zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 24, 2014 8:21:40 GMT -5
?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 24, 2014 8:30:28 GMT -5
Zib, are you getting married or did you/DF call it off?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 24, 2014 8:38:18 GMT -5
Postponed it until DF is better and I'm of sound mind! Which means never if we are waiting on my mind to be sound!!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 24, 2014 8:43:16 GMT -5
Postponed it until DF is better and I'm of sound mind! Which means never if we are waiting on my mind to be sound!! Oh, ok. You guys do have all the medical POA crap taken care of right? I wouldn't want you to be unable to make decisions on his care or be excluded.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 24, 2014 8:45:26 GMT -5
We do. Next visit to transplant place, we are bringing it so they have it on file. We have several copies. We meet the big kahuna July 7 at 2 pm! I'm assuming this means DF is going to make the list because why would the surgeon meet us if the answer was NO?
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jun 24, 2014 9:00:59 GMT -5
At any rate, you can't ask for the money back because it was a gift. Doesn't matter if the wedding didn't happen, it was a gift. It's tacky to want to take back a gift. And to avoid all confusion, why is it so hard for internet people to just write "my husband, daughter, son, etc." Have you also thought that maybe your step son doesn't have the financial means to move out of the apartment? Totally disagree that this is a "gift" in the traditional sense. She gave him money towards a specific purpose. We don't even know if he is out that money. Look at another scenario. Parents "gift" their kid $20K to pay the bills for their upcoming wedding. Child then cancels the wedding, gets $15K of the 20K back, then keeps it because "it's a gift"? I'm also not sure why people just assume he should leave her. Having 1 person in the relationship being honest about how they aren't ready to get married doesn't necessarily mean they have to break up. More people need to be honest about not being ready to get married, even if it's last minute and even if it's unpopular at the time.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Jun 24, 2014 9:04:04 GMT -5
I don't know anyone who helped a child finiancially through a divorce. You do now. My wife and I. $2,500 upfront, and another $1,000 later on the first low life lawyer who did absolutley nothing for my son, divorce lawyers never bill in future months-cash up front, dragged it out for 11 months, not even close to a resolution, and when he realized his lawyer was an ass, we contacted a friend to do it for him, and she finished it up in three months and $1,700. She also told us his first lawyer hated daughter-in-law's attorney and vice versa, and both just ran the bills up fighting their own personal hatred of each other. It wasn't like a lot of assets were being divided up. My son owned the house, even before they married, and after 17 years of marriage, decided she was a person he could no longer save from herself. She is still in the house after the divorce was finalized (judge's decree) and he is making house payments and the judge decreed he cannot sell the house unless she agrees, even though she has not contributed one dollar to the payment, or upkeep. Naturally she refuses. Free housing is great! Two of the three kids asked to go with dad. The seventeen year old wanted to stay with mom, so son is living in an apartment with two kids, she in a 4 bedroom home with one child, her lowlife brother, and a "non romantic" male friend......yeh, right.....at least he is not responsible for utility bills any longer, that tripled the month after he moved out.
Part of the reason we helped him was he was cash strapped, and after moving out, no cash flow, maintaining two premises and temporary support payments. We figure what the heck, eventually he inherits a third of everything we leave him anyway.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 24, 2014 9:14:44 GMT -5
Postponed it until DF is better and I'm of sound mind! Which means never if we are waiting on my mind to be sound!! Sorry if I panicked anyone. I assumed that it was due to DF's not being well enough. But I did not want to ask on the board and sound like an idyut. I was mostly out of touch for 10 days while on vacation.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 24, 2014 9:17:23 GMT -5
He's doing okay right now. His sugar is high because of the meds he is on but they are doing insulin for that. We finally figured out a way for him to shower on his own, thank GOD!!!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 24, 2014 9:20:43 GMT -5
He's doing okay right now. His sugar is high because of the meds he is on but they are doing insulin for that. We finally figured out a way for him to shower on his own, thank GOD!!! Zib, glad to hear things are improving.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jun 24, 2014 9:20:55 GMT -5
I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that. oy vey How is your DF doing?
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jun 24, 2014 9:24:06 GMT -5
Except, they're still living together!!! why won't he just end it!!! He should have at least some of that $300 to use as a deposit in a new apartment! Have you spoken to her? Heard her side of it? There are 3 sides to every story, in this case, his, hers and the truth.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Jun 24, 2014 9:25:39 GMT -5
$300 for a wedding cake is a bargain!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 24, 2014 9:26:44 GMT -5
Doesn't matter if the wedding didn't happen, it was a gift. It's tacky to want to take back a gift
Actually it's not. In the event that a wedding is postponed or canceled the couple is supposed to return all monetary gifts and/or physical gifts received. If you can afford to it's also considered polite to offer to reimburse your wedding party for any expenses they may have incurred.
Most people are going to write the gifts off, but the couple should at least make the attempt. Keeping everything when you aren't actually going to get married when you said is very rude.
I wouldn't be calling my kid demanding the $300 back, but not even making an offer to pay it back is tacky.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 24, 2014 9:30:34 GMT -5
I don't know anyone who helped a child finiancially through a divorce. Really? I still hold close to my heart the reaction of a few friends when I told them I was divorcing shortly after I was married. I am not sure my parents needed to help me financially, but I do know my Dad's sister got help from her brothers for many years after her divorce. She eventually landed on her feet, but I really think bonds were cemented between in-laws and outlaws through thick and thin. One Uncle really supported his sister financially and emotionally through her divorce. My Aunt and SIL became very close. In later years my Uncle was epileptic and or bi-polar and acting erratically/not taking his meds. My other Aunt and Uncle nearly got divorced, but no one in the family seemed to blame my Aunt. Aunt and Uncle got back together, my Uncle passed several years ago...his wife is welcome/invited/included in family events, where they even travel (SIL with her husband's brothers and sisters) together. These amounts are relatively small. Even a few thousand I would hesitate to bring it up-it seems petty in light of the emotional turmoil the DS must be experiencing. My SIL was supposed to get married to a guy before she met my Brother, and he called the wedding off the day before. Her family called all the guests to let them know it was off, but they missed one of her Aunts. They had a family member at the church to catch any guests who did not get the message, but the aunt made such a big deal about now being notified my SIL has never forgiven her. She and my Brother have always had a solid marriage, but we all heard about how insensitive her Aunt acted.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 24, 2014 9:37:42 GMT -5
At any rate, you can't ask for the money back because it was a gift. Doesn't matter if the wedding didn't happen, it was a gift. It's tacky to want to take back a gift. And to avoid all confusion, why is it so hard for internet people to just write "my husband, daughter, son, etc." Have you also thought that maybe your step son doesn't have the financial means to move out of the apartment? This is a really good point. I still remember my Dad telling me "You can always come Home". If you want the relationship to be over, maybe you should invite him to stay with you for awhile. LOL, my Brother moved home from college with in a Month of me moving home. My Parents garage was stuffed to the gills with furniture etc.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 7, 2014 9:27:34 GMT -5
Except, they're still living together!!! why won't he just end it!!! He should have at least some of that $300 to use as a deposit in a new apartment! Have you spoken to her? Heard her side of it? There are 3 sides to every story, in this case, his, hers and the truth. Before I get to what I quoted: Good Morning everyone! We got back from vacation last night. We've been gone since the 26th. Happy Fourth of July. So, try to remember that some posts are just about us being able to say things here that we shouldn't say to the people we want to say them to. That would apply here. I have not asked for the money back. For the post I quoted, at this point I don't care what her side of it is. Barring criminal activity and/or abuse on my son's part, her side isn't relevant to me. I will never forgive my mother for emotionally and financially supporting my ex husband for the past eight years simply because she likes him and doesn't like me. She finds him of the same ilk and sympathizes with him. Wedhad had breakfastcwith them yesterday. She clearly didnt want to be there. She wouldn't speak unless asked a direct question and then she answered one or two word answers. Again, I don't have a problem with her personally or with the fact she doesn't want to get married. I sympathize with my son. For or money to move out, DH has made it clear that we can help with that if necessary. Son seems to to want to keep working on it. Now, off to catch up on the last ten days of threads!
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