give up your job but back-up plans are established for a reason!
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,149
|
Post by giramomma on Aug 26, 2014 20:24:01 GMT -5
There's two sides to that though. They've wanted to move up there for literally years at this point. Being risk averse is fine, but being so risk averse that you spend your life doing things you don't want to do because you're afraid to try and living in constant regret is horrible. Is moving all sunshine and roses, fuck no. It's a pain in the ass. However, it's not the end of the world either. People have been doing it throughout all of recorded history. I agree with you and I know that they've wanted to move for years. And I'm sure they will make it work. As usually, everything does. I also do not equate not taking risks due to fear equates constant regret. I think one can frame things differently and accept the choices one make as long as one did the best he/she could during the decision making process.
|
|
Knee Deep in Water Chloe
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 21:04:44 GMT -5
Posts: 14,248
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1980e6
|
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 26, 2014 20:29:28 GMT -5
This is a weird situation and I'm not sure it's going to happen but if it does, it'll happen fast so I'd like to form a plan and be prepared just in case. DH and I have been wanting to leave California for a long time now and we've pretty much decided that we want to move to Washington. DH has an opportunity to take a position in Seattle pretty much immediately - I don't know the details yet but it's the same title he has now and he should make a similar salary. I need to stay in California until June to finish a contract position. Obviously the IDEAL thing would be to wait until my contract is up, at which point we both try to get jobs in Washington but jobs like the one he's being offered now (in exactly the right location) don't come up that often so we may not have that luxury. My feeling is that it would be best for him to make the jump now and spend the remaining months of my contract finding a place for us to live. Here's my basic thought on how it *could* go: -Assuming my landlord will release us from our lease (I think he will) and assuming my parents are willing (I think they will be), Babybird and I move in with them temporarily. -DH moves in with his sister or other family/friends in the Seattle area (we have lots). -Babybird alternates weeks - one with me, one with DH (like joint custody). We see each other and spend time together as a family on weekends. This is financially possible because neither of us are paying rent. We should actually save money. Obviously there will be a lot more to it than that (and it doesn't sound like my idea of fun) but I think this could end up being the best decision for our family. By the time June rolled around, DH would have (hopefully) found a nice place for us to live and I can find a job in the area. So, thoughts? ( shanendoah, you know I'm looking at you buddy.) I'm answering without reading the three pages of responses first. Four years ago DH decided he wanted a job elsewhere. He got one. I didn't necessarily want to move, but I started looking for jobs in the vicinity of his new job. I wasn't willing to quit my job until I found a new one. At some point, we started talking about me staying where we were and him going and living in the camping trailer. We decided that our relationship was too new to survive such a strain. (We had been living together for two years at that point.) I did find a job, took a 20% cut in pay (we broke even as a household income), and moved there/here with him. We're at the point he wants to start looking again. It may happen June 2015; it may be June 2016. I believe we could now spend a school year living separately and our marriage will be fine. How do you feel like your relationship will be impacted by living separately?
My other thought is that there is no way on God's green Earth that I would give up 50% of my time with my child. I separated from XH when the girls had just turned 5 & 9. I have never had them less than 80% of the time. I don't care what people think about a parent who wants that much custody. Those are my babies. I gave birth to them. They belong with me. Now, keep in mind that XH is and was a crappy father. That may not be the case for you and your husband. Where I live, the custody rules (per the state, parents can agree to something else) are that for a child under five or six (I can't quite remember), they primarily live with one parent and have visitation with the other. A toddler needs the stability of one household. From now until June is about the length of a pregnancy. You've survived that; you could survive this.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 26, 2014 20:47:01 GMT -5
Hahaha, I was thinking the same thing about a pregnancy being the same length of time.
In all honesty, I seriously doubt it'll take the full nine months to get things in order. I think once we start down this path, things will happen quickly.
If it weren't so disruptive to Babybird, I'd go for the "joint custody" arrangement in a heartbeat. I know this isn't how it is for everyone, but DH is a wonderful, involved and loving father. Babybird is going to miss him almost as much as me. I may be her mommy, but he's her daddy and he has as much right to spend time with her as I do. She belongs with him too.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Aug 26, 2014 21:02:32 GMT -5
Yeah, haven't you seen me bitching about how much my house and my day care cost?? LOL. Party at Boskone's... he's got the big yard! My yard is over half an acre, but house and yard aren't really nice yet. So party at Boskone's. If all of you have toddlers we could have toddler games of some sort like 3 legged races or egg rolling.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,938
|
Post by taz157 on Aug 26, 2014 21:47:42 GMT -5
taz157 And her husband did the long distance thing for a few months when her DD was young. Hopefully she'll pop in and talk about it. I saw this thread earlier and wanted to add my 2 cents but couldn't until I got home. Yes, DH and I did live apart for 5 months before DD and I were able to join him. At time we talked about it, we weren't sure exactly how long it would take as I couldn't join until I had a job lined up. I couldn't start looking right away due to nature of my profession (CPA tax preparer and couldn't leave in good conscience during busy season in which they didn't know I was ultimately leaving). Once busy season ended, I started looking and interviewing. It took a month, but I got 2 job offers and accepted one of them. DD and I joined DH a month before DD turned 2. I wanted us to be down with by the time she turned 2 and DH thought it would have taken another 3 months. For DH and I, it wasn't the first time we had done it. The first time was when we moved from MD to FL and I'm the one with the job and DH couldn't join yet due to his business and our house. Both of those took longer than anticipated but we made it work, but we didn't have DD at the time. Both times, we kept the communications lines open (could have done better and still could really). We talked on the phone a lot and Skyped too. It was decided that DD would stay with me as it was easier on all of us. For the first month, DH stayed with a friend then he got an apartment for ultimately the 3 of us. DH came up to see us about every 2-3 weeks for a weekend or so. Towards the end of it all, it was hard to see DD kinda look at DH as a stranger, but that didn't last long at all. I don't think she remembers where she used to live. Ultimately, we were making a decision that we thought would be beneficial in the long run.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 26, 2014 22:05:23 GMT -5
DH is looking at apartments
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Aug 26, 2014 22:11:53 GMT -5
Build a man pillow and set your tablet on skype at dinner every night. It will be like you're all together.
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 26, 2014 22:46:56 GMT -5
Seattle is awesome, plain and simple. Liberal like CA, but not so state poor that the state parks are closing. lol. and we have a $15 minimum wage, so if all else fails you can work at Sbuck's and make a living.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Aug 27, 2014 0:40:19 GMT -5
Sorry, just logged on for the first time tonight. Firebird - You and DH have been looking for this opportunity for a long time. I say take it, and not just because we're up here (but, you know, we're up here ) Being apart for up to 9 months will be tough, but your relationship is strong enough to handle it. Your DH's support network will grow once he's up here. He'll have family, but he'll also have his friends (the best man from his wedding, etc.), so he'll get through okay. You will have a slightly more difficult time. You'll need to lean on your mom more. But you can also make use of skype, email, phone calls, etc. with your support network in Seattle- not just DH and family, but your close friends. As for your job, PM jobs are fairly plentiful in Seattle, but most of them want a PMP. That's going to be as important as time on the job. If I remember correctly, you are working a contract for a national retailer. You might want to check if they have offices in the Seattle area that you might be able to move to to finish out the contract. Even if you stay in SF and he comes here, you can do this. Will it be easy, no. But it is a short term trade off for the long term goal you both have been working towards. I do agree that Babybird needs to stay in one place. I think it's better that she stay with you, as that is her current normal routine and what she knows. Sticking with has much of what she knows while the family is separated will go the easiest on her. Once a change is made for her, the change should be permanent. You commuting back to SF (and staying with your folks, I am assuming), doesn't sound like a bad plan. However, if that's what you think you might want to do, you need to start investigating day cares and looking see if there is a waiting list NOW. Your DH's family is NOT a good long term daycare solution.
|
|
Mardi Gras Audrey
Senior Member
So well rounded, I'm pointless...
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:49:31 GMT -5
Posts: 2,087
|
Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Aug 27, 2014 1:57:40 GMT -5
Do it, do it, do it!!! If you have been wanting to get to Seattle, do it now! Inertia is a b^&*() and will keep you from going. This is the perfect time to break the inertia and get there. Job searching should be easier once DH is up there as well (You will have a local address and can come across as more established in the Seattle area).
I have several friends who had children while in grad school. There DHs were miles away (One was ~300 miles, the other was ~80 miles). While the one 80 miles away was close, the hours both of them worked (he at work, her for school) were hellish and they got to see each other only on the weekends. The one that was 300 miles, her DH came up to see her and the baby like once a month. Both of them were good and their marriages survived. Their kids were happy and healthy and both families have now been reunited for good.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 9:57:18 GMT -5
giramomma, I don't want you to think I was ignoring you - I actually gave your questions a lot of thought last night. How much of an impact will this make on your H's career?
Very hard to say at this point. I wrote out a whole long paragraph of boring details but then deleted it because basically, his career with this specific company may not be the best in the long run. Which is okay. There are plenty of jobs he can get in Washington, especially with his current contacts and experience. DH has said he doesn't want to be promoted any higher than he is now (he's had two promotions in the last year and doesn't want any more responsibility). I keep hearing how you don't want to sacrifice your career (rightly so). I don't hear how this is going to boost your H's so that he will earn as much as you are.
He could make as much as me (or more) if he wanted to keep climbing the ladder but as I said, that's not what he wants and it's totally fine with me. We've talked about doing the SAHD thing in a few years when we're more financially settled. And, as for making life easy on your self... Even with the most loving, supportive family, you CAN use up all your goodwill and overstay your welcome. I don't think that should be entered into so lightly or taken for granted.
If you're talking about DH staying with his family, you have a good point. He's already said he doesn't want to overtax his aunt and uncle more than they are now, and I totally respect that. I'm hoping he can crash with other friends or family while he locates a place for us. But as for my parents, I think boundaries are key. We've all gotten pretty good at having a nice relationship where no one feels squished. I don't think our routine would change materially if we were to do this. I should be able to lean on them a little more without threatening anything. It's easy to assume that you'll move to a new city and boom, get a job, or that your hosts will never tire of you being around. I wouldn't be making these assumptions.
I see the staying-with-family thing as very temporary. With the new plan we put together yesterday, I would be planning to be with DH on a part time basis around January. (My contract stipulates that I take an unpaid week off between Christmas and New Years - since I don't have a choice, that might be a good time for Babybird and I to move.) But anyway, I'm definitely not discounting your concerns. They're good ones and all things we would have to hammer out. On to catch up...
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 10:07:27 GMT -5
Seattle metro, say Tacoma to Everett, has a very diverse employment base. Or are you looking at living on the Peninsula? Was it Bainbridge or Bremerton region?
I think it's highly unlikely we'll settle in Tacoma. One of my best friends lives in Issaquah and she makes it sound pretty great.
Here's what I want, and what DH says he wants: A nice house in a good area with a lot of friends and family around, with reasonably short commutes to work so we don't routinely want to stick our heads in the oven.
I think it's HIGHLY unlikely (as in "no f'ing way") we'll get all of that first thing out of the gate. Just deciding where to live has taken us nearly five years at this point. Yes, it was almost always Washington but we've also considered Oregon, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana... I could go on.
When we finally buy a house I want it to be THE house. The right house, the last move, the end. Somewhere we can finally settle down.
Before that happens, we have to decide WHERE we want that house to be. Washington is a big area, you know? So I'm not opposed to moving to Tacoma or Seattle or wherever in a cheap crappy apartment while we save money and try to sort out which area we want to live in permanently. It's a lot easier to go looking at different areas on weekends, look at houses, etc. when we're actually living in the correct state.
DH knows the areas and has ideas about which ones might be good, but I don't have a clue (other than "not Seattle" because I'm really, really done with city living and city costs).
So for me, the point in all this is "let's get moving, dammit!" Because I know it's going to take awhile to find our exact spot and put down roots. I just don't want it to take almost another YEAR for us just to get moving in the right direction.
I feel like we've been sitting around twiddling our thumbs for the past four years (which is not entirely fair - we've gotten engaged and married, had a baby, nearly doubled our income and made sizable strides in both our careers in that timeframe - but that's how it feels sometimes).
Sheesh, that was a long answer to a simple question. Okay, still more responses in a minute.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 27, 2014 10:11:34 GMT -5
Firebird - would your parents move up there at some point in the future? Just nosy as I have a vague recollection of you saying something to the effect that living in a compound with them wouldn't be too bad.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 10:18:46 GMT -5
Washington does, as in if you lived here and moved with your spouse to CA because your spouse had a job there, thus you had to quit your WA job, you are eligible for WA unemployment benefits.
That is so cool! I'll look into that but I'd be really surprised if California offered that benefit. My yard is over half an acre, but house and yard aren't really nice yet. So party at Boskone's. If all of you have toddlers we could have toddler games of some sort like 3 legged races or egg rolling.
Seriously, we need to have a big get-together once I get up there so I can meet all of you in person and get Babybird some friends. I'm very much looking forward to this - it was nice of you guys to volunteer alwaysbeoptimizing's yard taz157 - I'm glad it worked out for you guys. It sounds like you were in a similar position to us. Your DH's support network will grow once he's up here. He'll have family, but he'll also have his friends (the best man from his wedding, etc.), so he'll get through okay.
I'm really looking forward to this. Almost all of DH's friends are there and that's one thing which has really sucked for him over the past few years. As for your job, PM jobs are fairly plentiful in Seattle, but most of them want a PMP. That's going to be as important as time on the job. This is incredibly annoying because I'm learning agile PM right now and the PMP is useless to me here. I was considering getting a SCRUM certification but I probably won't even bother if it won't help me there. I do have a basic PMP certification, hopefully I will have enough hours to apply for the next one once I finish the year. I have to check, though - I haven't looked at the certifications in awhile. If I remember correctly, you are working a contract for a national retailer. You might want to check if they have offices in the Seattle area that you might be able to move to to finish out the contract.
They don't, I've already checked. That would be too easy Working remotely is an outside possibility but it depends heavily on my boss and like I said, I won't even ask until/unless things start moving in this direction. She *might* say yes but I'm certainly not in a position to bargain. Your DH's family is NOT a good long term daycare solution.
When I said that, I meant while we were doing the joint custody thing. Definitely not as a long term solution. If we go with this new plan, I'd have DH start looking into daycares as soon as he arrived and putting us on waiting lists immediately. Hopefully we could get a spot by January when we joined him. HoneyBBQ, do you know when kids are legally considered toddlers instead of infants in Washington? In California they're toddlers at two years, and it's much easier to find placement for a toddler than an infant.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 10:22:47 GMT -5
Firebird - would your parents move up there at some point in the future? Just nosy as I have a vague recollection of you saying something to the effect that living in a compound with them wouldn't be too bad.
Yes, my parents plan to follow us wherever we go and ideally we want to live as close together as we do now. They can't leave California until the end of 2015 (when my dad gets forced into retirement), which is actually a good thing in this case because it gives us time to figure out where we want to live once we get to Washington. Separating Babybird from her grandparents, especially my mom, is going to be a bitch We'll know it's temporary but it's still going to suck. In the past we've discussed the possibility of HER commuting back and forth once we move to Washington until my dad retires, but that won't be possible if I'm going back and forth myself.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:17:33 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 10:24:47 GMT -5
Disclaimer: I hesitate to speak too much about this because there's a kid involved, and it sounds like the motivation is different from our "jump/not jump" calculations.
That said, I do think that if you guys really want to move to a new region, to go for it. Logistics are always tricky, but if something has been a goal for years, in our experience it's almost always worth trying, even if efficiency gets muted.
As others have said, Skype is absolutely your friend. I like to have DH spin his laptop around so I can see what his accommodations are when he's overseas, and he sends me photos of cool stuff he sees.
The fact that you have friends and family in both areas should help your husband a lot, because a new job + new area - normal companions can equal a lot of stress. The person behind settles into a new routine, but I think the person voyaging ahead experiences the most uneasiness. Depending on personality, they can get pretty weirded out from rough days at work unless there's stabilizing social factors of one kind or another.
I guess if I have one piece of advice, keep in mind your reasons for wanting to do this, and chatter about them often when apart. DH absolutely wanted to try international work, it was a huge dream of his and the money is very good. It's not exactly what he expected (long time dreams almost never are) but when he gets bent out of shape, we talk about how it is a really cool thing to try out, and it's puffing the accounts like crazy. I also remind him that if he wants to pull the plug, I approve of that too. He's not trapped or anything, plans can change with new data.
Just some thoughts, good luck with this, we're rooting for you!
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Aug 27, 2014 10:33:55 GMT -5
Firebird - GET YOUR SCRUM CERTIFICATION!!!! Agile PM will definitely help. SCRUM cert is hug. If you have a basic PM cert and a SCRUM cert, you should be good to go at most of the tech companies up here. Also, email me, and let me know where DH's job going to be located. You will want to center your initial housing search near there, and hopefully your job search, too. The Seattle area is big, and you don't want to live in Issaquah if you're working in Renton. There is no such thing as a reverse commute on the 405. However, a SCRUM cert means tech companies which means east side is a good job market, which makes Issaquah doable. Will be offline until late this afternoon, but EMAIL ME!
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 27, 2014 10:39:58 GMT -5
If you have a basic PM cert and a SCRUM cert, you should be good to go at most of the tech companies up here.
Sweet, I'll do that sometime this year (probably in a few months when I have a little more agile experience under my belt) and renew my PMP cert.
I guess if I have one piece of advice, keep in mind your reasons for wanting to do this, and chatter about them often when apart.
That is a VERY good piece of advice. I'll remember it.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 27, 2014 11:14:48 GMT -5
That part about your DH becoming a SAHD in the future changes things. You don't have to do this now, if that is truly the case. (My DH used to say he wouldn't mind, but his actions say otherwise.) You could always wait until you're done with your contract and line up a new job for you where you want to move, and he wouldn't even have to worry about finding a job there. That is, IF he truly wants to become a SAHD.
|
|