greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 2, 2014 15:25:45 GMT -5
Telling someone who feels completely overwhelmed and taken for granted to just think happy thoughts or just stop doing those certain things when they really can't only creates more frustration. FYI I'm sorry. I certainly didn't intend that by anything I said. I know what I do/did does not work for everyone. At the time I started feeling taken for granted at home my kids were well old enough to do plenty of things for themselves. But, we were a newly blended family and I was trying to make everyone happy. Then I realized I wasn't happy and that, left unaddressed, can only lead to disaster. So, I was able to stop waiting on everyone hand and foot and let them take care of themselves. Anyway, I DO hope you find something that works for you and you aren't taken for granted because it's a lousy feeling to have.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 2, 2014 15:27:54 GMT -5
I probably get more thanks from DD than anyone. Even then, it feels like it's few & far between, & I get more thank you's from the girl than anyone. Although sometimes I also get "thank you" from DH. And, from Mom, when I do her laundry. Others, not so much...
GEL, good planning! I'd skip it too, if everyone leaves you the mess. Appreciate the vote of support. I'm feeling pretty guilty right now. Easter was horrific and I'm not having one more holiday ruined by working my butt off all day so that others can enjoy their "day off". I wouldn't mind a bit if we sort of took turns on who gets the "day off", but that doesn't seem to be happening, so I'm just not going. Sounds kind of pouty and whiny when I put it down on paper. It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 2, 2014 15:38:34 GMT -5
Telling someone who feels completely overwhelmed and taken for granted to just think happy thoughts or just stop doing those certain things when they really can't only creates more frustration. FYI See, but when I feel overwhelmed, I feel like the onus is on me to figure out why and start fixing it. When the third came along, our household dynamic definitely changed. I'm also more careful about how I spend my time. My idea of what is necessary now isn't the same as it was 2 years ago. So why are you completely overwhelmed?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2014 15:45:55 GMT -5
Come to think of it. I don't think owning your choices/decisions, focusing on the positives and making a changes if necessarily is = 'just think happy thoughts'
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quince
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Post by quince on Jul 2, 2014 15:53:01 GMT -5
Very occasionally taken for granted at home, but I tend to speak up pretty quickly- and the rest of the time, the husband pay more attention to my reserves than I do, so it kind of balances out.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 2, 2014 16:23:58 GMT -5
That's not that uncommon in the workplace. The head of the other department didn't want to "ninja" you out from under your current boss without discussing it with them first. It was just common courtesy. I wouldn't take it personally. What if the current supervisor tries to put the brakes on it? Then, in my experience, it comes down to who has the most pull in the organization and who is most in favor with upper management.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jul 2, 2014 16:32:54 GMT -5
Appreciate the vote of support. I'm feeling pretty guilty right now. Easter was horrific and I'm not having one more holiday ruined by working my butt off all day so that others can enjoy their "day off". I wouldn't mind a bit if we sort of took turns on who gets the "day off", but that doesn't seem to be happening, so I'm just not going. Sounds kind of pouty and whiny when I put it down on paper. It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either. Thanks. I'm actually feeling a bit better about my decision. It's helpful when one gets input from others who have "been there/done that".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2014 16:36:01 GMT -5
Sometimes there are things you have to deal with that aren't a choice and/or aren't within your power to change at the moment and you just have to muddle through. So my "be happy" dialogue really isn't working right now... It's not always that easy. If you really feel that you have no choices and no power/options then I am truely sorry for your predicament. I assume you have to have at least some positives in your life?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2014 16:37:23 GMT -5
That's not that uncommon in the workplace. The head of the other department didn't want to "ninja" you out from under your current boss without discussing it with them first. It was just common courtesy. I wouldn't take it personally. What if the current supervisor tries to put the brakes on it? Then I would request a comparable position in your current department, or suggest you might be looking elsewhere, where there are opportunities for advancement...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2014 16:47:11 GMT -5
That's good. I was worried for a minute.
I ran ran into a homeschool mom friend today I think is depressed. I'm not sure how to help her. I'm a 'do something' type. But I don't know how to help...
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 2, 2014 16:51:41 GMT -5
Do you feel taken for granted in your home and family life? No, but I'm the working parent. My responsibilities around the house during the week are pretty limited. I work hard at making sure I don't take my hubby for granted. My kids both squeal "mommy" when I walk in the door at the end of the day.
Do your kids and/or spouse not appreciate all the things, big and small, you do? Hubby and I say thank you A LOT around the house. We thank each other if we just had a pleasant day together. We thank each other when we feel like we have had to wrestle alligators to get the kids to bed. It is really easy as parents of young kids to let things go and not appreciate what the other person is doing because frankly it is boring - laundry, diaper changes, supper - but for us saying thank you goes a long way to keeping us a team. It is harder to allow resentment to grow if you are recognized for the work you do.
What about in your work life? My boss makes a point to let us know that he appreciates us. While our salaries aren't top of the line, we get good-to-great bonuses and great contributions to our retirement accounts. He says thank you a lot. He'll take us out to lunch a fairly regular basis (a couple times a month). He makes sure we know that he couldn't do this without. I try to pass it along when I ask for something from someone else at work. We have an intern. When I ask him to do something for me and he completes it, I tell him thanks and tell him when he does a good job. To me, it does make a difference to know that you are appreciated.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 2, 2014 17:01:12 GMT -5
I don't feel taken for granted. Partly because my kids are still really young, so I don't really expect heartfelt thanks for stuff like dishes or laundry. But, they do appreciate when we do something fun or they get a treat.
At work I was appreciated, but IMO underpaid for my current experience & growth. But, at my last review I said this & got almost a 9% raise, so can't complain about that.
It helps that I finally got rid of the one person in my life that totally took me for granted & was dragging me down for years. Anything since then really seems like small potatoes in comparison.
And while sometimes we are stuck in situations that truly suck & we can't really control. There is something to be said for focusing on the positive. They have done all kinds of studies and such on happiness & one of the biggest indicators on how happy you are is how much you focus on positive things in your life vs the negative things. There have been several TED talks on the subject. I know they say that something as simple as writing down 3-5 things everyday that you are grateful for will actually make you a happier person after a month.
I am trying to work on this with my son because he is a fairly negative person, so whenever he says something that he is upset about I make him tell me something that made him happy that day. I am trying to work on this with myself too because I am also pretty negative & I spent too many years unhappy. I finally realized if you aren't happy, then WTF is the point of life & that I need to work to make myself happy (which I admit isn't necessarily easy, especially in some situations).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 2, 2014 20:02:53 GMT -5
Appreciate the vote of support. I'm feeling pretty guilty right now. Easter was horrific and I'm not having one more holiday ruined by working my butt off all day so that others can enjoy their "day off". I wouldn't mind a bit if we sort of took turns on who gets the "day off", but that doesn't seem to be happening, so I'm just not going. Sounds kind of pouty and whiny when I put it down on paper. It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either. Take a long walk alone when that happens. I don't watch anyone's kids ever unless I want to.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jul 2, 2014 20:18:33 GMT -5
actually I just found out this is the case for me pretty much all my life from just about everyone! so I left the girlfriend, she now has to figure out on her own. and I am learning to say NO and STOP being so supportive, helpful, and caring!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 3, 2014 8:50:04 GMT -5
It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either. Take a long walk alone when that happens. I don't watch anyone's kids ever unless I want to. I just quit going, they didn't mention stuff to us until last minute most of the time and we were supposed to drop whatever and go. Besides, half of the places the relatives have lived are places I don't really want to walk alone in.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 3, 2014 9:18:51 GMT -5
Appreciate the vote of support. I'm feeling pretty guilty right now. Easter was horrific and I'm not having one more holiday ruined by working my butt off all day so that others can enjoy their "day off". I wouldn't mind a bit if we sort of took turns on who gets the "day off", but that doesn't seem to be happening, so I'm just not going. Sounds kind of pouty and whiny when I put it down on paper. It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either. People still smoke?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 3, 2014 9:19:48 GMT -5
It's no more pouty than me not showing up for gatherings of my in laws. Everyone but me smokes, so they'd all go outside to smoke and leave me with the kids. 6 or 7 young kids at the time, some with untreated ADD. Wouldn't ask if I'd mind watching them and wouldn't come back. DH used to look at me funny and say I should go outside too. Um, no, I don't want 8 people's worth of secondhand smoke either. People still smoke? Don't even get me started. You know how YM always says it's the broke ones on food stamps that smoke?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 3, 2014 9:54:14 GMT -5
Oh boy.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 3, 2014 13:05:10 GMT -5
Don't even get me started. You know how YM always says it's the broke ones on food stamps that smoke? Do they have big dogs that eat through large bags of dogfood in no-time too?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 3, 2014 13:07:59 GMT -5
Don't even get me started. You know how YM always says it's the broke ones on food stamps that smoke? Do they have big dogs that eat through large bags of dogfood in no-time too? No, actually they don't.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 3, 2014 13:10:59 GMT -5
Do they have big dogs that eat through large bags of dogfood in no-time too? No, actually they don't. Darn, they would have fit in this town so well...
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 3, 2014 13:25:29 GMT -5
Darn, they would have fit in this town so well... I can find them one if you'll take them
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 3, 2014 13:44:01 GMT -5
Darn, they would have fit in this town so well... I can find them one if you'll take them No! I got rid of my in-laws! I mean, uh, I wouldn't want to take the blessings that are in-laws away from you. That would be selfish of me.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 3, 2014 13:46:39 GMT -5
I can find them one if you'll take them No! I got rid of my in-laws! I mean, uh, I wouldn't want to take the blessings that are in-laws away from you. That would be selfish of me. Be selfish, it's ok, everyone has to take care of themselves now and then.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 3, 2014 13:47:11 GMT -5
Do they have big dogs that eat through large bags of dogfood in no-time too? I have two of those who have eaten large bags of dog food in under an hour.. when the pantry door has been left open... ugh! Ugh... I have one, but found out if I buy her the kind she doesn't really like, she'll eat less
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 3, 2014 13:52:14 GMT -5
my dogs will eat stuff that isn't even food... I swear my lab has Pica. I bought Blue Buffalo once in the name of being a "good" pet owner. That's the first thing I found that dog wouldn't eat. She didn't eat for a week. Maybe if BB came in used Q-tip flavor she'd eat it.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 3, 2014 15:26:54 GMT -5
Haha, that's mine too. When we got her she would eat my son's sock and tea towels (the towel would disappear from the kitchen and show up later, um, "passed" in the backyard ) She loves to dig used tissues out of the trash, etc. But, apparently, she's "too good" for the last dog food I bought (I usually mix two kinds, but they were out of one so I bought a different one).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 8:25:37 GMT -5
I'm assuming I'm not being taken for granted, because DH, kids and grand kids are always thanking me for the things I do for them.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 10, 2014 8:51:56 GMT -5
I am, apparently, the only one in this house that knows how to clean a dish (or stack a dishwasher.) My husband always says "Thanks for cleaning the kitchen." Talk is cheap.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 10, 2014 13:53:08 GMT -5
Yes, I feel taken for granted at home. I'm trying to talk about it instead of just blowing up at whomever's handy.
And did they miss you on the 4th?
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