thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 24, 2014 9:55:17 GMT -5
Call me a helicopter parent, but I still have my 6 year old go in with an adult. There was just an article last week about a pervert in a walmart bathroom. Realistically, it's not that much of a concern for me but I'll put it off until he's a bit older. That is an irrational fear I had too. For a while, I would tell my son to go in, and I would stand there with the door open and he had to tell me if there was anyone in there. I would often times hold the door open the whole time and listen. I told him to scream if anything weird happened. In reality, he is probably more at risk now that he is 10 - and probably more at risk from his teacher or priest or our neighbor or whatever. But, I don't seem to think twice about it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 24, 2014 9:59:38 GMT -5
Well, there was a case where a 9 yr old boy went into a men's room at the beach and some perp slashed his neck and killed him. And, recently, at a Walmart, some perp molested a boy. So, while RARE , this type of danger does exist.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 24, 2014 10:00:49 GMT -5
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 24, 2014 10:01:19 GMT -5
The aunt was standing just OUTSIDE of the bathroom.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 24, 2014 10:03:28 GMT -5
Mine occasionally take baths together still. And run around the house naked. I agree it's different in the men's restroom but most guys are facing the wall/urinal, aren't they? I'm not sure how much there really is to see. It's not like the men are dropping their pants to their ankles and doing the twist in there. Guys? Anything interesting going on in there? And if there is, we wanna see proof!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2014 10:10:22 GMT -5
Well, there was a case where a 9 yr old boy went into a men's room at the beach and some perp slashed his neck and killed him. And, recently, at a Walmart, some perp molested a boy. So, while RARE , this type of danger does exist. It sucks, but you can't protect your kids against every possibility of a psycho around the corner. That guy could have just as easily killed both of them. Kids are getting shot and slashed at school too.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 24, 2014 10:17:23 GMT -5
I know. And, you can't really live life in fear of the worse because you couldn't function if you did. Just pointing out that there are things that have given parents pause.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jun 24, 2014 10:25:31 GMT -5
Doesn't this truly depend on where the public restrooms ARE located, the age and experience of the kid, and their ability to do all the appropriate stuff in the bathroom? (you know actually use a toilet, not make a mess of their clothing (yeah, I know it doesn't always work as planned), remember to wash their hands, and how good they are at some general safety - like don't take stuff from strangers, don't talk to strangers, whatever else little kids are taught about public safety these days.)
I would think if a kid can go potty at home by him/her self without mishap or supervision - they are probably a candidate for public restroom use by themselves. I'd probably NOT send a kid alone for the first time into a public restroom IF they've never been in one before - they are often very different than the one at home and maybe even the one at school and I would think curiosity might make for some bad judgement calls.
I'd also consider the place: the museum or zoo or amusement park with lots of families and kids where the restrooms have an IN door and then the OUT door a bit away where you can wait for the kid to come out - I'd probably let the kid go alone. If the kid had to traverse thru an area to get to the restroom (like the pool locker room) I'd maybe be a little more cautious. I'd also be cautious if the bathroom wasn't currently a 'busy' place - if there was a line o' people waiting to get in I'd probably wouldn't think twice.
A minor or major league ballpark, for example, with potentially drunken people (or people needing some privacy to, um, get high) maybe I'd not send a young kid in alone (unless this was something they've experienced before).
Any other public place with lots of adults (or mostly adults/teens) I'd probably carefully consider sending a 6 or 7 year old into a bathroom alone... that would be hotels, the Oasis's on the highway system, a gas station, maybe even a family restaurant. I'd definitely wait outside the door if I did send the kid in. I wouldn't wait in the car or lobby or at the table.
You can't shelter your kids forever I get that... but hopefully I'd like my kid to have a bit more "the weird stuff that happens when you get out into the general public" experience with a parent/friendly adult/guardian around before having to deal with this kind of stuff alone.
Remember I live in a densely populated area, so the seamier side of life isn't ever that far away.
FWIW: as a woman - the empty store bathrooms at the back of the store - are a place that causes ME to have second thoughts about using. As a woman walking blindly into a 'secluded' area with little foot traffic seems like not a good idea. I doubt men even give this stuff a second thought when going to the bathroom. I wouldn't send a kid alone into a bathroom where I felt that twinge of "Be Careful!! Be Alert!!".
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 24, 2014 10:54:57 GMT -5
That's a good point.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 24, 2014 11:13:02 GMT -5
I don't care who uses what restroom as long as they keep it tidy. And non-stinky!
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jun 24, 2014 11:25:27 GMT -5
Call me a helicopter parent, but I still have my 6 year old go in with an adult. There was just an article last week about a pervert in a walmart bathroom. Realistically, it's not that much of a concern for me but I'll put it off until he's a bit older. That is an irrational fear I had too. For a while, I would tell my son to go in, and I would stand there with the door open and he had to tell me if there was anyone in there. I would often times hold the door open the whole time and listen. I told him to scream if anything weird happened. In reality, he is probably more at risk now that he is 10 - and probably more at risk from his teacher or priest or our neighbor or whatever. But, I don't seem to think twice about it. I can say that I could probably let all my kids go into the public bathroom and nothing, ever, bad would happen. I just don't consider it a big deal to bring the kid into the bathroom. I don't tell him "Hey, let me go in there with you in case there is some pervert hiding out". There are tons of things that I do that my parents wouldn't think of doing, but I just don't consider it to be super burdensome. In the summer, I check my kids for ticks every night because I knew someone recently that got Lyme disease. That's probably a bit much, but it makes me feel better that I'm at least looking. I don't tell my kids "Be careful going into the grass because I don't want those little spiders to get you". I just take a little extra precaution.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 24, 2014 11:32:34 GMT -5
I don't care too much as to what happens in the ladies room, where I DO have issues is seeing an 8 year old boy in the ladies locker room at my gym.
At this age, they should be able to dress themselves AND they are able to pay attention to the female anatomy. One day, I was changing out of my work clothes to workout clothes and felt a pair of eyes on me. I turned around to see what looked like ~8 year old gawking. I put my shirt back on and went to see the management of the gym. Not long afterwards, a sign went up on the door where children were not allowed in the locker room. At the pool (the only place children could be), there were a couple of family locker rooms with no gender denoted on the door, so those could be used to change in and out of swimsuits. However, they did not have as amenities as the big locker room so the parents tended to use the major locker room instead.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2014 11:35:20 GMT -5
That is an irrational fear I had too. For a while, I would tell my son to go in, and I would stand there with the door open and he had to tell me if there was anyone in there. I would often times hold the door open the whole time and listen. I told him to scream if anything weird happened. In reality, he is probably more at risk now that he is 10 - and probably more at risk from his teacher or priest or our neighbor or whatever. But, I don't seem to think twice about it. I can say that I could probably let all my kids go into the public bathroom and nothing, ever, bad would happen. I just don't consider it a big deal to bring the kid into the bathroom. I don't tell him "Hey, let me go in there with you in case there is some pervert hiding out". There are tons of things that I do that my parents wouldn't think of doing, but I just don't consider it to be super burdensome. In the summer, I check my kids for ticks every night because I knew someone recently that got Lyme disease. That's probably a bit much, but it makes me feel better that I'm at least looking. I don't tell my kids "Be careful going into the grass because I don't want those little spiders to get you". I just take a little extra precaution. Yeah, but when do you quit? Never? The kid that Shooby posted that got killed was 9. I can't see bringing a 9 year old boy into the women's restroom. My son would have been appalled at the thought by that age.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 24, 2014 11:46:43 GMT -5
We aren't there yet and that is all I know. DS is still struggling with the loud noises of a public restroom. I still have to coax him into the restroom. He's only been potty trained for not quite a year. So, we aren't there. I don't know when we are going to be there.
As for DH taking DD into the mens room, it just depends. We still take showers with both kids (4.5 and 1.5). I haven't taken as many showers with DS lately, but I did last weekend and he had no interest in my body. So, we aren't very modest at our house. At some point, I'm going to have to stop showering with DS and in at some point DH will have to stop showering with DD. I figured 3 years ago that I would only shower with DS until he was 3 or 4. But it still happens because he isn't concerned with my body and our differences.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Jun 24, 2014 11:56:31 GMT -5
As Tiny said, it is usually a judgment call. If DH was with me, we naturally did divide and conquer with the kids - he took the boys, I took the girls. If I was alone, and they were preschool age, they all came with me, just so they didn't wander off. Once they hit school age, they could go in together (safety in numbers). When the older ones were, oh maybe MS age they could take preschool younger sibs instead of a parent. Of course, we are in a small community where everyone watches out for all the kids, so I am more relaxed in our area, and more careful in unfamiliar surroundings.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jun 24, 2014 11:59:46 GMT -5
I can say that I could probably let all my kids go into the public bathroom and nothing, ever, bad would happen. I just don't consider it a big deal to bring the kid into the bathroom. I don't tell him "Hey, let me go in there with you in case there is some pervert hiding out". There are tons of things that I do that my parents wouldn't think of doing, but I just don't consider it to be super burdensome. In the summer, I check my kids for ticks every night because I knew someone recently that got Lyme disease. That's probably a bit much, but it makes me feel better that I'm at least looking. I don't tell my kids "Be careful going into the grass because I don't want those little spiders to get you". I just take a little extra precaution. Yeah, but when do you quit? Never? The kid that Shooby posted that got killed was 9. I can't see bringing a 9 year old boy into the women's restroom. My son would have been appalled at the thought by that age. When appropriate I guess. My 5 (almost 6 year old) is still just an innocent little kid. Maybe if his eyes started roving and he started looking under the stalls, then I'd reconsider
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Jun 24, 2014 12:06:38 GMT -5
We aren't there yet and that is all I know. DS is still struggling with the loud noises of a public restroom. I still have to coax him into the restroom. He's only been potty trained for not quite a year. So, we aren't there. I don't know when we are going to be there. As for DH taking DD into the mens room, it just depends. We still take showers with both kids (4.5 and 1.5). I haven't taken as many showers with DS lately, but I did last weekend and he had no interest in my body. So, we aren't very modest at our house. At some point, I'm going to have to stop showering with DS and in at some point DH will have to stop showering with DD. I figured 3 years ago that I would only shower with DS until he was 3 or 4. But it still happens because he isn't concerned with my body and our differences. It's funny, my kids wanted to visit(um, check out) the restroom in every place we went, especially grocery stores. I think it was an excuse to get a drink from the drinking fountain. Kids that come to the library for storyhour do it, too. We did shower with the younger kids, too. Modesty suddenly seemed to kick in once they went to school; not sure if it is the age, or influence of other kids' thinking.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 24, 2014 14:11:27 GMT -5
I can say that I could probably let all my kids go into the public bathroom and nothing, ever, bad would happen. I just don't consider it a big deal to bring the kid into the bathroom. I don't tell him "Hey, let me go in there with you in case there is some pervert hiding out". There are tons of things that I do that my parents wouldn't think of doing, but I just don't consider it to be super burdensome. In the summer, I check my kids for ticks every night because I knew someone recently that got Lyme disease. That's probably a bit much, but it makes me feel better that I'm at least looking. I don't tell my kids "Be careful going into the grass because I don't want those little spiders to get you". I just take a little extra precaution. You might not tell kids that you are checking for spiders - but they will pick up on it and you will instill that fear in them.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jun 24, 2014 14:29:55 GMT -5
I can say that I could probably let all my kids go into the public bathroom and nothing, ever, bad would happen. I just don't consider it a big deal to bring the kid into the bathroom. I don't tell him "Hey, let me go in there with you in case there is some pervert hiding out". There are tons of things that I do that my parents wouldn't think of doing, but I just don't consider it to be super burdensome. In the summer, I check my kids for ticks every night because I knew someone recently that got Lyme disease. That's probably a bit much, but it makes me feel better that I'm at least looking. I don't tell my kids "Be careful going into the grass because I don't want those little spiders to get you". I just take a little extra precaution. You might not tell kids that you are checking for spiders - but they will pick up on it and you will instill that fear in them. Probably not. You're just teaching them to get in the habit of checking for ticks when they go through a forest. Once they are old enough to do it themselves, they start doing it. I don't know if I'd look that much deeper than that. Teaching a kid to floss, and making sure he does it, means you're taking preventative action. It doesn't mean that they have to fear the dentist all the sudden. I think NOT doing that and letting them find out for themselves is probably worse for developing that fear.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 24, 2014 14:52:26 GMT -5
You might not tell kids that you are checking for spiders - but they will pick up on it and you will instill that fear in them. Probably not. You're just teaching them to get in the habit of checking for ticks when they go through a forest. Once they are old enough to do it themselves, they start doing it. I don't know if I'd look that much deeper than that. Teaching a kid to floss, and making sure he does it, means you're taking preventative action. It doesn't mean that they have to fear the dentist all the sudden. I think NOT doing that and letting them find out for themselves is probably worse for developing that fear. Personally, I think a little fear is healthy. DS has decided that spiders are the coolest thing ever and getting him to learn to leave them alone because we've seen brown recluses and black widows at our house has not been easy. A couple weekends ago, i was weeding the garden and disturbed an ant colony and they were crawling all over, DS let one of them crawl on his hand (after I said, look don't touch) and it bit him. After that he's been a bit more circumspect that bugs could hurt him.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2014 19:47:49 GMT -5
I have lots of grandkids, and I've had this "discussion" with the older ones when they were about 6. The oldest was pissed that he had to go in the Women's restroom with me. He's usually pissed with me about lots of stuff so it didn't bother me.
I laughed one time because his younger brother needed me to zip up his pants (maybe 4), and he said, "You touched my wee-wee." Obviously, his mom had taught him right! I assured him that it was accidental and told his mom.
Now I can send the older kid (ten) with any of the others so it's cool.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Jun 24, 2014 21:41:59 GMT -5
I'm not a parent, but it makes me uncomfortable when a dad sends a very young girl into the women's bathroom by herself who can't go to the bathroom by herself. I've been approached a couple of times by little girls asking if I could help them with the buttons on their pants or help them go to the bathroom. It makes me cringe that someone could take advantage of them. I've always told them no, and have called the dad in to take care of the kid while I warned anyone who wanted to use the restroom that there was a guy in there with his daughter.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 24, 2014 21:57:01 GMT -5
This brings up my pet peeve - single people using family restrooms. Sorry.....many times, they are also h/c accessible. If I walk into the ladies room, chances are also that the h/c stall is being used. If the family restroom is available, I know that the pull bars are available.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 25, 2014 0:31:50 GMT -5
Whatever age they are where they can wipe themselves. I can remember being in the bathroom where a little girl called out "Somebody wipe me!" I never ran so fast in my life looking for her parents and then realized it was the dad outside waiting. Guess who got the job. And people wonder why I never had kids.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jun 25, 2014 1:08:42 GMT -5
As Tiny said, it is usually a judgment call. If DH was with me, we naturally did divide and conquer with the kids - he took the boys, I took the girls... That was our plan while traveling too. Except I would hold it in and xH would take the boys. There had to be some advantage to not having any girls right?
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jun 25, 2014 1:25:23 GMT -5
Well, there was a case where a 9 yr old boy went into a men's room at the beach and some perp slashed his neck and killed him. And, recently, at a Walmart, some perp molested a boy. So, while RARE , this type of danger does exist. It exists regardless of age. It comes down to each kid. I was using restrooms at 7. If I was with a daughter and momless she's going to the mens room.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 25, 2014 1:40:40 GMT -5
We still shower with our kids (yeah...they're 8&9). The 9yo son has autism and can't shower alone (or at least get clean) so he's with me most of the time. Seems weird to not have my 8yo daughter in there too due to modesty. We aren't nudists by ANY means, but DH and I both dress/undress in front of the kids if they happen to be in our room when it happens. So far, the kids don't seem to care. Sometimes they'll mention something about my body or their body and I give an anatomy lesson. But, I'm very clinical and bodies don't gross me out or embarrass me. I've also given my kids books about puberty and sex. My 9yo knows more about the female reproductive system than my DH. Ironically, my kids are very modest around their friends/schoolmates. They've picked up social modesty from their peers, but it ends if the peers aren't around and it's just the family. I figure eventually the kids will let us know when they want more modesty with us. In many many ways I'm really sad that kids don't see adults naked in bathrooms or locker rooms. Naked adult bodies have years of wear on them and it's good for kids to see that. Instead they get exposed to Photoshopped images of some ideal 20yo body and think that's reality because they don't have any personal experience showing otherwise. At least by seeing my haggard, flabby self they know a bit about reality. As to the OP's question - at about age 7 I started having DS use the men's room. I wanted to be respectful of other women (although with his autism he had zero interest in watching them). But they wouldn't know that, so I started sending him to the men's room when he just got too big to be in the women's room. Course, it took 1-2 years for me to be confident he wouldn't end up playing/hanging out in there for 20 minutes. I've stood outside the men's room bathroom door yelling at him to "hurry up" more times than I can count.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 25, 2014 2:18:40 GMT -5
Don't remember. Maybe 5ish. Loop usually took them in with her when they were little, although I had to take one or both of them into the men's room a few times.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jun 25, 2014 5:36:32 GMT -5
My DS is 4 and I don't think he'd want to go into a public restroom on his own at this age. I would guess about 6 is when he'd be ready for that.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 25, 2014 6:46:02 GMT -5
I have no problem with boys in the bathroom or locker room. Mothers want to protect their sons too. And, if that particular mom feels more comfortable with that, who cares? At least it is nice to see there are parents trying versus the nightly news where kids are neglected and killed on a daily basis.
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