What age to use gender-specific restrooms?

[midjd]

We've had this discussion before, but the last couple of pages of the "child locked in car" thread made me wonder. At what age do your kids (or do you think kids) can/should begin using the restroom to which they are assigned by gender? (Assume no family restrooms available).

Say you are a man with a 3yo daughter who has to pee. Where do you go? How about a 6yo daughter? Do you ask someone else to accompany your child? Are you creeped out if you're using the restroom and a first grader of the opposite sex comes out of a stall?

The public pool we always attended when I was a kid required you to walk through the locker rooms to get to the pool... I think my brother was 5 or 6 before my mom felt OK letting him walk through the men's locker room by himself (he was easily distracted and she didn't want to have to run in to retrieve him ). I don't remember when he started using the men's room, but I think it was earlier than that.

Just curious whether there is a consensus on this.

[Deleted]

I think my son was about 5 or 6 when I started sending him into the men's room and waiting outside.  This is a kid that (still) can take forever to go, so there was a few times when I asked someone to go check on him. 

And no, I'm not creeped out no matter how old they are (ok, maybe if they were like 16 I would think it was weird).  

[milee]

As usual - depends on both the kid and the situation.

Especially when you're traveling or unsure of the surroundings, it makes sense to bring kids in with you. (But I'm saying this from a woman's POV, haven't spent much time in the men's room, so not sure if that's still true if you're a man.) My oldest son was very, very small for his age and there is no way in heck I felt comfy sending him in alone to male locker room situations at 5 years old - he was still wearing clothes that fit 2 and 3 year olds at that time.

But I did talk specifically and directly to both my boys about bathrooms and the need to respect the privacy of others. We practiced talking quietly, not staring, how to politely look away, how to ignore others, things like that. So I was doing my best to help balance things out by teaching them manners even though I'm sure bringing them into the bathroom made some people uncomfortable. 

[JustLurkin]

10.  Because people are nuts.

I can still see the video of the girl going to the bathroom by herself in vegas and the guys killing her...just googled it and am shocked it was 1997.

[zibazinski]

I don't know but I sure wish some of these helicopter moms would trust their very old sons to use their own restroom and not the ladies room.

[whoisjohngalt]

Jun 24, 2014 8:26:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I think my son was about 5 or 6 when I started sending him into the men's room and waiting outside.  This is a kid that (still) can take forever to go, so there was a few times when I asked someone to go check on him. 

I am way too paranoid to let them go in by themselves.  Which really sucks, bc other than me worrying about horrible things happening to them, they are 100% self-sufficient in using public restrooms. 

I think I would have felt differently if I had girls.

[milee]

Jun 24, 2014 8:26:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

This is a kid that (still) can take forever to go, so there was a few times when I asked someone to go check on him. 

No joke.  Especially with boys that are easily distracted or - at younger ages - still don't have much of a concept about keeping clean.

I can picture it now - me waiting outside the door for 10 minutes and realizing I can hear splashing and giggling from inside the door... 

[Deleted]

Hmmm, a man taking his young daughter into the men's room to pee seems like it might be awkward. I've never been in a men's restroom, but on tv (lol!) the urinals don't have doors.

I wouldn't be creeped out if a Mom brought her first grader into the women's restroom to pee. I'd understand.

I have a son that I took plenty of places by myself. I don't remember at what age I started letting him go in the men's room by himself. 5 or 6 sounds like it might be close.

[whoisjohngalt]

OKkkkk.....just read JustLurkin's post - may be I wouldn't feel differently even if I had girls...

[thyme4change]

My daughter was a little more timid, so she didn't start going to the bathroom by herself until my son did.  He was pretty young - maybe 4.  I would usually stand right by the door and give the optical pat-down to anybody entering the bathroom he was in.  I would have no problems sticking my head into the men's room if I thought it was taking too long.  Men don't seem to be terribly freaked out by it.

The only time I was actually worried was when my son bolted into a bathroom in a public park.  The whole park was nice, but this one bathroom was crazy weird.  It is where all the homeless washed themselves.  I just had to hope than my son was oblivious to what everyone else was doing, and he was.  

[zibazinski]

DS was maybe 6 or 7 and we were in the Denver airport using the restroom on the way to Oregon to see family. All of a sudden he refused to go in with me and DD to the ladies. Before it got ugly, a man with two sons around the same age offered to go in with him. So I let him but I waited outside until he came out.

[zibazinski]

Ex took DD into men's room. They have stalls.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2014 8:29:12 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Jun 24, 2014 8:26:58 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I think my son was about 5 or 6 when I started sending him into the men's room and waiting outside.  This is a kid that (still) can take forever to go, so there was a few times when I asked someone to go check on him. 

I am way too paranoid to let them go in by themselves.  Which really sucks, bc other than me worrying about horrible things happening to them, they are 100% self-sufficient in using public restrooms. 

I think I would have felt differently if I had girls.

I'm telling you, turn off that TV. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH will currently take Gwen into the men's restroom with him if I am not around. She has a tendency to wander/hide so no way is he going to let her wait for him and he isn't comfortable letting her go alone into the women's restroom.

When we're all together she goes with me because she insists on it. DH tried to take her to the restroom at Village Inn so I could eat and she refused saying "Daddy that's the BOY'S restroom, I not a BOY!"

That's what I get for teaching her what the signs on the bathroom doors mean.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My DD is 6.  We went to our favorite restaurant over the weekend.  The ladies room is a single stall/room.  So even though it was about 30 feet from our table and she's used it in the past - she wanted me to walk her there.  I waited outside the door for her.  Cabe (4.5) wanted to go in with her and she wasn't having it and I was keeping him out.  So after sulking for a moment, he went back to the table and got Dad to take him to the men's room. 

I'm not exactly sure what happens when she and DH go places.  I know in the past he's taken her into the men's room.  And we try to push using the bathroom before we leave.  I don't think he's especially comfortable taking her in the men's room, ever.  But I don't think she'd go willingly into the ladies room without someone to go with her.  You do what you have to do. 

Our school's K4 classrooms have 2 bathroom stalls - one for boys and one for girls.  I think this helped her figure it out.  Cabe starts K4 in fall so we'll see. 

[zibazinski]

I've escorted a few little girls to the restroom when they decided, much to their Dad's WTF, that they weren't going to go into the men's room. 

[alabamagal]

Jun 24, 2014 8:33:02 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Ex took DD into men's room. They have stalls.

Yes but they also have some who are not in stalls.  That is what I would worry about with girls in the men's restroom.

In women's restroom, everyone is in stalls.  A boy in there is not likely to see any lady parts whereas a girl in the men's restroom could....

[Sam_2.0]

DH will take DD in the men's room only if he has no other choice, but he's more freaked out about germs than anything else I'll let my 8-yr old nephew go into the men's room by himself but I do stand by the door and have no problem walking in there if I need to (which thankfully I haven't!!). I'll open the door and holler to him to make sure things are ok if he's taking awhile and no guys have seemed to mind.

I took DD into the men's room at the zoo once. Had no idea, just walked into the wrong one and used the changing table. Didn't realize until we were done that it was the men's room because a couple of guys were walking in and others were walking out. They all just seemed to think it was funny and I was so embarassed. But hey, DD got her diaper changed. And the changing table in there was surprisingly super clean, probably because it doesn't get as much use

[raeoflyte]

Haven't gotten there yet and ds is spitting distance to 5. I'll let ds use the men's room on his own long before I'll let him wait outside for me.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[midjd]

It does seem like one of those situations in which there is a gender double-standard.

I would be a little freaked out if a guy came into the women's room, even if he had a little girl with him. I would not be bothered by a woman with a little boy. 

I would be happy to escort a little girl into the restroom, or bring in one of my nephews (maybe not the 7.5yo) to the women's room with me. But the thought of sending a hypothetical son or one of my nephews into the restroom with a strange man would freak me out.

Not necessarily logical, but there it is.

[whoisjohngalt]

Jun 24, 2014 8:37:36 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jun 24, 2014 8:29:12 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I am way too paranoid to let them go in by themselves.  Which really sucks, bc other than me worrying about horrible things happening to them, they are 100% self-sufficient in using public restrooms. 

I think I would have felt differently if I had girls.

I'm telling you, turn off that TV. 

LOL.  I should, shouldn't?

[Sam_2.0]

Oh, and at places where it's just single stall/room for mens and womens, I have no problem using the mens as long as there are no guys waiting in line. It's a private room with a locking door. I wish they would just both be unisex rooms and be done with it.

[zibazinski]

Doesn't have to be logical which is probably why I see way too old of boys in the ladies room. Feelings are feelings. Logic is logic.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Yes but they also have some who are not in stalls

That's when daddy panics. Fortunately the couple of times that has happened I've been with them.

DH said if he had been alone his solution would have been to find a bush. Gotta love man logic.

[Ryan]

Call me a helicopter parent, but I still have my 6 year old go in with an adult.  There was just an article last week about a pervert in a walmart bathroom.  Realistically, it's not that much of a concern for me but I'll put it off until he's a bit older.  

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2014 8:44:33 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Jun 24, 2014 8:33:02 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Ex took DD into men's room. They have stalls.

Yes but they also have some who are not in stalls.  That is what I would worry about with girls in the men's restroom.

In women's restroom, everyone is in stalls.  A boy in there is not likely to see any lady parts whereas a girl in the men's restroom could....

and is the world going to end if a little girl sees a penis?  heck DD was 22 months when DS1 was born - she saw a penis plenty of times.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 24, 2014 9:02:19 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Jun 24, 2014 8:44:33 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Yes but they also have some who are not in stalls.  That is what I would worry about with girls in the men's restroom.

In women's restroom, everyone is in stalls.  A boy in there is not likely to see any lady parts whereas a girl in the men's restroom could....

and is the world going to end if a little girl sees a penis?  heck DD was 22 months when DS1 was born - she saw a penis plenty of times.

I think the deal is that DH doesn't want her seeing HIS penis.  At least that's how it is in our house.  Seeing her brother's isn't an issue.

[giramomma]

I stopped bringing DS in when DS no longer wanted to come into the bathroom with me. I think at 5ish he was in the bathroom with me but not in the stall. For sure by 6 he was going to the bathroom with me waiting outside..

If we can get a family bathroom, that's what we opt for when the kids are preschool aged. Plus, the toilets are lower to the ground, and not automatic flush. My first had issues with the automatic flushers until he was 5ish.

DH has no choice but to take our DDs to the men's room when they are young if there's no family bathroom. He's never been to one where there hasn't been a stall. Our other choices are impractical/undesirable. We've really never found it to be a big deal.

We also aren't an overly modest family. DS has seen two sisters, now get changed. When DS and DD1 were little, I used to bathe them together, just because then baths went quicker. I had to stop when DD1 thought DS's boy parts were a fun play toy.





 

[alabamagal]

Jun 24, 2014 9:07:30 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jun 24, 2014 9:02:19 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

and is the world going to end if a little girl sees a penis?  heck DD was 22 months when DS1 was born - she saw a penis plenty of times.

I think the deal is that DH doesn't want her seeing HIS penis.  At least that's how it is in our house.  Seeing her brother's isn't an issue.

I just don't want them seeing a penis in that situation.  And asking for an explanation when we are not ready to discuss that.

DD and DS1 are 16 months apart and took baths together many times probably up until they were 3 and 4.  That is quite different than a girl being in a men's restroom.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Mine occasionally take baths together still.  And run around the house naked.  I agree it's different in the men's restroom but most guys are facing the wall/urinal, aren't they?  I'm not sure how much there really is to see.  It's not like the men are dropping their pants to their ankles and doing the twist in there.  Guys?  Anything interesting going on in there?